


north

by Anonymous



Series: more works by this anon [5]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Alpha!Hongjoong, Alpha!Mingi, Alpha!Yunho, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Asexuality, Assault, Beta!Seonghwa, Blood, Breeding Kink, Depression, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Drug Withdrawal, Injury, Knotting, Loneliness, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, OT8, Omega!jongho, Panic Attacks, Polyamorous Pack, SKZ cameos, Suicidal Thoughts, ace!yeosang, alpha!wooyoung, dubcon, mentions of mental disorders, mpreg mentions, omega!Yeosang, omega!san, secondary gender dysphoria, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:14:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 37
Words: 121,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26653513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Seonghwa's spent his entire life being forgettable, to the point where he wants nothing more than to forget himself, too.Giving up on the idea of love and companionship, he throws himself at the mercy of a controversial matchmaking service that specializes in matching up the most desperate loners with packs that have proven too dysfunctional to find that harmonious balance every pack needs.Willingly drugged into a calm, nearly emotionless version of himself, Hwa should be able to assimilate effortlessly into the Ateez pack that's chosen him. If only it were that easy.------*explicit chapters are marked 'nsfw'*updates 1 - 2 times a week*potentially under-tagged. Will add more as I write, but please read with caution!-- SHORT, TEMPORARY DELAY ON UPDATE AS I MOVE IN TO A NEW PLACE! --
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Choi San, Choi Jongho/Park Seonghwa, Jeong Yunho/Kim Hongjoong/Song Mingi, Jeong Yunho/Park Seonghwa, Jung Wooyoung/Park Seonghwa, Jung Wooyoung/Seo Changbin, Kang Yeosang/Song Mingi, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa, Park Seonghwa/Song Mingi
Series: more works by this anon [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1978537
Comments: 818
Kudos: 865
Collections: Anonymous





	1. giving up

Seonghwa was feeling proud of himself. For the first time in months, maybe a whole year, he had used his mild beta voice to get something. He had reached out for what he wanted and asked for it instead of waiting to be noticed, which he knew would never happen. It was a minor, little request. Wouldn’t even have registered on most peoples’ radar, but it was a lot to his timid heart.  
  
Earlier in the day when his friends’ group chat had been buzzing back and forth with messages about going out for sushi and then hitting up a new goth club, he was almost embarrassed at how eagerly he wanted to join them. Thrown in among the mixed social group of some classmates and a few dance team peers who had become friends with his classmates, he tended to stay quiet in the chat even though he knew all of them and shared some of their interests. He just watched their conversations flow by until he could pep talk himself enough into interjecting a thought or two that were quickly overridden in a wave of other messages. None of them texted him directly about anything, so it felt like a last link that would be a mistake to leave.  
  
And today, not only was he craving company, having done nothing but work and go home for weeks, but he wanted to see the club they kept talking about, too. A new goth club was right up his alley. He had even recently forced himself to buy a few new accessories from his favorite brand Black Bats & Black Cats, after a long hiatus of feeling too worthless of a thing to even decorate with accessories.  
  
But anyway, it was perfect timing. He could wear the new delicate choker of black chain and glowing crescent moonstones, paired with the cropped striped mohair sweater, soft as a kitten. It would leave just enough skin showing on his abdomen to paste an Aries constellation temporary tattoo into the skin above his navel. Add his favorite strappy black motorcycle boots and he’d be ready to hit the town with a modicum of self esteem.  
  
_**Hwa:** I want to come. When are you guys meeting up?_  
  
It was pathetic, but his heart had pounded out those words. ‘I _want_ to come.’ Like a demand. Park Seonghwa didn’t demand things.  
  
_**Seungie** : Cool! Byeolmoyang Square, 8:30 is what we’re thinking._ _  
  
**Hwa** : That works out perfectly. The coffeeshop closes at 8:00 so I can just make it. I'll head right there.  
  
**Seungie** : Sweet!  
  
**Mokka** : Yay! Park Seonghwa finally joining us!  
  
**Minsu** : Mars!!! :D :D :D _  
  
Seonghwa gripped his phone to his chest, fighting back a huge, relieved grin. Was that really how easy it was? Had his attitude this entire time been wrong, and all his lonely nights his own fault because he just needed that half gram of extra assertiveness? Whatever. It didn’t matter. He was just happy. For once, he had something to look forward to at the end of the day. Work had been becoming harder and harder lately. He could barely drag himself in to the local coffeehouse he worked at because it was so hard to figure out why he was doing it. To pay for a room in a place he didn’t like? To pay for food he ate alone in the room in the place he didn’t like? To pay for his phone that no one texted or called, except his parents asking him if he had decided to enroll in college again, yet?   
  
For the record on college, he had tried. He had tried really hard. He was smart and good at academic work. But, just like now, he one day woke up and realized there was no point in anything he was doing and from then on, even though he still dragged himself into class. He spent the time reading Horror anthologies or doodling on his schoolbooks and papers. Somehow he still passed half his classes despite giving up utterly halfway in the semester, but afterwards there was no amount of screaming or lecturing that could have ushered him onto the college grounds when it started up again. He just felt burnt up inside and used when it came to school. _Completely_ burnt, no green new sprouts of hope poking through.  
  
He shook himself. He was getting distracted, as usual. Thinking back on all his wasted opportunities, his failures to try.  
  
One night at a time.  
  
Maybe this was a new leaf, for him. A new green sprout for this social, friendly Park Seonghwa.  
  
Work went by extra slowly, but finally he was stuffed into the cramped employees’ bathroom, tugging off his work clothes and replacing them with tight leather and soft red and black stripes, piercings biting into his ears and eyebrows and eyeliner going on in a thick slanted line.  
  
When he brushed out his heavy fringe with his fingertips it fell over his eyes, covering his careful eyeliner work. Normally that’s how he liked it, a dark filter between himself and the world and vice versa, but as he pushed it thoughtfully aside he wondered if it wasn’t time for a new cut, or new style.  
  
Either way, he didn’t have time, now. His hair was fine as is.  
  
His boss wolf-whistled him playfully on the way out.  
  
Eden was probably the person he was closest to in this life. Made sense, since they spent so much time together in the cafe. Eden was kind and entrepreneurial in a way Seonghwa couldn't fathom, and, most importantly, instead of poking fun of Seonghwa’s eccentric styles, he always appreciated them (the rare times Hwa let him see them). Hwa grinned bashfully, feeling his ears go hot. “Just going to check out a club later on,” he mumbled.  
  
“Looks great! You’re gonna be trailing alphas, omegas, betas all.”  
  
“Oh god, stop… no, I won’t…”   
  
Eden smirked and stepped closer. He pulled a bobby pin out of his own overgrown hair, letting a displaced lock fall in front of his face.  
  
“May I?”  
  
Seonghwa bit his lip (ack, probably getting the blood-pink lipgloss on his teeth!) and nodded.  
  
Eden moved aside part of Hwa’s fringe with his finger, then pinned it back into place smoothly. “The makeup really makes your eyes pop. You should show off at least one.”  
  
Seonghwa could have cried. It made him wish he was a better person, a better employee, that he could give anything back to the alpha who sometimes felt like the only one who cared.  
  
“Thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow.”  
  
He left the cafe, its ceilings woven with twisting ropes of green vines and umbrellas hung to look like they were floating upwards into the leafy canopy, standing straighter and striding more confident than he had in a while.  
  
\--------------  
  
-8 ** _:45_** -  
  
The cold edge of the large fountain was cutting into his ass, which was quickly going numb. He had arrived at the square a few minutes early, but still fifteen minutes after the meetup time no one else was here. He had shrunken in on himself a lot since then. He’d lost count of all the times he’d had to convince himself that the families and couples and students passing by weren’t all throwing him judgmental, scoffing glances. He would understand, if they were. It wasn’t every day they saw a full grown man in makeup and clothes that might have belonged better at a Halloween party or punk concert. Especially sitting there painfully alone, doing nothing.  
  
He was starting to get that cold, creeping premonition of what was coming. What _always_ happened to him. From kindergarten to elementary to middle school to high school and now beyond. Elementary birthday parties that no one showed up at; that one prom he’d found out his date had changed their mind and gone with someone else, only after he had already showed up looking for them. The time he’d found out his friends were all heading out to a gay bar and showed up there unasked just because for once he wanted to feel like a real part of them. Unfortunately, this was after eating one of his sibling’s pot cookies (recommended dose was a fifth of the cookie, he ate the whole thing) and pounding a four-pack of cherry ciders. He had held on to his coherence just long enough to remember his friends asking “Can you get home alright?”  
  
His answer was to yell unnecessarily loud about how he was gonna eat all the mozarella sticks in the place and dance all night, and he was ' _fine_ , just _fine'_ ; then ungracefully stumbling backwards onto a battered leather couch and spilling half a plate of said cheese sticks all over himself and the edge of the dance floor. They left him there and he woke up at home with only that memory and no memories of how he actually managed to make it home. He didn't like to think too much about that night. How he could have just likely never made it home again, left in that state.  
  
His phone buzzed in his hand and he let out a breath of relief, opening up the chat.  
  
  
_**Seungie** : Where are you guys?_ _  
  
**Hwa** : I’m waiting at the fountain.  
  
_ _**Lee** : Actually, we stopped at Vromance, first. Gonna get cocktails then head to Q Club._  
  
  
A frigid knot forms in Seonghwa’s throat, slowly sliding into his chest.  
  
Not even knowing why he’s doing it, why he’s torturing himself more, he looks up ‘ _Vromance_ ’.  
  
A bar. Fifty minutes away by train. Not counting the time just to get to the station. And ‘ _Q Club_ ’, even further out in that direction.  
  
Hating himself even more he opens up Snapchat, Instagram, pieces together how plans must have changed and no on bothered to let him know; or maybe assumed that even though he was at work all day, which they all knew, he could sift through their Dickens' length novel of backlog in the chat since then, shifting to find changes of plans. Didn't matter, anyway. They weren't bothered about him not being there. The fact that he was miles away sitting on some unknown fountain didn't even register to any of them. Not a single one.   
  
He had used to think it was because he was a beta. Used to hate the beta side of him, even more than all the other sides. But then he realized one of his most well-loved classmates was a beta himself, always being asked to do this or that to where he was constantly having to decline invitations from being all booked up.  
  
No, he doesn’t really know why he’s so easily forgotten. There’s just something missing in him. A spark that makes humans think about other humans even when they're not around, that makes them want to meet up and see them as soon as possible. He doesn’t have that spark, although he's hopelessly yearned after it in others. He has hobbies but no great skills. Decent looks but a shrinking, beta attitude that cancels them out. Nothing to offer. He has nothing to say, no interesting thoughts. He knows it and they know it. They can see it and so they react, by letting Seonghwa slide out of their minds like an unwelcome splash of black oil.   
  
Numbly he deletes every app that might have given him the most tenuous connection to any of them.  
  
He’s done.  
  
The bobby pin snags a hair painfully as he tugs it free, letting his hair brush across the tops of his lashes.  
  
He feels how a statue looks. He’s gray and cold and empty, a statue thousands of years old of a young man hunched over himself at the edge of a fountain. There’s nothing ahead of him and nothing behind. Nothing in his head currently either, but emptiness. If he died now it would be just fine, fine, fine.  
  
To a regular person this would be a little incident, a little mix-up to brush off as he high-tailed it to the train station. For him it was the 10,000th example of how little he meant to anyone and he was so _tired._ At least he’s too numb inside to even cry.  
  
He remembers a night when Eden very carefully, very thoughtfully, told Seonghwa that he thinks about him a lot. How he wishes he could see Seonghwa find someone he cared about. No, not just Eden himself, or his cold and nagging parents, but a partner that could be there for him.  
  
“I just don’t care about that sort of thing too much,” Seonghwa had laughed thinly, uncomfortably. A lie. “I have my dance group and I’m thinking of getting into acting classes soon, I won’t have time…”  
  
Eden cut him off to tell him about his cousin, who died alone in his apartment after getting a severe case of pneumonia, and had no one he felt he could reach out to. So he died, alone, smothering in the fluid filling his own lungs. He was 29, and Eden had spent the last weekend cleaning his apartment. He hadn't slept well since then.  
  
“You _need_ someone, Hwa. Not just for your happiness, but someone to take care of you. And I know you’re the type of person who would love to care for someone else, as well.”  
  
That had been a heavy and unexpected detour in their daily conversations, one that still haunted him. As a pup that story wouldn't have meant anything to him. That's an ending for _losers_ , he would have giggled, probably.  
  
But now he _felt_ and saw his future stretched out in front of him, skidding to an end in a room like Eden's cousin's. He was done trying. He couldn’t do this anymore. He just didn’t have the strength. He was so puny inside, so weak-willed. He knew he was young and there were years and years of chances and hope left for him, but he didn't have the strength for one more day, let alone another month, or year.  
  
Reaching out to people was like climbing Mount Everest, for him. It’s not a feat he can do over and over; especially when, for him, the result was the equivalent of toppling down the opposite side of the mountain once he’d gained the summit. There was never any payoff. No victory. No happy ending.  
  
_Sorry, Eden. It’s not that I don’t want to follow your advice. I literally can’t._  
  
He sat curled there for another half hour, amazed at how you could feel so lonely that your entire body literally _ached_ with it. A deep, deep ache with no cure. Not for him.  
  
Then he was hungry. He was hungry but the idea of walking up to a host stand, dressed like this, asking for a table for one without meeting their eyes... He cringed sadly at the thought and pushed his hunger away.  
  
As he looked around at the different storefronts, glowing with lanterns and strings of lights against the violet darkness, his eyes caught something else. A business he’d seen before. He'd seen many of these clinics, in fact, scattered around the city - but previously of so little thought or use to him that they had slipped past his notice.  
  
_‘ Children of the Sun.’_ A plain white building front but for a sign the color of his lipgloss. In bold golden strokes on the sign, the symbols for alpha, beta, and omega were stretched and curved together in such a way to form the shape of a sun.  
  
Yeah, he definitely knew of this place. Everyone did. It was one of those places that existed on the edges of your reality because you never thought you’d be the one who needed it. Now, in a dawning, almost excited relief, he realized it could be his time to finally get what he needed.  
  
All of this could be over. The constant feeling of being pointlessly adrift no matter where he was, of waking every morning wondering why his body had bothered tugging him out of sleep, of being trapped on the outside of a glass room where all of normal society was gathered and functioning the way they were supposed to- it could all go away.  
  
A line from one of their cheery commercials stirred in his memory: "... _even **betas** can find their place with the Children of the Sun.’!_ "  
  
_Well great, that's me._  
  
He stood up, his back aching and legs numb. Ass ice cold.  
  
He felt like he was floating as he crossed the square towards the lemon cream light glowing through the _Children of the Sun's_ door. This was it. This is where he was meant to be the entire time. The last ditch place for packs to find what they needed to have a smoothly functioning family. Packs who had failed in every other way to bring someone into their fold by natural courting and were running low on time and energy to keep trying.  
  
Seonghwa could have laughed. Didn't that describe him, word for word?  
  
Being one of those sad creatures not able to find a pack of their own, why not give it over into someone else’s hands?  
  
Sure, the Children of the Sun were always showing up in the news for their supposedly inhuman methods of matchmaking, and every other month it seemed like he saw some protest in the news or on the streets trying to shut the association down, and yet they kept operating all this time. And he even thought he knew a family member of a family member who had come from the Children. That must mean something, right?  
  
He knew the main problem was the drugging.  
  
The “companions” they had on offer were drugged and tranquil, kept in a pleasant and pleasing state. They were paid for, bought by the receiving pack like a bag of green apples. They could be returned. (Haha, if he were returned he'd kill himself.) But the drugs they were supplied for their lifetime through the clinic should prevent that. They were kept subdued so they could easily be that perfect fit for their receiving pack. No thoughts or feelings prevented them from being a functioning member of society anymore. No hang-ups or doubts. On paper they were the perfect packmate, if boring and thoughtless. It suited him.  
  
Instead of being fearful, Seonghwa prayed all of that was true. What was supposed to scandalize him attracted him. He craved to finally be a _truly_ thoughtless creature that had to make no decisions himself. He could be _given_ a place without having to find it himself, and would be too blissed out of his mind to notice if it wasn't ideal.  
  
He pushed open the door so hard it banged into the wall behind it.  
  
“I’m sorry. Really sorry,” he huffed, peering through his bangs at the secretary’s wide, surprised eyes. “Are you still taking applicants?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> subtle nod to the book 'Docile' by K. M. Szpara


	2. chosen

Seonghwa was in a comfortable lull, like he was sunning himself on the deck of a cruise liner in a gentle ocean.    
  
In reality he was sitting on a cot in a room as small as a doctor’s exam room. It was his third day here, he was pretty sure.    
  
The night he’d stumbled in, the woman at the check-in desk had taken one look at him and escorted him to a private office. There they set about taking his ID and collecting all the personal information they could. They typed up formal letters resigning him from his job, withdrawing from his lease (they paid the fee for breaking his lease early) and they sent out couriers to collect his belongings, which would be held for him until he was homed.    
  
The next day the doctor arrived, and by then he had already been introduced to his first daily tablet of  _ Hypneros _ . That was a lucky thing, because with it running calmingly through his system he didn’t feel fear or embarrassment even when a gloved finger shoved its way into his ass and groped around way too much than he felt was necessary. But he bore through the pressure, and the plasticy friction against his insides, and then it was over. And he moved on.   
  
Yeah, things were hazy. Peaceful. He slept a lot. He hadn’t looked at his phone the entire time… which was partly because they had taken it away from him, but also he hadn’t even had the impulse.   
  
There was a mounted tv that played Netflix, so if he felt bored he watched that. But he hadn’t felt bored often. It was easier to close his eyes and zone out. Float. He had few thoughts and no concerns.   
  
The infamous drug  _ Hypneros _ was everything he’d hoped. He didn’t see what was so terrible about it that it would be such a talking point during protests and other campaigns against the Children of the Sun.   
  
He could still answer questions and hold conversations. They gave him math problems to solve, asked him about geographical locations and had him describe the steps in cooking kimchi fried rice. He recited all the answers easily. Mentally he was still put together. Still knowledgeable and competent as before, depending on the subject. But when they told him something meant to tug at his emotions he felt nothing. 

“Interesting, we haven’t noticed a single incoming call or message on your phone since you’ve been here, no one wondering where you’re at, I suppose.” the secretary quipped, eyes searching him carefully. Seonghwa heard what she said. Processed it. But there was no surge of emotion in response. No self-pity or deep ache squeezing his chest.    
  
The secretary had merely nodded and noted something on her clipboard, then said: “I apologize, that was a standard test to gauge how the Hypneros is working. Your phone is locked away safe and probably dead by now. We have no knowledge of the incoming activity on it.”   
  
Seonghwa also loved that his mind didn’t wander or question things. It stayed rooted where it was in the current moment. He didn’t wonder, or worry about what-ifs in his future. Time was at once concentrated into one lingering moment and stretching on forever, but he didn’t care either way.    
  
Along with his phone, the Children of the Sun took his clothes away and supplied him with alternative clothing: a slightly dressy blazer and trouser set of brown herringbone print that were roughly his size. Clothes for going out to a deceptively casual lunch with your fiancee’s parents. He could tell the clothes had been washed multiple times before. Not new. His skin prickled at that. Drugged or no, Seonghwa would always be clean and particular about his surroundings and what was touching him. But they promised him he would have new clothes before long. The right to adequate clothing was written into any interested pack’s contact.   
  
Now, on the third day, the doctor had just finished his follow up visit. All his tests had been clear. Seonghwa was just watching his retreating back through the doorway with an impassive gaze when one of the secretary ladies -Lee Min - bustled in with a big excited smile. Or what she was trying to pass off as a big excited smile. Seongha could see the corners of her mouth twitching, and the strained wrinkle between her brows.    
  
“Great news, Seonghwa-ssi. We already have a home waiting eagerly to receive you.”   
  
“Oh? That’s good news,” he murmured, scratching his bare calf with an opposite toe. His Sunday best clothes were hung neatly in the closet. Boxers and a dark undershirt were good enough in the meantime.   
  
“Now, in accordance with our policies, I’m going to review the whole pack with you. Once I’ve done that, I’ll have a few forms for you to sign, basically acknowledging that we disclosed all the information we had available for each pack member before sending you off to your happy home. Understand?”   
  
“Mmhmm.”   
  
“This is Kang Yeosang. 24. Omega. He reportedly eats chicken at least once a day and he models for an art school in the area.”    
  
The secretary slid him a printout that included a photo of a statue-like beauty with striking features and pale waves of hair almost touching his shoulders. In text-dense blocks around his photo were his birthday, measurements, education, career history, family history, medical history, all things Seonghwa couldn’t care less about, honestly. The only thing interesting had been the initial random fact she had thrown out.    
  
She gave him time to look over the sheet, anyway. He dutifully read everything and slid it away from himself. She replaced it with a second printout.    
  
“Kim Hongjoong. Your  _ potential _ head alpha. 24. A producer whose salary alone makes him an alpha anyone could wish for. It’s my understanding he’s currently working on a fashion line to release next year.”   
  
Choppy bright blue hair like a rooster’s comb, grown out into a mullet at his neck and undercut to black on the sides; large, piercing eyes and sensual lips. Ears studded with piercings.    
  
This time Seonghwa didn’t bother with pretending to read the rest of the paper. He just didn’t care. Old Seonghwa would have felt pressured to pretend to care. Now he just… didn’t. “Next.”   
  
The secretary nodded, showing him all the sheets one at a time. He tried to memorize their names, faces, and the one or two interesting facts she gave him. He didn’t feel one way or another about the information, but it seemed important for him to know. As a pack member he should know things like this about them.    
  
“Jung Yunho. 23. Alpha. Owner and instructor at a renowned dance studio with a very long waiting list.” Puppy-dog eyes set in a boyish face, dark hair cut in a plain style any guy on the street might have.    
  
“Song Mingi. 23. Alpha. Currently partnering with Aristophane’s Medical Center in their studies on pheromone biology research.” Thick silky hair swept back from his forehead in a gelled wave. Narrow, intense eyes that looked almost unfriendly, but with full, parted lips that somehow made Hwa think he might have a soft side, too. So this was a scientist, huh?   
  
“Jung Wooyoung. 22. Alpha. Attending school for the culinary arts.” Face flecked with beauty spots. Half of his hair falling over a brow, the other half looking freshly combed back with his fingers. He looked like a handful, Seonghwa felt. But not in a bad way.   
  
“Choi Jongho. 21. Omega. Currently pursuing higher education in music at university. Enjoys karaoke in his free time.” A face somehow more mature than the rest, yet babyish at the same time. Eyes looking like they’d seen enough, already.   
  
“Choi San. 23. Omega.” A fox-faced boy, lips thin but expressive and eyebrows thick but equally as expressive, cocked in unevenly-high arches above his angled eyes.    
  
Seonghwa blinked. “That’s all? 23, and omega?”   
  
“Yes,” the secretary said, gathering all the profiles together and arranging them neatly back into her folder. “I do not believe he’s currently pursuing education or a career at this time.”   
  
Seonghwa blinks again. “I’m the oldest.”   
  
“Yes, you are. Do you have any questions?”   
  
“Not really, they are fine.”   
  
She nods, sliding more forms his way. “I’ve highlighted all the places that need your signature and your initials. You can reject this match if you want to, but I wouldn’t if I were you. I think you got lucky. Usually we don’t make matches this fast. Imagine spending months in this tiny room,” she says, widening her eyes almost comically at the wretchedness of the very idea. “Also for each match you reject, there is a five thousand dollar fee. You should remember that from your initial acceptance.”   
  
He supposed if this was the life choice he had made, it would be better for him to be put to use sooner rather than later. One pack was as good as any other. And he for sure didn’t have five thousand dollars.    
  
“I’ll tell you now the basics of what you’re signing, though. You’re under contract with us for seven years. That gives us the right to match you again if you are returned or if circumstances change. While you’ll be living with your new pack, for all intents and purposes they are more or less leasing you for seven years, making payments for your adoption fee up until that last month and final payment. What you do after that is all up to you, we’ll have no more say in it.”   
  
Seonghwa shrugs. He could remember thinking to himself that he would kill himself if he were ever returned by a pack under this program. He remembers what that fire, that vehemence behind the thought felt like, but he doesn’t feel it anymore. He can’t even understand it. All that pointless angry energy, for what purpose? And over something that hadn’t even happened, some future annoyance. It made his eyelids feel heavy just to think about.   
  
“When do I meet them?”   
  
“Tomorrow. We’ll arrange your transportation and the shipment of your things. Packs are required to provide you a minimum amount of private space for not only sleeping and living, but for storage. In this case you won’t have to worry in the slightest. Your pack alpha keeps them all in a lavish home. You will have your own private bedroom.”   
  
“So, what am I supposed to do there?” He wondered innocently.   
  
“Well, that’s different for every pack. It may take a while, but you’ll learn what they need from you and you’ll slowly get the feel for it. Make sure to take your Hypneros tablet at the same time every morning on an empty stomach. It will make things so much easier. No more nervousness, jealousy, annoyance, lust, frustration, worry… gods, I wish  _ I _ could pop one of those on my way home every night, let me tell you.”   
  
Seonghwa made a laughing sound, out of politeness.   
  
“You don’t have to take it, of course. But you’ll receive a new prescription to the home every month nonetheless. Most people prefer to. It takes years to build up a pack bond. That trust and harmony. If you went off the meds you would feel how jarring it is, like you’re trespassing. Or a stand-in. It’s---” She cut herself off with a supremely uncomfortable look, like she hadn’t meant to say most of what she had just said.   
  
“Anyway, before you get to bed there’s the final matter of your sigil. Our artist on staff was just setting up before I popped in.”   
  
“My...sigil?”   
  
“Yes, dearie. Part of your contract, as was discussed in the beginning. For the next seven years you’ll sport our little sun in a place of your choosing. Once seven years is up, we have it professionally removed, on our dime. It’s only about the size of a pill-bottle lid, and you can have it placed just about anywhere.”   
  
“Oh, okay.”   
  
“Follow me, we’ve a more comfortable room where we’ll get that taken care of. Shouldn’t take long.”   
  
Seonghwa followed, feeling like a farm animal heading without a choice to be branded, and not caring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah i slipped in and out of different tenses. but, like seonghwa, i just dont care. : )


	3. on the way home

Seonghwa set the alarm clock by his bed to wake him at 7:00am. He was being picked up at 10am, sharp. He would have more than enough time to get showered, care for the new sun tattoo inked into the base of his spine, get dressed, have a meager breakfast of croissant, fruit, and coffee that the Children of the Sun provided, and be ready to go. Secretary Min had swept his hair back for him, even applying some product so that instead of falling into his face, his dark locks framed his face like an ocean waves caught mid-curl.   
  
“The least you can do is look your new alpha in his eyes,” she had tutted as she teased his hair this way and that. He wondered what had happened to Eden’s bobby pin.  
  
Once he had brushed his teeth into their usual white, glowy sheen and dressed in his slightly baggy trousers and blazer, he seated himself at a sunflower yellow table in the lobby, bathed by sunlight coming in from the square. He watched the burbling water in the fountain outside flashing in the light. He watched it for a long time, unbothered by the secretary typing at the desk or the occasional employee that walked past. They had given him his phone back but it had been wiped free of all his contacts, photos, videos and any other traces of memory. Part of their ‘clean start’ ideology. Other than the weight of the phone in his pocket, he had no belongings with him. What they had collected from his old room had been sorted, reviewed, and the acceptable items sent to his new pack’s house. The “Ateez” pack, he had found out was the pack name they were registered under.  
  
The door into the lobby suddenly swung open with the ringing of bells. The stranger stepping inside pulled off chunky white designer sunglasses as they strode inside. Seonghwa was hit with so many visual details at once: cat eyes outlined in severe black liner, thick brows angled in judging disapproval, Gucci loafers gleaming with gold leopard heads, dark trousers and a long vest of leopard print the shade of old blood.  
  
_Kim Hongjoong,_ Seonghwa thought to himself, noting the fluorescent blue crest of hair that clashed with the rest of him.   
  
Hongjoong went straight to the desk and started talking to Min like he knew her well. His tone was clipped and maybe even irritated. Frustrated. Like there was some point of contention already between he and the Children before he’d even arrived. Seonghwa wondered if it had to do directly with him. Somehow it didn’t seem so.   
  
Hongjoong sighed dramatically as Min started gathering together forms and handing them over one by one for him to sign, which he did almost without looking. Seonghwa watched him, hands hanging between his legs.  
  
He blinked at the sound of a pen being slapped down to the counter. Hongjoong was looking at him, hand perched on his hip.   
  
“So you’re Seonghwa?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“I won’t be calling you hyung. That’s not how it works in my pack.”  
  
“That’s fine.”  
  
Hongjoong snorted. “Of course it is.”  
  
Min said one last thing and Hongjoong threw up his hand impatiently, turning away from her. “Ara, ara, I know. Come on, Seonghwa.” He gestured with two fingers, and Seonghwa stood up like a puppet at his bidding.   
  
“Let’s go. Driver’s waiting.”  
  
Outside was a sleek black vehicle idling silently, not a limo but longer than a regular car, too. Hongjoong gestured for him to get in the back and sat beside him. “We’ll grab some lunch before heading home. What sort of food do you like, Seonghwa?”  
  
“Hmmm… Iately I used to order salad almost everywhere. So I suppose a place with good salad.”  
  
Hongjoong nodded. “I know a place.” He shouted an unfamiliar restaurant name to their driver, and then checked his phone, sending off a few messages. Seonghwa pulled out his own phone.   
  
“Would you like to put your phone number in my phone, Hongjoong-ssi?”  
  
“Ah, right. I’ll put in some of the others’ numbers, too.”  
  
As he was busily punching away, Seonghwa asked the alpha: “What sort of music do you make?”  
  
“All kinds. All different genres. I’m sure you’ve heard my work and not even realized it. Do you like music?”  
  
“I like to dance.”  
  
“Yeah? Yunho will like you, then.”   
  
“Just Yunho?”  
  
Hongjoong flashed his narrowed eyes at Seonghwa. “You’re high as fuck, right?”  
  
“Not high, exactly. I’m on hypneros if that’s what you mean.”  
  
“I just don’t get it. How can you even feel like a human on that stuff?”  
  
“It’s not so bad. Not bad at all. I wouldn’t be in this car with you right now, without it.”  
  
Hongjoong actually laughed loudly at that. “Okay, fine. I get you. I don’t care if you take it or not. Doesn’t seem to make a difference.”  
  
That seemed a strange thing to say, but Seonghwa didn’t ask because Hongjoong’s expression had tightened into a deep frown as he looked between their two phones, shooting off contact info from one into the other. Then he tossed Seonghwa’s phone back at him, crossing his legs and checking through what looked like a packed calendar of events on his own device.  
  
Seonghwa stopped spying and scrolled through his new contacts. Surprisingly, besides Hongjoong, there were only three more. Just: _‘Yunho’, ‘Jongho’, ‘Yeosang’._ _  
__  
_ With Hongjoong actively ignoring him, Seonghwa popped open a message under Yunho’s name and sent: _‘Hello, Yunho. My name is Seonghwa. I heard you enjoy dance, like me. I hope we can share our hobby together, soon.’_ _  
__  
_ The phone made a little electronic burble of confirmation when he sent it, which had Hongjoong’s attention in a heartbeat. “Did you just text someone?”  
  
“Yes?” Seonghwa asked in confusion.  
  
“Give me your phone.”  
  
Seonghwa handed it over. Hongjoong studied the message for a few long moments, glancing between Seonghwa and the screen. The corners of his mouth twitched as he tried to smother a smile.  
  
“Don’t do that. Not quite yet. I’d rather everyone get to know each other in person, first.”  
  
He handed his phone back.   
  
“Cute though. That was cute, Seonghwa,” he said, patting his hand.   
  
\---------------------------  
  
They sat outside of an upscale French restaurant, on chairs formed of white metal vines and branches, pulled up to tables of clear glass. What looked like a brand new bright red and white umbrella shielded them from the direct sunlight.  
  
Hongjoong encouraged Seonghwa to order whatever he wanted, but when he heard Hongjoong order a salmon salad and a mimosa, he asked for the same.   
  
“Seonghwa-ssi,” Hongjoong drawled out his name once the waiter had stepped away.  
  
“Hongjoong-ssi?” He leaned forward attentively, putting a pleasant smile on his face.  
  
“Things are fucked, Seonghwa.”  
  
“Oh?”  
  
“Yeah. Things are a disaster.”  
  
“I’m sorry to hear that.”  
  
“I hate to sound dramatic, but you’re kind of our last hope.”  
  
Seonghwa was intrigued. He shifted, then winced a hint when his fresh tattoo rubbed against the back of the chair.   
  
“I’m going to be honest with you, Seonghwa. And you can’t repeat this to any of the others. You understand? I forbid it.”  
  
Seonghwa nodded, crossing his legs and hanging off every word.   
  
“I’m actually the world’s shittiest head alpha. I did not and I do not know what I’m doing. Instead of bringing a strong pack together I just grabbed this person or that, randomly, these past few years. Yeo because he was unbelievably pretty, Woo cause Yeo wouldn’t follow me home without him, San because he’s practically Woo’s pup that can’t ever be left alone. Mingi I met through work and fell for his tongue without knowing a single other thing about him. Jongho, same story— was just passing by a recording studio and ended up spending half a day watching his session. Yunho, my longest friend, someone who I woke up one day and realized I couldn’t have a life without him. He’s too much a part of it.”  
  
“Wow,” Seonghwa’s head swam trying to imagine having such a strong feeling towards someone. It must be nice. He remembers craving such a bond, or some semblance of it.   
  
“I threw them together in my huge place because I have the money to keep them there. Yunho was first. And he just kept coming home to new people who were supposed to suddenly be part of his family. I didn’t even warn him. I feel horrible for that.”  
  
A look of genuine sadness caused Hongjoong’s lips to pout. Their mimosas arrived and Hongjoong took his and stared into the surface of the spiked orange juice for a second before downing half of it.   
  
“They don’t like each other?” Seonghwa ventured.  
  
“Yunho _loves_ them all. I’m so goddamned lucky for that. But he has no idea what to do when they’re struggling; How to help them when it’s something beyond grabbing the Cinnamon Toast Crunch from the top shelf. Wooyoung can’t get through a single day without going off on someone. Yeo is kind but quiet, and I honestly don’t even know what he thinks, these days. I think Jongho feels lonely. Sanie is either my least troublesome boy or the most high maintenance, depending on how the stars align for the day.”  
  
That’s all he said for a while, sipping his drink with a shadow darkening his brow and his thoughts spinning in storms behind his eyes.   
  
“How...how can I help?” Seonghwa finally asked, trying to make sure the compassion he wanted to offer came through his words. He had thought about pointing out to Hongjoong that he was just repeating his mistake all over again with Seonghwa- throwing yet another stranger into the mix; but he had enough cognizance to realize that not only was that cruel, it was also obvious. There was no way it had escaped Hongjoong that that’s exactly what he was doing.   
  
“We’ve never had a beta in our pack. I was the oldest member, but I’m gone almost all the time. I asked the Children to let me know when they had someone older, someone responsible who seemed like they could handle us.   
  
“I’ll certainly try my best.”  
  
Their food arrived. A salad of purple and green leaves, toasted seeds and grains, and slice of browned salmon. Seonghwa hungrily ate it all, happy to realize that the hypneros didn’t dull the taste of delicious foods.   
  
“Were they starving you there, at the clinic?” Hongjoong laughed, wiping his mouth on a cloth napkin.   
  
“No. Just plain stuff to eat, though. Like complimentary hotel food.”  
  
Hongjoong snorted in disdain. “They make enough money, and can’t even spring for a decent meal. Why did you sign up, anyway?”  
  
“Oh… I suppose I was just so depressed and lonely I couldn’t take it anymore. I was at a point where I felt like I would die without being able to connect with someone. But at the same time was so anxious I couldn’t even utter a single word to reach out to anyone. It feels like it was years ago that I felt that way, not days...”  
  
“It’s that drug,” Hongjoong said, an unreadable expression on his face. The closest Seonghwa could describe it as was fearful. He was looking at him like he might all of a sudden unzip himself like in cartoons, and the real Seonghwa would step out.  
  
“I feel so much better. I’m not anxious, not lonely or depressed… and in the end I will get to connect with people, like I wanted.”  
  
“What’s the point if you’re not lonely anymore? And how much do you think you can connect if you can’t even feel anything?”  
  
Seonghwa blinked at that. “I’m… not sure. I guess we’ll have to find out?”  
  
“I guess so. Honestly, it will probably work in your favor. Much as I hate to admit it.” Hongjoong said. “If you could just help me get the kids under control and keep some harmony in our house, I would love you for it. I don’t want you working, or doing anything that keeps you out of the house long hours. I want you there.”  
  
“Got it. I’ll do everything I can.”  
  
“But Seonghwa. I have to seriously warn you about something.”  
  
“It’s about Mingi.”  
  
“Mingi… he’s like a scientist, right?”  
  
“Pfft, is that what they fuckin’ told you? More like a test subject, if anything. He’s _dangerous,_ Seonghwa. He’s the one you’re not to mess with til I figure out what we’re gonna do with him.”


	4. meet the family pt. I

The car ride to his new pack’s home is quiet. The only notable event was when Seonghwa’s phone dinged with a return message from Yunho.    
  
_ ‘Oh really??? I can’t wait to meet you, hyung! See you soon!’ _ _  
_ _  
_ “You’ve got our golden retriever all excited,” Hongjoong smiled genuinely, looking happier than Seonghwa had seen him all morning.    
  
“You’re pretty, by the way.”   
  
“Hm?” Seonghwa tucked his phone away and looked at Hongjoong, not sure he heard right.    
  
“I meant to tell you earlier. You’re pretty, and I like how you smell. Betas really do have the best fragrances.”   
  
“...thank you.”    
  
Seonghwa had never heard either compliment. Not this way, with a touch of interested heat in Hongjoong’s eyes.    
  
He looked the alpha over, searching for something to say in return. “I like your clothes. Your fashion. It’s similar to the styles I feel most comfortable in. I don’t really enjoy this so much…” He admits, plucking at his baggy pockets.    
  
“Yeah, they really do give you the most hideous stuff to wear there, don’t they? I don’t get it.”   
  
“Sorry.”   
  
“Don’t say sorry. Especially when you don’t mean it.”   
  
“That’s true, I don’t.”   
  
Hongjoong smiled, catlike and thoughtful. “I’ll take you shopping in the next couple days. We’ll find you some nice things to wear.”   
  
“I’d like to wear some of the clothes you make.”   
  
The alpha’s eyes widened. “Oh?”   
  
“That’s what they said. The Children of the Sun. You’re creating your very own fashion line, right?”   
  
“That’s right. I am. One of the reasons I’m so extra swamped these days. Maybe you can help model.”   
  
“Of course, whatever helps.”   
  
The car whisked them smoothly down verdant side streets that grew more and more peaceful as the homes grew more and more expensive. They drove under hanging boughs of trees carefully trimmed and blooming with violet flowers. Lawns became immaculately clipped, many with thriving flower gardens and fountains; mansion-like homes with porches as big as the entire apartment Seonghwa had lived in.   
  
The last turn was past a guardhouse into a gated community. Seonghwa’s eyes were big as he took in the gold barrier raising up to let them through. He expected to see row upon row of cookiecutter homes once they drove past the gates, but instead there were more veritable mansions lurking behind screens of trees, few and far apart from each other. The road slanted down a hill, seeming to descend into shadow, and there gleaming at the bottom was a sleek house of black and white with a red door.   
  
They pulled into a driveway of crushed white rock. Three people lingered in a brick seating area off from the front door: a tall boy with a friendly smile, bouncing on his heels; a pale, blonde boy with a shy smile, fingertips pressed together. And finally a very calm, solid young man with his feet planted apart and his arms clasped behind his back, almost like a cute, young soldier at attention. His subtle smile was also friendly, however, his gaze open and curious.    
  
“Yunho, Yeosang, and Jongho…” Seonghwa murmured as it clicked. “The same numbers you gave me. Coincidence, or you just knew who would be happy to see me and who wouldn’t?”   
  
“Exactly,” Hongjoong sighed. “I wanted you to be acquainted with these three, first and foremost. Hope you didn’t mind.”   
  
Seonghwa shrugged. “You bought me, you can do what you want.”   
  
Hongjoong let go of the door handle he’d been about to open. “Is that really what you think?”   
  
“Shouldn’t it be?”   
  
“Of course it shouldn’t.”   
  
Hongjoong looks deeply hurt. Seonghwa’s surprised to realize he feels an echo of remorse for causing such an expression. _  
_ _  
_ “I apologize, Hongjoong-ssi. I didn’t mean anything by it.”   
  
Still perturbed, Hongjoong forced himself to calmly set his hand on Seonghwa’s knee. “Yeah, I ‘bought’ you from that fucked up place. But you’re not just a product. I wanted you because I hoped you could help me. As a peer. But it’s not even just that…” His fingers scritched over Seonghwa’s knee as he spoke.    
  
“I honestly want you as a true part of this pack. It’s what you had wanted, once upon a few days ago, isn’t it? If you didn’t want to find a family so badly you wouldn’t have thrown yourself at the Children of the Sun, would you? I want you to help me because this is what you want, too. Let’s make a family together, huh? I don’t like dreaming small.”   
  
Seonghwa put his hand on top of Hongjoong’s, stilling his fidgety fingers. “I’m with you, alpha.”   
  
\-----------------------------------------------   
  
Unsurprisingly, Yunho was the first one to greet Seonghwa as he approached.    
  
“Seonghwa-hyung, thanks for texting me earlier. It made me really excited. I have a whole dance facility you can use whenever you’d like to. We can even practice together, if you want. Anyway, sorry, you’re probably tired. Welcome!” The way he chatted was so endearing that Seonghwa found himself trusting him right away.    
  
“That’s what I heard. You must be so talented to already have an entire studio of your own, and have it be so successful. I hope you can show me soon, Yunho. And let’s see, you’re Yeosang?”   
  
Seonghwa turned to the pale young man who bowed at him, giving a subtle shake of his head to move his pale locks out of his eyes. “Yes, it’s nice to meet you, Seonghwa-ssi.”   
  
“It’s okay, Yeosang. You can call me hyung.”   
  
Yeosang smiled toothily and ducked his head again. “Ah, yes, I will try my best to do that. I’m sorry if I forget, at first.”   
  
“Please don’t worry, I might be the oldest but I don’t think I’m that strict. And I’m not your alpha, anyway…”   
  
Yeosang gave a last nod and a hum of agreement, suddenly reaching for the person next to him.    
  
“Well, this is Jongho.”   
  
It was obviously a way for Yeosang to duck out of the conversation using the youngest packmate for cover. Seonghwa remembered feeling that way: sometimes growing more anxious the longer a conversation with a stranger went on.    
  
He was fine with turning his attention to Jongho, and Jongho seemed fine with stepping up. Instead of bowing, he held out his hand with a genuine, if reserved, smile. “Hello Seonghwa-hyung. I’m Jongho. I’m the youngest here so please treat me well.” Seonghwa closed his hand in both of his. It suddenly dawned on him how, for the first time in his life, he would be the oldest in his household. The hierarchy had done a complete and total switch from what he was used to at home. He hoped it wouldn’t be too hard an adjustment. It would be better for the household if things went smoothly.   
  
“It’s nice to meet you, Jongho. I will do my best. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do or anything you need. Same for everyone,” he smiled at the other two. “Thank you for bringing me into your home. Your pack. I know it will be an adjustment for everyone but I hope I can make a positive impact.”   
  
“In case you’re wondering why he’s talking like a super convincing robot, he’s on that hypneros stuff,” Hongjoong suddenly said, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “And I trust no one’s going to take advantage of that.”   
  
Seonghwa sensed a subtle shift go through the three. Yunho looked curious, his shoulders slumped like some of his excitement had left. Yeosang wasn’t looking at him at all but Jongho still resolutely smiled at him. “Of course not, there’s no reason to treat you any definitely just because of a medication,” the youngest said. “You don’t have to feel uncomfortable about it.”   
  
“That’s the point, Jong-ah. He doesn’t. He doesn’t feel anything like that. Convenient, right?”   
  
Jongho let out a breath, looking like he wanted to say something else but knew better. Seonghwa wasn’t sure if that was an apologetic glance he noticed, but it seemed he wasn’t completely on the same wavelength of his alpha’s manner.   
  
“Is it okay to take a look inside, now?” Seonghwa looked at Hongjoong. “I’d like to change into some different clothes, too, if it’s possible.”   
  
“I can show him, hyung. I know you probably have stuff to work on.” That was Yunho, apparently not so turned off by Seonghwa’s medication to give up on him already.   
  
“Thanks. I need to take care of a few things before dinner. We’re all having pizza together to welcome Seonghwa, okay? Show him around, show him how things work and make sure the other kids play nice, too.”   
  
“Aye, aye, cap’n.”   
  
The five of them started to walk towards the large red front door, when it suddenly cracked open. A long face peeked through, crowned with a messy bedhead the color of brown fox fur. Large glasses with thin wire frames. A long knit cardigan the color of dust hanging off his shoulders.    
  
The new pack member pushed the door open more, blinking from behind his glasses.   
  
“Mingi-ah, can you go inside for now?” Hongjoong approached him gently, trying to coax him inside.   
  
“I wanna meet him, too…”    
  
“I know, I understand. You’ll see him soon, Mingi-ah, come on.”   
  
Seonghwa can hear Hongjoong reassuring his packmate as he bundles him back inside the house. Yunho gives them a moment and then touches Seonghwa’s elbow. “Come on, hyung. It should be okay, now.”   
  
Seonghwa shook off his confusion.   
  
Mingi didn’t match Hongjoong’s description whatsoever.   
  
\--------   
  
_ “ He’s very sensitive. He has a disorder where he’s set off by certain pheromones. We don’t know what kind, we don’t know how much, or if it’s some combination. Or if the moon was waning or his blood sugar was low or if he didn’t drink enough water that certain day and that was somehow the catalyst. There’s no connections we can figure out. No medicine has worked, no therapy has worked. He goes to at least one appointment a week at this research lab at a medical school in Seoul that specializes in pheromone therapy, but it’s pointless. “ _ _  
_ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Surely it’s not pointless,” Seonghwa reassured him. “I’m sure they’re eliminating a lot of possible causes. It may just take a long time, there’s probably so many tests to run… Does they hurt him? What sort of tests?” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Hongjoong had waved his fingers dismissively, throwing a narrow-eyed look warning him to not keep asking. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Seonghwa managed to keep quiet for a whole minute, but then couldn’t hold it in. “It’s fine that you don’t want to tell me about his tests, but I don’t understand. What actually happens to him that he’s so dangerous? What does he do? I feel like as someone living with you, I should know.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “We moved because of him.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Huh? Moved to be closer to the hospital, or…?” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “He tore out his entire bedroom wall. Like an explosive had taken out the corner of the house. We found him laying out in the yard. There was blood on his face. We still don’t know where from. But his fingernails were worn down to nothing.” _   
  
Seonghwa could only stare at him in disbelief. That just… couldn’t be possible. If Hongjoong was joking with him, he was having a very difficult time processing it.    
\------------   
  
And now, having glimpsed Mingi, the confusion went even deeper. Song Mingi was closer to turning into a baby giraffe than a monster.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> meant to write even more for this chapter but got so tired, sorry.


	5. meet the family pt. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh I’m so sorry it’s so short. 
> 
> Also do i describe places, things, etc, too much? I’d love to know. I think I get carried away. :/

Mingi and Hongjoong out of sight, Yunho tugged Seonghwa inside the house to show him around.    
  
He felt like he was stepping into a chic modern lodge, rather than a regular family home. Every part of the house was expansive and airy. His eyes were drawn right away to a four-sided fireplace in the middle of the living area, blue and gold electric flames burning amongst rocks set in a glass pillar. Two angled nesting chairs were placed around it, huge cushioned seats the curved shape of clamshells, able to easily hold four, maybe five packmates at once.    
  
The walls facing the backyard were largely glass,showing a full view of a green lawn shadowed by three giant willow trees. Seonghwa liked that there was a bit of wildness left in the grounds surrounding the house. Wildflowers grew here and there and he spied a thicket of tall spiny grass like the type that grew on the banks of ponds, as if there were water there.   
  
While the inside of the home could have seemed almost  _ too _ sleek and sterile, there were homey touches that saved it: thick, plush rugs covering the gleaming wood floors; a well-loved blanket thrown over a reclining chair; a poochy shiba-inu plush laying on the floor; a coffee table strewn with scraps of denim and small jars of paint.

Overall the home smelled clean but also smelled like  _ them _ , a not-unpleasant combination of fragrances that would take Seonghwa months to sort out and individualize.   
  
Yunho showed him where their bedrooms were, down a long quiet hallway. Each bedroom seemed the size of a whole studio apartment; not only housing a king-size bed, but space to hang out and relax or indulge in a hobby, as well.   
  
Seonghwa didn’t go into every single room. “They’re all about the same, just decorated differently. Here, this one’s yours, hyung,” Yunho guided.   
  
Yunho pushed the door open for him and gestured inside. Seonghwa stepped slowly inside his new bedroom. The space where he would live and sleep for possibly the rest of his life. He couldn’t even grasp the thought. He felt like he was checking into a temporary stay at a hotel.

Besides the bed made up in soft grey linen, there was an antique makeup vanity and stool, the tall mirror spotted brown with age around the edges. Seonghwa liked the piece of furniture, wondered if it had been chosen specifically for him or if it was left over after decorating the rest of the home.    
  
His clothes from his old place were already hung in a walk-in closet. He touched them thoughtfully. So much black. Some lace peeking out here and there. Chains and straps dangling towards the floor. Yunho neared in curiosity. “So this is your style, hyung?”    
  
“Yeah,” Seonghwa said, shrugging off his blazer. “I think I’ll change if that’s alright with you.”   
  
“Of course, you can do what you want, hyung.”    
  
Yunho threw himself on Seonghwa’s bed and checked his phone. Seonghwa glanced at him once before stripping off the hideous clothes the Children had given him and pulling on black, frayed jeans and an equally frayed sweater, a scarlet death’s head moth embellished on the cuff of each sleeve. He finished by cinching a leather collar around his throat and fastening a steel cuff to the rim of his ear.   
  
He peered at himself in the mirror. While he couldn’t tell if he necessarily looked better this way, the clothes at least fit his form. And he felt it was better to portray himself more honestly.   
  
He looked over his shoulder, remembering Yunho. The younger packmate was watching him with a smile, puppy eyes glancing at him up and down. “It suits you, hyung.”   
  
Next, they peeked into a room that Seonghwa could hear raucous music from even before they opened up the door. The bedroom was lit entirely by the strobing lights of a videogame, playing out on a flatscreen tv bigger than any Seonghwa had seen outside of a showroom floor.    
  
There were two people sitting on bean bag chairs between the bed and the tv. The floor around them was cluttered with empty coke bottles and snack wrappers and charging cables and even a couple One Piece plushes lying on their faces, like they had been played with and suddenly forgotten.   
  
“This is Wooyoung and San.”   
  
The pair both turned towards him. San -he remembered him from his photo - blinked at him like an inquisitive kitten, head slightly cocked. Wooyoung, on the other hand, gave him the coldest glance he’d ever seen and made a dismissive wave of his fingers. “Get out. You don’t belong here. Get out.” And with those few clipped words he turned back to their game. San blinked at Seonghwa for a few seconds longer and then turned back to the game, too, resting his head on Woo’s shoulder as his fingers busily moved around on the gamepad.   
  
Yunho, his ears burning red, shut the door hastily. “I’m sorry, hyung… Wooyoungie is just… a little frustrated. I think it will be okay, in the end. He just needs a little time. Are you okay?” Yunho touched his shoulder, worried.   
  
Seonghwa nodded, giving a slight shrug. “It’s… too bad he is upset with me being here. I’m okay, though. Remember? Doesn’t really bother me. But now I know I’ll have to work extra hard to convince Wooyoung-ssi to accept me.”   
  
Yunho’s ears burned even brighter, a range of uncomfortable expressions passing through his face. “Ah… right.”   
  
They were almost at the end of the hall.   
  
“Hongjoong’s bedroom is on the left. Mingi’s bedroom is the one at the very end.”   
  
Mingi’s was the only one that had a small bronze padlock on the outside, in addition to the doorknob.    
  
“Seonghwa,” Hongjoong greeted him as he came out of his own bedroom. “Perfect, you changed clothes,” he smiled, taking a beat to look Seonghwa up and down. “Cute. Anyway, can you bring me the jacket you had on earlier?”   
  
Seonghwa grabbed the garment from his own room and handed it over.   
  
“Thanks. I imagine you won’t be too devastated if you never see this thing, again?”   
  
Seonghwa shook his head with a smile, then watched Hongjoong unlock Mingi’s room and let himself inside, carrying his jacket.   
  
Yunho watched him too, his lips parted.    
  
“What’s he doing?” Seonghwa wondered.   
  
“Seeing if Mingi’s okay with it. Your smell. Your pheromones, or whatever…” He gently patted Seonghwa’s shoulder, squeezed. “Come on, I’ll show you the basement. There’s a mini dance studio for workshopping choreography and everything.”   
  
\-----------------------------------------   
  
By the time the house tour finished, Seonghwa realized how enormously lucky he was. He couldn’t even imagine what his family would think if they saw where he lived now. Or what Eden would think. From bathrooms that looked more like spas to a hot tub out on the redwood porch and a basement that was practically a gym/dance studio in one- he was living a dream straight out of a rags-to-riches kdrama.   
  
Afterwards he and Yunho relaxed in the living room with Yeosang and Jongho, eating fruit and slices of a Swiss roll. Seonghwa had sat himself on the couch instead of one of the nesting chairs and the other followed his lead. Both Yunho and Jongho were talkative, asking him questions to find out about his interests and talking about their own in turn. Yeosang was more quiet but still interested, attentive to whoever was speaking. His packmates were nice. Pleasant. Attractive. Smart.    
  
Seonghwa couldn’t quite say he felt happy- the hypneros muted that - but he was... satisfied. He thought this would do very well. While Wooyoung did not initially care for him much and Mingi supposedly could go through some mood swings, he couldn’t help but think Hongjoong had overstated the pack’s problems. Perhaps the alpha himself was out of touch?   
  
All it took was a single family dinner for the ugly truth to rear its head.


	6. splinters

YS WY SAN   
I I   
HJ I I MG   
I_____________I   
SH JH YH   
  
  
  
Before Seongha knew it, it was dinner time.   
  
All eight of them - even Mingi, who was maybe the most excited of them all to stuff himself with pizza - sat around a long table that looked like it belonged in a CEO’s conference room.    
  
“Normally we have Changbin come on weeknights,” Hongjoong explained. “He cooks and keeps the kitchen clean and organized and does the grocery shopping when needed. So at the very least you’ll be guaranteed five home-cooked meals a week. I’ll give you my credit card info later for when you want to order out, though.”   
  
Seonghwa nodded, not thinking it was necessary to have the alpha’s credit card information (was he their alpha or their sugar daddy?) but very much approving the idea of the kitchen being kept clean and in order.   
  
He already saw here and there some clutter and dust he was itching to tidy up around the house. At least he wouldn’t be alone in the task.   
  
Instead of this Changbin serving their dinner, tonight it was more casual. Five big pizza boxes were open on the table with toppings to suit every palate. There were fried chicken wings, too, and big bottles of soda and small baskets of carrot and celery sticks.   
  
No one grabbed for anything until Hongjoong, seated at the head of the table, had filled his plate and bit in, but afterwards they started diving in eagerly, filling their paper plates with steamy, melty pieces of pizza so heavy they threatened to crumple the plates beneath their weight.    
  
Seonghwa noticed Yeosang eating neatly at a plate of just chicken and vaguely remembered Min talking about his love for the food. He really must be as devoted to consuming chicken as she made it seem, as he made short work of two or three pieces within a minute.    
  
Wooyoung didn’t so much as let his eyes land on Seonghwa, let alone try to speak to him.    
  
Sanie reached across the table towards Seonghwa to grab a piece of extra-cheese pizza and almost knocked one of the coke bottles over. He erupted in slapstick arm-swinging motions to balance the bottle while accidentally elbowing Mingi’s hand and nearly spilling his plate of pizza crusts into his lap.   
  
_ “San-ahhhh,”  _ the name hissed out of Hongjoong in a weary growl. Seongha couldn’t imagine how many times the alpha had let out that exact same warning for it to sound so tired. It didn’t escalate from there, however, and Seonghwa thought he saw a shadow of fondness on the alpha’s face at the same time.   
  
Seonghwa waited for the omega to settle down and reposition his plate safely before reaching out a hand for it. “Would you like a piece of this pizza, Sanie? I can put it on your plate for you.”   
  
San turned to him in surprise, his foxy eyes flashing wide. “Yes please…” With those tiny, babyish words he handed the plate over for Seonghwa to fill. Hwa snuck a couple carrots and celery sticks onto the plate, as well. “Be sure to eat your veggies too, San-ah.”   
  
“Thank you, hyung…” San took the plate carefully, his lips puffed out duck-like and cute.    
  
Seonghwa smiled in amusement at his appearance when something caught his attention. An interesting scent that stirred the nerves beneath his skin, even while the slightest chemical tang stung his nose. He glanced at Jongho beside him.    
  
“Oh, Jongho… I’m sorry I didn’t realize you are an alpha, as well. You know the Children of the Sun have you down as an omega, by mistake.”   
  
An uncomfortable expression overtook the youngest. “By some peoples’ definition I’m an omega…” he grit out. “But I…” he licked his lips. “I don’t identify that way. If you don’t mind, hyung, could you not really refer to my omega side? I don’t want to talk too much about it but it just makes me uncomfortable…”   
  
Seonghwa blinked in surprise. He had heard of this before but hadn’t been friends with anyone before who identified as something different than their biology dictated. Unsure, but wanting to reassure the youngest, he nodded. “Of course. If there’s anything I can do to make you more comfortable, you just let me know.”   
  
At that Jongho flashed a cute gummy smile at him, and finally Seonghwa could really see how young he was. “Thank you, hyung. You probably noticed the cologne I was wearing. It’s made to give off an alpha’s scent, so I feel a bit more at ease when I wear it…”   
  
“Ah, I see. Well I’m sorry for the mistake, Jongho. I won’t mistake you for an omega, again.”   
  
Jongho beamed and practically preened; answering smiles lit up all around the table. Yunho clapped the maknae’s shoulder and squeezed, his mouth too stuffed with pizza to speak, but his reassuring touch said it all.    
  
“If we were  _ really _ supportive we’d get Jjongie onto heat suppressants like he wants.”   
  
It was like someone hit a mute button on the whole meal.   
  
After Wooyoung’s snippy comment, no one dared so much as chew another bite. Everyone was looking at Hongjoong, except for Mingi who stared at the table, his hand clenched.   
  
Hongjoong had his hands folded in front of his face. The glare he was giving Wooyoung was so harsh, Seonghwa could almost see invisible flames reaching out towards him. Their spiking alpha scents put a sharpness in the air, like ozone.   
  
“Let’s not talk about that right now.” Hongjoong finally said, slowly, evenly. “It’s a bit too much for dinner.”   
  
“Are you trying to say Jjongie’s identity is ‘a bit too much’?” Wooyoung quipped. Hongjoong’s eyes flared and this time Seonghwa really did see light in them: a molten red-gold flashing through his irises.   
  
“Don’t put words in my mouth.”   
  
“I just think it really doesn’t make sense that you didn’t get another omega, hyung. You were so close with the last one.”   
  
“ _ Wooyoung-ah _ ,” Yunho was sitting up straight as a board, leaning towards the other mouthy alpha.    
  
“Hyung…” Jongho gulped.   
  
Even Yeosang looked ready to get up and head towards Wooyoung.   
  
Finally, Wooyoung deigned to look over at Seonghwa. It was like having a cold knife-edge at his throat. He held Seonghwa’s gaze while still speaking to Hongjoong.    
  
“Guess you hoped the third time would be the charm, even if it’s just a beta who is useless to you. Or did you finally give up on the pup idea? Grasped the reality of the situation, that none of your omegas are going to fulfill your cookie-cutter perfect family ideas?”   
  
“ _ Leave,” _ Hongjoong’s alpha voice was so low but so strong it made Seonghwa’s heart skip a beat; for that one instant he felt like he couldn’t even breathe. The rest of the table felt it too; gasping under their breath, blinking and shaking off the disorienting feeling of their alpha issuing commands in an old Voice that every animalistic DNA in their body scrambled to submit to.    
  
“Yeah, I know. Whatever. It’s what I wanted, anyway. Thanks. Be good, Sanie.” Wooyoung left his barely nibbled plate of pizza behind as he shoved his chair back and stalked towards the bedrooms.    
  
The silent tension that could have filled the dining room in his wake never happened-- instead the sound of splintering wood cracked through the room as a split snaked down the center of the table.    
  
Mingi’s head was hanging low but both hands gripped the table edge, unknowingly prying the entire huge slab apart.    
  
Seonghwa stared in disbelief. Hongjoong shot up, dragging his hands back through his hair and cursing as he moved closer, followed by Yunho. “Oh shit, oh fuck, I’m sorry, baby, it’s okay,”   
  
Hongjoong cupped Mingi’s chin and tried to get the alpha to look up at him, but the giant boy hunched up his shoulders in a tense, unmoving line and the sound of splintering flared up. “Hey, shhh… just breathe, okay?”   
  
Seonghwa stood, following some gut instinct he had never felt before. He gently pushed Yunho aside and managed to gather Mingi against him, guiding his head against his chest. His fingers stroked the side of his face, his hair. He didn’t say anything but remained calm despite the horror of the damage that had been done to the table and the way the alpha trembled like he was coursing with power he couldn’t hold back.   
  
LIttle by little, time moving slower than cold honey, Mingi relaxed.   
  
“Mingi-ah, do you want to rest in your room for a little while?” Seonghwa finally asked. The alpha’s head shifted in a weak nod and Seonghwa looked at Hongjoong, silently giving him back care of the alpha.    
  
It could have been the light, but it looked like Hongjoong had unshed tears in his eyes. He wrapped his arm around Mingi and helped him in a slow shuffle back to his room. Seonghwa somehow knew neither of them would be coming back for the rest of the meal.   
  
San whimpered. Yeosang moved over into Wooyoung’s empty seat and patted the other omega’s shoulder. “It’s okay. We’re all alright, right?” The babyish omega gave the most grudging of nods and leaned as close as possible into Yeosang without toppling his chair, nuzzling his cheek into his shoulder. “Good boy, Sanie. What kind of pizza do you want next?”   
  
Slowly they started to pick at their food again, having no better idea of what to do.    
  
“If only Wooyoung had been here, he’d have seen our new hyung isn’t useless,” Jongho suddenly said. The others looked at him in tense curiosity, eyes sliding to Seongha to gauge his reaction. “He calmed Mingi down like it was nothing.”   
  
The others nodded in agreement, murmuring praise and thanks for de-escalating the situation.    
“It’s too bad I’m not so good at table repair…” Seonghwa muttered, getting a couple snorts of amusement. He worked the edge of his fingernail into the new jagged crack running down the table. “Be careful of splinters, everyone.”


	7. I don’t like it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I believe earlier I mentioned there was a padlock covering Mingi’s door. However I meant something more like a sliding bar lock. There isn’t a key for it, it’s just a sliding bar on the outside of the door that can keep Mingi locked inside.

Seonghwa woke up not knowing exactly what to do, or what his place in his new home was. So he started small. His new bedroom had already been made neat and tidy for him, but he could do better. 

Using a system perfected over time, he found wet tissues and a lint roller and soon the floor and every other surface in his room were gleaming, even when he crouched down and peered at the top of his vanity at an angle.

That done, he walked into the kitchen, stomach complaining from hunger. The rich scent of coffee filled his nose. It was always such an untrustworthy smell, coffee. How was it allowed to smell like a mouthful of delicious chocolate but taste so bitter on his tongue? Nothing a few heaping scoops of sugar wouldn’t fix.

But as he rounded the hall and stepped into the main body of the house, a different smell hit his nose: the chemical tang of paint.

Hunched over the half-split dining table, Hongjoong was dabbing away at the damage with a paintbrush. His fingers were caked with dried white residue, which also powdered the surface of the table around him. But the tip of his paintbrush was gleaming with what looked like liquid gold. Seonghwa stepped closer, inspecting the alpha’s work. 

Hongjoong glanced at him from the corner of his eye. The alpha was wearing overalls over a snug black turtleneck, his sweeping faux hawk pinned into place with a few diamond-studded barrettes. Seonghwa wished he had changed into a more personal outfit of his own, not his usual worn out pair of flannel pajamas covered in kittens.

“Have you heard of  _ kintsugi _ before?” Hongjoong asked.

“I think so…” 

“Using gold lacquer to fix broken things. Acknowledging the cracks and making them into something beautiful. Thought I’d give it a try, although this is much more than a crack…” The alpha almost looked intimidated as he looked down at his progress. “I had to fill it up with putty just to try and get a somewhat even surface, first.”

“I love it,” Seonghwa said, accidentally brushing his fingertips against Hongjoong’s as he ran his fingers along the big ugly scar. Hongjoong looked up at him more carefully, but he had already moved his fingertips away. 

“I’ll be right back,” Seonghwa called as he went to the supply closet he had discovered earlier, coming back with a soft cloth and a bottle of organic cleaning solution that smelled like honeysuckle.

“Let me tidy things up a bit for you.” 

Careful not to get in his way too much, he dabbed up the excess dried putty dust from the table and the floor near Hongjoong’s feet. Hongjoong even allowed him to clear away the small bucket of putty and putty knife, which Seonghwa washed and put away neatly. 

It was nice. Having tasks to do. Making a difference he could immediately see. And getting to watch the split table transform into a surface unique and beautiful.

Before leaving the alpha, he brought him a cloth. “May I have your fingers?” Hongjoong paused in dipping his paintbrush, then slowly held the fingertips of his free hand out. Seonghwa rubbed each one gently, cleaning them as much as he could for now. When he was done he took Hongjoong’s whole hand and held it firmly within the hot cloth, trying to help alleviate any cramps the tedious project must be causing. Then he waited for Hongjoong to give him his other hand and did the same, taking his time. 

Neither of them said anything. 

Finally done, Seonghwa started to turn away when he noticed a shimmer of gold on Hongjoong’s jaw. He gently took his face in hand and wiped away the errant gold, too, although he had looked cute with the random dash of shimmer. 

Seonghwa wasn’t sure why Hongjoong looked so stunned as he walked away, but the alpha didn’t say anything to him so he assumed there was nothing else he needed.

—————————-

After getting dressed, -a cropped Dir En Grey t-shirt over black long sleeves, black pants, and a belt with tiny, star-shaped studs trailing into a crescent moon buckle- he wandered into the expansive living area. 

There was a tv screen set into the chimney of the translucent fireplace he hadn’t noticed before. Actually...there were four screens. One set into each side of the pillar. He couldn’t decide if that was genius, or excessive. Only one tv screen was actually on, playing How to Train Your Dragon from a sound system so cleverly hidden that he couldn’t see any speakers, although the rich, animated sounds seemed to be coming from all around him.

San was stretched out on a furry rug, hugging a big tan bear plush and wiggling his toes as he stared up at the movie. 

Seonghwa sat on the couch nearby, careful not to disturb him. However San jumped when Seonghwa’s shadow moved across him, hugging his plush tightly and sitting straight up. 

“It’s okay Sanie, I’m not here to bother you. Is it okay if I watch the movie with you?”

San blinked, his hackles still up. Seonghwa acted on a hunch and moved off the couch down to the rug, not even close to touching San but sitting a bit in front of him on the opposite corner. “Is this better?”

No longer lurking unseen out of the omega’s vision, San’s shoulder’s slowly relaxed. 

He tentatively laid back down in his curled-up position, although Seonghwa thought he noticed the omega bury his teeth nervously into his bear’s ear. 

Seonghwa didn’t feel sad or regretful; but he did feel this was a problem. For San to be so skittish and nervous around him would hurt the harmony of their pack.

It would be yet another thing to work on, along with Wooyoung’s blatant distaste for him.

But Sanie was someone he could work on, now.

After watching quietly with him for a little while, he carefully got up and made his way into the kitchen. From the well-stocked pantry he gathered a big red apple, blueberries, honey, granola and yogurt. Hunting down a knife and chopping board, he put together a yogurt parfait topped with a bouquet of fruit. Grabbing spoons, he carried the two parfaits out to the living room, offering one to the omega.

“Do you like yogurt, Sanie?”

San’s eyes were wide and starry as he reached for the cup, shedding a lot of his hesitance at the sight of the treat. “I like it, thank you,” he murmured as he gripped the spoon, seeming reluctant to ruin the careful arrangement of fruit on top. “It’s pretty.”

Seonghwa smiled. “Thank you. I tried to make it pretty so you would like it.”

San’s face slowly tinted pink. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Seonghwa cleaned up the dishes after, noting that San seemed to glance at him curiously as he moved around the house. Hongjoong had long finished up the table (although it was covered with a raised tarp that hid the result) and left the house by then, but Seonghwa wanted to ask San where everyone else was. He hadn’t heard many sounds of living around the house, but didn’t know if that was because it was empty or because the denizens were being quiet.

But he didn’t want to interrupt the babyish omega’s movie, so he waited patiently for it to finish. When the credits started, San reached for the remote and started looking through the catalog of movies for something new to watch, when Seonghwa interrupted in a gentle voice: 

“Sanie, where is everyone, today?”

“Alpha Joongie’s at work.”

“Nae, I saw him earlier. What about Wooyoung-sii?”

“He went to school.”

“And Jongho?”

“School.”

“Yeosang? Yunho?”

“I dunno. Work.”

“And Mingi?”

San frowned. “He’s still in time-out…”

“Ah, I see.”

Seonghwa settled down beside San again, sitting a bit closer this time. “Are you by yourself a lot?”

San shrugged with one shoulder. “Sometimes…”

“What do you like to do for fun?” 

“Play games, play with hyung or Jjongie or with my ‘99 friends…”

“So you pretty much just like playing with all your pack, huh, Sanie?” He smiled.

San nodded, playing aimlessly with the remote without choosing something, his attention mostly on Seonghwa now. His knees were drawn up to his chin and his mouth drawn into a pout.

“Yeah…”

“What’s wrong?”

San visibly squirmed but didn’t say anything.

Seonghwa squeezed the omega’s bare ankle soothingly. San gave a squeak of surprise, but stopped squirming. “Don’t worry, we don’t have to talk about it. What are we going to watch next?”

—————————-

He had to leave after they finished the second installment of How to Save Your Dragon.

Seonghwa wouldn’t have minded continuing to relax and watch movies with the omega, convinced that the longer Sanie saw him as harmless, even as someone who could play with him and help take care of him, the closer they could get.

But Seonghwa’s lower back was burning like crazy by the time the credits rolled and he realized his mistake: he had forgotten about his new tattoo, and not only hadn’t treated it with the soothing ointment, he had let the waistband of his admittedly tight pants rub the skin almost raw. 

He undid his belt buckle the second he stepped into his bedroom, hissing at the drag of material. Carefully pushing his pants halfway down his ass, he tried to study his tattoo in the vanity mirror. Luckily, it felt worse than it looked. Nestled right at the base of his spine, the rust-colored sun glowed with an angry pink tinge where he had rubbed the skin. He started to reach for the small jar of ointment he had been given when a shadow suddenly appeared in the crack of his not-quite-closed door, pushing it open.

Seonghwa peered over his shoulder. “Mingi?”

He started to tug his pants back up but it was too late. The tall alpha pointed at him, eyes gleaming like the edges of gold coins peeking through mud. “What’s that?”

Following the point of his finger to make sure of the target, he answered. “That’s a tattoo, Mingi. I have to have it for seven years while I belong to the Children of the Sun.”

The words coming off his tongue sounded strange, even though it wasn’t new information. He  _ belonged _ to them? Shouldn’t he belong to his pack, to Ateez? Hadn’t they bought him fair and square?

Too late to ponder, now.

“I don’t like it.”

“Well, neither do I, when it comes down to it.” Seonghwa let go of his impulse to pull up his pants and instead let them drop. He still needed to get the ointment on it one way or another. And Mingi was his packmate after all. He shouldn’t be embarrassed if he saw him this way. “It’s just something I have to have.”

“I remember, now. Hyunjin had one.”

“Hyunjin?”

“He came from the Sun, too.”

“Where is he now?”

“Hyung returned him.”

“Oh?”

“Yep. He was pretty, but fucked up.”

Seonghwa had no comment.

Mingi stepped further into the room. Seonghwa didn’t move, one hand around the ointment jar, one hand behind his back, holding the hem of his shirt up out of the way.

Mingi’s fingers pushed his away from the jar. Seonghwa let go. The alpha unscrewed the lid and swiped two fingertips into the ointment. He spread the cool gel across the ink sun. His palm pressed warmly into the upper part of Seonghwa’s cheek. His fingertips made firm, soothing circles against his skin, maybe a little harder than Seonghwa would have done himself, but it felt good so he didn’t stop him. 

The alpha’s hot breath tingled against the crook of his neck. Seonghwa’s lips parted. “Did you take care of Hyunjin’s tattoo, as well?”

“No.”

“Well… thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

And just like that Mingi’s hand left him. The jar tapped as he set it back down on the vanity. 

But to Seonghwa’s surprise, the alpha didn’t leave the bedroom. Instead he sat down on the edge of his bed, squinting at his meager belongings. 

“Did you bring any books with you?”

“Hmm… I know a lot of them didn’t make it here. Let me see…” He’d noticed the missing books the night before. It seemed like less than half his collection had made it to the new home. After flipping through what he had left, he realized it must have been because so many of his favorite books tended to be heavily-littered with notes he had written his future self about the thoughts and feelings the book aroused. If the Children of the Sun were trying to erase strong memories of his past self, that could definitely count.

“Do you like scary stories?” He finally pulled a slim volume off the shelf. “This is a collection of short stories I like. The author writes in sort of an old-fashioned style that might be difficult, but-“

Mingi snatched the book from him, giving him a piercing glance before turning his attention to the pages. “I can read this style just fine.”

“Mingi...I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just I’ve known people that don’t enjoy this style very much.”

“I’ll forgive you if I can borrow it,” Mingi teased.

Seonghwa smiled. “Of course you can. You can borrow anything you want.”

“Thanks, hyung.”

“Anytime, Mingi.”

————————————

Once Seonghwa went back out into the living area, he found San curled up in one of the huge nesting chairs, nestled against Jongho.

“Welcome home, Jongho. How were your classes?”

“They were fun, hyung. I get to sing my way through most my classes, so I can’t complain.”

“Jjongie is the best singer of all time!” San proclaimed, hugging the maknae’s sturdy chest. Jongho’s face transformed into that warm smile that made him look so much younger. “I’m pretty good. At least the best in this house. Unless Seonghwa-hyung has a hidden talent we don’t know we know about…?” He said, rolling his eyes towards him.

“No,” Seonghwa laughed, waving a hand. “I’m not competition to you, I’m sure. I might have ended up practicing singing if I had stayed in university… but I gave up.”

“Aw, you shouldn’t give up. I bet hyung could do it,” San said sweetly. He was much more outspoken when one of the others were with him.

“It’s not for everyone…” Jongho said reasonably, not directed in particular towards San nor Seonghwa. “But it’s never too late, either. You don’t have to make any decisions by any certain time. And if you wanted to sing… maybe I can enroll you in private lessons. I have a karaoke machine.”

They laughed and San whined about wanting to sing karaoke soon and that’s when the door burst open and Wooyoung came in, hauling a black backpack that looked like it weighed a hundred pounds. He shrugged it off and set it near the door, his eyes scanning them with a frightening precision. 

“Sanie, let’s go hang out in my room.”

“But…”

“Come on, we’re so close to beating that boss, remember?”

“Oh yeah!” The omega leaped out of the chair and bounded to Woo’s side, chatting about whatever game it was they were into.

Seonghwa looked at Jongho. Jongho looked like he was trying to be invisible and fighting every impulse to watch San leave at the same time. 

“Will you show me how the karaoke machine works, Jongho?”

As if Seonghwa had just uttered a magic spell, the maknae let out a long-held breath and slithered out of the chair. “Yes, let’s go.”

———————————

Of course there’s no way to just be “shown” a karaoke machine without firing it up and going through a test song… or six or seven or eight. They easily wasted more than an hour singing in the basement, using the space that doubled as a dance-studio for Yunho. There was a cooler they could grab drinks from when they got thirsty and the way their voices echoed attractively in the spacious area just fueled their desire to sing from one song to the next. 

Seonghwa was pleased to learn that he could still have enjoyable experiences despite the hypneros he was taking. While the fun he was having was maybe more reserved than it could have been, he still found it enjoyable to listen to Jongho’s impressive smooth vocals and spend some time exercising his own. Jongho informed him that he wasn’t half bad at singing at all and he enjoyed listening to his voice.

Just when they were thinking of winding down, Yeosang tramped down the stairs, carrying two grocery bags full of chicken takeout.

“I thought I heard karaoke happening. Eat some of this chicken while I take my turn.”

It was past seven when they finally climbed up to the main floor, following a savory, mouth-watering smell.

A new person was in the kitchen. He was a short man with smooth dark hair and a somewhat dusky complexion, a diamond stud glittering in one ear. He was cooking over the stove with Wooyoung hip-to-hip at his side, watching his every move and murmuring close to his ear. Seonghwa realized this must be the person who cooked and helped take care of the house, Changbin.

When the two heard them, Changbin raised his head and Wooyoung stepped away from him, crossing his arms.

Changbin, in contrast, wiped his hands on his apron and stepped forward, offering one to Seonghwa. “Hey, I’m Changbin. You must be Seonghwa-sii?”

“Yes, nice to meet you. Don’t let me interrupt. Whatever you’re cooking smells amazing.”

“I don’t get many complaints, although I know you may have eaten already,” he snickered. Seonghwa heard the crinkle of a plastic bag and saw Yeosang guiltily hiding the remains of the takeout behind himself, his face a serene mask as if he had done no wrong. “Just a little snack. It won’t take away from dinner at all, I’m sure.” Yeosang cleared his throat and said quietly. Seonghwa guessed by the playful look in the two men’s eyes this was an exchange they had plenty of times and there were no true hard feelings. 

“Well I hope so, cause it’s ready.”

—————————

It felt almost restaurant-like, sitting down and having Changbin serve them. Seonghwa wondered if it would be strange, but Changbin talked to them easily without being too intrusive as he laid out the food, and then hung back cleaning up the kitchen and doing the dishes, giving them time to eat in peace.

The half of the table that had split was still off limits, drying under the propped-up tarp. San kept trying to sneakily lift it to take a look at Hongjoong’s work until he got tired of Wooyoung’s nagging. 

Hongjoong himself was not there, nor was Mingi. This didn’t seem off to anyone else there. They didn’t look around or ask aloud wondering where they were. 

Seonghwa once again found his curiosity piercing through the hypneros haze and finally asked, “Anyone know when Hongjoong will be home?”

“Probably when you’re already asleep,” Yunho said. “He always sneaks home so late we don’t notice til the next day.”

“I see. So that’s normal?”

“Yeah, pretty much.” A flicker of disappointment went through Yunho’s eyes as he admitted the reality of their alpha’s schedule. 

“He seems to work hard,” Seonghwa offered, and the tall alpha gave a proud nod. “He really does. He’s really in demand but it means he’s always fighting deadlines. I always wish I could help, but… it’s really a one man job.”

“I’m sure you help plenty, here…” 

Yunho scratched his head. “Well… I’m normally at work most of the day. But at the very least I try not to make things worse.”

A few murmurs of encouragement followed and they enjoyed the rest of their meal more or less in peace. Wooyoung of course utterly ignored his presence but Jongho, Yunho, and Yeosang all chatted comfortably and San discreetly pushed a plate of chocolate-dipped strawberries closer to Seonghwa as if urging him to have one.

Seonghwa excused himself first, slipping into the kitchen to ask a favor of Changbin. 

“Hey, is it too late to get a second helping? I’d like to take some food to Mingi.”

Changbin took a second to reply, looking like he wasn’t sure of what he’d just heard. “Oh… really? You sure?”

Seonghwa nodded. “Yeah, I just don’t want him going hungry.”

“Nice of ya. Here ya go. Be careful.” Changbin handed him a plastic container and a set of chopsticks and Seonghwa headed to his room. The hallway was quiet and empty and he slid the lock on Mingi’s door open without a thought. 

Mingi’s room was dark, strangely warm, and the air heavy with a musky alpha scent that caused stirring within his insides he wasn’t used to. 

He stepped inside the large room, his eyes taking a few moments to adjust to the lightless gloom. He picked out the sight of a wall of bookcases, a frame holding what looked like a college degree, and a desk holding a stack of small leather journals. On the corner of the desk, a childish pencil holder shaped like a pink panda bristled with writing instruments.

The incongruity of the cute panda was the last detail he noticed before a hand dug into his back.

“Seonghwa. I don’t like it.” 

The voice wasn’t human. More like the whine lightning must make arcing through the sky, and the rolling grumble that follows. 

The bedroom door slammed shut so hard it rattled the walls. 

The hand gripping his back had to be huge. Thick, sharp fingernails (claws?) dug into his shoulders while the corresponding thumb dug into his lower ribs. His heart started beating faster.

“Mingi?”

“I don’t like it.” That disturbing rumble, but this time Seonghwa could catch the faintest hint of Mingi's voice within the words, like he was yelling from a distance.

Something yanked the container of food from his hand and tossed it across the room. Seonghwa tried to track its flight but the second his head started to turn, the back of his head was grabbed and wrenched forward, sending a sharp pain down his neck.

"Mingi. It's you, right?” He panted. “Please talk to me. I just wanted to bring you dinner. I wasn't trying to intrude in your space." 

In a detached way he was amazed he was speaking so calmly, thinking so clearly. His heartbeat was going crazy though, his body recognizing the danger of the situation even when his thoughts were too hazy to even cause him panic. 

His only response was being shoved into the deeper darkness of the room where Mingi’s bed lay, a dark block cut out of the shadows. Seonghwa’s knees bumped the edge, stopping his progress, but the monstrous hand merely picked him up and threw him into the bed. His face close to the pillows, the strong alpha scent enveloped him. Fur blankets tickled his palms. 

He tried to push up onto his knees but the hand thunked him in the back, holding him down. The mattress dipped around him, so much so he thought the frame might not take it. 

A low, continuous growl rumbled against the nape of his neck and tickled his ear. 

“Mingi. Please. Be reasonable. I know you’re in there.”

Hot breath trailed down the line of his back in gusts, lower and lower. With a sudden snarl his pants were snagged and torn away in tatters.

Seonghwa’s breath was coming so fast, his blood pounding through veins struggling to take the rush. But he fought it, intent on enduring everything that was about to happen, painful though it may be.

“I don’t like it.”

Suddenly, he knew what Mingi was talking about. 

“Mingi, d—“ 

Teeth -he knew it had to be teeth, though they were long and curved like an animal’s- slid into his tattooed flesh, smooth and deep. 

Seonghwa screamed for an instant before a rough palm slapped across his face and held tight. 

The teeth did not leave him as smoothly as they’d entered. They tore back out, shearing away the marked skin they had intended to from the very beginning.

Seonghwa’s entire bottom half was on fire with pain. Liquid heat, blood, crawled down his thighs. A long rough tongue lapped them up, catching the flowing blood and following the trails up to the source where he lapped and lapped, brushing raw nerves with each lick. Seonghwa was sobbing for breath, sobbing for pain, his limbs starting to tremble from shock. 

He wished he could see Mingi, at least. This Mingi who was not Mingi. Who was a monster. Hongjoong’s warning words echoed back at him like Hongjoong was standing right there, reminding him way too late. But it could just be his consciousness twisting in on him.

Just when he thought it could be over, he felt the presence above him shift and suddenly a monstrous open maw closed around the slope of his neck and shoulder, little pinpricks of pain tracing the contours of the monster’s jaws. Then the pinpricks dug in deep, driving home more agony.

The pain as the teeth threatened to puncture muscle went deep, deep, shooting up into his head and down all the way to his ass, an unwanted reminder on how distant parts of the body were actually more connected than he thought. If the jaws snapped all the way shut, he would die. 

“Don’t do this, Mingi. I bet you haven’t even read the book I gave you. At least finish it, first. Read it before you kill me,” his voice came out fast and high, praying that the monster would listen, and on top of that,  _ understand. _

He passed out, snatched without a warning into a warm blanket of unconsciousness.

The next time his mind swam back to the surface, there was a gentle yellow light starting to suffuse the room. Mingi, naked and very much human, was whimpering and shaking, curled under Seonghwa’s limp arm and staring into the dark corners of the room as if untold horrors lurked there.

Seonghwa felt like his veins were filled with cement as he raised his hand and patted the tousled nest of Mingi’s hair. “You didn’t mean to.”

Moving as little as possible, Seonghwa took in himself and his surroundings. Blood-stained sheets were tangled around his legs. Punctures in his upper chest and shoulders oozed half-dried trails of blood that stained the torn layers of his shirts. Mingi’s lips and trembling fingers were crusted red with it.

The bedroom door swung open, making them both wince from the hallway light. Seonghwa licked his pale lips and slowly, slowly hugged Mingi protectively to himself, every fiber of muscle in his body protesting. He couldn’t make out the identity of the silhouette cautiously entering the room, but he faced them anyway, speaking in a weak yet challenging voice: “He didn’t mean to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally going to be noncon but my sweet baby boy Mingi could never, don’t care if he’s a monster or not.


	8. aftermath

Seonghwa’s morning was a chaotic blur after Hongjoong stepped into Mingi’s bedroom to find them in a bloody tangle. The scents of his other pack members’ swept in like a blanket that Seonghwa tried to cling to. There was shouting and growling and snapping that Seonghwa’s distressed senses kept trying to interpret as the sounds of fighting dogs. Hongjoong’s Alpha Voice pierced through the noise, ice cold and impossible to ignore. Seonghwa couldn’t help but whine helplessly in reaction, and he wasn’t the only one.   
  
He vaguely processed that when they first tried to get him off the bed, they found that the sheets had dried to his lower back, pasted with blood. They didn’t risk trying to tug them away from his skin. So then Yunho lifted him, sheets and all, and he was carried into the frosty air outside.   
  
He remembered their brief conversation:   
  
“Y-Yunho?”   
  
“Yeah, hyung?”   
  
“Can you bring me my pill? I have to have it. Every morning. I don’t think I can do this without it.”   
  
He had been rejected all throughout his life through lack of care, of attention; he’d been rejected with silence and with lies and with urges to change into someone else altogether.    
  
This was the first time he’d been rejected with teeth and nails and tearing and blood and he knew his pathetic mind couldn’t process it without help.   
  
He was laid out onto the baby-soft leather seats in the long, not-quite-a-limo vehicle Hongjoong had first picked him up in. He heard Yunho’s footsteps pounding up the path back to the house. Minutes later his head was gently lifted and the pill held to his lips, with a cup of water to chase it.    
  
Then Yunho, with his warm gingery alpha scent that Seonghwa wished he could have stayed close to, disappeared with a comforting murmur and Hongjoong scooted in beside him, instead. He draped a soft blanket over him and shouted instructions to the driver. Seonghwa winced when they hit a bump. Hongjoong’s hand settled on his uninjured shoulder. “Just hold on. We’re heading to the hospital. This was quicker than an ambulance, I’m sure.”   
  
“It’s okay. Arm hurts…” More than just his arm hurt, of course, but surprisingly it was the pain branching from shoulder to wrist that was taking center stage. The teeth punctures in his chest and shoulder felt hot and sore.   
  
His lower back alternated between feeling numb and burning like a deep, deep road rash that scraped all the way to bone.    
  
His teeth chattered.    
  
Hongjoong’s anxiety filled the backseat with an energy like static.   
  
“He didn’t rape me, Hongjoong.”   
  
“ _ Jesus, _ Seonghwa.”   
  
“I know how it looked. So I just wanted you to know. You’re so worried…”   
  
“I know you weren’t. I checked. I had to know. I’m sorry.”   
  
“You had to know?”   
  
“Mmhmm. If he had… I probably would have tried to kill him then and there.”   
  
“But you love him, Hongjoong…”   
  
“Hush, Seonghwa.” The slightest edge of Alpha Voice.   
  
Seonghwa went obediently silent as the car’s heater started to chase away some of the chill of his shock; not to mention the daily dose of hypneros settling in deep.   
  
But warmth, drugs, and traumatic injuries could only hold back his curiosity for so long.   
  
“Hongjoong-ssi…”   
  
“Why -ssi, all of a sudden?”   
  
“Hongjoong-ssi, you said the first time this happened, at the old house, Mingi had blood on his face…”   
  
Hongjoong stiffened. Seonghwa swore the air plunged 10 degrees colder. “Who did he bite  _ then _ , Hongjoong-ssi? Is that why Hyunjin-ssi had to go back? Or was it the other one…?”   
  
“You’re talking so much for someone whose lips are so white, Seonghwa.”   
  


“Sorry…”   
  
He really had been talking a lot. Too much. He leaned his head against Hongjoong’s thigh with a little shiver, suddenly feeling so drained.    
  
Hongjoong sighed. “I was coming back from work after what must have been three straight days.” he began, so very gently touching Seonghwa’s hair. “Crunch time. I just happened to be crossing the lawn to the house when he leapt at me out of nowhere. I don’t remember much. He was so big, so heavy. I couldn’t see anything and even passed out for a few seconds because I couldn’t breathe. I have the scars on my neck to prove it. Kinda like you’re gonna have. Not quite so bad.”   
  
“Nnh?” Seonghwa blinked his heavy eyes open, wanting to see. Hongjoong shook his head.    
  
“Later. Anyway, when I woke up he was how he was, with you… I’m just glad there was no one else around. That was terrifying.”   
  
“Well, yeah… it must have been terrifying, being alone…”   
  
“No, I mean, seeing  _ you _ was terrifying. I’m glad none of the others went through that with me.”   
  
“I see… I’m sorry.”   
  
“You’re the last one who should be sorry.”   
  
They drove on in silence for a while. Seonghwa watched the sky outside. It was a muddy pink. The sun was losing the battle against the frosty, autumn fog.   
  
“I don’t know what to do.” Hongjoong confessed.   
  
“Hmm?”    
  
“I don’t want you to go. But if you need to go now, I understand.”   
  
“I’ll be fine.”   
  
“Tch. It’s just the drugs telling you you’re fine.”   
  
“So what if it is? Does that matter? Would you prefer it if I freaked out?”   
  
Hongjoong didn’t say anything else after that.    
  
\---------------------   
  
At the hospital Seonghwa refused painkillers (he was under strict instructions not to mix them with the hypneros) and grit his teeth as they put stitches into the curve of his slender back. On his upper body they poured a solution into the monstrous tooth punctures. The liquid foamed up and scalded the raw tissue inside. When the burning and bleeding finally stopped they sewed the biggest holes up and bandaged the rest.   
  
Then they put an IV into his arm and fixed a tube to that and gave him a packet of blood and a packet of saline for some reason and by then he had just given up and felt like a cut, wilted flower lost in the oversized hospital bed while he was poked and prodded.    
  
They asked him over and over, from the first few minutes Hongjoong wheeled him into the bright lobby to when the nurses would come in and double-check his chart and IV fluids- _ ‘What was it that happened to you again, Mr. Park?’ _   
  
Actually, when they first got there, it was Hongjoong _ -his alpha- _ they asked. But Seonghwa answered immediately and firmly. “It was a friend’s dog. A doberman. They warned me he wasn’t friendly but I didn’t listen. I’m not going to press charges. It was my fault.”   
  
Hongjoong did a good job shrugging off his shock and playing right along.   
  
The staff knew it was bullshit. As they should. But what could they do? Seonghwa wasn’t going to give them the tiniest morsel of information that could lead back to Mingi, and he squeezed Hongjoong’s hand tightly to make sure he understood that.   
  
Finally, safe and patched-up and assured he was nowhere near dying, Seonghwa dozed. Occasionally he’d pry open his tired eyes and see Hongjoong; at first the alpha was just sitting beside him, shapely legs crossed, scrolling through what must be work emails and furiously texting replies. But soon after when he stirred he would see Hongjoong didn’t have his phone out at all. Instead he was biting his thumbnail pensively, staring at the shuttered window with a wrinkle pressed between his brows.    
  
“Hongjoong…”    
  
“Back to just ‘Hongjoong’, hm? No  _ ‘-ssi’ _ ?”   
  
“You know, humans used to be able to turn into wolves?”   
  
“... Uh huh.” Hongjoong’s words were dry, careful.   
  
“Maybe that’s what we called them because we couldn’t explain what we  _ actually _ changed into. There wasn’t a word for it.”   
  
“How bout ‘werewolf’?”   
  
“Oh, hmm… Yeah, that’s closer. I didn’t think of that.”   
  
“You’re talking a lot, again.”   
  
“Sorry…” Seonghwa smiled and settled back down into what felt like feather pillows. Hongjoong scooted closer to the bed and held a straw to his lips. He sipped down ice water so delicious it almost tasted sweet.   
  
  
\-------------------   
  
  
“Where is Mingi?” The thought came to Seonghwa so suddenly he tried to sit straight up from his shallow sleep, only to moan and carefully collapse back down. Hongjoong was right there, holding his hand and supporting his uninjured shoulder, his worried scent making Seonghwa want to sneeze.   
  
“Mingi’s… fine. He’s safe. They’re all safe.”   
  
“But where is he?” Seonghwa couldn’t relax until he knew. Hongjoong took a long look at him and seemed to realize that.   
  
“Once he calmed down and came back to himself, he called the institute he does therapy at. They came and picked him up.”   
  
“That’s… oddly nice of them.”   
  
“It’s fucked up, but the sooner they can see him after one of his episodes, the better. The closer they are to seeing the problem. Like trying to get your car to make that weird noise it’s been making now that you’ve finally taken it in to be checked out.”   
  
Seonghwa had never owned a car of his own, but he nodded anyway. ”Okay… I guess that’s good. But isn’t he scared?”   
  
Hongjoong’s mouth tightened into a frown. “He’s okay,” he told himself.   
  
“How long has he done this?”    
  
“Only since I moved him into the house last year. I broke him,” the broken, bitter laugh that followed was so caustic it made Seonghwa grit his teeth against their sting.   
  
“This is only the second time it’s been this bad. But you saw how he got at dinner the other night. He’s unstable. And he gets strong when he’s unstable. He’s going to have to go. For his own safety and ours. At least to just see if it helps.”   
  
“But he doesn’t want to go…?” Seonghwa guessed.    
  
“ _ I _ don’t want him to go.”   
  
Seonghwa let out a long sigh, letting his eyes flutter shut. But his hand reached out and found Hongjoong’s to squeeze. “Let’s not give up so easily, Hongjoong. You wanted me to try and help fix things. It’s only been a couple days. We already got the worst case scenario out of the way.”   
  
“Fuck, I hope you’re right,” his alpha said, squeezing his hand back.


	9. when the alpha's away, the alpha will play

Seonghwa wondered, if he wasn’t on hypneros, how he would feel as the car pulled into the driveway of the place he was attacked.    
  
Tiny hard snowflakes began to swirl down from the grey sky right as they parked. Unlike his first arrival to the home, no one was outside, awaiting him. He supposed that his past self  _ (the person he was just last week!) _ might find his return gloomy, even ominous.   
  
At least he had Yunho beside him in the back of the car, Hongjoong finally caving under the monumental pressure of his career and having to return to his studio for work.    
  
_ “I’ll come back as soon as I can,”  _ Hongjoong had promised Seonghwa in an uneasy tone. Seonghwa could tell that meant that  _ ‘as soon as I can’ _ wasn’t anytime soon, at all.   
  
Seonghwa had grasped the alpha’s hand and held his eyes steadily until he calmed and  _ focused _ , just on him. “It’s okay, Hongjoong. I’ll be alright. Things will be okay until you can come back. Don’t worry about us.”   
  
  
His injuries from Mingi were healing up well, after two days in the hospital. He’d wanted to go home the same day, but they were worried about blood loss and wanted to make sure there was no extensive muscle damage; besides that, the hospital staff continued trying their hardest to get even more details about the attack from Seonghwa and Hongjoong, who refused to admit anything, much to each others’ amusement.   
  
Now Seonghwa had a second medicine to keep on taking with his hypneros, just to make sure to keep any infections down. He had a roll of gauze to use when changing his bandages and a little tube of antibacterial ointment and a Yunho who earnestly promised he would help him with anything he needed.    
  
The second alpha seemed absolutely energized by his own worry. The car had barely stopped when he jumped out and went to Seonghwa’s side to open up the door and help him get out.    
  
“I can  _ walk _ , Yunho. You don’t have to do this. They’re hardly more than bad scratches, at this point.” Okay, maybe that was underplaying it just a tiny bit. All one had to do was see how badly bruised his skin was around the stitches, a gift from the massive jaws that he was somewhat thankful he didn’t get a good look at. They were not an image he needed associated with the already traumatic experience.   
  
Upon entering the house, Seonghwa realized some of his new packmates  _ had _ been waiting for him, just not outside in the bitter cold.    
  
Jongho and Yeosang stood up from their newly golden-streaked table and looked at him worriedly, a rush of unsaid words trapping behind their teeth. They were nervous. Not sure what they should be feeling, maybe. Half-finished mugs of hot chocolate rested on the table before them.    
  
“Can I have one, too?” Seonghwa asked as he gingerly tried to get his coat off. “A hot chocolate.”   
  
“Yes, hyung!” Yeosang said in relief, nearly coming to blows with Jongho as they both leapt to the task at once.    
  
Seonghwa’s mouth twitched with a hint of a smile, only to be interrupted by a whine. He couldn’t get his coat off, and the more he tried the more searing the pain in his back and shoulder. Luckily Yunho pressed in close and the tall alpha cupped his elbow, his hip. He relaxed and let him gently pull his coat off for him, giving his thanks.   
  
“One for Yunho too, please.” Seonghwa called as he stepped towards the dining table. “It’s really cold out there.”   
  
Soon the four of them were sitting around the table with their hands holding warm mugs of chocolate, which always made things better. Yeosang and Jongho, just like Yunho, were not quite themselves. There was a lingering scent of unease in the air. Seonghwa wanted to address it but at the same time knew it might be too complicated; or might be a feeling that only time would help clear.    
  
Jongho said, “I’m glad you’re out of the hospital so soon, hyung.” And, in a smaller voice, “I’m sorry you were hurt…”    
  
Yeosang nodded in agreement, but that’s the only thing the two younger pack members could bring themselves to say. They seemed nervous to even meet Seonghwa’s gaze, as if he were their alpha and they were on his shit list.    
  
Guilt. Fear. Concern not only for Seonghwa but for Mingi, too _.  _ He could imagine they felt it all.  _  
_ _  
_ In the days preceding the attack Seonghwa had seen glimpses of how Mingi got along with the pack. They liked him. He played with them easily and seemed to seek out fun, although he had a streak of natural bratiness.  __   
  
Seonghwa was also concerned. He wanted to know more about this research facility that took Mingi in like a rare specimen whenever he was at his worst. He wanted to see the facility and see how Mingi was living there.    
  
Mingi was part of his pack now, and while dangerous, Seonghwa also had this strange sense that he was so vulnerable, a victim to the monstrous side of himself just as much as those he hurt. Seonghwa couldn’t help but want to know how he was doing, to see him, even while his body still ached with fresh bruises and the tug of stitches.   
  
Instead of mentioning any of this, Seonghwa asked if any of them knew any card games.    
  
  
After hunting down a few spare decks, the four of them played card games for almost two hours. Jongho took it upon himself to deliver punishment head-flicks to the losers, although his fingertip barely brushed Seonghwa’s forehead when it was his turn. Then Yeosang went on a losing streak that lasted the entire rest of the session, even though he demanded rule changes, handicaps, redo’s, and checks for illicit cheating that they constantly granted him, to no avail. Finally Yeosang, his forehead bright pink from flicks, moaned and sank down to the table in defeat, cradling his face in his arms.    
  
“Yeosang, you know you really didn’t have to lose this much just to make me feel better,” Seonghwa teased, knowing full well how it felt to be in Yeosang’s position. Up until now, he had always thought he was the one with the worst luck in games.    
  
Yeosang groaned and flinched when Jongho suddenly moved next to him. “No, no more! My head can’t take it!”    
  
Jongho snickered and ruffled the omega’s long fluffy hair instead, going around and picking up all their mugs.    
  
“Maybe we can have a rematch tomorrow?” Seonghwa offered. “I’m feeling pretty tired now, anyway.”   
  
During the last hand his eyelids had started getting heavy, to the point that he let them close when it wasn’t his turn. “But first where’s Sanie and Wooyoung-ssi?”   
  
“In Woo’s room,” Yunho sighed. “Sorry they’re being this way…” the alpha scratched his head, and Seonghwa didn’t miss the flicker of a glare Yunho directed towards the hall.    
  
“Don’t worry.” Seonghwa gave half a smile and patted the alpha’s chest. “I just wanted to make sure they’re doing okay. They don’t need to come out for my sake. I’m not upset.”   
  
Besides, he had a feeling that it wasn’t so much Sanie who did not want to come out, but Wooyoung keeping him there.    
  
He didn’t hold anything against the young alpha. Seonghwa had still only been with them a handful of days. It was a lot to ask anyone to suddenly accept a new pack member that quickly. He might not have been able to do it himself, under different circumstances.    
  
  
Yunho walked with him to his room as Yeosang and Jongho did the dishes while bickering with each other. As they crossed the hall to his room, Seonghwa’s eyes were caught by the closed door at the very end, the bolted shut. Mingi’s door. He didn’t realize he’d stopped walking and was just standing there, looking at it.    
  
“He’s… not here, hyung,” Yunho reminded him.    
  
“I know. I’m just… thinking.”   
  
Yunho allowed him to take his time, and finally he tore his gaze away and headed into his own room. The already familiar scent of his own private space soothed him.    
  
“What do you need help with, hyung?” Yunho asked with his hands on his hips as Seonghwa sat carefully down on the edge of the bed. “Do you need help changing your bandages?”   
  
Seonghwa thought about it. He could already imagine Yunho’s strong fingers pressing into his skin, spreading the ointment over his wounds. Just like one of the last ways Mingi had touched him before… everything.    
  
He didn’t quite feel fear at the thought. But he felt  _ something _ ; some unease that even the hypneros couldn’t completely suppress.   
  
“No… it’s okay. Probably tomorrow. It should be okay to leave them as is for tonight.”   
  
Yunho nodded, looking like he wanted to say something but he wasn’t sure what. Instead he moved to Seonghwa’s bed and started rearranging the collection of big poofy feather pillows, even drawing down the blankets for him. “What’s the best way for you to sleep? Does it hurt pretty badly?”   
  
The alpha sat down on the opposite edge of the bed, one hand braced on the covers as he looked at him. His spicy ginger scent filled Seonghwa’s nose, making him think of Christmas and coffee shops, and sugar cookies that melted in his mouth. He blinked slowly. “It only hurts here and there, if I’m not careful. I’m okay, Yunho…”   
  
Something in his stomach flipped, triggering him to swallow. He wondered if the hot chocolate had been too rich for his stomach, but then Yunho leaned in and pressed his mouth against his and he realized the stirring in his gut was for another reason altogether. Muscles squeezing in timid excitement, Seonghwa angled his head and pressed his mouth against his deeper, reaching up to hold the side of Yunho’s face. The kiss was full of fondness and concern. And a teasing hint of tongue. Yunho’s hands brushed his body, but so lightly it was almost disappointing. He wished he would hold onto him a little harder, even if it might bother a bruise or a stitch. But the tender carefulness worked to make him  _ want _ even more.    
  
This is what packs were supposed to do anyway, right?    
  
He realized all of a sudden how strange it was that he hadn’t seen so much as an indecent touch between any of the pack members, let alone or a kiss or more. This was more like it. This is how it went in movies and shows and books.   
  
Seonghwa was just beginning to lean back, intent on pulling Yunho down with him, when the alpha drew away. Seonghwa swallowed and licked his lips, body yearning for him. Yunho’s ears were blazing pink. “Sorry… I… I guess I’m just glad you’re home. And that you’re okay. There’s something about you I really like. We all do. Er, well… ”   
  
“Except for Wooyoung,” Seonghwa guessed, carefully crossing his legs as his pulse started to come back down.    
  
“He’ll get there, too. You’re really nice, Seonghwa. Nice and pretty and fun. God, it’s more than that, that sounded lame. Words are just failing me right now.” Yunho gestured helplessly and then hugged himself.   
  
“Yunho, come here.”   
  
The alpha blinked, frozen. But then slowly, slowly leaned back down towards Seonghwa. Seonghwa smiled and held his face tenderly, then leaned in and pressed a kiss to his forehead.    
  
“Thank you for being someone I can rely on so much already, Yunho. I’m sure it’s difficult, when you have so much to do, already. I hope you haven’t missed out on many dance classes due to me.”   
  
Yunho laughed quietly, leaning in to nuzzle so gently at Seongha’s ear, his neck, marking him with his ginger scent.    
  
“Sleep well, hyung. I’ll check on you in the morning.”   
  
\--------------------   
  
He was checked on in the morning, but not by Yunho.    
  
He awoke uneasily to movement in his room, and there was Hongjoong, freezing guiltily in the act of pulling off his Gucci messenger bag.    
  
It was so early that the light through the window looked closer to twilight than dawn, a frosty blue-purple luminescence swathed in dark clouds.    
  
It was enough to make out Hongjoong’s drawn features as he made his way to the side of the bed. Seonghwa shivered, realizing the room had grown cold overnight. Hongjoong frowned and pulled up an extra blanket from the foot of the bed, tucking it around him. “I’ll adjust the thermostat. Forecast says it’s just gonna get colder and colder.”   
  
“Did you make all the best music?” Seonghwa asked sleepily. His body was aching and stiff so he barely moved, afraid to tear things that shouldn’t be torn.    
  
Hongjoong snorted. “Depends on who you ask. Who’s your friend?”   
  
Seonghwa raised a brow, looking side to side. Tucked in by his right shoulder was a plump shiba inu plush, looking like it was sleeping away happily at his side. “I… don’t know.”   
  
“That’s Sanie’s. He must have been worried.” Hongjoong’s eyes sparkled in the gloom, his mouth an amused grin. “How are things?”   
  
“They’re okay.”   
  
“You sure you don’t wanna run away?”   
  
“Not yet.”   
  
“Good. Thank you.”   
  
“Have you heard from Mingi?” Seonghwa couldn’t help but ask.    
  
Hongjoong frowned and checked his phone. “We’ve texted a bit. He says he’ll stay there as long as he needs. As long as they’ll let him.”   
  
“Were they able to figure out anything new?”   
  
Hongjoong shrugged. “Not that I know of. But he hasn’t lost control again in the past 48 hours. That’s a good sign. I guess.”   
  
“You know he was upset? He didn’t like my tattoo.”   
  
They actually hadn’t talked much about the details at the hospital. There was always staff around, always listening. It would have been a chore to talk about it and remember to pretend Mingi was a friend’s vicious doberman at the same time.   
  
Hongjoong pulled the stool out from the vanity and set it near the bed, letting himself sit. “Your tattoo?”   
  
“Yeah, you didn’t realize? The sun tattoo. The Children of the Sun mark. On my back.”   
  
“Oh shit…” Hongjoong rubbed his mouth, looking off to the side. “Somehow that didn’t even click. And, I mean, it was hard to see anything, that night… Damn, there’s probably hardly anything left of it, now.”   
  
“You don’t have any tattoos, do you?”   
  
“Not yet, no.”   
  
“We’ll need to ask him.” Seonghwa said decisively. “Ask him what he didn’t like about the tattoo. If that facility can’t figure out what’s going on with him, maybe we can at least figure out his triggers and do everything we can to delay the next flare up.”   
  
Hongjoong was silent long enough that it drew Seonghwa’s notice. The alpha’s fingers half-hid his mouth and the long smile behind it. “God, I’m glad you’re here. You make me feel like maybe I have a chance.”   
  
“A chance at what?”   
  
“Anything. Everything.”   
  
“I’m glad I make you feel that way,” Seonghwa smiled. “That’s important, I think. Right?”   
  
“Mmhmm, I think so, too. Now just do me a favor and don’t go making me jealous.”   
  
“Eh?” Seonghwa barely had time to make a noise of confusion before Hongjoong stood and put a knee on the bed, leaning over him. He bent his head to rub his cheek against his, his scent rolling over him like a drop of dark gold into a clear pond, unfurling into a glittering darkness. He did the same to the other cheek, his breath ghosting against Seonghwa’s mouth for a brief moment that left him, ironically, breathless. He blinked up at the alpha, mouth parted to show the tip of his pink tongue peeking from between his teeth, a physical tic that no amount of lecturing from his mother had broken because he never even noticed when it was happening.    
  
One single night home and already  _ another _ alpha was getting him worked up while he lay so vulnerably in bed; he was beginning to get impatient with their lack of commitment.    
  
“Hongjoong…” he said. It was nearly a whine.    
  
“I’m sorry, Seonghwa. I just have to go. Only stopped by the house for a quick break before a meeting.”   
  
“If you leave home so much, it’s only natural you’re gonna end up jealous, Hongjoong-ssi,” Seonghwa huffed.    
  
“You’re cute.” Hongjoong cupped Seonghwa’s jaw and kissed his open lips, then left.   
\--------------------   
  
  
In the morning Yunho brought him a light breakfast of miso soup and grilled salmon and rice on a tray. He sat beside him on the bed, careful not to jostle the food, and Seonghwa asked him if he had any videos of the sort of choreography he was working on. Yunho was all too happy to oblige, whipping out his phone and showing him the most recent class he had filmed, pointing out this or that move that he was especially proud of while he took slow bites of his food.    
  
“I still want to go to one of your classes soon,” Seonghwa reminded him. “I could even help if you needed it…”   
  
“That would be fun, hyung. I definitely want to bring you along.”   
  
Once Seonghwa was done eating Yunho cleared the tray away.    
  
“That was surprisingly delicious. Did you make it?”   
  
Yunho snorted. “No. Wooyoung did, before leaving for class.”   
  
Seonghwa’s lips curled. “And does he know that his hard work went towards feeding me, or was this supposed to be your breakfast, naughty alpha?”   
  
“No comment,” Yunho gave a quick guilty laugh. Seonghwa was touched when Yunho brought him his morning pills along with a mug of warm tea, and then noticed the alpha peeking around the room here and there curiously. “Where’s your other stuff from the hospital? Let me help,”   
  
‘ _ Let me help.’ _ The firm edge of the kind-intentioned words were the most alpha thing Seonghwa had heard from Yunho’s mouth, yet. He didn’t hate it.   
  
Seonghwa shivered as Yunho helped him strip off his shirt, leaving him exposed to the cool morning air. But with some awkward shifting around this way and that, Yunho got the re-bandaging job done quickly and efficiently.    
  
“You’d make a good nurse, Yunho. Too bad you have a much more important calling in life,” Seonghwa complimented, watching the alpha’s ears turn pink again. It was cute, how predictable those ears were.   
  
“Yeah, yeah. Speaking of. I have to get out of here,” the alpha sighed, looking so regretful Seonghwa frowned in sympathy.    
  
“You’ve already helped me out with the hardest part of the day. I’m gonna be fine. And I’ll be here when you get home.”   
  
“Ah, yeah, thanks, I know…” the ears went from pink to red as he stuttered, backing towards the door. “Mmkay I’ll see you later then, hyung. Text if you need anything,” and he slinked out the door, taking the breakfast dishes with him.   
  
\--------------------   
  
Sanie was watching Saturday-morning cartoons in the living room, sitting so close to the blazing fireplace that Seonghwa wasn’t sure what looked more painful -- the way he had to crane his head back so far to see the mounted tv, or the fact that the flames, electrically-produced though they were, were burning so close to him that his cheeks were flushed.    
  
San didn’t notice him one way or another as he quietly crept in, lowering himself an inch at a time into the deep nesting chair. Seonghwa hugged the omega’s shiba plush in his arms, watching San’s foot sway as he watched two cartoon brothers try to escape a barn full of pumpkin-headed people.   
  
“Sanie.”   
  
The omega jerked around, fingers gripping the carpet like a scared cat. He relaxed a fraction when he saw it was Seonghwa, but not all the way.    
  
“I brought your friend back, see?”   
  
He relaxed a little more.    
  
“He slept well. Thanks for letting him check on me.”   
  
San crept forward on his hands and knees, reaching out for his shiba. Seonghwa hugged him closer, mischievously. “It’s cold, Sanie. Sit with me?” He grabbed a blanket that had been left in the chair, spreading it out invitingly.    
  
“I’m not supposed to.”   
  
“Not supposed to?”   
  
“No. Not supposed to do things with you.”   
  
“How come?”   
  
San pursed his lips, hugged his knees. But Seonghwa still had his attention and the cartoons were mere babble in the background.    
  
“Cause that’s what Wooyoung said?”   
  
A slight nod.    
  
“Well… the last thing I want to do is make Wooyoung mad at you.”   
  
San seemed to melt in relief, nodding more. “Me either…”   
  
“Why do you think he doesn’t want you to hang out with me, though?”   
  
“He says you’ll leave soon, anyway. Just like the others.”   
  
“Ah… I see.” Seonghwa shifted in the chair, pulling the blanket closer around himself. The electric fireplace, though pretty, didn’t send out its heat quite as far as he suspected a true fire would. No wonder the omega had been sitting so close.   
  
San tried to reach for his shiba again, and this time Seongha held it out and let him take it. San clutched it close, nipping the dog’s ear and sniffing at it in curiosity, as if that was some weird form of communication he and the plush had together.   
  
“Sanie… would it be okay if you told me about the others? The ones who left?”   
  
San narrowed his eyes. “Tell you what?”   
  
“Like… what were their names?”   
  
He already knew one of their names.  _ Hyunjin. _ But still, it was a good place to start.   
  
“Hyunjinnie. Minho-hyung.” San hunched around himself even more at the second name, trying to make himself small.   
  
“Did you… like them?” A stupid question, but still he wanted to keep the questions simple.    
  
“Hyunjinnie… kind of. He was a little weird. Sometimes kind of mean, except to Hongjoong-hyung. And me. He said I looked like his brother, so he was always nice to me. Woo said he just wanted Hongjoong-hyung’s money. But Hongjoong said he was really sad over some things that had happened to his pack, and that made him not be nice sometimes. He stole some things but then said they were his because we were all a pack. Hongjoong made him leave.”   
  
“I see. And how did that make you feel, Sanie?” Seonghwa asked, wishing the omega was closer so he could pat his unruly hair.    
  
San shrugged, not saying anything for a while. His fingers plucked nervously at his shiba plush. “He was always nice to me…”   
  
Seonghwa sighed. As much as he’d like to know, he didn’t have the heart to press Sanie about their second ex-pack member. Not now.   
  
“Thanks for telling me, Sanie. You can go back to your show. Why don’t you sit on the couch, at least, or the other chair? I don’t want you to hurt your neck watching tv.”   
  
San nodded and scrambled onto the couch, blinking and giggling softly when Seonghwa tossed his blanket at him, covering up his head. “Don’t catch a cold, either.”   
  
\--------------------   
  
He and San were the only ones in the house.    
  
He should have taken it easy, maybe laid in bed or just relaxed and watched tv with San. But instead he tidied up his room, sorting dirty clothes from the hospital into his hamper, dusting and making his bed, catching the alpha scent of both Hongjoong and Yunho from the pillows.   
  
He might have flushed at their scent. Might have groaned in frustration and collapsed (carefully!!) onto his stomach, giving a few guilty ruts against the comforter before getting up and straightening the whole bed again.    
  
Turns out hypneros did nothing to stave off sex drive.    
  
He’d already waited twenty-five years for sex. Hopefully he wouldn’t have to wait much longer.   
  
\--------------------   
  
His room tidied up to his standards, he went and stood in the hall, looking down the length of it to  _ that door _ .    
  
It wasn’t the door itself that made him pause, that made his slippered feet freeze where they were planted in the hall.   
  
It was what was behind it. Or the mystery of what  _ could _ be behind it. He wasn’t afraid. But he was cautious, though he wasn’t logically sure what he was feeling cautious of. He made himself move closer, one step at a time. A rug running down the middle of the hall muffled his steps. Had that rug always been there? Was it covering something?   
  
Heart thumping in his throat, he pulled the heavy bolt aside (why was it locked, when no one was in the bedroom?) and threw the door open. A silent, empty room, lit by winter sunlight.   
  
Then the smell hit him and he almost fell to his knees. A powerful, bestial musk unlike anything, nearly choking him. A cloudy gust of his own blood. Hints of the other pack members, here and there. Seonghwa staggered to the closest window and threw it open, letting the chill air in. He opened every window he could. Unlike any of the other windows in the house, Mingi’s had bars over them, with just enough room to let the panes open but caging everything beyond that.    
  
Seonghwa took in deep, panting, breaths, his head swimming. He had to mentally go back and check in his mind that he had taken his hypneros. Yes. Yunho. Warm tea. The pills resting on his warm palm.    
  
This reaction was probably all muscle memory. Physical. It wasn’t unusual to feel unease at being in here.    
  
The bed had been stripped of all its sheets and blankets, the pillows completely missing. Seonghwa approached closer and saw where rust-colored smudges ruined the white expanse of mattress. He averted his eyes. He wanted the mattress out of his house. Today. All it took was a quick naver search for ‘mattress removal’ and minutes later he’d scheduled an appointment to take it away, although he felt silly when he had to hurry to the living room to ask Sanie what their address was.    
  
After that, intrigued by the sudden question, San padded down the hall and joined him in the room where he was standing, looking around, thoughts trying to work themselves out in his head.    
  
“You’re not supposed to be in Mingi’s room,” San commented, scratching his leg with a toe.    
  
“You gonna tell on me?”   
  
“Nah.”   
  
“I’m thinking of trying something new.”   
  
“Something new?”   
  
Seonghwa walked a circuit of the room, noticing for the first time gouges in the furniture and floor- big gouges that claws had dug. Over in this corner were a couple glittering shards of glass, maybe from a fallen frame. He saw a dark fringe of something caught beneath one leg of the bed, like a tuft of animal fur. He shuddered.   
  
“How would you feel if this was your room, Sanie?”   
  
The omega didn’t come as deeply into the bedroom as Seonghwa did, but he did look around as he formulated an opinion. His nose wrinkled, likely bothered by the smell that was still strong even with the windows open.    
  
“Sad. Maybe lonely.”   
  
“I think so, too.”   
  
  
Seonghwa went to the closest of Mingi’s three big bookshelves and started to take the books off, making a careful stack in his arms that wasn’t too tall or too heavy.    
  
“What are you doing?”   
  
“Taking these books to my room.”   
  
“Are you stealing them?”   
  
He felt a prickle down his spine, remembering San’s words about Hyunjin.    
  
“No, silly. I want to see if Mingi will feel better in my room where it’s nicer. But I know he likes books so I want to keep them in my room so he has them close.”   
  
“Ohh…” San’s eyes went wide and shining, and it was plain that the omega was very intrigued, maybe even optimistic, about the idea. Without Seonghwa having to say a word, San started to copy him, making a modest stack of books, carefully carrying them down the hall to Seonghwa’s room and setting them on his bed or the vanity or wherever they found an empty surface, then repeating the process.    
  
Fifteen minutes later the shelves were empty and Seonghwa realized Mingi had far more books than it had seemed. Heaving a sigh and ignoring the burn in his back and shoulder, he dusted the shelves and then pulled at the corner of one experimentally. It barely budged. They were heavy.    
  
“I can’t move them by myself, Sanie. Wanna help carry these shelves to my room? We’re so close.”   
  
He was shocked to see San suddenly give him the crossest look he’d yet seen from the omega.    
  
“ _ No.” _ _  
_ _  
_ “What? How come?”   
  
“Hyung shouldn’t move those… Even if I help, they’re too heavy.”   
  
“I think we could do it.”   
  
“ _ No!” _ San took Seonghwa’s hand suddenly, leading him resolutely away from Mingi’s room, out of the hallway completely and to one of the nesting chairs. “Lay down.”   
  
Clicking his tongue in amusement, but also realizing how very exhausted he was, Seonghwa crawled into the sloping comfort of the chair and blinked at San with heavy eyes. “Happy?”   
  
“Yep.”   
  
“Fine. Just need a little nap…”   
  
The last movements he registered were from a shiba plush being tucked under his chin and a cool small box being set against his neck (later discovered to be a juicebox, in case he got thirsty.)   
  
  
When he woke it was to the sound of loud grunts and a wooden thump. He opened his eyes and when his fuzzy vision cleared he was able to see just enough of the hall to glimpse a bookcase disappearing into his bedroom.    
  
Jongho and Yunho, huffing with exertion, wandered in afterwards, cracking open water bottles and throwing themselves down at the table.    
  
“Did you move the shelves for me? Thank you...” Seonghwa said in a raspy voice, pushing himself up.    
  
“Oh, sorry, we didn’t wanna wake you.”   
  
“It’s okay…” he clawed his fingers through his hair with a yawn. “When did you get back? What time is it?”   
  
“Just a bit ago. It’s almost five now.”   
  
Yunho wandered close and threw himself into the expansive chair, so spacious that he didn’t even touch Seonghwa as he settled in, laying on his side. Seonghwa caught the scent of sweat from his snug, dark, dance clothes, an even deeper spice spiking the usual ginger.    
  
“Hey guys!” A new voice made Seonghwa sit straight up as the front door slammed shut. He realized it was Changbin and relaxed some, though he still slid out of the chair, unsteady on his feet. Yunho was right there. Always right there. He held out a hand for Seonghwa to take, if he needed it. He did. His fingers clenched Yunho’s. “I think I overdid it.”   
  
“I think you did, too. Why the hell did you decide cleaning and moving books around would be good?” There was no anger in the words, just incredulity. “You’re crazy.”   
  
The lecture ended there as Yunho helped him not to his own room, but to Yunho’s. “Your bed is full of books, remember? Just lay down here.”   
  
He helped Seonghwa between the covers. The bed was practically the same, the perfect balance of firmness and softness that Seonghwa could just melt into. It vaguely crossed his mind that he must fall asleep on multiple thousands of dollars worth of mattress every single night.   
  
He sighed as Yunho’s scent enveloped him like a blanket of its own.   
  
“Do the stitches and stuff hurt?”   
  
Seonghwa nodded, eyes closed. “Yeah.”   
  
“Want me to-”   
  
He shook his head. “So tired…”   
  
“Go to sleep. I’ll check them as carefully as I can.”   
  
Again with that decisive alpha tone. Not an Alpha Voice, as it were, but one he was more than happy to follow.    
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops this yunhwa content came out of nowhere, even *I* didn't plan on it.


	10. redecorating

Two weeks later and the only signs left of the attack was an urge to itch at the new pink skin that marred his lower back and and starred his chest and shoulder. The bruises were faded and he could move around the house without getting concerned puppy-dog eyes from his pack members.

Just days after returning from the hospital he had tried telling them that he felt perfectly fine, that he was unlikely to hurt his stitches which were healing alright and that the bruises  _ looked _ way more painful than they felt. 

But as long as they looked at him and  _ saw _ the physical signs of what had happened mapped on his skin, he might as well have been teetering on the edge of death. He had an escort from his bed to the couch and back and wasn’t allowed to stray too far off course. San spent at least a couple hours of each day curled up against him like a house cat until Wooyoung called him away. Yunho brought him his meals on deep-sided trays and made sure he drank what seemed like way too much water every day. Yeosang would shyly approach and talk to him for a bit, or show him a funny video or entertaining game on his phone. 

Jongho surprised Seonghwa by asking him what he wanted to do about he and Mingi’s bedrooms and, after listening, he rearranged furniture to his orders and even helped him with his daily cleaning regimen without Seonghwa even having to ask (although Seonghwa did have to correct Jongho when he got the order of the wet tissues and dust roller switched).

Seonghwa had almost everything that had been in Mingi’s room moved out. Jongho and Yunho painted it a soft lavender color. 

  
He didn’t know where the impulse had come from, to change Mingi’s bedroom so much. He just felt, deep down, that the right thing to do was utterly destroy the monster’s lair. In this case that meant making it unrecognizable and filling it with peace and calm. 

  
When he was finally allowed to start moving around himself without disapproving looks, he took Yeosang and Jongho and went to visit a high-rated plant nursery he found online. After chatting with one of the botanists about the condition of the light in Mingi’s bedroom, he was directed to a range of likely choices. With Yeosang and Jongho’s help, they soon were loading a collection of greenery into the back of the SUV ( a larger than usual vehicle they requested for their shopping trip), making the backseat look like a little slice of jungle with feathery  stems brushing the ceiling and vines trailing across the leather seats.    


  
Yeosang volunteered to sit back within the menagerie, keeping the vases steady with hands and feet when they went around corners.    


  
Spending time with the two omegas was easy. They were both different from the type of omegas he had known in his life. Both of them seemed introspective and quiet, maybe sadly so; a lthough Jongho had his moments where he would suddenly launch into a loud and funny joke or impression; and Yeosang was never far away from delivering a cutting quip.    


  
They stopped for a quick lunch (chicken for Yeosang, of course, although his only choice was in sandwich-form) and Seonghwa listened to interesting stories from their daily lives, which he hadn’t really yet glimpsed. Yeosang shared how he had put two different alphas into spontaneous rut over his year of modelling nude for live drawing classes. Seonghwa thought most omegas bringing this up would do so with some smugness, but Yeosang just looked dismayed and squeezed his shoulders inwards like his skin was crawling at the memory. 

  
Jongho recalled with just a hint of pride alight in his eyes how a wedding party he’d sang at a couple months ago for a side-gig went so well, the whole party ended up staying til 2am listening to him perform their favorite trot pieces- barely letting him finish the last lines of one song before they were yelling their next requests. Long story short, he was booked more than a year out with the requests that came after the successful wedding reception. The maknae practically glowed with happiness, and Seonghwa could tell it was not just from his success but from remembering the sheer joy and fun he had had doing what he loved doing best with an entire crowd supporting him.   


  
When the questions turned to Seonghwa, he found he had very little to say, though he honestly tried to think of something. He didn’t have any successes in the year and a half of university he attended or the no man’s land of part-time jobs after. He had gotten a good response at a talent show one year in highschool when he and a few other students had sang and danced to one of that year’s top kpop songs, turning it into a heavy rock cover. But most of his life blurred into grey. Even the moments he remembered being happy here and there, just for small things, seemed empty and pointless. Nothing he thought of made him feel anything worth telling.    
  


He must have gone silent for an unusual amount of time while pondering this. When he looked up at his two packmates, Yeosang was sitting stiffly awkward and sipping at his coke, eyes down; and Jongho actually had his hand on his back and was patting him, giving a stroke of his thumb between his shoulder blades.   


  
“Hyung, it’s all right. We didn’t mean to put you on the spot,” he said. “You okay?”   


  
Seonghwa nodded, picking up his fork to take another bite of steak. “Sorry about that. My memory seems to be kind of poor, these days.”   


  
Yeosang changed the subject by proposing they needed either more shelves or another table in Mingi’s room to hold the new plants. Jongho agreed and that had them researching furniture shops nearby until the bill came. Jongho had his card out first, although really they all had the same card now, a heavy, shiny black card with their name on it but Hongjoong’s name on the bank statements.    


  
The y were on their way to their chosen furniture shop when Yeosang suddenly moaned and threw his head back on his seat.    


  
“Yeosanggie?” Seonghwa leaned into the backseat from the middle pilot seats he and Jongho lounged in. Yeosang’s expression was twisted and his arms loosely crisscrossed across his abdomen.    


  
Seonghwa blinked. The car was starting to smell like a freshly-poured cup of jasmine tea, hot and flowery.   


  
“Is it your heat?” Seonghwa asked hesitantly. He hadn’t had a ton of hands-on experience with omegas going through their cycles.    


  
Yeosang nodded, gritting his teeth as he looked up at him. “Yeah. Sorry. It just came suddenly out of nowhere.” He looked miserably embarrassed, sucking on his bottom lip. “Hyung, can you drop me off at home?” he asked in a quiet voice. “I don’t have anything with me to help…”   


  
“Of course. Let’s all just go home for now. We can do more shopping another time. Bear with it a little bit longer.” He turned back around and made sure the driver had heard of their change of plans. He took a sudden left, aiming them for home. Seonghwa sat back in his seat. He glanced at Jongho from the corner of his eyes, realizing the maknae had been strangely quiet and still the past couple minutes. The maknae omega was staring out the window, chin resting in his palm. His other hand was gripping the leg of his pants for dear life. Seonghwa wondered if the scent of jasmine always had that effect on him.    
  
  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------   
  
“Aw, guess that bathroom’s closed for the next couple days,” Wooyoung sighed around a rocket-shaped popsicle, watching Yeosang slip through the bathroom door and slam it shut. Luckily the house boasted multiple bathrooms, including Hongjoong’s private one, so life would be able to go on even if Yeosang needed some time alone.   


  
Still, Seonghwa didn’t find Wooyoung’s comment called for but there were bigger, more important hills to die on in his battle against the feisty alpha who still hated him; so he just sighed and shook his head, scratching at his hair as he gazed at the closed door.    
“Doesn’t he… need any help?” He wondered aloud.    


  
Wooyoung snorted but didn’t offer anything else helpful. Jongho, passing by with his arms full of plants, simply said, “He’ll be okay, hyung. He has his process.”   


  
Seonghwa merely blinked with a frown, and helped Jongho carry the rest of the plants inside.    


  
The room was transformed. The room where IT had happened. There wasn’t a bed at all, anymore. There was Mingi’s old desk, which had been painted an off-white. There was a big, deep soft couch, blanketed in soft pink throws. Most of the floor was covered in a soft rug of swirled grey and white. Plants now thrived in every corner and from where they hung in planters from the ceiling and sprung up from the side of the couch. A net of fairy lights covered the ceiling and sheer white curtains were tied to the side of each window, currently letting in the light through the (unfortunately) still-barred windows.    


  
Everything was soft and inviting, clean and full of green, harmless life. Seonghwa was curious to see if this would do something, if his gut had been guiding him even close to the right direction.   


  
Once deciding to call it a day, Seonghwa and Jongho relaxed back onto the couch. Seonghwa found himself curling naturally against the omega who just as naturally put his arm around his back, his shoulder a pillow for Seonghwa’s head. Seonghwa pulled out his phone and opened up the calendar. “When is your rut, Jongho-ssi?”   


  
The om ega stiffened, glancing at him, uncertain at first. Seonghwa tilted his head. The alpha scent that Jongho tended to wear was a gentle reminder of his identity, and Seonghwa was more than happy to honor that, though automatically switching ‘heat’ to ‘rut’ might have been a clumsy mis-step.    


  
Jongho licked his lips. “My… it’s, it’s about every six weeks.” He gave a heavy sigh, like being reminded was a huge dark cloud moving over his mood. “Even that is way too much, though. I hate them.”   


  
Seonghwa patted his knee, giving him a light hug around the waist. The omega’s chest was nice and broad and warm, making him a bit sleepy after all their shopping.    


  
“It must be really hard, Jjongie. I think you’re doing a great job though. You’re bearing it all so well. Any omega would be happy to have you…”   


  
Another little shot in the dark, firing an arrow named assumption… but hearing the softest sniffle from Jongho confirmed his suspicions. His poor baby. His little alpha trapped in an omega’s body, plagued with reminders of his own omeganess; and on top of that, pining after his fellow omegas with an intensity to rival any alpha.   


  
He would try to do whatever he could to help.   


  
Although the more he learned about his pack members, the more difficult of a puzzle they seemed. 

\--------------------   
  
That night he waited up for Hongjoong to return from work. It was 3am.    


  
“When is Mingi coming home?” He asked. He had positioned himself to block Hongjoong’s way as he came in the front door.   


  
There was room to walk around him, yes. Hongjoong could go left into the living room or right down the hall to their bedrooms or the kitchen. But Seonghwa radiated energy that suggested he shouldn’t try to slip away from him.   
  


Hongjoong hesitated. There were dark smudges under his eyes. He didn’t have on any sort of makeup and his blue hair was fading to an off-green, stark against his dark undercut sides. His black shirt was snug on his body, showing off his chest.

“I don’t know. He says he doesn’t want to come home. They’re still running tests”

“Hongjoong, it’s been over two weeks… Is that normal? For him to be there so long?”

“It’s the longest time.”

“I want us to get him. Tomorrow.”

The corner of Joong’s mouth quirked up. “Oh is that what you want, Seonghwa-ssi?”

“Yes, please.”

Hongjoong crossed his arms slowly, staring at him.

“I find it very weird,” He eventually began, in a flat tone. His expression wasn’t a happy one. “That you’ve changed so much around here.”   


  
“You don’t like the changes?” Seonghwa wondered.   


  
“I’m skeptical of some of them. I just wondered why I wasn’t asked about anything. Not a single time. I kept waiting for you to come to me but you go ahead and keep doing things.”   


  
“Ask you about what?” Seonghwa said. “Buying plants? Moving books around?”   


  
“Remodelling an entire bedroom. Plotting to move a monster into yours. That sort of shit is more my concern.”   


  
“Hongjoong. I know you don’t mean that.”   


  
“Mean what?”   


  
“Calling him a  _ ‘monster’ _ .”   


  
Hongjoong flinched. Seonghwa picked up a bitter, tart scent in the air, like salted grapefruit. The alpha was oozing with anger. Or fear? Could even be regret. He hoped to learn all his alpha's changes in scent, soon.   


  
“Hongjoong I’m not trying to undermine you or go behind your back. I’m not trying to take anything from you. I’m just trying to help. I would be happy to change anything back, if you’d like to. And in the future I won’t make any changes without asking you.”   


  
He reached out for Hongjoong's hand, winding their fingers together. “It’s just… hard. You never come home.”  
  


Hongjoong stared at their entwined fingers. Finally he said “I don’t like the idea of him staying in your room. I don’t see how it's gonna work. You can’t guarantee he’s not gonna lose it without warning.”

“Hongjoong…” Seonghwa began, very carefully. It wasn’t his intent to criticize the alpha’s way of doing things. But he did have some ideas of his own that were very different from his. “I just…I want to try this. Think about it. He spent so much time alone. Who knows what he was thinking, what dangerous feelings he had to keep pushing back, how bad he felt but tried to keep it to himself and resist.  
Just imagine if he was with us more often. When he feels something coming on he can tell me and we can get past it. Just like the first time. I think he needs us, Hongjoong. I don’t think being locked away is the answer.”

Hongjoong opened his mouth to start to protest, but Seonghwa squeezed his hand. “Even if that’s what he  _ says _ he wants. Please, give me a chance. Why don’t you take a day or two off work, so we can try it all out together. Can you?”

Hongjoong shifted his hand, sliding it up Seonghwa’s forearm and tugging him gently closer. “Kiss me.”

Seonghwa leaned in, brushing his nose against Hongjoong’s. He didn’t appreciate the way the alpha was changing the subject without answering him, but he felt himself opening his mouth obediently, anyway, letting the alpha in.   
  
  
The kiss took his breath away, left him clutching softly at his own chest. Hongjoong curled an arm around his neck and drew him in closer. Seonghwa shyly started to follow the movements of the alpha’s mouth, curious to taste him and see how deep and hard a simple kiss could go, his body starting to grow hot -- but Hongjoong pulled away, giving Seonghwa’s cheek a lingering stroke as he lifted his head and sniffed the air. His dark brows drew down decisively. “We’ll bring him home in a few days. Once Yeosangie’s heat is over.”   
  
  
Seonghwa had to consciously remind himself to close his mouth as he watched him go, and long after Hongjoong had disappeared into his bedroom he sat on the couch, touching his lips and meditating over the memory of what the alpha's tongue felt like grazing against his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait~


	11. closed doors pt. I

After not seeing Yeosang for the entire first half of the next day, Seonghwa found himself knocking on the bathroom door, catching the flower garden fragrance of him even through the door. 

There was no answer. 

He knocked again. “Yeosanggie? It’s Seonghwa. Can I come in for just a moment?”

After a few moments the lock on the door clicked and Seonghwa slowly pushed it open, hearing Yeosang settle again. The jasmine scent poured into his nose and down his throat, like being ensnared in jasmine vines on a hot summer’s night. Yeosang himself looked like a crumpled jasmine flower himself, covered with nothing but a limp bath towel, pale hair and skin looking stark against the gold-swirled black of the glassy tiles. He was slumped back against the platform of a deep bathtub set partially into the floor. His face was flushed and the parched look to his lips was enough to make Seonghwa thirsty. 

Seonghwa noticed a collection of water bottles, half of them empty. So at least he was drinking. Near the bottles was a big drawstring bag, burgundy embroidered with black roses. Noticing the telltale shapes protruding from within the material, Seonghwa guessed what sort of aids it held. There were also small packages of painkillers and heat suppressants scattered about. An opened bag of lavender epsom salts. A heating pad that looked like a very small rug was plugged in and ready.   
  
“What is it, hyung?” Yeosang asked pitifully, blinking at him. While a thin long-sleeved t-shirt hung off the omega’s shoulders, his bare legs seemed to be covered by nothing but the towel, which he drew closer around him. Seonghwa knelt down beside him. Beneath the scent of jasmine he caught a musky, secretive scent that made his mouth water. The scent of slick.    
  
“Is it okay if I sit beside you, Yeosang?” he asked, noticing how the omega had tensed up his shoulders protectively as he sat, fingers digging into the towel.   
  
“I just don’t know what you want,” he said, then suddenly clenched his teeth and shuddered as if riding a wave of pain.    
  
Seonghwa leaned forward, watching him. “Yeosang, are you okay? Do you need anything?”   
  
“It’s okay, it’s okay…” Yeosang huffed and sagged back, rubbing a fresh sheen of sweat from his forehead. His heat-scent assailed Seonghwa’s senses in a new wave and he found himself having to bite down on his own tongue to keep his body from overreacting.    
  
“Why are you on the floor, Yeosang?” he asked, tentatively rubbing his back.    
  
“S’cold. And smooth.”   
  
“Do you want me to just fill up the bath for you? With cool water?”    
  
Yeosang gave a weak but surprised smile, then shook his head. “No thank you, hyung. I might take one later. I just want to sleep.”   
  
“And I interrupted you…” Seonghwa sighed. “I didn’t mean to keep you from sleeping Yeosangie. I’m sorry.”   
  
The omega shook his head, leaning just close enough to rest his head on Seonghwa’s shoulder. Seonghwa shifted closer, giving him more space to rest on. His soft pale hair tickled beneath his chin. He could feel the blazing heat from his skin through his locks.    
  
“Oh, hyung…” Yeosang’s voice was soft and deep, more relaxed than before. “You smell so nice. It’s really comforting…Ah, I seriously feel a little better already...” The way his nose crinkled when he sniffed made Seonghwa think of a bunny.   
  
Seonghwa smiled, carefully pushing the sweat-damp hair away from Yeosang’s forehead and off his cheek.   
  
“Why doesn’t Wooyoung or Yunho help you? Or Hongjoong? Or  _ anyone _ ?” He wondered softly, torn between curiosity and letting Yeosang get some rest.    
  
“I’m ace, hyung. I don’t want or like to have sex, even during heat. I have… um… toys.”   
  
“Do they help?”   
  
“I would say they’re better than nothing… but that sounds too much like I would rather have the real thing. I just don’t want it. Never have…” He started breathing heavy, as if just the act of speaking was tiring him out.    
  
“Yeosang-ah, have you had anything to eat?”   
  
He shook his head, letting his eyes close. “Feel too sick. Can’t eat…”   
  
“But… how long do you go without eating?”   
  
A soft sound was all he got in reply, and after that Yeosang’s breath started evening out, calm and deep.    
  
Seonghwa sighed quietly to himself, settling back. His back and his ass were gonna go numb or get cramps, or  _ both _ , but he was resolved to staying for as long as Yeosang needed.    
  
At one point the omega stirred and shifted, clambering halfway into Seonghwa’s lap to nuzzle deeper into the crook of his neck, nosing near his scent gland. Seonghwa gave another long-suffering sigh and held the omega like an overgrown baby, patting his back until he grew restful again.    
  
\------------------   
  
Ass as numb as predicted, he was finally able to shift and stretch around half an hour later, when Yeosang woke and crawled over to the collection of painkillers and suppressants, fumbling with the bottles.    
  
“Yeosang, let me,” Seonghwa protested, wincing as a stretch of his arm caused his back to crack.    
  
“Can you just grab the water, hyung?” Yeosang’s face was pale, his hand trembling around the pills gripped in his palm.    
  
Seongwha snatched up a bottle and cracked open the lid, handing it over. “Drink a bit more,” he prompted after Yeosang swallowed his chosen medley of pills. The omega gave him a pointed look but did so, taking another mouthful or two before dragging himself over to the heating pad and settling down on it, curled up on his side.    
  
“Are you  _ sure _ this is comfortable? It hurts my body just looking at you.”   
  
“Trust me, hyung, I’ve tried lots of things. I don’t know why it’s extra bad for me. It hurts so much…” His eyes went misty. “And since my last birthday they come so often. Literally the shittiest present in the entire universe. I really wish I could just give it up to Wooyoung, even Hongjoongie-hyung, but my skin just  _ crawls _ when someone tries to fuck me, or kiss me, and I don’t know why. Nothing bad even happened to me. I don’t have a good reason. I even watch porn and  _ like _ it but my body refuses, I just feel trapped inside it…”   
  
“ _ Yeosang,”  _ Seonghwa hushed him gently, in shock by what the soft-spoken omega was saying. He stroked his pale hair back, coaxing him to rest his head on his knees, in case it would help. Yeosang closed his eyes but here and there Seonghwa felt the hot patter of silent tears wetting his knees. “Now they barely even touch me. Won’t even hug me or curl up with me. If I try to get close to them they will just move away… I’m an omega who can’t even do the one thing I’m needed for…”   
  
“Yeosang, no…” Seonghwa carefully pulled Yeosang against his chest, closer to his scent, hoping it would work whatever magic it had worked before. The omega mumbled just a bit longer, although the words were starting to lose their miserable bite. “I shouldn’t even be here, hyung… I feel like I tricked them both, Woo, and Hongjoong…”   
  
“Shhh, you didn’t trick anyone.” He cupped the back of his neck, then started massaging with deep strokes of his fingertips. “Just relax. Don’t talk…”   
  
Yeosang gave a last, sleepy noise of protest, but after that he fell asleep, leaving Seonghwa a victim to the unforgiving floor once again, alone with these new worrying revelations.   
  
\--------------------------------   
  
A half hour passed and even Seonghwa napped for a while, lulled by the scent of jasmine. But this time when he awoke, Yeosang was as far away from him as possible, face flushed hot and pupils blown wide.    
  
“Hyung,  _ hyung… _ ” he was calling him. One of his hands was fidgeting with the drawstring on the big rose-patterned pouch, not quite opening it. “Hyung, can you please leave now? I need you to go… I’m sorry...”   
  
Seonghwa scrambled up so fast the aches from sleeping on the floor had no time to catch up.   
  
“Text me, Yeosangie. If you need anything. That’s what I’m here for.” Then he slipped out in the hall and closed the door behind him, hearing a thud and then a click of the lock behind him, locking him out.    
  
\------------------------------   
  
He trudged into the living room. Wooyoung was watching tv with San latched to his side. Seonghwa dropped onto the couch beside him. Wooyoung gave him a deadpan stare, and then sniffed, and then narrowed his eyes.    
  
“Why were you with Yeosang?”    
  
“Because I wanted to be.”   
  
“What did you  _ do _ ?”   
  
“Nothing.”   
  
Wooyoung looked like he wanted to say a hell of a lot more. Seonghwa could see the heavy, fast thump of his pulse in his throat as if he were getting worked up.    
  
“Hyung, can you get me a snack? Sanie too. He wants a yogurt smoothie. I want chips. And a chocolate swiss roll.”   
  
“We don’t have those.” Having gotten accustomed to occasionally making small breakfasts, lunches and snacks for not only himself but the others, Seonghwa had come to know the contents of the fridge and pantry quite well.   
  
“Can’t you just go to the convenience store and get some? What else are you doing?”   
  
Something in Wooyoung’s tone was definitely off, even moreso than usual, but after some hesitation Seonghwa grabbed his coat and bag and called for a car. “That’s all you want? A yogurt smoothie, chips, and a chocolate swiss roll?”   
  
“Yeah. Barbeque chips.”   
  
“Sanie, is that all you want?” Seonghwa reached over the back of the couch to stroke San’s hair, ignoring the glare Wooyoung levelled at his fingers, like he was thinking of biting them.   
  
“Yes please, hyung,” the omega turned his face up and gave him a wide dimpled smile, eyes creased up like a happy fox’s. “Good boy, Sanie.” He crooned, tousling his hair some more and touching a dimple.    
  
“Alright, alright, hurry up if you’re gonna do it, goddamn,” Wooyoung batted Seonghwa’s arm away and yanked San over his lap with a little “oof” from the omega, keeping him out of Seonghwa’s reach. “I’m about to starve to death.”   
  
Seonghwa rolled his eyes and went out to the waiting car, wondering what new angle this was and how Wooyoung was going to use it to try and make his life miserable.   
  
\---------------------------------   
  
He didn’t have to wait long to see Wooyoung’s new strategy. Having had no luck utterly ignoring Seonghwa, Wooyoung’s new angle was to treat Seonghwa like the pack’s own personal butler.    
  
He came home and set the desired snacks down in front of Wooyoung and San. The omega gave him a chirpy “thank you, hyung” and the alpha gave him silence-- until he turned his chip bag upwards and quipped “Wow, I hate this brand.”   
  
Seonghwa, not even able to feel annoyed by that, shrugged and went to the kitchen where he rummaged around until he found a small cooler. He filled it with ice from the freezer and then placed inside a small tub of vanilla ice cream he’d just bought, two different bottled smoothies, a clear sports drink and latched it shut. Then he fetched a few fresh fluffy towels from the closet and set them on top of the cooler, leaving both in front of the first bathroom door. He gave a knock. “Yeosanggie, some things out here whenever you’re up for it. They’re right within reach outside the door.”   
  
As he walked back to the living room, Wooyoung immediately patted the coffee table. “Hyung, come here, we’re done. You can get all these crumbs. You love cleaning, don’t you?”   
  
Seonghwa moved automatically, which probably delighted Wooyoung. “I admit, sometimes I find cleaning soothing. So in this case I’ll help.”   
  
“Hmph, we should just put you in a maid outfit,” the alpha snorted, the last words he had for Seonghwa for the rest of the day.    
  
Unfortunately, the orders didn’t end there.   
  
  
The first thing he heard as he left his bedroom the next morning was Wooyoung’s loud demands:    
“Hyung, make my bed, will you? Just don’t touch it  _ too _ much and make it smell like you. I don’t get what the others like so much about beta-scent. It’s like the air freshener from a gas station bathroom.”   
  
Seonghwa was left blinking in shock as the alpha grabbed his backpack and headed to the culinary university, slamming the door behind him.    
  
“Hyung, did he say what I think he just said?” Yunho mumbled around his toothbrush. He had emerged from the bathroom further down the hall, Yeosang still holed up in the first one.    
  
“Yeah, he did.”   
  
“Dang, are you okay?” Yunho’s long-fingered hand gripped his shoulder, thumb smoothing at the curve.   
  
“Yeah, it’s fine. He really doesn’t make me angry, or even annoyed. I wonder if that’s what bothers him.” He had his hypneros yet again to thank for that, the bitter aftertaste of the morning’s dose still on his tongue.    
  
“I keep humoring him, because I want to see where this goes, how he wants it to play out.”   
  
“Really?” Yunho chuckled. “That’s interesting, hyung. Keep me updated.”    
  
He suddenly stepped closer, leaning his head against his in a brief nuzzle, bringing the scent of peppermint toothpaste and ginger musk to his nose. “And you smell too good to be legal. Don’t listen to him.” He gave a playful bump of his hip and then sauntered off, calling out a teasing: “Hyung, can you make my bed too, while you’re at it? Touch it all you want.”   
  
\----------------------------------   
  
On day three of his self-seclusion, Yeosang opened the bathroom door and shuffled out meekly. Seonghwa noticed from where he was cleaning out Wooyoung’s stainless steel water bottle, the one he wanted to take to the gym in a few minutes and needed cleaned  _ asap _ . Seonghwa left the bulky thing in the sink and went to meet the pale omega, reaching out to take the bag of bottles and other trash that had accumulated. “How do you feel, Yeosang?”   
  
“Better, hyung. Thank you for all the snacks and things… You didn’t have to do all that.”   
  
“Don’t even think about it, Yeosang. I wanted to do it now. And I want to do it in the future, too. How often did you say you get your heat…?” He chatted lightly with the omega, mostly making sure he made it to his bedroom okay and finding out if there was anything in particular he was ready to eat. At one point Yeosang tried to apologize for what he had babbled to Seonghwa while not thinking.    
  
‘ _ I didn’t mean it… I was just so tired and in pain…’  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I know you didn’t mean all of it. But I know you meant  _ **_some_ ** _ of it. And I’m glad you told me.” _   
  
  
After Yeosang was settled, Seonghwa checked in on the bathroom but found it pristine, smelling like bleach and with a fresh cotton-scented candle flickering on a shelf, trying to burn away the jasmine. Seonghwa wished the omega would have let him take care of the cleaning. He did a stunning job, but his pack mate was no doubt exhausted.   
  
Then came the problem child.    
  
“Hyung, did you finish washing this, or not?” Wooyoung was at the kitchen sink, dressed in Puma gym clothes and ready to go, but for the dubious state of his water bottle.    
  
“Just rinse it, it should be clean enough, now.”   
  
“Hyung, you know bacteria can grow in this? Spores? Toxins? That’s why I told you to wash it.”   
  
“ _ Told _ me, or asked me?”   
  
“ _ Told _ you.”   
  
Seonghwa folded his arms.    
  
“What the fuck did you just say?” With perfect, cinematic timing Hongjoong’s Alpha Voice snapped across the room and hit them both. The head alpha threw his computer bag on the dining table and headed towards the kitchen, towards Wooyoung. Wooyoung dropped the bottle and backed away.    
  
“Hyung… I… Hyung, he doesn’t even care, what does it matter?” At the last moment Wooyoung scraped together the remnants of his defiance and decided to go with it.   
  
“It doesn’t matter what I say, or how I say it. He likes cleaning and doing whatever we want, anyway.”   
  
If Hongjoong was a true wolf as their ancestors were rumored to be, his fur would be absolutely bristling. The faux-fur trim on his leather vest was doing a pretty good impression.   
  
Hongjoong was just a foot away from the other alpha, his presence seeming to tower over him although in reality Wooyoung was a pinch taller.    
  
“Keep going,” Hongjoong dared him.    
  
And now it was the hair on the back of Seonghwa’s neck that stood up. He was torn between intervening and not, unsure of which would have the best outcome.   
  
“He’s just a pretty doll that smells good and does chores, hyung. Admit it. Less personality than a cat.” Wooyoung said, struggling not to back away. “At least he has some uses around the house and seems tame. Not like the  _ zombie _ rapist from bef--”   
  
Wooyoung was cut off by Yunho’s long arm wrapping around his waist and slamming him back against the refrigerator so hard that the groceries inside made a racket as they toppled. Wooyoung, slumping down to the floor, coughed for air. His eyes were wide with shock. Yunho turned towards Hongjoong and Seonghwa.    
  
Seonghwa swallowed, never seeing an alpha this intense, this furious, let alone three of them at one time, squaring off. He could have sworn that Yunho’s eyes flashed with a fluorescent gold light before they glanced away, towards Wooyoung. He’d seen the glow happen for dramatic effect in movies all the time, but never in real life.    
  
Hongjoong stroked the back of Yunho’s neck as he approached. “Good boy. It’s okay. C’mere.” He made Yunho bend his head into the crook of his neck and take deep breaths of his scent. “It’s okay now, see. I’m not upset. Not anymore.”   
  
He patted the tall alpha’s chest and then bent to a knee in front of Wooyoung. He held out his hand. “Let’s talk. Not a whole production. Just you and me.”    
  
Wooyoung shrank away from him. “ _ No _ . I was just voicing my opinion and you sick your guard dog on me. It...it all makes sense. Your main guard dog is gone, now you have to---”   
  
“Jung Wooyoung.”   
  
As the fury of the other two alphas kindled up around him like twin flames, it was Seonghwa’s turn to intervene. He had never purposely tried to exude a certain kind of scent, or aura, or pheromone before, but now with eyes closed he concentrated with every nerve in his body to let nothing but  _ calmness _ waft off of him before it was too late.   
  
“Jung Wooyoung,” he repeated, taking a deep breath and opening his eyes. “Do you think I need to feel anger to know when you’re being an asshole? When you’re making life so difficult for everyone around you? To realize when you’re being selfless? Shameless? Do you think if I can’t get so annoyed I throw a tantrum it means I can’t see what’s going wrong and what’s going right in this house?”   
  
He picked up Wooyoung’s water bottle, giving it one last rinse before buffing it dry. He could feel the shocked stillness of the alphas behind him, no one daring to move or breathe.    
  
He turned, handing the bottle out to him. “So what if I’m a pretty, mindless, doll that does chores? What do  _ you  _ contribute?” When Wooyoung didn’t move or speak, he forced him to lift his hand and pressed the bottle into it. “Have a good workout.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pspsps the next chapter has sex in it (~_^)


	12. closed doors pt. II (nsfw)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: this chapter contains some villainizing of stray kids members that don't accurately reflect their true personalities

Wooyoung did not get up and go to his workout. Although he did get up. Sprang up, more like it, pushing himself off the fridge and towards his room. Seonghwa jumped at the explosive sound of the door slamming and caught the high-pitched tones of muffled yelling.

“Oh...shhhhhit.” Yunho had come back to himself from wherever he had gone when he was ‘protecting’ Hongjoong. He slid his big hands down his face as if trying to wipe away the regret. “I didn’t mean to do that. Shit. Do you think he was hurt?”

Seonghwa shook his head, patting Yunho’s shoulder. “No, he was just stunned. But maybe I said too much, too.”

“Shit…” Yunho couldn’t stop fretting, moving from foot to foot and scraping his fingers back through his hair. After another sigh he looked at Seonghwa, his big puppy eyes dark and serious. “No. I don’t think you said too much, hyung. I think you were right. He was being an asshole. He shouldn’t have said those things about you. They’re not true.”

Seonghwa found himself shrugging a shoulder, and only just barely bit back the words ‘he’s kind of right.’ “Thanks, Yunho…”

Hongjoong was the only one who said nothing, although it looked like his thoughts were racing a million miles an hour behind his still gaze.

Seonghwa left him and approached the hall. San and Yeosang were in front of Wooyoung’s door, knocking and calling to him. 

“Woo, please. You’re worrying Sanie. And me. Please can we come in?”

He noticed Seonghwa approaching with Yunho in his wake and gave them both an inquisitive look. Seonghwa didn’t have anything to say, verbally or otherwise. What could be said?

From the sounds coming out of Wooyoung’s room he did not seem aware or concerned about their presence whatsoever. They heard the slamming of drawers and thump of things being tossed or falling here and there; and over it all he was yelling fast-paced at someone over the phone. 

When the door swung open they all stepped back but Woo didn’t even look up let alone acknowledge them. 

“Just come get me. Binnie, please. Please!” Wooyoung heaved a sigh as he grabbed his backpack and slung it over his shoulders. “That’s fine, just hurry!” 

He opened the front door and slammed it just as hard as earlier, his chattering voice fading away. 

“What happened, hyung?” Yeo asked him, worried. 

Seonghwa sighed and shook his head. “Just something that’s been boiling up this entire time, waiting to spill over.”

“Ah…” There was no surprise in Yeosang’s tone. He crossed his arms, gazing towards the unenlightening front door. “I’ve known him a really long time, hyung. He will probably be okay after some time alone. Or...with Changbin. Whatever he’s doing...”

San padded into the living room and stood at the floor-to-ceiling window that faced part of the driveway. “Woo’s just sitting there…” he murmured.

“It’s okay, Sanie.” Seonghwa approached and patted his hair, giving his ear a tickle as he peered out the window, too. “I think he’s gonna hang out with a friend for a while. He needs a little break.”

“Hyung made him mad?”

Seonghwa wasn’t sure which hyung San was referring to, but he gave a noncommittal shrug. “Woo made the hyungs angry and then he got angry and we didn’t do a very good job working together to solve the problem, did we?”

“No,” San pouted, putting a hand up to the frosty window. His expressive eyebrows crinkled in open dismay. 

“Sanie, did you download a new game this morning? I remember you were winning at it at breakfast, right?” San nodded, finally turning his head to look at him. “Why don’t you show Yunho? Let him try. He might even be able to beat you.”

“Pfft, no way,” San scoffed, but with a little laugh he twirled around and sought out Yunho. Seonghwa met the friendly alpha’s eyes and gave him a pleading look, but it wasn’t even needed. The mild alpha caught on right away, offering his hand when San reached for it and following him to his room. 

Seonghwa would never forget the look on Hongjoong’s face when his gaze shifted over to him. 

His stomach dropped. 

He’d never known the alpha’s eyes could look so big and vulnerable, especially the way they quivered with unshed tears. 

‘Distraught’. Hongjoong’s expression was the definition of the word. 

Hongjoong turned and headed towards his room when he realized Seonghwa had caught himl. He didn’t slam his bedroom door as loud as Wooyoung had, but he didn’t close it gently, either.

Passing the sounds of Yunho and San laughing and teasing each other, he came to Hongjoong’s door.

“Let me in.”

“Nah.”

“Yes.”

“Please, Seonghwa. Not now.” He might have said something else, too, but Seonghwa could barely hear him through the door.

“Hongjoong-ahhh,” he used his sweetest, cloying voice, one he hadn’t used directly on Hongjoong before. “I’m not leaving.”

Hongjoong cracked the door open. Seonghwa could just make out part of his downturned face, the deep line in between his wrinkled brows. “What?”

“Let me in.”

Hongjoong didn’t budge the door himself, but when Seonghwa took the knob in hand and pushed, Hongjoong took a shuffling step back. Then another. Seonghwa shut and locked the door behind him.

“Thank you.”

It was his first time really being in the alpha’s room. He’d caught glimpses of the interior as he walked by, or lingered in the doorway while speaking with him, but hadn’t ventured this far in. It had seemed sort of wrong to,without the head alpha inviting him inside. 

His big bed was made neatly, with a single pristine white pillow and blankets that were a drab plain tan but probably cost hundreds. One wall looked like it belonged in a modern art gallery, hung with unique, bold pieces signed with the original signature.

In the corner was a long desk heavy with computer and recording equipment, a tangle of wires and cords snarled beneath. To the side of that, double glass doors opened onto a patio that was frosted with ice. Seonghwa somehow doubted those doors had been so much as cracked open since the alpha had moved in.

Hongjoong himself was perched at the edge of his bed, hands on knees, his eyes glazed and red and his mind obviously miles away.

“I just don’t know what to do, Seonghwa. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”

Seonghwa sat down beside him, putting his hand on his. “Talk to me. Let’s figure it out.”

“What do you mean, talk to you?” Hongjoong glared from the corner of his eyes. Seonghwa knew the anger there wasn’t directed at him. Not really. “We don’t need to talk, you just saw the whole thing.”

“I saw a pack argument that got a little out of hand. But it wasn’t out of the ordinary. Packs will always have small skirmishes here and there.”

Hongjoong let out a long sigh, running his hands through his hair. Seonghwa rubbed his back. “What are you afraid of?”

“I want to hold us all together, but I’m afraid we’re splintering apart, instead.”

“Oh Hongjoong, I don’t think that’s true. I think some parts of this are going to be harder than others, because each of our pack members are different. Some of them are hurting. And maybe feel alone.”

Hongjoong frowned guiltily, looking down at the bed. “Yeah… I know.” He sighed and looked up at Seonghwa. “I’m sorry. I dragged you into this and hardly told you anything.”

“Maybe you should tell me, now?”

“Yeah…” He sighed again, but other than that he didn’t speak. 

“Okay, let me start with what I think I know,” Seonghwa offered. “Yeosang is asexual, so even though you’d love to help him and he’d love to get help, he goes through all his heats alone. And they come often. Outside of that, you give him his space so he doesn’t feel objectified or sexualized.”

He didn’t mention the omega’s complaint that he felt practically touch-starved; that could be another day’s topic.

“I try to, yeah… I don’t know exactly how the others feel.”

“Seems to me they try to do the same…” Seongha said. “Jongho identifies as alpha and is attracted to omegas. I’m guessing that means he doesn’t appreciate another alpha’s dominating attention that much, especially not during a heat?” Hongjoong smirked and shook his head, giving a rueful laugh in the back of his throat. “Nope.”

“When I first got here, Wooyoung mentioned that he should have suppressants to make himself more comfortable. He doesn’t have those. Yet I know Yeosang has some. Why?”

“I… I don’t know. He never asked me for them, personally.”

“Did you ask him if he wanted any?”

Hongjoong put his face in his hands, gave a little groan. “No.”

“Make a to-do list on your phone. Right now.” Seonghwa waited with a prim expression on his face as Hongjoong looked at him in disbelief at the orders he was being given. But then he clicked his tongue and pulled his phone from his back pocket, tapping open a fresh list. 

“Okay,” he muttered. “Ask...Jjongie… about suppressants. Next?”

“Bring Mingi home.”

“Yes. Our Mingi. Okay.” He typed it into his phone. “Done.”

“The third task is to put more pillows on your bed. This isn’t comfy for more than one person. Not at all,” Seonghwa said, slapping the only pillow with disapproval.

Hongjoong snorted in amusement, finally smiling. He slid off the bed and went to a walk-in closet, coming back out with three big pillows in his arms. He threw them down at the head of the bed. 

“So much better,” Seonghwa smiled, lying down among them. “Come here.”

Hongjoong tilted his head, looking at him through extra long lashes. “Does task number four have to do with seduction?”

“Maybe. Do you want to find out?”

Hongjoong heaved a sigh and crawled into Seonghwa’s arms, collapsing dramatically against his chest. 

“There, there. Yeosang seemed to enjoy this earlier.” Seonghwa smirked.

“You were doing this with Yeosang…?”

"Yes. I was."

“That’s unusual.”

“We’ll talk about that later.”

Seonghwa coaxed Hongjoong's head into the crook of his neck, stroking the back of his hair. "Does my scent help?"

The alpha took a deep breath. "Mmm... yeah."

"I've never been told it's a nice scent, or that it made people feel any better about anything, until now.”

“It’s cause you’re meant for us, Seonghwa.”

“I’d like to think so. I think you have been far better at bringing together your pack than you even realize.”

There was no answer. Hongjoong actually seemed like he might be dozing in his arms, or else just very quiet and relaxed. 

“Hongjoong?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Mmhmm.”

“When’s the last time you had sex?”

Hongjoong pulled away, looking at him warily. “Why?”

Seonghwa sat up, too, fluffing his hair with a shake of his head. “I’ve heard it’s good for you, you know. Not to mention helps bind your pack together. And to you.”

Hongjoong shook his head. “No. I don’t make any of them do anything with me just because ‘it’s what a healthy pack does’. They shouldn’t feel pressured. I don’t ever want that expectation on them. It’s not fair.”

Seonghwa sighed. “That’s really noble Hongjoong, more considerate than usual for alphas… But aren’t there times when you should show them they’re wanted? That they’re needed? That you desire them? You're hardly ever home, and when you are it's at strange times, and you’re almost always in your room. What chances do you even give them to approach you, when they want you?”

Hongjoong had gone tense. His scent smelled guilty. And his ears were burning a telltale hot pink. 

"I'm not trying to criticize you,” Seonghwa soothed. “Or put you on the spot. But you give them so much choice and freedom that they might wonder exactly where their place is. They might wonder why you wanted them in the first place and if you still want them, now."

He gave a little huff of a laugh. "I could be completely off base though, Hongjoong. It's still only been a couple weeks since I got here."

"Did any of them say something like that to you?" Hongjoong asked, picking at the polish he had painted a single nail with.

"No, they didn't. It's just what I noticed. And felt."

Hongjoong's interest piqued at that. "Felt?"

"I just wondered if you actually desire me as a person, not just as a missing puzzle piece. It seems like you might... but sometimes I'm not sure."

"Desire you? Don't you know how gorgeous you are, Seonghwa-ssi?" Hongjoong moved in on him, curling an arm around his hip and tugging him closer, straddling his lap. "I find it amazing that you didn't have a hundred different packs snapping at your heels. But you never showed me any interest, so I wasn't going to force anything."

"There you go, again... maybe it's okay for you to be daring here and there, alpha. You might discover we want way more than you ever imagined. You know you’re our alpha, right? You’re always going to be the example we follow."

"You’re making me want to be a bad example," Hongjoong purred against his lips, choosing to ignore the subtle roll of Seonghwa’s eyes. Besides, Seonghwa was already busy tugging at Hongjoong's belt, popping the buckle free. "This isn’t just to make me feel better? Distract me from feeling sorry about being the world's shittiest alpha?"

Seonghwa growled at that, grabbing Hongjoong by the shirt and dragging him down. "if that's what you need it to be. I don't care. It just feels right."

Hongjoong seemed to think it felt right, too. He kissed Seonghwa in an aggressive, hungry way that left Seonghwa overwhelmed in seconds, digging his fingers in Hongjoong's back and holding on for dear life. The alpha literally stole his breath, kiss by kiss, lavishing him with strokes of his tongue in between. When he finally had mercy and let up, all Seonghwa could do was pant helplessly. 

Hongjoong moved his mouth to his neck, giving sharp, hot kisses, leaving marks. He pulled off Seonghwa's fluffy sweater and tossed it away, leaving him exposed to the cool air. 

It left Seonghwa’s new scars on full display. Seonghwa had noticed how the cold weather turned them into a vivid dark-purple color, stark against his complexion. He lifted his hands up to himself, idly touching the small furrows that ringed half his chest. "Do they look ugly?" He asked.

"Do mine?"

Hongjoong peeled off his own shirt, proving Seonghwa's suspicions that just because his build was slight and he was shorter than himself, it didn't mean the alpha wasn't beautifully sculpted. Seonghwa saw them then, the pale scars almost identical to his. He reached up and touched them, each one. 

"We really match..."

Hongjoong was smiling at him softly, allowing him to look and touch all he wanted. "Do yours hurt?" He asked, with a furrow of his brow. 

"Not anymore. Just look ugly..." 

"They don't." Hongjoong chided. "Stop saying that. You're actually stunning. How do you not know that?" He took Seonghwa’s hand, bringing his wrist to his lips to kiss.

"No one's told me, before..." he blinked up at Hongjoong, hair splayed on the pillow, skin rippled with goosebumps. 

"Their loss. Our gain."

Seonghwa gave a slow smile as Hongjoong pushed his pants down and dragged them off his legs, leaving him in underwear so snug it sent a thrill of lust through Seonghwa's belly. 

"Whose loss?" He enticed. 

"Everyone's. Everyone's but ours."

Seonghwa’s smile turned satisfied as he watched Hongjoong slide off the bed to grab a small tube from a bedside drawer. The nearly-naked alpha moved so confidently, not bothered by shyness or the cold air; it was mesmerizing to watch. Every nerve in Seonghwa’s body was thrumming in need for him. 

Hongjoong returned to him, his gaze eating him up as he knelt between Seonghwa’s knees. He grabbed the hem of his sweatpants and pulled them down, holding Seonghwa's ankle up gently as he tugged them free. Seonghwa was torn between watching the alpha’s hands and his face, not sure what to do next, but the alpha only smirked and leaned down to kiss him again, slowly lowering his weight onto his body. Hongjoong’s skin was so hot. Seonghwa dragged his fingertips down him hungrily. He jumped at the first shock of Hongjoong’s bulge rubbing against his, making him arch. 

“Hongjoong,” the gasp that came out of his lips was in a vulnerable tone he didn’t even know he was capable of making. 

Hongjoong’s alpha scent was so strong and musky around him, like a heady perfume. The alpha's mouth roamed everywhere on him, even sucking at his nipples and saying how cute they were as they grew even more stiff under his tongue. Seonghwa grew harder by the second, and soon he was almost crying for more of the friction between their cocks. He had even grabbed Hongjoong by the ass for leverage as he rutted up against him.

Hongjoong chuckled indulgently. “Seonghwa, are you always this impatient? I've never seen this side of you."

“I don't know …” he panted up from him, licking his lips. “Never tried this…”

Hongjoong’s eyes widened and he froze. “No shit? Are you serious?”

“I’m serious.”

“Wow, Seonghwa… I… you just keep surprising me.”

“Less talking.” 

“Yes, sir.”

Hongjoong made quick work of their underwear after that, taking a pause to peel the garments off their legs. They both used the time to admire each other, like highschool sweethearts deciding to go at it for the first time. 

“Are you scared?” Hongjoong asked, tracing an hourglass on Seonghwa's chest.

“Why should I be? I have one too.”

“God, you’re really a pain sometimes, aren’t you, hyung?”

They both hesitated in surprise. Hongjoong had never called him hyung, not once his entire time being there. In fact, he remembered the alpha vowing that he would never call him hyung, as if being the head alpha somehow warped the passage of time and the ages therein.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to. Come here, show me why I should be afraid of your cock, mighty alpha.”

“Yah! I... seriously... you…”

Hongjoong’s cute stuttering came to an end when Seonghwa slowly drew his legs up, hugging them to his chest. With one hand down between his legs he did his best to spread his cheeks with his parted fingers, feeling himself twitch down there. “I’ve never even touched it,” he admitted. “Please take care of me. "

He wasn’t afraid. He trusted Hongjoong. Even if it ended up hurting, he wanted Hongjoong to have this, and he wanted to feel him inside. As his blood raced harder and harder those thoughts just kept circling in his head, like a mantra.

“Oh, fuck.”

Seonghwa thought he caught a wolfish glow flare in the alpha’s eyes as he cursed, but it could have just been the light from outside.

Hongjoong was gentle, though teasing, taking way too much time and way too much lube to scissor him open because he didn’t have any slick of his own. He touched and stroked Seonghwa’s body at the same time, sending ripples of pleasure through his skin.

Finally Hongjoong grabbed his hand and held it tight as he entered him. He was an alpha and his cock was no exception to that fact- he was thick and firm, and each inch felt extra long as it slid into Seonghwa’s body, making him catch his breath. He hadn’t realized he’d screwed his eyes shut until Hongjoong stroked his brow with a thumb, coaxing him to open them again. Seonghwa took small, panting breaths, his body so full, aching. He tried to relax inside, only to encounter the alpha’s thick cock lodged soundly in his gut. His hole felt impossibly stretched. He groaned and reached down, fingertips brushing the rim of his opening. 

“We’ll have to do this in front of a mirror sometime, huh, baby?” Hongjoong huffed, almost shaking from his effort to hold back. “I’d love for you to see how pretty you are like this. Your hole was just as gorgeous as the rest of you. I wanna eat it out next time…” 

He satisfied himself by licking a trail up Seonghwa’s neck and nipping his ear, instead, his hips starting a slow rhythm.

The sensation of being rubbed back and forth from the inside was so new and strange, but all Seonghwa had to do was breathe deep and let his alpha’s scent wash over him and the alien feeling turned to pure pleasure. He gave in. Hongjoong’s hands held his thighs up and his cock pounded into him, each thrust smoother than the last. Seonghwa reached up, gripping Hongjoong’s hands in his own and holding on tight. He started to moan and whine at the end. His hips squirmed, needing Hongjoong’s cock just a little more angled, a little higher. 

Hongjoong responded by pushing his legs apart and leaning forward between them, brushing his lips with a kiss. “Is this the angle?” He purposely slowed his pace so Seonghwa could feel every painstaking inch sliding home. 

“Nngh, yeah…oh, it's so good. Can’t take much more.”

“I can see that.”

Seonghwa whimpered as Hongjoong’s finger trailed up his cock. It was curved stiffly up towards his stomach, dribbling precum above his navel. 

“Your cock’s so nice, too…” Hongjoong purred as he traced it back down with the edge of a fingernail. “Wouldn’t mind taking it, sometime.”

A sudden image of the alpha on elbows and knees in front of him made Seonghwa lose it. With Hongjoong pounding into him even harder he started cumming, each thrust seeming to push another rope of milky semen across his belly. Finally he finished, going limp and shaky as Hongjoong bent him in half and fucked him in even more of a frenzy, reaching new, deeper angles. Seonghwa ended up with his own wrist in his mouth, sinking his teeth in to keep from shouting mindlessly. The alpha fucked him so long he started getting hard again, even though his lower body felt on the verge of going sorely numb. 

“Oh...oh, Hongjoong, more… ,”

“What am I?” Hongjoong growled, pulling Seonghwa’s head back by the hair. “What am I?”

“A-alpha… my alpha...”

Hongjoong gave a last smack of his hips and Seonghwa felt the alpha’s cock pulse and jerk inside him. He knew alphas had at least three times as much jizz as a beta and just imagining his ass filling up with it made him spill again, arching his body in a silent howl.

\--------------------

“Tell me about the other two. The ones that came before me.”

Seonghwa was resting against Hongjoong’s chest, having spent the last half hour dozing in and out after their coupling. They were filthy, sticky with drying fluids. The air was thick with sex and he basked in it, never wanting to leave. He was already planning on taking one of the pillows with him to keep in his bedroom. 

“Okay.”

“I just think it’s good I know. Because I can see their influence still lingers… .”

“Yeah… It’s like I told you before. I fucked up.” 

Seonghwa lifted his head and reached for Hongjoong, stroking his face, drawing it close to his. He kissed him tenderly on the lips. “You did not fuck up. They broke your trust. ”

Hongjoong gave a resigned sound, maybe a laugh, maybe a ‘hmph’. “I guess so. You’re too kind, Seonghwa… But you already know some about Hyunjin, don’t you?”

“Some, yes. Fill me in on the details, will you? I’ll make it worth your while, after…” He reached down and tickled the alpha’s soft cock. 

“Oh, baby… how did I get this lucky?”

“You chose me.”

“I did, yeah. And I chose Hyunjin,” he sighed. “To over-simplify it, he was selfish. But I think it was because he was insecure. He was afraid. And the way he showed that was to not only start fights with the others, but try to incite fights between themselves, even going so far as to steal their personal belongings and then play dumb. It was like he felt he was in a social chess game that no one else could see, and his every move was calculated to give himself more power in the house. He was demanding and he had a very bad habit of putting huge dents in my paychecks.” His hand grazed Seonghwa’s hip as he spoke. “More than anything, he was pathetic. We could all see what he was doing from day one. We tried to talk to him. To get him to talk. But he constantly played the victim at every confrontation. It was just a sad mess. There were moments here and there where he was fun, and cute. But the rest was overwhelming. So… he had to go.”

“I see…” Seonghwa said, and waited.

“The other one was Minho. An alpha. He took that hypneros every day, like you. But whereas in you I still can see your personality, your kindness and your gentleness, and sometimes your brattiness…”

“Hey...” 

“With him it was like looking at a statue. A blank slate. He would hardly say a word and there was nothing going on in his face, or his body language. It was like living with an empty shadow. You’d be doing this or that and suddenly he would just be behind you but he wouldn’t say a word, he'd just stare. We checked his hypneros dosage but he wasn’t overdoing it. It just interacted with him so badly. When the omegas went into heat he would cross the line. To the point that one day Yunho found him with Sanie pushed up against the wall, pulling off his clothes.”

Seonghwa sucked in his breath, hanging on to every word. 

“Sanie… he can’t fend for himself in that situation. Yunho said he just looked frozen, too terrified to even speak. He was just letting it happen because he couldn’t do anything to stop it.”

“Hongjoong…”

“Yunho stopped him in time.”

Seonghwa let out his breath, resting his head on his chest again.

“Why didn’t you just stop, after him? Why did you get me?” he asked.

“Wooyoung asked me the same thing. He was so angry. Is so angry. He doesn’t forgive me for Sanie. But I did it because I felt deep down something still wasn’t right.” He nosed beneath Seonghwa’s jaw so he could sink his teeth into the soft skin there, drawing out a sigh. “Now I’m not letting you go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seonghwa implying sex between pack members is healthy and an important bonding activity for a pack is true in this particular abo universe ive created (with some exceptions, duh), more so than in reality. It’s also not unusual for fights to be more intense and physical, although the intent should be to de-escalate and interrupt a behavior; think of it like an alpha biting a lesser wolf not out of the glee of hurting the other, but to get submission. Thank you for coming to my abo ted talk.


	13. fetch

Yunho wouldn’t stop clinging to Seonghwa the next morning. It started in the early hours, so early it was barely growing light outside. Seonghwa was awoken by the alpha sleepily crawling into Hongjoong’s bed and snuggling his way between them, reaching out with some struggle to pull the corner of a blanket across his bare calves.    
  
Yunho seemed to fall asleep immediately, and other than a husky whine, Hongjoong barely woke up. He merely curled an arm around Yunho like he was a huge teddy bear and slipped quietly back to sleep.   
  
Seonghwa blinked at them both incredulously. But the spiced ginger scent from Yunho warmed his nose and before he knew it he was tucking himself against the tall alpha, soaking in his heat.   
  
  
Then later, in the kitchen, Seonghwa was spreading some peanut butter and jelly onto a piece of toast for Sanie when Yunho came up behind him, putting his long hands on his waist and sliding them slowly up the front of his body. His chin came to rest on his shoulder, peeking down at the toast.   
  
Seonghwa looked around for some help, some clue, but no one was paying them any attention, even though he’d frozen with his butter knife brandished in midair. He slowly lowered it, setting it on the table. “What’s wrong with you, puppy?” he asked.   
  
“You just smell  _ extra _ good, that’s all.”   
  
Seonghwa could just imagine how mortified he would have been if he didn’t have hypneros running in his system. He could almost feel the phantom flash of heat that would be burning in his face. “Oh, why do you think that is?”   
  
“ _ You _ know why.”   
  
“Yes, and I assume you know why, too. But that doesn’t answer my question. What about it makes me smell extra good?”   
  
Yunho backed away from him, chin wrinkling cutely as he thought about it. “Hmm. Well. I like Hongjoong-hyung, and I like you. Why wouldn’t I like both, put together? Like peanut butter and jelly?”    
  
Then the brat actually reached around Seonghwa and snatched the piece of toast he’d been making, stuffing half of it in his mouth before bouncing away. It was too bad for him he didn’t see Sanie leap at him from the couch, making a noise Seonghwa was pretty sure he’d heard once during an alley cat fight.   
  
Seonghwa wasn’t sure which one ended up eating most of the toast, but before they’d even resolved it he was in the broom closet collecting supplies to clean up the floor.    
  
  
Later, Seonghwa was walking by Yunho in the living room when the alpha snatched him by the waist and pulled him down into the big nesting chair. Sanie, still on edge from the toast incident earlier, hopped up on his other side, looking at Yunho suspiciously like the alpha might be plotting some evil deeds now that he had Seonghwa in his clutches.   
  
Instead Yunho went back to gently feeling him up again, burying his face into his shoulder.    
  
Sanie, relaxing, hugged Seonghwa tight and gave his neck a tiny kitten-lick that caught him by surprise.   
  
And Hongjoong, as usual, picked the perfect time to make his public appearance in the house, adjusting his messenger bag over his shoulder and typing away on his phone. Once he glimpsed them all in the living room he stopped, thumb frozen over the keyboard.   
  
Seonghwa met his eyes, giving a sweet smile and a shrug. “Didn’t I say they would follow your example?” He gave a flirty arch of his eyebrow at that, patting the backs of the two boys curled on either side of them.   
  
Hongjoong let out an audible sigh, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes, tongue prodding the inside of his cheek. But he couldn’t hide the amused twitch at the corners of his mouth.   
  
“Well. Since it looks like you’re busy, Seonghwa-ssi. I guess I’ll go run my errands alone. Wooyoung wants me to come pick him up, and then there was that other guy you’ve been missing so terribly.”   
  
“Don’t you dare, Hongjoong. I’m coming.”   
  
“Mmhmm, I’ve heard that before.”   
  
Seonghwa couldn’t believe Kim Hongjoong was an actual adult, and lectured him so as they walked out into the winter morning half an hour later.    
  
\--------------------   
  
Hongjoong drove them, pulling out of the garage in an electric Porsche that practically purred like a cat. Seonghwa found it peaceful and pleasant, having the company of the alpha alone without a driver, professionally silent as the driver may be.   
  
As they drove, Hongjoong reached over and plucked at the shoulder of Seonghwa’s plain black shirt, rubbing the material between his fingers.    
  
“Your style is different these days, Seonghwa.”   
  
It was true. Lately he wore dark jeans or pants and a simple long-sleeved shirt, maybe a hoodie or jacket depending on how cool it was inside the house. He didn’t really bother with makeup, or accessories. They just felt superfluous. And soon one outfit seemed much the same as the other, the longer he looked at them in the mirror.   
  
“It isn’t a problem, or anything. I just remember that first day… I got the sense you had a distinct fashion style you were really fond of. Do you want to go clothes shopping? I meant to take you, already…”    
  
“I have enough clothes… I suppose I just haven’t felt as inspired, lately. A shirt just feels like a shirt, so I just choose what’s easiest and sensible.”   
  
He remembered the last time he had really went all out with the androgynous, gothic style he loved, and how cold the edge of the fountain had felt leeching into his skin. It felt like years ago, not weeks.    
  
“I’d be happy to dress more like that style, if you’d like.”   
  
Hongjoong frowned. “No, that isn’t it… I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.”   
  
“I’m alright… but I hope what I just said didn’t hurt you, Hongjoong. I shouldn’t be so careless talking about the subjects you’re passionate about. You know you’ve yet to show me any of the new fashion line you’re working on? I’m sure they're lovely.”   
  
Hongjoong looked dubious the entire conversation, and ended it with a shrug and a “forget about it.”   
  
  
Seonghwa broke the awkward mood that ensued by asking “So I’m guessing Wooyoung doesn’t know that it’s not just you picking him up?”   
  
“I… don’t know. I don’t know what he’s expecting.”   
  
“Does he know we are picking up Mingi?”   
  
“Yes.”   
  
“And… his reaction?”   
  
“He was fine with it. He’s excited to see Mingi. He likes Mingi.”   
  
Seonghwa put his hand on top of Hongjoong’s where it rested on the gearshift. “And, how are you feeling?”   
  
From the set of his teeth and his tongue, Seonghwa was ready for the word ‘scared’ to leave the alpha’s lips, but at the last moment “ _ Nervous _ ,” snuck out instead.   
  
“Nervous about what?”   
  
“What if he freaks out in the car? What if there’s too many people in the car for him?”   
  
“Has the amount of people around him  _ ever _ made a difference?”   
  
Hongjoong made himself take a deep breath, his other hand gripping the steering wheel so hard the leather cracked. “ _ No. _ ”   
  
“It’ll be okay, Hongjoong. We can do this. If anything, let’s worry about Wooyoung. Pull over at that convenience store. I want to get him something.”   
  
\--------------------   
  
When they pulled up to the street that Changbin’s apartment complex was on, Seonghwa immediately knew something was wrong.    
  
Wooyoung was standing outside without even a heavy coat to protect him from the bitter frost in the air, gripping the strap of his backpack and staring at his shoes. There were even ice crystals gathered on his shoulders, making him wonder exactly how long he’d been waiting outside. Seonghwa glanced at Hongjoong, seeing in the alpha’s expression he also sensed something.    
  
As the car slid up beside the waiting alpha, Seonghwa stepped out and held it open, giving up his spot. “You must be cold, Wooyoung. Get inside. I can take your backpack.”   
  
If Wooyoung was surprised to see Seonghwa, he didn’t have much of a reaction. He even held out his backpack for Seonghwa to take and slid in beside Hongjoong.   
  
Seonghwa stowed it and climbed into the back, but before Hongjoong pulled away he grabbed the back of Wooyoung’s neck and squeezed comfortingly. “You know we’re sorry, Wooyoung-ah? We never want to make you feel like home is someplace you can’t stand to be.”   
  
“It’s fine.”   
  
The universal statement for  _ ‘it’s far from fine but I don’t have the mental capacity to have this conversation right now.’ _   
  
Seonghwa was more than happy to honor that, but just wanted to say one more thing. He leaned forward between the seats, holding out a shiny golden back of honey butter chips to the crestfallen alpha.    
  
“I’m sorry, Wooyoung-ah. I know I’m an unwelcome invader in your space and you are putting up with a lot. I really try to not bother you, as much as I can. But I have been so grateful to finally have a pack, and I would enjoy being closer with you one day, if you’d ever be up for it. Just think about it, and for now eat these if you’re hungry. Hongjoong said you liked them. I’m slowly learning your brands, too.”    
  
He had an impulse to show the sad looking Wooyoung some physical affection, sweep a hand through his hair or tweak an earlobe, but doubted the alpha would find it welcome.   
  
He was grateful enough when Wooyoung took the bag, and after worrying at a corner with his fingernail, finally gave a weak “Thanks.”   
  
\--------------------   
  
While Seonghwa wouldn’t call himself  _ nervous _ , he did start to ask more questions the closer they drew to the research facility.    
  
“Does he know we’re coming now?”   
  
“He knew we were coming today. It’ll be fine.”   
  
“Where do we pick him up? Inside? Outside? Do we need passes to get in?”   
  
And then, as they pulled into congested downtown streets, Hongjoong pointed up at a veritable skyscraper. “They’re in the top floors, that building.”   
  
“Hmm...that’s high.”   
  
There must have been something in his tone that made Hongjoong look at him with a smug, lopsided smirk. “Are you scared of heights?”   
  
“I  _ was _ , but I don’t think I am anymore.”   
  
  
\--------------------   
  
Seonghwa and Hongjoong rode the elevator up together, Wooyoung wanting to stay behind in the car.   
  
The elevator was glass on one side, showing the expanse of the metropolitan area shrinking in size beneath them as it rose into the grey sky. Seonghwa held the support rail tight and kept his eyes closed, trying to stave off dizziness. Even if his emotions weren’t that concerned about the height anymore, his body remembered the fear, making his stomach flip and his head spin. Hongjoong put his hand in the small of his back and pulled him close.    
  
“Idiot. You shouldn’t have been looking out the window at first, if you’re scared.”   
  
“I told you I’m not. I’m sorry if my body is rebelling against how  _ wrong  _ floating inhumanely high into the sky is.”   
  
Luckily the elevator dinged open and Hongjoong guided him to solid, unmoving tile.    
The facility had surprisingly high ceilings for being part of a skyscraper. Above a horseshoe secretary’s desk big enough for five people to work at once, a gold mask hung on the wall, with the name “Aristophane’s Research Center” in matching gold script beneath. The mask reminded him of those Greek masks that usually showed laughing or crying, but Seonghwa felt uneasy because he couldn’t tell which of the two emotions this one was trying to convey.   
  
When they approached the desk, the pony-tailed receptionist there froze, the whites showing around her eyes. She glanced sharply off to the right, towards a set of double doors like in a hospital. She caught the attention of someone lingering there, who glanced at Seonghwa and Hongjoong and then briskly pushed through them.    
  
Seonghwa turned to see if Hongjoong had noticed, but the secretary addressed him first, her expression smoothing out into something more professional. “Good morning, Mr. Kim. You’re here to pick up Mr. Song, right?”   
  
“Right.”   
  
“If you’d just take a seat, we will--”   
  
Right about then, Seonghwa, who had kept his watchful gaze on the double doors the entire time, picked up a muffled wail.   
  
The hair on his neck stood up. He was moving before he even knew what he was doing. Sounds, scenery, obstacles, they all became a blur except for what was right in front of him, crystal-sharp. He charged through the double doors and into a room full of desks and computers and shocked faces in formal business attire, the whole place looking like any other office workplace anywhere.    
  
Seonghwa’s eyes darted around as he stood there, panting.    
  
_ Tell me where you are, _ he sent out into the universe, listening hard for a response.   
  
Another set of double doors in the furthest back corner swung open, letting in what looked like two scientists peeling off protective gloves. Seonghwa was pretty sure he cleared an entire desk in a leap as he bolted for the doors. This time when he burst into the next room, he was filled with horror rather than confusion, as he found himself looking straight into a glass observation room in which Mingi, lips blue and skin dead-white, was strapped into a chair. The alpha looked up and met Seonghwa’s eyes right as a thick fog started to billow into the chamber.


	14. homecoming

Seonghwa snarled “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!”  
  
Everything that happened afterwards was a blur.   
  
His arms were grabbed from behind and wrenched nearly out of his sockets. Through the thickening grey fog he saw Mingi try to lunge from his chair and grit his teeth from pain when he could barely budge.   
  
Frost started to grow on the inside of the glass of Mingi’s chamber. The image etched itself into Seonghwa’s mind.   
  
Hongjoong was suddenly there, the horror dawning on his face as he also took in the spectacle. Seonghwa learned that the alpha’s eyes got bigger the more livid he was. He was pointing at Mingi and yelling a demand. Somehow watching him made Seonghwa relax. Alpha was here. Alpha would take care of things.   
  
Seonghwa blinked and focused on a huge art piece mounted on one wall, time streaming in slow motion around him. The art installation was a series of gold metallic silhouettes transitioning one into the other- a man falling to his knees, crawling, growing long jaws and a tail, running as a wolf, then springing into human form again.   
  
When he finally came back to himself he was seated in a chair at the back of the observation room and an unwanted hand was still gripping his shoulder too tight. He glanced up to see some beefed-up alpha security guard at his side. Hongjoong was yelling at a group of people with name tags and labcoats who were doing their best to calm him.   
  
“It doesn’t fucking matter!” Hongjoong snarled. “You deliberately misrepresented the whole program. You think I would have signed off on this if you had told me you actively torture your victims and then bullshit the families about what you’re really doing? You better pray you never see me again, because if you do it’ll be in court. And I’ll leave you with nothing.”   
  
Seonghwa looked up sluggishly towards the examination chamber. It was empty. No fog. No Mingi. Just a chair sagging with undone straps.   
  
He tried to stand but was shoved back down in his seat again. His noise of disgruntled pain drew Hongjoong’s attention. There were those wild alpha eyes again, gleaming like the moon. His alphas had the prettiest eyes when they were mad.   
  
“Get your fucking hand off him.”   
  
The hand left. Hongjoong turned his attention back to the sycophants surrounding him. “Take my mate to Mingi.”   
  
“Please, he isn’t ready, we need to monitor--”   
  
“I don’t give a shit. Take him to Mingi, now. And while he’s getting ready to go you are going to tell me every single thing you’ve been doing to him.   
  
“Mr. Kim, we’ll have you know that Mr. Song himself agreed to these tests and even encouraged us to--”   
  
The look Hongjoong gave the man was stronger than any physical blow he could have given.   
  
  
A long-haired woman in a grey sweater rescued Seonghwa from the security guard. She seemed genuinely sorry as she led him through a door into a stark white hallway, and from there typed in a code on a side door that opened up into a small bedroom. It was a dim, sad place that looked like it couldn’t decide if it were a hotel room or a hospital room.   
  
Mingi sat on the edge of a metal-framed bed that almost didn’t look long enough for him. He was shivering, hard, his feet resting in a tub of steaming water. At least the blue tinge to his lips had warmed.   
  
“H-hyung… you didn’t have to come here.”   
  
Seonghwa moved closer, coming to sit beside him on the bed, looking him over. The closer he looked, the more unhappy he was with what he saw: bruises, some aged and yellow and some vividly-purple; eyes looking sunken and dark from exhaustion, a jutting hipbone where his thin white shirt rode up from his pants, showing missed meals.   
  
“Why didn’t you tell us this was happening?”   
  
Mingi shrugged. “It’s all for a cure.. Even if it’s hard or painful, I didn’t mind bearing it.”   
  
“ _Mingi_ , I think they wanted to know _how_ they could turn you into a...something else. They were more interested in making you worse instead of better.”   
  
“Hyung…” Mingi looked at him seriously, eyes big and surprisingly clear for everything he must have been going through. “Don’t you think learning how to make me change will teach us how to stop it, as well?”   
  
“It’s not worth the cost.” Seonghwa replied without hesitating.   
  
“Hyung, you don’t even _know_ me.”   
  
Seonghwa ignored him as he pulled off his coat and put it around Mingi’s shoulders, sad at how even the bed was trembling under the force of the younger’s shivering frame.   
  
“So what? You’re part of my pack, now.”   
  
“I tried to kill you.”   
  
“No, you didn’t. Don’t let yourself think that.”   
  
Seonghwa sighed and pulled the alpha’s big head against his, butting them together.   
  
It really _was_ sort of strange, Seonghwa thought, the way he felt as if he’d known this alpha for years of his life, not merely a couple days before it culminated in the alpha actively attacking him in their own home. But he felt no fear and knew that this person was as vital to him as breathing, and if he had to fight the whole _world_ to keep him from harm, he would.   
  
“Things are going to be okay, Mingi-ah. And even if they’re _not_ okay...they’re still gonna be okay.”   
  
Mingi huffed a shaky laugh. “You say weird things.”   
  
He leaned into Seonghwa though, and Seonghwa wrapped him up tight in his arms.   
  
“I...I… d-don’t think anything they could do could make me ch-change…” The sudden confession was whispered shakily near his ear, the words raw with fear. “It has s-something to do with y-you and Hongjoong-hyung…n’ the pack… and I d-dunno why…”   
  
Somehow this didn’t even surprise Seonghwa. The only times Mingi had lashed out was at his own family. That much was embarrassingly obvious, and should have been the trail the research followed, if anything. He didn’t even want to think about the range of different stimuli Mingi had endured to see what could coax his wild side out.   
  
“You shouldn’t have let them try, baby. Especially if you knew that deep down. I wish you had just come home.”   
  
Mingi sniffed and drew back, looking down at Seonghwa’s chest. He touched his big, trembling hand so lightly to where he had bitten him as if he could feel them through his shirt.   
  
“It’s just superficial, Mingi. It’s nothing.”   
  
“What about your back…?”   
  
“Same thing, Mingi. It’s just a scar now. It doesn’t hurt. Just don’t let the Children know you ruined my basic, boring tattoo and we’ll be fine.”   
  
“I”m really s-sorry, hyung. So sorry.”   
  
“Shhh… it’s okay. I forgive you, alright?”   
  
“I r-read the book you gave me. I didn’t know a horror book was j-just as scary as watching a movie! I got so terrified. But I s-still read every page.”   
  
Seonghwa spied the book on the tiny bedside table, the one he had given Mingi that day.   
  
He sighed, cradling the alpha’s head against his chest. “Idiot, I told you it was scary from the beginning... But you don’t have to be scared. Not anymore.”

——————————

They left the research center with Mingi’s arm around Seonghwa’s shoulders, his legs shaky as his muscles tingled back to life. _‘An experiment to measure the effect of the elements and extreme temperatures.’_ They’d been told. One of many infuriating experiments. 

Wooyoung clambered out of the car when he saw them approaching.

“Mingi! What is it? What’s wrong with him?” His knuckles were white from how hard he gripped the top of the car door.

Seonghwa allowed Hongjoong to address the young alpha, sure that he wouldn’t be interested in anything Seonghwa had to say.

“I guess they didn’t get the memo we were coming at this time. They had just finished a treatment so he’s a little weak.”

Wooyoung set his jaw. “Hyung, you know I don’t believe you at all?”

“That’s just too fuckin’ bad, Wooyoung.” His words edged in a growl, in Alpha Voice.

Wooyoung’s only reaction was to let go of the car door and go support Mingi’s other side while Seonghwa got into the back. “It’s okay Mingi-ah, I got you.”

“You’re probably happy to see me like this, since I beat you at arm wrestling that time.” Mingi said, while nonetheless leaning so much weight on him that Wooyoung almost staggered.

“Aish, do you really think I’m _that_ evil? Idiot… Here, be careful,” he helped Mingi sit down in the back beside Seonghwa and got into the front as the car purred to life.

Seonghwa had so many questions for the alpha. But what was most important was making sure he was comfortable and feeling ok. He spent some time rubbing both of Mingi’s hands between his until the lingering pale tinge beneath his fingernails went away. Mingi, unusually docile, gave him one hand and then the other, like a doberman offering his big paws for a shake. The worst of the shivering finally stopped, but when Seonghwa glanced up into his face he could still see his lower lip giving the smallest of trembles. 

Hongjoong cranked the heat up as high as it would go and after a minute they all started to feel the warmth. “How do you feel?” Seonghwa finally asked Mingi as he pulled his coat more snugly around his shoulders. 

“M’okay.”

Seonghwa still looked at him in worry, feeling like there was something he could or should be doing to help but not having any more ideas, for now. Once they got home he would make sure the alpha had water to drink and all the food he could ask for, to start filling out his thinning frame. And most importantly, he’d make the alpha take the longest, most luxurious nap of his life; and since he’d arranged things so there was only one bed between them, he would be in the perfect position to make sure the alpha took all the rest he needed.

“Mingi-ah, what were you doing in there this whole time?” Wooyoung asked, apparently having reached the limit of patience, his bleak mood from earlier postponed. 

In the rear view mirror Seonghwa caught Hongjoong’s eyes shift nervously, but the alpha didn’t say anything to stop the line of questioning.

“Horse-riding lessons. And glow-croquet in the evenings.”

“Aish, you’re stupid.”

“What does that make you?”

“The person that has to live with a stupid horseback rider for a packmate.”

Mingi grinned toothily at that, not deigning to argue. Then he gave a big sigh with his whole body and leaned against Seonghwa, resting his head against his shoulder. His hand still rested upright in Seonghwa’s, allowing Seonghwa to trace comforting constellations into his palm the entire way home.

——————————

Seonghwa discovered that school and work had been foregone for their other packmates, as they opened the door to see everyone had been lingering in the living room, apparently waiting for their return. 

Though the relief was apparent in their eyes, none of them approached. Seonghwa felt the tension in the room like white noise against his skin. Yunho did stand up, rubbing his forearm, and gave the other alpha a nod. “How’s everything? You look kinda tired…”

Mingi gave a meek nod. “Hard to get a good night’s sleep there. Probably gonna go take a nap, now...” 

“Oh, you are? Did you know we—“

Seonghwa held a finger to his lips, guessing that Yunho was about to spoil their redecorating efforts. For some reason he couldn’t name, he wanted to watch Mingi discover it for himself. Not for any validation of his own, but to see what effect the changes they made would have on the alpha’s delicate psyche. 

See? He could be just as good a researcher as those other criminals, if not better.

Yunho bit back the words and nodded instead. “Ah, its nothing. I’ll tell ya afterwards. We’re glad you’re home…”

“Yeah, welcome home, Mingi-ah,” Yeosang offered from the couch, and Jongho added: “We missed you, hyung.”

Mingi ducked his head shyly at them, eyes crinkling up in a smile that Seonghwa guessed looked quite hollow beneath his mask.

Seonghwa and Hongjoong followed Mingi down the hall, Hwa carrying a small satchel of the alpha’s things from the facility. 

The alpha stopped in surprised almost right away, not even halfway down the hall to his door. Seonghwa knew why. The bolt that had kept the door locked from the outside was gone.

Mingi approached more hesitantly now, slowly turning the knob and pushing the door inwards, revealing the warm, lavender space filled with enough growing green things to be its own garden, if not for the desk and couch for working and relaxing.

Of all the reactions Seonghwa had imagined, he did not imagine the one he got. 

Mingi turned back to face them, without even taking a closer look at the changes.

His eyes were huge and reddened and filled with gleaming tears, his Adam’s apple jerking upwards as he forced a swallow. “I-is this your way of saying I have to go?”


	15. progress

Before Seonghwa could even reply, Hongjoong advanced on Mingi. Seonghwa thought he was going to strike him, and maybe there was a part of the head alpha that wanted to. But instead he just took the side of Mingi's face in his hand, forcing the other alpha to look down at him. "Song Mingi, do you really think I’m the type of person to bring you home just to do something like this?"

The disappointment in the head alpha’s voice made his tone cold. Seonghwa watched the other alpha’s shoulders hunch, a big hand going up and rubbing at a teary eye. But, with relief filling his chest, he saw the alpha shake his head.

Hongjoong had to lift up on his toes to pull Mingi’s head down to his, first bumping his forehead lightly against his and then angling his mouth up against his, kissing him in a fierce way that was more than just a kiss; it was an apology, a reassurance... it was driving an important point home.

The Hongjoong released him just as Mingi settled a hand in the small of his back, fingers digging in. Seonghwa saw Hongjoong murmur something against his lips, the look in his eyes such a tender one, unfamiliar for him. Seonghwa was just starting to wonder if he should leave them alone when Hongjoong walked Mingi into his old bedroom, holding him by the wrist.   
  
Seonghwa trailed after them, still feeling a lingering impulse to give them space.   
  
"Seonghwa wanted you to have a fresh environment, nothing left that could be a bad reminder. You can still relax and work in here. Don't you think it gives off a refreshing feeling?"   
  
Seonghwa leaned in the doorway curiously, arms crossed, as Mingi inspected the room. The alpha still looked so wary it could have broken Seonghwa's heart, if he could feel it.   
  
"Is... is this still my bedroom? Where do I sleep?"   
  
Hongjoong's expression shifted. Seonghwa knew he still wasn't happy about the answer to Mingi's question. Hongjoong gave him a quick, hard glance, and Seonghwa got his psychic message loud and clear: _I'm gonna trust you on this, even though I don't like it..._   
  
"You're sleeping in Seonghwa's room."   
  
"What??" The look Mingi threw him was almost comical. Eyes wide and starry, mouth open like a goldfish.   
  
Hongjoong shut his mouth for him, closing his jaw with a fingertip. "Why not? Don't you think you'd feel better not being alone? If you start to feel weird you can tell him right away. He'll be right there. And you'll have _this_ room for when you want some privacy."   
  
"But... I..." Mingi was still looking at him, looking so afraid, so sorry and guilty.   
  
"It was _my_ idea," Seonghwa soothed, coming close and petting the alpha's fluffy chestnut hair. The sides of his undercut had grown out a lot since he'd seen him before. "Don't be afraid. Like I told Hongjoong, I think the worst possible scenario has happened, don't you? Anything else from now on can only be better."   
  
"Hyung..." The big alpha hunched his shoulders again. Seonghwa couldn't help but smile at how much Mingi looked like a chided kid. Seonghwa took his hands.   
  
"You're probably so tired, huh, Mingi-ah? Should we go have a nap?" Mingi's fingers twitched in his grasp. Like he wanted to pull them away. But he didn't. Instead he gave a slow nod, giving Seonghwa a trusting look much less doubtful than Hongjoong's had been.   
  
\--------------------

“Oh, I thought you got rid of all my books.” Mingi said as Seonghwa invited him into his new, shared bedroom.   
  
“As if I would ever let that happen,” he smiled.   
  
Mingi walked the line of bookcases as if silently acknowledging his old friends, fingers tracing the edge of the shelves.   
  
“They should all be there and accounted for. But I did alphabetize them a bit. Sorry if that makes you unhappy,” Seonghwa said, coming up beside him.   
  
Mingi shook his head. “No. Thank you, hyung.” Then he opened up the small bag of his belongings from the facility, pulling out the book Seonghwa had let him borrow and placing it on the shelf in its alphabetical place.    
  
“Do you want me to read you something before sleeping, Mingi?” Seonghwa asked as he watched him. “Something not scary at all, to make up for the nightmares?” He trailed his fingers down the alpha’s spine, and when the alpha turned Seonghwa merely looked up at him with his big dark eyes, awaiting his reply.    
  
“N-no. Sorry, I like to read quietly by myself. Or I can’t concentrate. Thanks, though.”   
  
“I understand. Do you want to take a shower before napping? Their scent is still all over you.” He had been catching pungent whiffs of the facility here and there, coming off the alpha in unfriendly waves.   
  
“Yeah.”   
  
“Okay, let’s go.”   
  
Mingi stopped. “...what do you mean?”   
  
“I want to shower, too, so let’s go.”   
  
“We don’t normally do that, though… I mean  _ sometimes _ , I have before, but … you really wanna shower together, hyung?”   
  
“Why not? We’re packmates, aren’t we?”   
  
Mingi dragged his hand back through his hair, blowing out a breath. “Yeah, we are. Okay. We can go.”   
  
Seonghwa did his best to show the alpha that he was getting all worked up for nothing. Other than handing over the shampoo and conditioner, he left the alpha to his own business of getting clean. There was plenty of room for them both. They could probably reach towards each other without touching if they stood at opposite ends of the walk-in shower. Mingi eventually relaxed, seeing how mundane of a shower it was. If anything, the alpha looked a bit caught up in his own unrelated thoughts, his eyes not even coming close to straying in Seonghwa’s direction as they dried themselves off and pulled on some casual comfy clothes.    
  
  
It was still early afternoon, so Seonghwa pulled his heavy dark curtains shut in his bedroom, although it didn’t do anything to mute the chatter of birds here and there out in the bare winter trees. He pulled the covers back and climbed into bed first, Mingi joining him. 

  
Mingi curled up on his side, looking at him. Seonghwa faced him, too, giving a little smile and ruffling his hair again. “You smell better, now.”  
  
“Thanks. So do you. Except you’ve always smelled good.”  
  
“So I hear,” his smile grew a little wider. “Come closer, Mingi-ah.”  
  
The big alpha wriggled closer, in such a funny, caterpillar-like way that they both giggled. They got so close their heads were nearly sharing a single pillow. Seonghwa stiffened when Mingi suddenly reached around and shoved his hand down the back of his pants. But the alpha’s fingertips stopped dead in their tracks- on the scar of his tattoo. Seonghwa bit hard into his bottom lip, keeping back any sound. While it had healed almost completely, Mingi’s sudden touch caused a sensitive twinge. But after fingering the mark gently, tracing the edges of the damage, the alpha drew his hand back.   
  
“Did you want to see?” Seonghwa asked, realizing there was a reason why Mingi hardly looked at him in the shower.  
  
“I can’t.” Mingi’s voice was tight. “I can’t look. Sorry.”  
  
“Shhh. Stop apologizing. You can’t apologize for something I already forgave you for, okay?”  
  
Mingi closed his eyes, his whole expression one of anguish. Seonghwa could almost hear the alpha’s inner voice berating himself, yelling and interrogating him more painfully than any of his packmates could.  
  
“Hey. Kiss me. If you think you owe me something, kiss me and I’ll forgive you. If Hongjoong can use kisses for bartering, we can too.”  
  
The alpha froze, opened his eyes. In the dim, his irises had that intense glow Seonghwa’s was coming to love, even though it could sometimes be a sign of things about to go awry. The beta in him felt captivated by that strong energy, submissive, you could even say.  
  
“You kissed Hongjoong-hyung?”  
  
“Yeah, to say the least. Is that bad? Aren’t we a pack?”  
  
“You can’t just keep using that excuse to do whatever you want,” Mingi snorted.   
  
Seonghwa was starting to smell a hot, musky scent; the air almost sparked with stirring energy. The energy didn’t feel _dangerous_ though; wasn’t dark and feral, like something that crawled out of deep, forgotten woods. Not like before.  
  
“I’m _not_ ,” Seonghwa protested. “Isn’t the fun part of a pack that you can do these sorts of things together? Showering, playing, eating… other things.”  
  
“Kissing? Fucking?”  
  
“Mmhmm.”  
  
“Yeah, I guess packs live like that. On tv. In dramas.”  
  
“I know real life packs that live like that. My cousins’ and some of my friends’ families. It’s embarrassing as hell sometimes, being around them during holidays or when I would go over to play. The skinship was so cringy I thought my hands were gonna shrivel up and fall off. But I always thought it would be fun to have a pack of my own, like that…”  
  
He sighed and drew away a little, flopping onto his back and giving Mingi space to breathe and think for himself.   
  
Mingi leaned in and kissed his cheek, his warm, dry lips lingering for a moment. “There.”  
  
“Good boy,” Seonghwa hugged him against his chest, pulling the blankets around them. “Now sleep.”  
  
He did sleep. Seonghwa followed him. And the only growl that woke him was the one coming from Mingi’s empty stomach a few hours later, loud enough to let the entire house know he was hungry.  
  
\--------------------  
  
Seonghwa was ready to kick his precious head alpha’s ass when he wandered out into the house and found him missing. A crushing workload was one thing, but spending the night at home on the day you bring your missing packmate home from traumatizing weeks of experimentation was far more pressing.  
  
“He just ran out to grab us some food,” Yunho reassured Seonghwa, making room on the couch for both he and Mingi to sit down and join the pack in watching one of the Avengers movies.   
  
“Oh, Changbin isn’t coming to cook, tonight?”   
  
Yunho shook his head. “Nah. I mean, seems like it should be more of a family night, right?” He pointed out, reaching across Hwa to gently squeeze Mingi’s shoulder.  
  
“True…”  
  
Seonghwa happened to glance over at Wooyoung then, seeing the younger alpha sitting stiffly on the floor, his knees pulled up and hugged to his chest as he resolutely focused on the movie. “Speaking of, I always wondered why we didn’t have our own resident chef Wooyoung cook for us some nights. I hear his dishes are getting so good,” Seonghwa drawled, sounding so casual while the corner of his eyes were on Wooyoung, watching him. Instead of preening or bragging, the alpha hugged himself tighter, mouth flattening in such a downturned line that caused Seonghwa a pang, a memory of what that sort of sadness could feel like.  
  
He had suspected there had been some sort of falling out between Wooyoung and the pack’s chef, who he had seemed so close to, and his body language seemed to confirm that.  
  
Sanie edged into the picture, like a puppy sensing an owner’s distress. He pried one of Wooyoung’s arms away and pulled it around himself, nuzzling in close, half crawling into his lap.   
  
“Yeah, why don’t you cook for us, Woo?” Yunho stretched out his leg to prod at Wooyoung’s back with the toe of his sock.  
  
“Mmm, keep doing that, it feels good,” Wooyoung answered instead, making Yunho grin and dig in harder, giving a deep tissue massage with his foot.   
  
“I don’t know, I’m skeptical,” Yeosang was curled up on a chair with his Switch in hand, looking up from his game. “He made me dalgona coffee once and I can still taste it in my nightmares.”  
  
“Look, I think anyone here would rather drink the dalgona I made than eat one of your fried eggs. You’re supposed to cook them in the _pan,_ not on the floor.”  
  
“Hey, I’ll have you know I make all my eggs with love. A mix each one a thousand times before I cook it. Even if you eat it off the floor, you should be grateful.”  
  
Seonghwa gave a toothy, somewhat confused smile, listening to their conversations flow into cooking disasters they had experienced when trying their hands at the culinary arts. He could follow the idea of most of the incidents, and ones that needed more detail Yunho was quick to fill him in, refusing to leave him lost in the wake of their stories.   
  
“Seonghwa-hyung makes good food!” San chirped out of nowhere. “He made me a face out of rice.”  
  
Seonghwa laughed, remembering how mind blown the omega had been when he made him some curry rice with a shiba inu’s face on it, using food coloring and snippets of seaweed for the details. He had thought it had come out rather sloppy, but San had been so in awe that he didn’t even touch the food until it had grown cold.   
  
“There, see? You don’t need Changbin _or_ me, you have Seonghwa,” Wooyoung said.  
  
“Actually, _I’m_ the one thats not needed.”  
  
Everyone quieted down, looking at Seonghwa. Seonghwa spoke flatly, no emotion. “There’s nothing I can do that’s special. I don’t have a degree and I’m not skilled enough to get a job good enough to be any meaningful support financially. I like to clean, but anyone can do that. The few recipes I know are simple, even a beginner can make them, with patience. I _know_ Wooyoung-ah can cook like a pro compared to me. I snuck some of his leftovers because I was really curious to try.”  
  
Wooyoung looked away at that. Maybe remembering the night he had pointedly served little samples of his new dish for school to everyone except Seonghwa, so sneakily that the other pack members’ didn’t even notice he had been excluded.  
  
“So I’m just thankful that you let me stay, despite not being useful.”  
  
He felt their eyes on him. But he didn’t have anything else to say. And they seemed too shocked by the sudden observation to come up with responses, either. Luckily Hongjoong, with his forever perfect dramatic timing, rescued them all by coming in with bags upon bags of takeout sushi and miso soup and tempura for them to feast on.  
  
“What’s with the weird mood?” He huffed as he kicked off his shoes, eying them all.  
  
“We were just telling Seonghwa-hyung about the time you said you were going to make pancakes for us last Christmas morning and then spilled half the mix on your shirt and then spent an hour finding an open restaurant that could make pancakes but you brought them home and they were green onion pancakes.” Wooyoung piped up, getting an immediate and bashful ‘ _ah, yeahh’_ from their alpha.   
  
It wasn’t a lie. They _had_ told that story, earlier. No one corrected him, although for a while the mood was still a touch uneasy and Seonghwa sensed their eyes lingering on him sympathetically. He didn’t feel bothered. He had just stated the truth, determined that Wooyoung not try to use him as a pawn in his personal game of resentment chess.   
  
As they ate and chatted, slowly warming up to each other again after Mingi’s absence, Seonghwa noticed here and there a couple of his packmates being subtly more attentive to him. Jongho, beside him, slid him a small plate of some of the most choice cuts of nigiri, then patted him firmly on the shoulder.   
  
“You’ve worked hard, hyung. Enjoy,” he said in a low, encouraging voice.   
  
Meanwhile later on, he felt someone’s big foot suddenly start to play with his, toes pressing affectionately into the top of his foot. He glanced up, eyebrows arched, to catch Yunho wink at him and then slip right back into his conversation with Hongjoong, listening to the head alpha’s newest frustrations with a difficult artist.   
  
All in all he felt at ease, grateful that fate had brought him together with packmates that seemed to like him alright even though they had no reason to.   
  
\--------------------  
  
The simple act of eating and chatting with his pack mates left Mingi exhausted, so as soon as the alpha said he couldn’t eat any more, Seonghwa helped clean up the plates and bowls that weren’t still being nibbled on, joined by Yeosang who chatted about one of the dishes he’d tried that was almost half as good as chicken.  
  
 _“Just half as good?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Trust me, hyung, that’s a compliment.”_  
  
  
After the light tidying, Seonghwa came to Mingi and helped him up. “Okay everyone, say goodnight to Mingi.”  
  
He was surprised when Hongjoong got up to follow them, commanding the rest of the pack to clean up the table when they were done.  
  
“So, how did things go?” he asked once the bedroom door was shut behind them. Seonghwa paused in grabbing Mingi’s pajama shirt for him. Mingi himself stretched his arms out behind him, bracing himself where he sat at the edge of the bed and looking up at the alpha.  
  
“I mean, did you sleep okay, earlier? Felt okay?”  
  
Mingi nodded, blinking as if his eyelids weighed fifty pounds each. “Yeah, it was good, hyung.”  
  
“You don’t need to be nervous, Hongjoong,” Seonghwa reassured, patting his chest. “Everything’s gonna be okay. I can feel it.”  
  
Hongjoong sighed and sat down next to Mingi, jostling him gently with a shoulder. “Yeah, I know…”  
  
“You sound so convinced.”  
  
Hongjoong ignored Seonghwa’s quip to look sideways at Mingi. Seonghwa noticed how the head alpha’s little finger reached out to curl around Mingi’s, which was nearly twice its width.   
  
“Before we left I talked to the directors of your research program,” Hongjoong said in a sober tone.   
  
Seonghwa thought he could feel the temperature drop a couple degrees.   
  
“They told me the kind of things they did to you. The different things they tried.”   
  
Mingi went very still. He looked so fragile. Seonghwa sat slowly on his other side, leaning close enough to support him.  
  
“We don’t have to talk about it, but… if you _need_ to talk about it… I’m here. Or if you’d rather talk to someone else, we’ll find someone. And not just for whatever you might be emotionally dealing with, but if your body hurts, if anything feels wrong- promise me you’ll let us know?”  
  
Hongjoong looked at him more closely, taking his entire hand in his instead of just looping their little fingers.   
  
“Nae. I will, hyung.”  
  
“You’ll feel better with lots of good food and rest, too. It might take a while to realize what else you might need. But you know we’re here for you,” Seonghwa combed through the hair at Mingi’s nape, giving Hongjoong an affection look over his head.   
  
“I think so, too,” Hongjoong agreed, answering the affection with a smile and gaze of his own. “And you have Seonghwa-ssi to take good care of you, in the meantime.”  
  
The alpha started to slide off the bed then, having said what he wanted to say. Seonghwa reached for him. “Stay with us. Sleep. There’s plenty of room.”  
  
For a second Seonghwa really thought he was going to, to the point he started to move to grab some extra pillows. But Hongjoong shook his head, instead.   
  
“I’m sorry. I can’t,” He held up his phone, waving it as evidence. Even the brief glimpse was enough for Seonghwa to see the notification of _“32 Missed Calls”_.  
  
“I played hooky long enough for today.”  
  
He put his hands on Mingi’s thighs and leaned in to give him a kiss, less fierce than the one from earlier, but with just as much searching feeling.   
  
“Hyung… don’t go,” Mingi begged with a defeated huff of a laugh, grabbing at the alpha’s fingers as he drew away.  
  
“Mingi, I’m sorry. I am going to come back as soon as I can. Just get some rest and I promise we’ll spend time together tomorrow too, okay? You won’t miss me while you’re sleeping.”  
  
The way Mingi’s head drooped showed how much he believed otherwise, but he didn’t say anything else.   
  
And if Hongjoong noticed Seonghwa’s sternly disapproving gaze, he all but ignored it, for now.   
  
\--------------------  
Morning found Seonghwa alone in the kitchen, which wasn’t unusual. He commonly woke up first, and would shower or watch tv or cook or sometimes just sit on his phone with a glass of juice.   
  
Mingi was still peacefully dozing. When Seonghwa had first woken up, he had stirred and grabbed his arm when he started to slide out of bed. Seonghwa had pressed a kiss to the back of his warm neck and told him to sleep a bit more, and not to push himself. Mingi had given a congested whine at that, but relaxed his fingers to let Seonghwa slip away.   
  
This morning Seonghwa sat at the table with a large calendar in front of him, filled with glossy photos of kittens for each month of the year. He had colored sharpies and he had his phone open to the notes he’d slowly been accumulating from each pack member.   
  
It wouldn’t be a perfect calendar, as he’d been informed by more than one packmate that their cycles weren’t down to an exact measurement of days in between, but it might be better than nothing. Only way to find out was to try.  
  
So he diligently began marking down and outlining the days of everyone’s cycle, using different colors for each and marking each box with their initials.   
  
He only realized someone else had woken up when a pan banged in the kitchen. He looked over, spying Wooyoung’s tousled head as the alpha squinted into the kitchen drawer for some hidden artifact he needed.   
  
“Good morning,” Seonghwa said.  
  
“Morning.”  
  
“Early breakfast?”  
  
“Gonna cook somethin’ for Mingi. He needs to eat.”  
  
“I thought the same. Thank you for doing that.” Seonghwa had been planning on doing so himself, but if it was Wooyoung, all the better.  
  
“Don’t need your thanks. Mingi better thank me later, though.”  
  
“Ah, yeah, you should make sure he does.” Seonghwa agreed.  
  
More dish clattering, the sound of a plastic package falling to the kitchen floor, then a curse. Then silence as everything was put into order. Seonghwa had bent back over his calendar project, making slow progress through the months.   
  
“And what are YOU doing?” Wooyoung asked.  
  
“Making a calendar of everyone’s heat and rut cycles, to keep track.”  
  
“Wow, that seems wildly intrusive.”  
  
“Does it? I thought it could help us be more understanding of each other. Maybe even plan our schedules better. That sort of thing. We’re all a family, after all.”  
  


Then, remembering who he was talking to: “Or at the very least, the seven of you are.”   
  
There was no answer to that. Just a silence, and then the sounds of chopping and searing and simmering as a good, hearty smell started to fill the kitchen.   
  
Ten minutes later, Wooyoung threw a plate down at the end of the table where Mingi normally sat, right where the gleaming gold filled the split in the wood.   
  
“This is Mingi’s food. He’s in your room, right?”   
  
Seonghwa looked up and blinked, his mouth involuntarily watering at the plate of breakfast Wooyoung had prepared- some sort of eggs benedict with thin, pink steak that looked like it would melt in his mouth.    
  
“Yes, he is. Should I go get him?”   
  
“Yeah.”   
  
It turned out to be quite the feat to get Mingi up and walking. The alpha’s body seemed to wake up a bit ahead of his brain, similar to Sanie when he was sleepy. Seonghwa could only be amused and tease Mingi as he tugged and coaxed the alpha off the pillows, then into an unsteady sit, and finally to his feet where he swayed like a pine tree in a strong wind.    
  
He finally got the alpha moving by directing his attention to the delicious smell in the air, and promising it was all for him.    
  
When they finally made it to the table, there was a second plate of breakfast waiting by Seonghwa’s calendar, and a new selection of dates boxed-in on the calendar, initialed  _ “WY” _ . 


	16. hongjoong's birthday pt. I

With Mingi home, it almost seemed like things were on their way to a happy ending.  
  
Mingi was sleeping deeply and peacefully every night as far as Seonghwa could tell. When he asked Mingi himself if his sleep was troubled, all he could remember is putting his head on the pillow and then waking up a good eight or so hours later. Seonghwa couldn’t have asked for a more satisfying result.  
  
Hongjoong did his best to do as he promised and came home early the second day Mingi was home, showing up just in time for dinner. But other than that, he’d gone back to his normal routine of not showing up back home until two or three in the morning.   
  
Although worried about his long, strenuous days, Seonghwa didn’t confront him or even try to pry with questions. But there was definitely a simmering curiosity growing inside him. He had seen Hongjoong several times working on complicated productions in his bedroom at his big fancy computer desk, which looked more like a spaceship’s dashboard than anything. He had seen the big artist portfolios full of sketches for the upcoming fashion line, although Hongjoong had asked him not to flip through them, as he would much rather show him the final product when it was completed.   
  
But even more than this, Seonghwa was hungry to know what the alpha’s day actually looked like when he left home. Seonghwa wanted to go to his appointments; wanted to see him checking the work from the seamstresses that were bringing his styles to life, to see if he was easily-pleased or fussy. He wanted to give Hongjoong’s producing clients a hard glower over his alpha’s shoulder, especially the ones (whose identity Hongjoong always kept vague) who gave him such headaches with their inane requests and inability to know what sound suited their music best. _  
__  
__“It’s_ ** _their_** _music, how do they not know what sound they want? And it’s like the more options I give them the more confused and indecisive they become. I don’t get it. I really don’t get it. Make something with the end result already in your mind, or don’t make it at all.”-_ He had complained that night he came home early.   
  
Both Mingi and Jongho, who had some experience in the field of production and recording, commiserated with him solemnly; while Wooyoung moved behind the alpha and gave his shoulders a brisk massage. “It’s okay, hyung. Calm down. It’ll be okay. You’re better than them. They don’t deserve you.”  
  
Seeing Wooyoung’s cute moments made Seonghwa happy the alpha didn’t outright disdain him any longer. They weren’t best friends, but the alpha would talk to him here and there like an equal, like someone whose opinion mattered, and that was progress.   
  
So, except for appearances from their head alpha being all too rare, everything was progressing in a positive way.  
  
  
As the weather grew colder, Seonghwa realized Hongjoong’s birthday was in the next few days.   
  
“What do you normally do for his birthday?” he asked Yunho as he joined him in a morning workout down in the basement dance studio.  
  
“Hmmm…” Yunho thought about it, patting sweat from his neck with a towel. “The first year it was only hyung and I. I took him to dinner and then frozen yogurt afterwards. I forget what present I gave him. Second year… he was working and we didn’t know when he would come home. We decorated the kitchen for him and left a piece of cake and some small gifts… but we fell asleep before he got back. I don’t think I saw him til the day after that, to be honest, with my own classes at the studio. And then last year… more or less the same thing.”  
  
Yunho squirmed with a bashful look on his face, finding it hard to face the expression Seonghwa was giving him.   
  
“Yunho-ah. That’s the most pitiful thing I’ve ever heard. Isn’t he your head alpha?”  
  
“Ugh, hyung, I _know_ but you know him by now! How are you supposed to throw a party for someone who, for one, probably doesn’t even remember their own birthday; two, isn’t home during any waking hours; and three, always tells us there’s nothing he wants for gifts when he asks, anyway?”  
  
Seonghwa bit at his thumbnail, thinking. “He’s definitely the type that either has everything he wants, or can easily get it. So a gift has to be something unique. And as far as his schedule goes… I think we have no choice to adapt. We’ll have to wait him out.”  
  
“Uh oh, what are you planning, hyung?”  
  
“Depends… how likely is it that everyone can get an extra day off from their schedule?”  
  
“We can definitely try. I’ll postpone whatever classes I have for you.”  
  
Seonghwa raised an eyebrow at that, giving the alpha a sly smirk. “Yunho-ah, is that any way to run a business? Just cancelling on everyone if I tell you I need you? You don’t even know what I’m planning, yet...”  
  
The alpha grinned and suddenly backed him up against the huge mirror, the glass deliciously cold against Seonghwa’s back. His long fingers pushed his shirt up, trailing over the hard bunches of muscle that were starting to take shape in ripples down his stomach.   
  
“Keep this up and I will.”  
  
“Hmph, you only like me for my body? I see…”   
  
“ _No,_ it’s just a bonus…”  
  
He and Yunho had lots of moments like this. There was definitely something building, growing stronger with each little suggestive interaction. To be honest, Seonghwa was surprised something hadn’t already happened between them, and going by how Yunho sometimes looked at him and spoke to him, he thought the alpha was just as surprised. But they were both patient, both knowing the other wasn’t going anywhere, and that eventually things would culminate in what they both knew was coming.  
  
But again, in this instance it wasn’t meant to be.  
  
“Yunho-ah?” Yeosang’s resonant voice preceded his tromping footsteps down the stairs, followed by his wavy-haired head as he peeked in to look for them.   
  
“ _Oh_. Ah… spicy. Yikes. Anyway Yunho, the car’s here to take you to the studio.”  
  
Seonghwa still found the pack’s modes of transportation amusing. Their small garage held Hongjoong’s Porsche as well as a luxury SUV that could easily fit them all in case the alpha wanted to drive them somewhere. But they had a driver on a retainer that worked for a company with its own fleet of cars to suit any situation, whether it was joyriding, a daytrip, a day of shopping, or anything in between.   
  
And, failing that, Hongjoong just encouraged them to take uber or lyft using the black credit cards they all had. To this day Seonghwa didn’t know if the arrangement was because Hongjoong didn’t want them driving, if there wasn’t enough room for that many cars, if the additional vehicles would be too much of an expense, or some other reason.  
  
There was still so much he didn’t know.  
  
But he was taking it one day at a time.  
  
Yeosang went back up the stairs and they started to gather their things. Seonghwa pulled Yunho in by the towel around his neck and gave him a slow, kneading kiss, coaxing his tense mouth apart. The alpha somehow tasted just as good as he smelled. Seonghwa thought of Christmas, of holding a warm mug of cider in his hands as the sweet, tart, spiced steam teased his nose.   
  
“Don’t forget to cancel all your classes for my sake when you get there,” he said, finally releasing him.  
  
He found himself being thumped back against the mirror again. He heard Yunho’s bag fall to the floor. The alpha’s mouth hungrily found his, his hands tugging at his shirt. Seonghwa opened his mouth for him, found himself arching his body into his hands eagerly.  
  
But then a knocking sound from the stairwell, and Yeosang calling down:   
  
“Okay I’m definitely not coming down there right now, but they’re honking the horn a lot outside. Just so ya know.”  
  
Seonghwa huffed a sigh, gently pushing at the alpha’s chest. “Another time…”  
  
Yunho pulled away, hands on his hips as he tried to catch his breath. His cheeks were adorably flushed in a mottled way, like a child’s in the cold. He fanned himself and adjusted the sweatshirt tied around his waist so the bulk of the material hung at the front.   
  
“I want you, Seonghwa.”  
  
“Me too. Don’t worry. Have a good day.”  
  
With an exasperated but good-humored growl, Yunho grabbed his bag and headed upstairs.  
\--------------------  
  
 _‘Can I use the card to go clothes shopping for myself, alpha?’_ Seonghwa texted Hongjoong as he followed Yunho up.  
  
‘ _Seonghwa-ssi, why do i feel like you’re teasing me saying ‘alpha’ that way? Of course u can. If u model everything for me, later.’_ _  
_ _  
_Well, Seonghwa wouldn’t be doing that. He just hoped he could stave off the alpha until his birthday, three days away. _  
_ _  
_Yeosang, Wooyoung, and San were in the living room, playing the Switch on one of the TVs mounted above the fireplace. Wooyoung and San were curled together in one of the nesting chairs, while Yeosang sat alone at the end of the couch, his bare feet curled up beneath him.  
  
“Mmm, it’s kind of cold in here today, isn’t it?” Seonghwa rubbed his arms and remarked, noticing that even with the electric flames burning in the fireplace, it didn’t seem to provide much heat. The chill was probably inevitable, with the living area being almost entirely walled by glass. The cold would seep through.   
  
“Why isn’t Yeosanggie beside you two, to get warm?”  
  
“He doesn’t like it,” Sanie chimed.   
  
“Hmph. Well, that’s weird. Hongjoong told me you three came as a package deal to this pack, but all I ever see is WooSan together like they’re attached at the hip, and Yeosang alone like the black sheep.”  
  
Wooyoung paused the game at this, and Seonghwa braced himself.   
  
The alpha turned his narrowed eyes on him. Seonghwa knew by now that the alpha was way too smart for his own good, his brain putting together the puzzle of hidden meanings and tones and context to someone’s words in a way that could be alarming.   
  
“What are you saying?”  
  
“I’m just saying Yeosanggie looked cold. There’s plenty of space in the chair, I don’t know why you can’t share.”  
  
“Hyung, trust me. If you knew anything, you’d know a WooSan sandwich is not where he wants to be.”  
  
Seonghwa could vaguely see Yeosang’s alarmed expression out of the corner of his eye, a little shake of his head. But he was in too deep.   
  
“I’m just saying, I don’t know many people who wouldn’t want the warmth of a friend beside them on a winter morning like this.”  
  
Now Wooyoung’s cutting gaze slid from Seonghwa to Yeosang and back. Then he held his hand out to Yeosang. “You. Come here. I don’t _100_ % know what’s going on yet, but hyung might not let us finish the game if you don’t come here.”  
  
Seonghwa mentally apologized to the omega who cringed his way off the couch and into the chair with Wooyoung and San, grumbling about how his name was not ‘ _you’_. Wooyoung pulled him in close and helped him get comfortable. _‘Aish, wait are you really shivering? Why didn’t you say something…’_  
  
Wooyoung threw him a couple suspicious glances, but Seonghwa merely waited impassively for them to settle and then covered them up with a velvety throw, ignoring Wooyoung’s protests that he was blocking the screen, despite the screen being mounted several feet above his head.   
  
\--------------------  
  
Seonghwa was surprised not to find Mingi still snoozing in the bedroom. One thing he had learned was that the alpha was more than content so spend half the day in bed if he could, even if he had slept plenty early the night before.   
  
But he wasn’t in bed. Seonghwa took a few minutes to make the bed properly and put some of Mingi’s discarded clothes into the hamper, then went down the hall. The door to Mingi’s old bedroom was open. Seonghwa rapped his knuckles on the doorframe and peaked in, seeing the alpha hunched at the desk scribbling into a small black notebook. He had a pair of chunky earphones on, his head just faintly bobbing with what must have been an intense beat.   
  
It made him relieved to see the alpha doing something so mundane yet productive, showing interest in something creative and moving past what must have been an extremely traumatic ordeal at the research facility. Hongjoong still refused to tell him what he had found out about the testing, and Seonghwa didn’t dare to potentially hurt Mingi by asking.  
  
He was about to just leave the alpha in peace when he looked up, blinking at him through thick eyeglasses and tugging his earphones off his head.   
  
“Hyung.”  
  
“Hi, Mingi. What are you working on?”  
  
“Ah, these? They’re lyrics…”  
  
“ _Lyrics?”_ _  
_ _  
_“Yeah. For a mixtape. Someday.”  
  
“Mingi, that’s amazing.”  
  
Mingi shrugged. “Already have a couple songs recorded. Hongjoong-hyung helped me with one. That’s how… That’s when we met.”  
  
“Ah, I see. I remember now. He mentioned meeting you at work.”  
  
“You know Jongho already beat me to it, though?” Mingi suddenly bragged for their maknae’s sake. “Well… it’s not exactly a mixtape. But he has an album. He takes CDs to the weddings and stuff he sings at and always ends up selling so many. It’s crazy. He has a funny fanclub, too… lots of ahjummas in particular are wild for him. You should see the stuff he gets sent for his birthday.”  
  
Seonghwa laughed, relaxing back against the door frame. “Wow, I really had no idea. I can’t believe he didn’t tell me.”  
  
Mingi clicked his tongue. “Guess you need to work harder, hyung.”  
  
“Guess so. Hey, you wanna go shopping with me for Hongjoong’s birthday? You know his clothes style pretty well, right?”  
  
Mingi’s eyes widened, but he nodded. “Uh, yeah. I know. I can come. I just need a few more minutes.”  
  
“That’s fine, take your time. I’ll call for a car.”  
  
\--------------------  
  
Mingi walked in as Seonghwa was standing in front of the vanity mirror, alternating holding two different shirts up to his chest to see which one would be better.   
  
Hongjoong had been right, he had been dressing like such a homebody, with no reason not to. But since they were going to be doing some upscale shopping, he should probably clean himself up. His closet consisted of worn casual wear suited for little else than sleeping or working out, feminine gothic pieces he would have worn to raves or clubs, and then the sort of sturdy, boring, uniform-like ensembles he used to wear to work at the cafe. And somehow, from those choices, he needed to come up with something suitable for shopping in what he guessed would end up being Gangnam.  
  
“Do you need help, hyung?”  
  
“Yes. I don’t know what to wear.”  
  
“Obviously.”  
  
Mingi wandered behind him and peeked over his shoulder into the mirror, flashing a toothy grin. Until it suddenly wasn’t a grin anymore. His mouth frowned in interest as he suddenly leaned a little harder into Seonghwa, sniffing at his shoulder brazenly.   
  
Seonghwa slowly set the shirts down.   
  
“Mingi?”  
  
“Mmmn…” the alpha protested, grabbing him by the waist. Grabbing him like a predator grabs its prey, so it can’t dart off.  
  
“ _Mingi._ ”  
  
He shuddered as he watched the alpha in the mirror, watched him run his hands down his body and slide his tongue up the side of his neck, something so strangely purposeful about the contact. Then he suddenly fastened his mouth around the crook of his neck, giving a hard _suck_ that made Seonghwa’s knees wobble.   
  
“ _Mingi!_ ” He twisted around and swatted him. “What are you doing?”  
  
Mingi’s long eyelashes fluttered as he drew away. “Oh...I’m… I’m sorry, hyung. I wasn’t going to do anything. I just… you smelled so much like Yunho, I wanted you to smell like me, too.” Then he blinked hard and shook his head, as if trying to clear it.  
  
“Oh…” Seonghwa hugged himself, one hand touching the pleasantly-throbbing skin where Mingi’s mouth had been. He knew there would be a big love bruise, there. “That’s interesting. You don’t like it when I smell like someone else?”  
  
Mingi shrugged. “I guess not.”  
  
Seonghwa looked at him shrewdly, keeping him in his sights. “What if I had smelled like Jongho or like Sanie… what then?”  
  
“I don’t know. I can’t remember if I’ve smelled you like that.”  
  
“But you like Yunho… so what’s the problem?”  
  
“I love Yunho, and his scent is nice...but it was so strong on you… like you’re his property, or something.”  
  
Seonghwa barely restrained rolling his eyes.   
  
“I guess since I’m not an alpha I don’t really pick up on those nuances. I’ll be more careful in the future so you don’t feel uncomfortable. Are you okay, now?”  
  
Mingi nodded, his glasses almost slipping off his face.   
  
“Okay, then… help me get dressed.”  
  
  
This was perhaps a mistake, as the act of getting dressed went from a few minutes’ affair to a good half hour. Mingi, not liking anything Seonghwa showed him, insisted at looking through all of his clothes.   
  
He wasn’t kind in his judgement of his closet, and the pieces he did approve delightedly of he demanded Seonghwa try on, including a fluffy black mini skirt made of black feathers.   
  
Mingi had held it up slowly, with showmanship and utter disbelief, both. “ _Hyung._ What. Is. This?”  
  
“It was for Halloween. I was a raven.”  
  
“Well…” the alpha sighed, smoothing the feathers beneath his fingers. “I’m not going anywhere til you try it on.”  
  
Seonghwa had almost argued. But looking at the alpha, he was able to fast-forward their entire argument and saw that it ended with the same result. With a sigh of his own he snatched the skirt up and slipped into the closet for some privacy.   
  
When he came back out, Mingi was hugging a pillow, which he conveniently buried his face in with glee. Seonghwa gave a turn so the alpha could see every angle, then put a hand on his hip. “Okay, there. Can we go?”  
  
Mingi’s mouth seemed frozen in a gasp, his fingers clutching the pillow for dear life. “Hyung. Your _ass_. It’s one feather away from being completely _out._ I mean…” He took a bracing inhale, pushing his glasses up his nose with a finger. “It’s a really nice ass an’ all. I would invite you to sit on me with it, but I’m allergic to birds…”  
  
“Okay, I’ll just pick my clothes for myself. Thank you, Mingi.”  
  
“Hyung, _nooo!”_ _  
_ _  
_The alpha hollered until Seonghwa allowed him to finally choose a serious and appropriate outfit, but from the looks Mingi gave him the entire ride to the shopping district, he knew there was likely more skirt and/or bird references in his future.  
  
Even if he _could_ be upset at the idea, he didn’t think he would be. The alpha deserved to have some moments in his life that brought him joy, even if they were at Seonghwa’s expense.


	17. hongjoong's birthday pt. II (nsfw)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part II of III of the Hongjoong's Birthday saga

While Hongjoong thought Seonghwa was going to be wielding the pack’s credit card on a shopping spree for himself, the excuse was only a cover for other plans.    
  
“We need to find him seven pieces. Something from each of us,” Seonghwa instructed Mingi as they disembarked onto the busy street in Gangnam. Seonghwa was thankful for the alpha being with him, not just for his advice on which clothing Hongjoong would like, but as someone who had more experience shopping in an expensive district like this.    
  
Seonghwa was sure each of the tall, chic shoppers striding by in their heeled leather boots and camel top coats and knit turtlenecks had more wealth on one wrist than Seonghwa had ever imagined amassing in one lifetime. Of course, there was no way for him to feel  _ intimidated _ by this, so to speak; but it didn’t mean he wasn’t out of his depth.   
  
“What if I don’t want to give hyung a present?” Mingi joked, making Seongha elbow him as they walked. “Shhh. It will be fun. I hope.”   
  
“You hope it will be fun? Hope  _ what _ will be fun? What’s going on?”   
  
Seonghwa hummed. “Well… One of Hongjoong’s hobbies is reforming, right?   
  
“Oh no.”   
  
“But I bet he’s never received reformed clothes made by his own pack before.”   
  
“Wow, this is definitely a mistake. It’s going to be so bad. He might really get mad.  _ ‘Happy birthday, hyung, we ruined some designer clothes for you. _ ’”   
  
“Mingi, honestly, you’re such a brat,” Seonghwa laughed. “That’s why you’re going to help me find some good discounts. Maybe even consignment or second-hand. And then we’ll need to hit up a craft store on the way home…”   
  
“This is really happening, huh? You know that reforming actually takes some skill? Skill that a lot of us do  _ not  _ have...”   
  
“I’m sure you’ll try your very best and it’ll mean the world to him, because it’s custom-made by you.”   
  
Mingi said nothing to that, only heaved a sigh. But afterwards he started searching the storefronts for somewhere that would suit Seonghwa’s purposes, apparently taking the task seriously despite his doubts.    
  
  
  
With Mingi’s help, what would have probably taken Seonghwa the entire day by himself, they finished up within a couple hours. Mingi trudging behind him with both hands full of bags (he hadn’t allowed Seonghwa to take any of them, despite his protests), he led him into a barbecue restaurant, the smell of which immediately filled his mouth up with saliva.    
  
“I think you earned a decadent lunch, Mingi-ah,” Seonghwa praised as they sat down, Mingi taking a moment to carefully set the bags down safe and out of the way.    
  
Mingi looked like a hungry kid, setting his sights on every passing waiter until one finally came over and took their order, lighting up the grill in the center of the table in preparation.    
  
  
“What are you looking at?” Seonghwa asked mildly, head in hand as he watched Mingi scrolling through something on his phone, waiting for the meat to come.    
  
“Hmph. Ideas.” The alpha mumbled.    
  
Seonghwa’s smile grew wider. “Birthday gift design ideas?”   
  
Mingi shrugged one shoulder. “Maybe…”   
  
“I arranged everything so everyone should be home when we get back. Yeosang said he asked around at the university he’s been modelling at and they have a room we can use to set the clothes out, so any paint can dry. I imagine they should be dry enough after twenty-four hours. Then we can wrap them nicely and bring them back home. The main challenge will be making sure Hongjoong comes home at a decent time on his birthday…”   
  
When Seonghwa glanced at Mingi, he saw the alpha leaned forward, watching him, his phone forgotten on the table.   
  
“Why are you doing this, hyung? Why are you trying so hard?”   
  
Seonghwa paused, leaning back as the waiter brought water and tea and plates of steak and marinated pork. He began arranging the pieces on the grill, mouth watering again at the sizzling hiss.    
  
“Because you’re my pack and I want to do well for you, Mingi-ah.”   
  
“But you barely know us…”   
  
“But I want to know you. For a long time. So shouldn’t I put in my best effort, even from the beginning?” he asked as he flipped the browning meat over, starting to prepare a plate for Mingi.    
  
“I feel like you’re too good to be true.”   
  
“Well… I guess you’re somewhat right. If you had met me before, what I’m really like, I’m sure I’m not someone you would have wanted.”   
  
Mingi’s lips parted, and even when Seongha pushed a plate heaped with grilled meat and lettuce and kimchi, his eyes didn’t even glance towards it.    
  
“Why, what could be so wrong with you?”   
  
“It doesn’t matter, Mingi. I don’t want to talk about it. Is that okay? Wouldn’t you rather eat?”   
  
Mingi sighed, then finally reached behind him for a couple of the bags of clothes. He put them on Seonghwa’s side of the table, near his feet.    
  
“These are for you.”   
  
Seonghwa blinked, leaning aside to look down into the bags to glimpse the clothes inside. He didn’t reach in, not wanting to dirty them now that he’d been grilling.    
  
“They’re not from Hongjoong, from the pack funds. They’re from me.” Mingi clarified in a low voice. There wasn’t a hint of bragging in his voice, rather an earnestness for the gift to be understood. “I wanted you to have more choices of things to wear, so you can always be comfortable.”   
  
Seonghwa grinned, nudging the bag with his foot to try and get more of a glimpse. “Thank you, Mingi. I can’t wait to look at everything later. That was really kind of you.”    
  
His foot found the alpha’s beneath the table, giving it an affectionate nudge.    
  
“I just realized… this could almost be like a little first date for us, couldn’t it?” Seonghwa wondered.   
  
“I didn’t ask you on a date.”   
  
“Ah… that’s too bad. I was going to give you a kiss at the end.”   
  
Mingi bit his lip and turned pink at that, stuffing his mouth with a comically over-stuffed lettuce wrap to keep from replying.    
  
\--------------------   
  
It was going to take Seonghwa  _ hours _ to clean everything up.   
  
The big dining table had at least been draped with a heavy canvas tarp, and on top of that Seonghwa had had the foresight to lay a tarp down on the floor, as well.    
  
Despite that, he could see glitter, paint flecks, shreds of material scrap and drifting snowflakes of fuzz already migrating outside of the safety zone.    
  
Paint had been spilled more than once. (Although one of those spills Sanie ended up turning into a design that everyone else wished they would have thought of first. Seonghwa had to very firmly urge them not to start spilling paint with abandon after that.)   
  
He noticed how his packs’ fingertips, palms and wrists, even forearms and elbows, grew grungy with paint and here and there received a prick from an inexperienced needle as sewing was attempted. Seonghwa had already helped Wooyoung once when the alpha panicked over a drop of fabric glue that had gotten onto the jacket he was wearing. It had taken Seonghwa everything in his being to not chastise the alpha for wearing his (apparently) favorite item of clothing during an intense crafting session such as this, but the last thing he wanted was to set their relationship back with a scolding. Instead he calmly helped the alpha clean the glue off before it set, and suggested he keep the garment off for now.   
  
Seonghwa helped all other ways he could, including looking up tutorials and youtube videos to figure out the technical side of reforming.    
  
He wouldn’t say that any of his pack members felt the result was all that they had envisioned when they had started, but he didn’t dare start packing things up and cleaning until every one of them were satisfied with the gifts they had made. More than one of them asked when they would get to give them to Hongjoong, already looking forward to it.   
  
Seonghwa, although perhaps he was biased, adored every piece.    
  
Sanie had immediately sat down without thinking and painted a vivid blue swarm of butterflies sweeping across the front of a denim jacket, detailing every vein of every wing and not making a peep for what must have been three hours.    
  
Yunho had taken a crisp white dress shirt outside on the patio and used a lighter and the filigreed metal back of a chair to burn a pattern into the back, using the chair back almost as a stencil. Seonghwa knew the alpha would love the impressive result for the ingenuity alone.   
  
There was a messenger bag bleached with a constellation of eight stars, one for each member. (Yeosang)   
  
A fishing hat pierced along the brim and embellished with strands of multi-colored leather cord that met and hung free in the back. (Jongho)   
  
A bulky pink knit sweater that had been artfully unravelled at the wrists and sewn with a patch that depicted an anatomically-correct heart. (Mingi)   
  
After lots of painstaking trial and error, Wooyoung sewed a pair of fishnets inside a pair of form-fitting jeans he’d spray-painted with crisscrosses of red, making ropey tears into the denim so that the fishnet would show through beneath. Seonghwa had raised his eyebrow at the two gaping slits at the back of the thighs, right below the seat of the pants.   
  
“Hyung has a really nice ass, he needs to show it off more.” Wooyoung had simply explained, Yunho nodding along sagely.   
  
In between helping the others, Seonghwa worked on his. Slyly, without Mingi noticing and causing a ruckus, he took snippets of the raven skirt he had shown him earlier, cutting free a few thin lines of black faux feathers. These he used to modestly embellish an interesting piece he and Mingi had found, a piece of clothing that couldn’t seem to decide if it was a kilt or capris pants.    
Down near the hem of the skirt, in a small font not meant to draw attention, he used black thread to sew a set of numbers. Rather than Hongjoong’s birthday, he sewed the date that the alpha had picked him up from the Children of the Sun. Just a small thank you.   
  
Looking over all the pieces, Seonghwa couldn’t help but think his was the least impressive, but overall he could imagine the alpha enjoying every piece as it was unwrapped.   
  
By the time Jongho and Yeosang had carefully packed everything and taken them off to dry in secret (tarps included, to hide the evidence), Seonghwa was feeling tired aches from the day's ventures.    
  
He was grateful for Changbin's presence preparing food in the kitchen. The chef and quasi-housekeeper had come bearing groceries and spent a few minutes wowing and praising them over their creations before starting to cook. His hand had come up and squeezed the back of Wooyoung’s neck when he got to him, tenderly swiping a thumb across his skin.   
  
Seonghwa couldn’t help but watch. He wasn’t being nosy. But would he be watchful of things that could cause disharmony in his pack? Hell yes.    
  
But that was it, just a passing moment.   
  
Still, Changbin was cheerful but worked hard, cooked like an angel and always did even more than was expected, and it was nice to have that reliable, helpful energy in the house.   
  
  
Now Seonghwa was on his knees beneath the table with a hand-vacuum, trying awkwardly to climb and shuffle around the table legs, not leaving any nook un-vacuumed.    
  
He nearly jumped when Mingi suddenly thumped down to hands and knees from the other side of the table, joining him beneath, his face no more than a foot away.    
  
“Hey.”   
  
“Hello, Mingi.”   
  
Mingi didn’t bother to give warning before slowly leaning in and pressing his lips to his, taking it even deeper when he felt how pliant and willing Seonghwa instantly went for him. The alpha’s hand loosely cupped his throat as he kissed him and kissed him, prodding deep with his tongue. Seonghwa loved the taste of him. Maybe it was silly to say that it reminded him of the steak they had eaten for lunch; but he was a rich, juicy mouth-watering taste, just like that.    
  
Mingi pulled away, leaving Seonghwa to tuck a stray lock of hair behind his ear as he recovered his breath. “I… I have to finish cleaning up.”   
  
“Woo and Sanie will do it.”   
  
“But, aren’t they-”   
  
“They’ll do it. Can’t you go wait in the bedroom, hyung? You’ve worked so hard.”   
  
\--------------------   
  
Feeling a little dazed, wondering if there had been a hint of Alpha Voice in Mingi’s suggestion, Seonghwa went to their bedroom and waited, not at all unhappy about it. Instead his heart was pounding as he pulled off the apron he had been wearing.    
  
He heard Mingi yelling at Wooyoung and San, get yelled at in return, then more yelling, grumbles.    
  
The exchange could have gone on for five minutes, or twenty seconds, he wasn’t sure. When Mingi came in he clutched onto him wordlessly as the alpha pressed another crushing kiss to his mouth, his body so close that Seonghwa could feel his arousal growing.    
  
All at once he was scooped up and thrown on the bed on his back. Then his pants were gone, his underwear, all ripped away impatiently. He shivered at the cool air against his legs, but soon he had Mingi between them, his body nice and warm. His mouth was even warmer, and as it suddenly sucked at the underside of his cock he had to struggle not to yell. Every touch of Mingi’s tongue and lips, even his teeth, was so full of hunger it was overwhelming. Yet he was gentle, the teeth never giving more than a firm pressure that made the other sensations even more pleasurable. Soon Seonghwa was achingly hard, and when Mingi’s mouth moved even lower to lick and suck at his hole he started spurting precum like he’d never had happen.    
  
“N-nngh… doesn’t matter how much you do that, don’t have any slick for you…” Seonghwa teased him through gritted teeth, his dark brows knitted in pleasure.   
  
“Oh yeah?” Mingi’s voice was so deep, even infused with cloying humor as it was. “What’s this, then?”   
  
His fingers slid through the pre on his belly, gathering it up before thrusting inside him, two at a time. Seonghwa gasped. It didn’t hurt. It was so good. He groaned and looked up at Mingi who was just looking down at him, fucking him with his fingers and watching just to see what his reaction was.    
  
“Mmn… Mingi… just put it in…”   
  
“Want you to cum like this, first,” the alpha said, pressing hard against a nerve inside him that made him arch. “Come on.”   
  
Seonghwa’s reply was cut off as Mingi leaned his long body down to his to kiss him, fingers still fucking away. He added a third finger without warning, prying him roughly apart, making Seonghwa moan against his mouth.    
  
“Come on…” Mingi urged him again, kissing beneath his ear, breath tickling.    
  
“Come on,” his lips grazed the edge of his jaw, his fingers pulling out completely just so they could push his tight little hole open for them again.   
  
“Do it for me.” It was the bulge of Mingi’s clothed erection grazing Seonghwa’s cock that put him over the edge. He choked back a yell as his muscles seized up, shooting cum all the way up to his chest. Afterwards he could only lie there, panting and vulnerable beneath the alpha.    
  
Mingi licked his lips as he undid his belt and moved his underwear aside for his massive cock to spring free. Seonghwa caught his breath. Mingi slicked himself up with the cum from Seonghwa’s skin, the slow strokes causing the darkly-flushed organ to grow even heavier in his hand.    
  
“Do you always let an alpha do this after a first date?”   
  
Seonghwa’s look was enough to shut the alpha up, which worked just fine as they soon had very little mind for talking. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel better soon baby boy   
> we love u  
> :'(


	18. hongjoong’s birthday pt. III (nsfw)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehh...

“Ugh.”   
  
It was 1:45 in the morning, and in the last hour Mingi had huffed out that disdainful  _ “ugh” _ at least three times.    
  
Seonghwa sympathized with them, he really did. They were caught in a sleepless limbo in the living room, all seven of them waiting up for the head alpha to trudge home after his long day of work. Not knowing precisely when the hour of his return might be, it made things tense. Plus, the living room was full of temptations. Seonghwa had filled the big coffee table with all the alpha’s favorite snacks, from chicken skewers to grilled meats, convenience store snacks and of course a big birthday cake studded with currently-unlit candles. Over on the dining room table were the stacked boxes of reformed clothes, neatly ribboned. Next to the boxes, Wooyoung, Mingi and Yunho had bought the alpha a couple bottles of his favorite alcohol, some candy pink liquor that tasted nothing like alcohol and everything like a strawberry dessert- with the caveat of being dangerously potent.    
  
Seonghwa looked up from the card game he was playing with Wooyoung, Jongho, and Yeosang, giving Mingi his attention.    
  
“Yes, Mingi-ah?”   
  
“You should have just asked him to come home early. He probably would have listened to you.”   
  
Seonghwa ignored Wooyoung’s soft, disdainful snort, because at least it wasn’t a  _ loud _ disdainful snort.   
  
“Well… I was going to. But he always gets so stressed when I ask him to come back early.” He explained, examining his cards and playing one onto the group pile in the middle of the floor.    
“And after thinking about it… wouldn’t it be more touching if we waited up for  _ him _ , rather than forcing him to change his schedule for us?”   
  
“But it’s his own birthday, though. He should want to come…” Yeosang observed, although his tone was resigned; this was no new revelation of what little care the alpha had for himself.    
  
“I think he’ll appreciate this gesture. I told everyone to try to get a nap in earlier, since it would be a late night. And  _ did _ you, Mingi?”   
  
Mingi took a potato chip from the communal bowl (one of the few snacks he WAS allowed to touch) and crunched it slowly to keep from answering.   
  
“What if he  _ never _ comes home, though?” Sanie rolled around on the floor in his bare feet and Universal Studios tshirt, jostling along Seonghwa’s thigh and Yeosang’s hip and anything else that got in his way.    
  
Yeosang put a hand on San’s chest to stop his momentum and Sanie amused himself by pretending his hand weighed as much as Thor’s Hammer, gritting his teeth and groaning as he pried and pushed at it while actually exerting almost no pressure at all.    
  
Yeosang rolled his eyes and ‘released’ the little fish to roll along the rug where he willed, too bored and hungry and scatterbrained to play games with them.   
  
“At what time should we call it off...” Yeosang began hesitantly. He didn’t want to be a doomsayer, but it might help the waiting if they had a cut-off time.   
  
“Sometimes he  _ really  _ doesn’t come home all night…” Yunho reminded Seonghwa reluctantly, looking at him for guidance.   
  
Seonghwa parted his lips to reply, but that’s when they all heard the tires crunch over the driveway outside.    
  
They all froze and then scrambled chaotically at once, hitting lights and finding hiding places; trying to light candles with a lighter that didn’t want to work and fingers that wouldn’t stop shaking in panicked excitement.    
  
But they made it. And by the time Hongjoong came in the front door, mumbling in confusion on why the light, normally left on for him, had been shut off, they were hushed and waiting. They heard the alpha’s fumbling hand smoothing along the wall, looking for the light switch. When he clicked it they ambushed him, Mingi and Wooyoung yelling like it was some scary prank show, Yeosang clapping in tiny, Jongho leading a chorus of happy birthday full off operatic adlibs that Yunho performed an impromptu choreography for, Sanie leaping to hug the alpha and barely being caught in one arm, and Seonghwa gently helping the omega off of him before he fell over completely.    
  
“Happy birthday, Hongjoong,” he wished the alpha sincerely.   
  
“Oh wow, what’s this…”    
  
Seonghwa knew the alpha cared for them all, so deeply. He knew there was so much depth to him and love there, emotion that he had never fully gotten to share and, on this trajectory, may never be able to share. But still, it was surprising to Seonghwa how quickly Hongjoong’s eyes turned misty as he took them all in. Yunho saved him from whatever upwelling emotions he was struggling with by approaching with a birthday cake that was practically ablaze with candles, one for each of his twenty-five years.    
  
“Better hurry and blow out the candles, hyung, or Wooyoung will do it,” Mingi said as he put his hand on Hongjoong’s shoulder, ignoring Woo sticking out his tongue.   
  
Hongjoong closed his eyes, taking a full second to think (of his wish?) and then nodded to himself, blowing out the candles in one go.    
  
“Thanks, everyone…” he mumbled awkwardly as he kicked off his shoes and jacket and got comfortable nearby the fakely-crackling electric fireplace, trying to get rid of the wintery chill outside. “You really didn’t have to do this, though. It’s so late…” He rubbed his eyes as if reminded of his own tiredness, but the smile he gave all of them radiated fondness.   
  
“Have you even eaten anything?” He wondered, noticing the unopened trays of food taking up space on the coffee table.   
  
“Of course, not. You can’t eat without the birthday king,” Jongho said matter-of-factly.   
  
Seonghwa sat down beside him, giving the alpha’s waist a subtle squeeze. “Are you okay to eat a bit and open some presents? Not too tired?” he asked as the others busied themselves with uncovering all the food and pouring drinks, grabbing plates and chopsticks and lots of napkins, knowing the reaction they would get from Seonghwa if they made a mess on the floor.    
  
Hongjoong nodded, finding Seonghwa’s hand and squeezing. “This is really nice. I didn’t expect it…”   
  
Seonghwa clicked his tongue. “You know they always want to celebrate your birthday? I heard you make that rather difficult.”   
  
Hongjoong gave a hollow laugh, nodding his head. “Yeah…” He didn’t even try to deny it, just looked sorry. Seonghwa rubbed his back briskly. “But you’re here, now. We didn’t mind waiting. And we’ve got some surprises.”   
  
\--------------------   
  
While they were all curious to see their alpha’s reaction to his reformed presents, Sanie was the most excited. He was practically thrumming with his efforts to be patient as the alpha ate chicken and beef with rice and kimchi and accepted a wine flute filled to the top with the strawberry liquor.    
  
He was a good boy, waiting for the alpha to set his half-finished plate of food down on the coffee table before going to the stack of presents on the dining room table and tugging his free.    
  
“Hyung! Here you go! I made this for your birthday!” He handed the box down and then knelt beside him with a hand on the alpha’s knee, eager to watch his reaction as close up as possible.    
  
Seonghwa gave an amused yet pained-looking smile and brushed the omega’s hair back. “Let him breathe, Sanie.”   
  
Hongjoong had all of their attention, though; everyone interested in the alpha’s first impression of their quasi-homemade gifts.   
  
Hongjoong undid the ribbon and opened up the lid, slowly drawing the jacket out. “Ohh…?” At first looking like a typical distressed denim jacket, until he unfolded it and revealed the front with a noise of confusion. “Sanie… you… made this?”   
  
He laid the jacket out in his lap, tracing the edge of the butterfly wings.    
  
“Yeah, isn’t is pretty? It’s pretty, huh? Say it’s pretty...” Sanie chanted playfully, hugging the alpha’s neck and nuzzling their cheeks together.    
  
“Yeah...it’s pretty…” They couldn’t read the expression of the alpha’s bowed head well as he inspected the omega’s work, but when they heard a sniffle Yunho leapt up in response.    
  
“Ahh, emergency! Hyung, you can’t do that, you’re gonna bring down the whole mood!”   
  
Yunho appeared at his side with another gift box and a tissue for any errant tears. “Here, open Mingi’s! It’ll make you laugh, for sure!”   
  
“... _ YAH! _ ”   
  
With Mingi’s yell of protest they started bringing all the boxes over and refilled the alpha’s wine flute back up to the top and had fun watching him open each one, laughing at jokes about what sort of situation would call for him to wear some of the more wild concepts and giving him space and time to absorb each one in his careful, sentimental way.    
  
Seonghwa could tell the alpha loved them all, and looked at each piece like they were more cherished than ones he would have made with his own hands.    
  
Afterwards they all made sure to eat and drink their fill, and immediately after started crashing on various surfaces around the house. Seonghwa covered Wooyoung and San up with a blanket, leaving them tangled up together on the couch snoring very softly. Jongho was watching some trashy late-night court tv with the volume muted, afraid to move or shift around because of how Yeosang had fallen asleep. The omega’s head rested on his shoulder, the line of his neck revealed with his wispy pale hair pulled back into a ponytail. In that moment Seonghwa could see how an art student would be entranced to draw him. All the same, he raised a questioning eyebrow at Jongho, wondering if he was in need of relocation help, but the maknae just smiled and shook his head, more than content to be a pillow for the delicate omega.   
  
That was four of the children settled down for the night.   
  
Where were the other three?   
  
Seonghwa realized he had lost track of the others and went to find them. Yunho’s room was empty, as was he and Mingi’s. He went towards the end of the hall, to the door on the left. Hongjoong’s. He lifted his hand to knock, but heard a soft thump and a gasp, instead.    
  
He pushed the door open noiselessly, stepped in and peeked towards Hongjoong’s bed. That’s where they were.   
  
He found them.    
  
Currently, the three alphas were drunkenly pulling off each other’s clothes and smothering their head alpha with birthday kisses.    
  
Seonghwa couldn’t help but think Hongjoong looked so cute, happily dazed and flushed and leaning back against Yunho’s bare chest. Thinking back, the head alpha had probably had four or five large glasses of the strong liquor, something he was no doubt going to regret later on.   
  
He wasn’t regretting it now, as Yunho bit softly at his throat and Mingi coaxed his head up to kiss his lips, big hands trailing down his naked chest and stomach, stroking him through pants which they hadn’t gotten pulled off quite yet. Hongjoong arched prettily into each of their touches, allowing them to get at him more, to pull pants and underwear free and leave him naked and aroused.    
  
Seonghwa bit at his bottom lip, vivid and exhilarating memories coming back to him at the sight of Hongjoong and Mingi; and as for Yunho, he was gaining some brand new imagery that was not displeasing whatsoever.   
  
The three alphas knew each other’s bodies so well. They didn’t have to say anything to each other. Just an intent, heated look would do. Seonghwa watched, entranced as Mingi left and grabbed lube from a drawer, returning just as Hongjoong slid up to hands and knees and Yunho gently coaxed his head down between his legs, hips giving an excited little twinge towards him, a shallow fuck of his throat. 

Yunho’s body was nice. An athlete’s body; flushed so prettily all over, just like his cheeks would get when he was sleeping. His boyish expression was gone and there was something altogether different there now, from the hungry focus in his eyes to the way his tongue licked across his teeth as his head alpha’s head bobbed on his cock.    
  
Mingi returned, squinting in concentration as he knelt behind Hongjoong and squeezed out an obscene amount of lube directly between the alpha’s cheeks, making him moan at the feeling. Mingi rubbed the lube in for a long time before even sinking a finger in, making Seonghwa want to give a nod of approval. He was concerned and intrigued on how the small stature of their head alpha was going to manage taking something as large as Mingi’s cock in his ass.   
  
“Nngh, hyung, keep usin’ your tongue like that…” Yunho was the first to break the silence with a growl, his nicely-built chest heaving as Hongjoong blew him tirelessly, making Seonghwa wonder where he was getting the time and space to breathe.    
  
Mingi watched both of them as he slowly fingered the alpha open. His free hand was held tight to his own cock, as if trying to keep it from getting too out of control too soon. But he suddenly switched his grip, reaching beneath Hongjoong’s body to jerk him as he entered another finger, distracting him with pleasure. Hongjoong gave a high pitched moan and rocked back on Mingi’s hand, taking his fingers down to the last knuckle in one go. Mingi hissed but rewarded him with a twisting tug of his dick that nearly had Hongjoong doubling over.    
  
Hongjoong had finally stopped blowing Yunho as Mingi slowly drove him crazy with rough jabs of his fingers and firm, long strokes of his cock, in danger of already driving him over the edge. “Mingi, you’re gonna end the fun for Hongjoongie-hyung so early that way,” Yunho purred.   
  
“No way. He doesn’t get to finish until he’s taken my cock all the way. Right, hyung?” Mingi smirked with a gently yank of Hongjoong’s hair. “Every inch.”   
  
“ _ Fuck _ ,” Hongjoong moaned, rocking back eagerly, his cock leaking a dewy string of pre into the sheets. “Hurry.” He peeked over his shoulder as Mingi mounted him, bracing a knee in the bed, hiking Hongjoong’s hips up even more and then sinking into him slow and deep, not stopping even when the alpha gave an agonized moan that wasn’t necesarrily all pleasure.    
  
“Shut up. You like this, don’t you, Hongjoong?”   
  
Yunho’s eyes glittered as he looked at Mingi. “Oh, is it yaja time?” He wondered gleefully at Mingi’s sudden shift to speaking to their alpha so informally.    
  
Hongjoong growled at them both over his shoulder, his irises blazing.   
  
Seonghwa’s face was a war of emotion. His mouth caught in a startled smirk, eyes wide, and fingers coming to press against his lips to hold back any accidental sound. On top of what he’d seen and heard up til now, he could barely accept the silhouetted view of Mingi’s girth disappearing into an ass that, while nicely plump and round, was small. He felt like he was watching a magic trick. But to his surprise the alpha gave another growl and heaved himself back on Mingi’s cock, mouth dropping open in a feral grin of ecstasy as he did so.    
  
“Ah, fuck. Can never believe how tight you are, Joong,” Mingi hissed, leaning his head back luxuriously. His hand smoothed up the base of the alpha’s spine and went all the way to his nape, fingers closing around his neck and holding steady. Yunho laid back comfortably, hiking his hips up on a pillow and pulling Joong’s head down between his thighs with a firm pull of his hair, forcing Mingi’s hand to release their alpha.    
  
In that position, Yunho rested one heel on Hongjoong’s back as if he were nothing more than a footrest. Whatever he planned to do with the other foot was interrupted as Mingi caught him by the ankle and brought it to his mouth for a kiss (the dancer’s flexible limbs made the extension look so easy), eying Yunho all the while. Yunho gave a giggle and jerked his foot away, a sensitive spot having been teased. 

So, their life hadn’t been  _ completely _ devoid of sex and affection this entire time. This was a dance that had been done many times before. That was good. Seonghwa supposed it was vain of him to be mildly surprised by the discovery. But it made sense, really. Neither Sanie, Yeosang, or Jongho seemed the type to hop into bed on a fun whim, if ever. But the alphas would have had to find somewhere to sate their needs. Why not each other?    
  
“Hyung, other hyung is watchin’ us. What should we do? Tie him up?”   
  
Seonghwa blinked and tensed, finding Yunho staring right at him with an amused smile on his lips. Hongjoong lifted his head to peak over, eyes blown out and glassy.

  
“Whatever. M’sure he likes the show.”   
  
Seonghwa almost rolled his eyes, but instead, his presence now known and apparently dismissed, he took a seat in the chair Hongjoong used when producing and swivelled it to face them, crossing one long leg over the other.    
  
“What’s not to like?” he mused, holding his face between thumb and pointer finger as he observed without shame.    
  


  
Buzzed, overloaded with pleasurable touches and the blended heady scents of alpha sex, it was easy to turn back to each other. Hongjoong gritted his teeth and gripped a pillow as Mingi rocked into him, still waiting for his ass to relax enough to set a rhythm. Hongjoong seemed to be getting off on how big Mingi was, sighing in pleasure when Mingi praised him for taking such a big thing with no notice after such a long time.    
  
“Stop playing around just with Mingi,” Yunho demanded, guiding the alpha’s mouth back where it belonged, fastened around the head of his own thick cock. Hongjoong licked and sucked it like a popsicle, licking his lips like he didn’t wanna miss a single drop of taste. 

“Keep your tongue out.” Yunho ordered. He sighed and moved his hips slowly, hands bunched in Hongjoong’s hair, his cock rubbing back and forth across Hongjoong’s extended tongue as drool gathered and dripped into a mess below them.    
  
Hongjoong couldn’t keep it up much longer. He soon couldn’t even keep steady as Mingi used the rest of the lube to slick himself up even more and started a messy, shlicking rhythm pounding balls-deep into the alpha’s ass. Yunho drew close to Mingi, pulling him in for a surprisingly gentle kiss while slapping Hongjoong’s ass with his free hand, leaving a print and a weak groan behind. Mingi parted his lips welcomingly for him, kissing him like he wanted all his breath for himself.    
  
Seonghwa lost track. He was drunk on at least three glasses of that sickeningly sweet strawberry stuff, himself, his head swimming. His cock felt thick and restricted, trapped behind underwear and pants. But he didn’t make a move to alleviate himself. More than anything, he was entranced by them, and didn’t want distraction. He was glad to see that the bonds the packmates had already built between each other were strong enough for this: strong enough for his cocky little head alpha to take a wild beast’s cock so deep it must be buried in his stomach; while his other alpha left glowing pink handprints on his ass with one hand and forced a thumb inside the alpha’s mouth with the other, since the pathetic slut couldn’t even keep a cock in his mouth, he was so hopeless. ( _ Not _ Seonghwa’s word choice.)   
  
Mingi fucked Hongjoong until the head alpha shuddered and crumpled, cumming into Mingi’s urging hand. Wiping that hand on the sheets, Mingi toppled into Yunho’s waiting arms, pushing him down in the bed and rutting against him as he kissed him, grinding out the last few strokes his cock could take before he spilled. Yunho groaned when he felt the heat of his cum slather his own cock, losing it then and there with a rough growl as he hugged Mingi close. 

All three could do nothing but pant raggedly for the next couple minutes. Seonghwa swore the air grew steamy from their breath… and everything else. 

Once he had gathered his breath, Yunho curled an arm around Hongjoong’s waist, dragging him to his side as Mingi got comfortable on the other. Seonghwa half expected the alpha to cringe away from the sudden skinship in post-coital touchiness, but he curled up against the big alpha and rested his head on his chest without opening his eyes, fingers trailing across the dancer’s trim stomach.   
  
Seonghwa left them there, messy and exhausted, caught in a deep sleep that would probably last late into the next day.    
  
_ Happy birthday, Joongie. See what sort of nice things happen when you come home? _


	19. shark week (nsfw)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is so filthy and out of control, im sorry

Early November turned into late November, the weather growing even colder and the house livelier as classes were over for the holidays, leaving not only Wooyoung and Jongho without their normal routine outside the house, but Yeosang as well, without art students to model for.    
  
Yunho too, although his dance studio was independent from schools or colleges, went on a light schedule as many of his attendees returned to other parts of the country for holiday.    
  
It was this relaxed schedule that allowed Yunho to come up behind Seonghwa at the kitchen counter and push his fingers through his belt loops, tugging him back snug against his groin as he tried to slice up an apple.   
  
But Seonghwa let him. The alpha’s sweet brown sugar cinnamon smell had an intoxicating spike to it today that made his nose tingle and his mouth water, craving the source of the scent.    
  
‘ _ Ahh… so it’s finally ‘shark week’, huh…?’ _ He glanced at the family calendar hung on the kitchen wall. The current day was overlapped with colored boxes, maybe four, five heats and ruts all running into each other. He’d taken to thinking of the impending clash of hormones and pheromones as a shark week, and had been wondering how he would make it through the next few days in one piece.   
  
_ So this is how it starts. _   
  
“Lemme breed you. I’ve been so patient. So good. Don’t you think, hyung?” The alpha took a deep breath along Seonghwa’s neck, a humming growl low in his throat. The hard shape of his cock pressed against Seongwa’s ass, grinding, pushing. Seonghwa sucked in his bottom lip, fingers tightening on the edge of the counter.    
  
“Go ahead. Just be careful. I have a knife.”   
  
“That’s sexy,” Yunho smiled against his neck. Seonghwa could feel his teeth. His hands slid to the front of Seonghwa’s pants and undid them, just enough to push them down beneath his ass. “This apron is so cute on you, hyung.” Seonghwa could feel the ties of the apron trailing against his bare skin with his bottoms pulled down. He hadn’t been wearing any underwear.    
  
“Mmm…”    
  
Seonghwa chopped into the crisp flesh of the apple he planned on eating for breakfast, cutting slowly and carefully as Yunho rustled his own pants down behind him. His heart started thudding hot and heavy in his chest. When Yunho’s hands closed around his hips again he exhaled at the feeling of his thumbs digging into his skin.    
  
“There’s a jar of coconut oil over there by the rice cooker. Use it. Please.”   
  
He had a moment to get his composure back and keep slicing as Yunho’s hands fell away. He heard the jar open and the lid hit the counter. Yunho stepped closer again. Seonghwa braced himself. He imagined Yunho’s long, graceful fingers, holding their image in his mind as those fingertips started to rub slowly at his hole. Of course the giant alpha would be this gentle, even while Seonghwa can feel the heat of his rut simmering off his skin. Hwa couldn’t stop the urgent whine from his throat. Yunho slipped two oiled fingers deep inside him, scissoring this way and that. Seonghwa grit his teeth. Knife, apple, forgotten.    
  
One of the alpha’s hands slid up the front of his apron, his shirt, so he could stroke and grab at his chest, playing with a nipple.    
  
When Yunho’s cock pressed against his hole Seonghwa found himself going up on tiptoes, his weight anchored between the countertop and Yunho’s body. He started to groan but Yunho’s hand covered his mouth.    
  
“Shhh… do you really want everyone to come and watch?”   
  
Seonghwa huffed wetly through Yunho’s fingers, struggling to keep quiet as the alpha’s thick cock slid slowly home. He started pistoning in and out without even giving him a moment to adjust. Seonghwa held on to the counter so tight, stuttering sounds of pleasure trapped under Yunho’s fingers. It went on so long his legs started to tremble and ache from the tension. Yunho’s pace kept so strong and even, tireless to the point that he didn’t even seem to be breathing hard.    
  
_ Is this what it means when they go into rut? _ Seongha’s scattered thoughts latched onto the question.  _ Endless energy, endless drive…  _   
  
Yunho pulled out and forced Seonghwa to turn towards him, sweeping his attempted breakfast into the sink with a clatter. Then he hoisted Seonghwa up onto the countertop, putting his hands on either side of thighs. He scented him with a brush of his cheek against his, then kissed him, mouth hot. Seonghwa wrapped his legs around his waist, shifting his hips and reaching down to find the alpha’s cock, guiding it towards his hole. Yunho was only too happy to oblige, sinking into him balls-deep while they made out like horny teenagers at their first movie date.    
  
The ache of Yunho’s cock stretching open, the way it was so hot, as if a rut turned every part of him into a glowing candle flame, even when buried deep inside him- it all soon had Seonghwa trembling. His foot twitched where it hugged the small of Yunho’s back. “Y-yunho…”   
  
“I know…” the alpha murmured, a wrinkle of concentration appearing between his brows. Seonghwa was grateful for the alpha being considerate of what he could take; especially here in their kitchen in front of anyone who wanted to wander in.    
  
He realized he felt a pang of pity towards being an alpha in heat- craving satiation but with partners that could not necessarily sustain them to the end.   
  
Seonghwa hugged Yunho for support, brushing soft kisses along his neck, the scent of him so strong that he swore he could taste the cinnamon on his lips from his skin. He was grateful for the solid marble countertops that made not the slightest creak of disagreement as the alpha pressed him further back onto them and chased his climax, giving one last, sharp snap of his hips that Seonghwa felt through his bones. The alpha’s cock gave a few hard twinges, spilling hotly inside him. Yunho growled in pleasure and held Seonghwa still beneath him, not drawing out until every last drop was inside him. It felt like a lot. Seonghwa could feel the warmth in his belly and wetting his inner thighs.    
  
Seonghwa braced for a mess as the alpha started to slowly drag out of him, but the alpha’s cock was immediately replaced by a folded square of paper towel, wiping him up.    
  
“Thanks, Yunho,” Seonghwa smiled, shifting his legs obediently for the alpha as he cleaned up his mess.    
  
“Thank  _ you _ , hyung,” Yunho smirked, pulling Seonghwa’s pants up for him and fastening them closed, not an easy task now that his own arousal was taking up much more space than before. Yunho stroked it like a fond pet. “I’d love to take care of that for you later on, in a bedroom.”   
  
“We’ll see about that. I haven’t even had breakfast yet.”   
  
Yunho yawned and waved as he wandered away.    
  
Seonghwa sighed as he sanitized the counters and pulled the remains of his breakfast out of the sink, rinsing everything. One thing he knew, he was going to need more than just this apple if he was going to help everyone get through this next couple days, whatever his help might entail.   
  
\--------------------   
  
After Seonghwa ate a more fortified breakfast and headed back to the bedroom to see if Mingi had woken up yet, he was confronted by an unexpected yet endearing sight: scary alpha Song Mingi, holding a bundled-up Sanie in his arms bridal style.    
  
Sanie blinked at him like a baby chick and tried to wave, although the thick comforter bundled around him made it hard. “Hi, hyung. I don’t feel well.”   
  
“We’re going to watch tv.” Mingi’s voice was still sleep-rough, his stance hesitant like he was waiting for Seonghwa to stop them.    
  
“You have a fever, don’t you, Sanie? You go watch tv and I’ll see what I can do to help you,” he assured him, stepping close to kiss the impish omega on the forehead. The scent of sun-warmed grass spread around him.   
  
He glanced up at Mingi, so close to him, and nodded. “Thanks for taking care of him.”   
  
Mingi flushed and nodded, his eyes shifting aside as he cleared his throat. “It’s fine. I’ve done it a couple times before.”   
  
  
Seonghwa made he and Mingi’s bed and then went to San’s room and tidied it up a bit as well. Then he went into the main bathroom that was most commonly used and went through the small collection of medicine bottles behind the mirror. There was nothing specifically for Sanie, but he grabbed a general pain reliever and a heat suppressant, not sure if either would be okay for the omega, or if he’d even want any.    
  
Next he grabbed a frozen water bottle from the freezer in the kitchen. He didn’t know if it would help, either, but he’d had the idea when trying to think of a few small things he could do to prepare for this week. He knew omegas caught a fever and many times felt unbearably hot, so in that case why not cuddle up with something akin to an ice pack?   
  
He walked out into the living area with everything, but his attention was immediately caught by a soft, sharp sigh that definitely did not come from their tv. He stepped closer, catching sight of San and Mingi.    
  
At first it really looked like they were just cuddled together for a movie, Sanie leaning back on him in his lap, still swaddled in blankets; but after observing for a few seconds Seonghwa saw the telling movement of their hips and heard the soft but high-pitched whines from their vocal omega as he tried not to squirm. Mingi hushed him and talked to him with deep murmuring sounds, until the omega went quiet. Then the furtive movements increased and the urgent whining would start again.    
  
Seonghwa realized that his words  _ ‘thank you for taking care of him’  _ had meant two very different things to himself and to Mingi.    
  
But after monitoring Sanie carefully, it seemed he was coping well with Mingi’s gentle efforts to sate his heat. If anything the omega was squirming for something more vigorous and Mingi was keeping him grounded and calm, so as not to inadvertently hurt himself, taking things easy for their most vulnerable pack mate. 

Seeing the big alpha be so gentle with the omega made him smile.   
  
Seonghwa let them be, making himself busy around the kitchen instead, preparing light snacks for everyone. He wondered what was going on behind the other silent doors in their hallway - Yeosang, Jongho, and Wooyoung. Yeosang was the only one he had any insight into, although the omega had yet to make an appearance even to slink into the privacy of a cool-tiled bathroom.    
  
He admonished himself when thinking of Jongho. He had meant to go with the alpha-identified omega to a doctor’s appointment before now, to see about getting him some long term suppressants or talk about other options to make him more comfortable. But their schedules hadn’t quite aligned together with a good time to go to a specialist. On top of that, Seonghwa also sensed some hesitancy from both Jongho and Yeosang when it came to managing their own cycles. He knew that Hongjoong, while he hadn’t taken charge of the task himself, had made resources available to all of them for whatever they needed- full medical insurance, permission to book appointments, use the car, encouragement to spare no expense if it meant their mental or physical health.    
  
Seonghwa suspected it was other worries that kept them from doing so. Maybe the idea seemed too overwhelming, maybe they didn’t know where to start or were afraid of failure - or had already tried, but with nothing to show for it. Seonghwa was more than willing to find out what support they needed and help them every step away. He made a mental note to make that his first priority once the week was over.

  
  


Perhaps tempting fate, Seonghwa found himself making his way to Wooyoung’s door and knocking softly, not sure if the alpha was even awake yet. 

“Good morning, just checking to see if you need anything.”

“I don’t need  _ anything _ .” Came a fussy growl, dangerously edged with a touch of Alpha Voice that Seonghwa half-wished Hongjoong had been around to hear. 

“Okay,” he said sweetly. “Let me know if you change your mind.”

Next he knocked on Yeosang‘ s door, not getting a reply. Usually the model was more of an early riser, so with that in mind he justified pushing the door open gently, trying not to make a noise. He truly did try to respect his pack mates’ privacy as much as he could, but the responsibility he felt towards them perhaps caused him to overstep sometimes; however when he found himself following his instincts, he just couldn’t help it. 

Yeosang was curled up as small as possible in his bed, legs drawn up to his chest. Fair wisps of his hair were already pasted to the side of his face from sweat and his pale skin was splotched with high burning spots of red.

“Oh, Yeosang-ah…” Seonghwa tutted, straightening some of his twisted blankets around him. “Do you need heat or cold?”

“Ugh… both.” Seonghwa nodded and tucked a frozen water bottle into the omega’s hands, allowing him to place it where it was needed. 

“Are your heating pads in one of these drawers?”

He got only an exhausted noise as a reply, but after opening a couple drawers found one full of medicines and generic suppressants and not just one but multiple heating pads of different sizes and designs.

After making sure the miserable omega was nested down more comfortably, with heat and cold in all the right places, he sat down gingerly beside him. “Did you take anything for the pain?”   
  
“No… s’too far…”   
  
Seonghwa blinked, looking at the space between Yeosang’s bed and the drawer of medicine. A distance of maybe six feet. So that’s how crippling the pain was.    
  
He fetched the medicine for him, checked the dosage and helped him take it. “Text me next time something’s too far, or else I’ll get mad.” He soothed, smoothing his fingers along the omega’s pink birthmark in affection.   
  
He cracked a window to let fresh air in, feeling like he stood inside an overheating greenhouse full of jasmine, then left the miserable omega to try and get some rest.

  
\--------------------   
  


Seonghwa was stretched out on his stomach in his own bed, scrolling through information about alpha-identifying omegas in his phone when Yunho clambered on top of him, the bed dipping under his weight. 

“More.”

His rut-scent was even stronger, making Seonghwa’s pupils blow wide with lust as the alpha undressed him just enough and took him right there with his phone still clutched in his hand. In this position the alpha reached a new angle, even deeper, and Seonghwa’s already aching ass had to stretch open a whole new way. He would be lying if he said he didn’t love every second. Yunho’s hands held his arms pinned and his weight was so deliciously heavy on him, making each breath shallow. The only thing was it went on for so  _ long _ . Ten minutes in his insides felt like jello and his cock was achingly hard and slick trapped beneath him, no doubt leaving an annoying stain on his bed cover. 

“Yunho… “ he whined, trying to shift some weight to his knees and relieve the growing aches. 

Yunho was only too happy to oblige, pulling him up onto elbows and knees, easily shifting his mounted stance as he buried his long fingers in his hair, giving a tug. “You feel so good, hyung. I love how you were all slicked up from my cum already. I wanna use you all day, like my doll.” Seonghwa was shocked hearing the words being rambled from the alpha’s mouth.    
  
Yunho’s hand suddenly closed around Seonghwa’s cock, making him grunt. His cock was so sensitive by this point that the brush of his fingers felt like a hot vice. Also, Seonghwa didn’t consider himself  _ small _ , but Yunho’s hand enveloped him easily in rough warmth. And there was something so dizzyingly  _ good _ about that.

“Say my name, hyung.”

“Yunho.”

“Not like that.”

Yunho rocked his hips, making Seonghwa drop his head and moan loudly into a pillow. “ _ Yunho…!” _

Right before Seonghwa was at his limit, Yunho slid free and flipped Seonghwa onto his back. Yunho moved down the bed, settling between his legs. His tongue grazed slowly across the slit at the head of his cock. His almost coquettish gaze slid to Seonghwa, taking his breath away. The way he started to pump the base of his cock for him; the way he kept his mouth parted and waiting, but for a few coaxing movements of his tongue-- he was waiting eagerly for Seonghwa to finish.

Seonghwa had definitely never expected to meet an alpha like this. 

Yunho caught almost all of his load in his mouth, not sweating the wild pulses that left his cheek, chin, and throat glistening. Any leftover drops went securely down his throat as he suddenly deepthroated him, nose pressed into the sparse hair between his legs, throat contracting around him. Seonghwa could only stare down at him, panting, pushing his overgrown bangs out of his face. Sweat ran down his skin, making him crave a shower. But his body was so hot and throbbing with pleasure, feeling sluggish with it, and he couldn’t stop looking at Yunho as the alpha gaze his cock one last nuzzle.

“But… why didn’t you finish…?” He wondered as the alpha used his balled up shirt to scrub at his face and neck.

Yunho shifted up onto his knees, showing off his long, springy cock- and what it had developed. Seonghwa gave a shake of his head, as if trying to clear his vision. In his defense, it was his first time seeing a knot in real life. His stupidly naive brain at first tried to tell him that Yunho had grown a second pair of balls while they were busy, for the thick swell of his knot at the base of his cock was almost big enough for the comparison. 

Seonghwa swallowed as his mind processed. Yunho meanwhile clutched the top of his cock, his thumb pressed stubbornly into his slit. His expression had gone from mischievous to a little pained. 

“Baby…” Seonghwa finally approached him, climbed on top of his thighs, put his hands on his shoulders. “What a good boy. You were afraid of your knot hurting me, weren’t you?” He purred. “Maybe someday I can try. But for now, I can still take the rest. Just lay back…”

Hesitant at first, Yunho laid back, grabbing Seonghwa by the hips. Seonghwa slid down on his cock easily, the jutting stiffness of it making it so easy to align. He bit his lip at yet another new angle for his insides to experience. Yunho’s thick head brushed his prostate and made him twitch, his soft cock already stirring again. He put his hands on the alpha’s broad chest for leverage as he rolled his hips deep and slow, stopping where his huge knot bumped against his entrance. He just didn’t understand how it was possible. Did omegas have elastic insides? Yunho’s fingernails dug into his skin every time he got close. Again he felt bad for the poor alpha.

  
Doing what he could, he reached down and stroked the alpha’s knot with his hand, stroking along the thick gland even as he rocked back on his cock, doing whatever he could to fulfill the alpha’s needs.

When Yunho came this time it was even more intense than before. Seonghwa could feel his cock jerking again and again as he unloaded, to the point he almost came again just from the full, hot feeling of it. His knot grew even more stiff as it pressed against his hole, alive with a pulse of its own. He couldn’t help be fascinated. So this is what would keep Yunho inside him if he could  _ truly _ breed him, like an alpha to an omega. This is what would help the pups take. If he could have ever had them.

When he slowly drew himself off the alpha he clenched up tight and pulled out a pair of underwear from his dresser before putting his pants back on. “I was gonna go commando all day,” he smirked. “But my pants are going to be ruined at this rate.”

Yunho’s response was to grab him by the ass, his thumb digging between his cheeks and towards his abused hole through the fabric. “Yunho!” He gasped, grabbing the alpha’s wrist, although he didn’t seem to feel it. The alpha made a few satisfied circles with the pad of his thumb, leaving his underwear fabric soaked and smelling of him. A big playful ‘fuck you, now it’s your underwear that’s ruined’. He raised his hand to thwack the alpha’s shoulder, but Yunho caught him by the arm and kissed him instead.

Seonghwa felt empty and achy with need when he left, and wondering more and more about what it would have felt like to let the alpha’s cock swell bigger and bigger inside his ass until that’s the only thing in the world he could feel. 

——————

Seonghwa almost put his bedding into the washing machine, and then realized there may not be a point in doing that. Not yet. Shark Week had just started, after all. Fighting his instincts to get them clean only to be no doubt debauched all over again, he went and found Jongho. 

The maknae was playing games on his computer, but the molten dark chocolate smell rolling off him said something of his true state. Seonghwa, once again, found himself wanting to lick his pack mate’s skin to see if they tasted how they smelled. To him it seemed actually to be quite an alpha-like scent, although this time it was not influenced by any artificial spray.

But out of all of them, he felt Jongho had to be approached most sensitively. The maknae blinked at his sudden appearance, pulling his thick headphones down to his neck.

“Hey, Jongho. Brought you some ice water,” he started, simply and casually enough, setting it down on the corner of the desk far away from the main computer equipment. “So… is this the sort of thing you like doing during days like these?”

“Hyung, honestly… if you want to have this awkward conversation with me right now… Can you step back? You reek of alpha in more ways than I ever wanted to know,” he snickered. 

“Hmm… interesting.” Rather than moving away, Seonghwa took a step closer. “That’s funny, I was going to say you smelled of alpha, too. But then I realized that’s just you. Your scent is really nice, alpha.”

Seonghwa swore Jongho’s reddish hair fluffed up at that, like every hair on his body had just stood on end. Jongho’s gaze was fixated on him, even as his virtual match played on without him.

  
“But I… I’m not wearing anything…”   
  


“Maybe you never realized that your scent is actually this way,” Seonghwa wondered. “Like a young alpha on his first rut. Something like that.”

Jongho’s headphones clattered to the floor as his body pushed into Seonghwa’s, pinning him against the wall. Seonghwa instinctually raised his head for him, baring his throat. Jongho bit in, sucking a bruise beneath his jaw so deep it made Seonghwa’s whole neck throb with pleasure. 

“Maybe… if you wanted to… you could help me shower this strange alpha’s scent off?” He asked very carefully. He wanted the younger to take his time to answer. 

“Only because you asked so politely,” Jongho said, thumbing slowly at Seonghwa’s lip. Seonghwa looked into his eyes, in that moment feeling shorter than the maknae even though he had at least an inch on him. 

“Yes, alpha.”

Seonghwa didn’t know if he had always been a good actor, or if it was the hypneros that made him so— but the unprecedented excitement glittering in Jongho’s eyes made him feel glad that his skills were up to par. He was ready to do anything for his family.

——————————

The problem was, as much as Jongho knew he was an alpha, his body wasn’t going to let him get away with the identity easily.

He took Seonghwa against the shower wall, holding one of his legs up in the crook of his arm, making him balance on one foot as he pounded into him with a cock Seonghwa had praised for its alpha-like size.   
  
What Seonghwa liked most was the maknae’s manner. The way he manhandled him in a gentle, firm way. The way he stayed calm and collected but radiated power. He really embodied everything about a capable alpha, and it made Seonghwa more devoted than ever to make him feel like an alpha in whatever ways he could, whether it involved sex or not.

But after Jongho grunted, hissed, and came inside him for a second consecutive time, he suddenly slid to his knees on the spacious shower floor, pulling at his hair. 

“Fuck,  _ fuck!”  _ He wailed. His voice was wounded and raw, something Seonghwa had never heard or even dreamed of hearing from him. Legs shaking, he knelt beside Jongho as steamy shower water rained down around them, washing the evidence of their sex down the drain in rivulets.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” He soothed, moving close and nuzzling the top of his head, trying to coax him into his arms without forcing him. The maknae instinctually buried his face in the crook of Seonghwa’s neck, breathing deep and calming down. Even through the steam of the shower, Seonghwa’s senses filled with that heat-scent of his, making him think of midnight-dark chocolate pouring into the shower. 

“It just fucking sucks,” Jongho huffed, now resting his head against his collarbone. He noticed his thighs clench together uncomfortably, almost squeaming.

Seonghwa watched him as the scent of him grew stronger and stronger, more urgent every second. 

“We’ll get you to a specialist before your next rut.” Seonghwa promised, putting his hand on Jongho’s shoulder, squeezing. “What do you want to do for today?”

Jongho’s chest rose and fell as he took shallow breaths, thinking. 

“Yunho.” He said in a voice so quiet Seonghwa almost didn’t catch it. “Can you tell Yunho to come, please?”

Seonghwa nodded, giving him a sad smile. “And you just finished getting his scent off me, too.” 

He leaned in, giving the maknae a soft kiss on the lips. “Thank you, alpha. Wait just a bit longer.”

  
——————————

  
  


For all he knew, Yunho and Jongho already had some sort of role play worked out between them, because Seonghwa barely had to prompt the tall alpha with ideas of how to make their maknae feel more comfortable. He seemed to know everything he was about to say. 

_ “Most importantly…” _

_ “...don’t refer to him as an omega.” _

_ “If you can…” _

_ “...let him have control.” _

Yunho had a cheeky but agreeable grin ready for him at the end of each completed sentence, prompting Seonghwa to lean in and kiss the alpha on the forehead. “You’re too sweet for your own good, Yun-ah.”

  
  


——————————

As he left the two to their business, he started to think about how Wooyoung, too, had been an advocate to their maknae’ s identity from the beginning. If he had been more open to anything Seonghwa ever had to say, he would have judged the alpha a good candidate for Jongho’s partner, as well. But the usual loud and social alpha was being unusually reclusive for his rut, and after their brief exchange earlier, Seonghwa knew better than to try drawing him out.

  
  


It was late afternoon, now. 

Seonghwa still heard soft sounds of misery and or pleasure here and there throughout the house, but at the moment it was somewhat sedated. Sanie had pretty much taken up one of the nesting chairs all for himself (and whatever partner he currently desired, which he chose by grabbing and pulling or yelling until his chosen companion arrived.) Even Seonghwa was whined at at some point, but Sanie only wanted to snuggle close for a nap, explaining that sometimes Seonghwa made him feel sleepy, ‘in a good way’.

Seonghwa had glimpsed Jongho and Yunho emerging from the shower and heading straight to the kitchen, sneaking off with what was left of Hongjoong’s strawberry birthday alcohol and disappearing into Yunho’s room.

Yeosang was still curled in his bed, at least a little more comfortable than usual because of Seonghwa tending to him, bringing him new ice bottles and medicine and even changing the sheets once when they grew clammy with sweat and slick.

He hated that Yeosang seemed so embarrassed to be cared for, bordering on ashamed. It didn’t matter how many times he checked on him, he would always protest weakly.

Finally Seonghwa just heaved a sigh and slid into the bed beside the miserable omega, hugging him back against his chest like a teddy bear. 

Yeosang froze up uncertainly at first, his cold fingertips resting on Seonghwa’s forearm. 

“Can’t I just nap here for a bit? Otherwise I’ll just keep wandering around the house fretting. Probably get jumped by Yunho...again.”

Yeosang actually giggled at that. “Oh… don’t want that to happen.”

“No.” Seonghwa smirked into his shoulder. “No we do not.”

After a quiet five minutes, Yeosang shifted around so he could hug Seonghwa more comfortably, tucking his head beneath his chin. One of his legs even snuck between his, trying to get warm, or cool. It was hard to say, but at least the omega finally seemed truly comfortable, not wracked with pain or shivers or pointless, throbbing need. 

‘ _You, too.’_ He thought to himself. _A little_ _field trip to the doctor’s office with mommy.’_ He smirked to himself. He must be more tired than he thought; he was obviously growing delusional.

—— 

He woke hungry, realizing he hadn’t really eaten anything substantial all day, despite intentions to do otherwise. Yawning uncontrollably, he paced into the kitchen. He stared into the well-stocked refrigerator, not even sure what to eat. A sound caught his attention.

On the opposite side of the kitchen was where the other hallway ran, parallel to the bedroom hallway. But in this hallway was the door to the basement, to the pantry, to the big laundry room and into the garage. He went to the closed door of the laundry room. The dryer was running, finishing up Yeosangie’s sheets. Like almost any dryer, it wasn’t the quietest appliance in the house; and sometimes the sheets would bunch up evenly, causing thumps. There shouldn’t have been any reason to pursue the vague sound he’d heard into that particular room, but he did anyway.

When he pushed the door open, he got an eyeful. Wooyoung had Changbin hugged to him like a conjoined twin. Their mouths were very busy exploring each other’s. Wooyoung’s hand was down the back of Changbin’s pants; Seonghwa could see the tendons in his wrist tensing as his fingers did some exploration of their own, doing a good job if Changbin’s husky moans were any sign. 

Seonghwa crossed his arms. “Shouldn’t dinner be started?” He asked. Not loudly, but calmly. Pointedly. Each word crystal clear. 

If the two hadn’t already been in each other’s arms, they would have jumped into them from fright. 

“J-Jesus!” Wooyoung hissed, glaring and bringing his hands back to himself, taking a single protective step in front of Changbin. Seonghwa’s eyes went to the tent in Wooyoung’s pants and back up. He felt almost sorry for the rutting alpha, who looked painfully worked up and now would have nothing to show for it. 

“You’re right, Seonghwa-ssi. Lost track of time. Sorry about that.” Changbin had finished adjusting his clothes and slipped past him like nothing had happened, although he didn’t meet his eyes.

“Thank you,” Seonghwa said to the cook’s retreating back, although his gaze was latched on Wooyoung. 

“What the fuck do you want?” Wooyoung growled as he adjusted his own clothes, then took a moment to fan his flushed cheeks, leaning back heavily against the washing machine.

“We’re not an open pack, are we? Where you can go fuck whoever you want outside of it?”

“No, but Hongjoong hasn’t told me to stop. So who cares?”

“Do you always need an adult to tell you what to do? Can you not tell what’s right or wrong by yourself?”

“Fuck off.”

Seonghwa sighed. “You look really uncomfortable. Are you okay?” He really meant it, too, and wasn’t just taunting the very obvious bulge in his jeans. The flush in the alpha’s face seemed to be darkening rather than subsiding.

Instead of answering, Wooyoung suddenly pulled off the bulky, dark hoodie he had been wearing, nearly losing his balance in the clumsy process. His breath was starting to come in harsh drags.    
  
“Whoa, sit down, Wooyoung.” Seonghwa helped him hop back onto the lid of the washing machine, taking his weight off his feet. Seonghwa positioned himself in front of him, afraid he would just fall over.   
  
His eyes were glassy and staring at some distant point as he panted. 

“Wooyoung?”

Seonghwa pressed two fingers to the pulse in the alpha’s throat. He wasn’t anything close to a doctor, but he could tell it felt fast and fluttering, and his skin was so hot.

“Hey. Are you hyperventilating?”

“Y-you… should have just left me alone… I’m dying… I-it’s so hot…”

“Let me get Sanie. You two are so comfortable with each other.”

“No!’ Wooyoung yelled, then moaned and held his head, leaning forward. Seonghwa hugged him while he tried to get his breath back, just to keep him steady. It was the closest he’d ever been to him. 

“Do you want me to… I could…” Seonghwa began, knowing better even as he started the offer.

He felt Wooyoung shake his head, unable to speak. 

He was shocked when Wooyoung suddenly heaved out a sob. ‘It must be so easy. You don’t have to feel anything… you’re just perfect… accepted so easily…  _ wanted _ ...”

Each word was a strain for the alpha to get out, to the point Seonghwa was starting to worry about the sound of his restricted breathing. He touched the shape of his cellphone in his back pocket for reassurance. His other hand rubbed Wooyoung’s back. “Just let yourself breathe, first. Then I’ll listen to everything you want me to hear. I won’t go anywhere.”   
  
That made Wooyoung cry a little more, in a baby-like whine, his shoulders trembling.   
  
Seonghwa didn’t say anything else. And neither did Wooyoung, until he could finally get a few full lungfuls of breath without a struggle.   
  


Finally he lifted his head, showing red-rimmed eyes brimming with tears. “I just don’t know what I’m  _ doing _ here, ya know?”

“What do you mean?” Seonghwa asked, gently dabbing his eyes with his sleeve.

“Haven’t you noticed? I don’t have any place here. Even Binnie just feels bad for me. I whine and beg him and guilt him, just for stuff like this,” he gestured emptily at the laundry room. “He has his own pack. They’re actually all too great and perfect, just like you.”

“What do you  _ want _ your place to be?”    
  
The question actually had Wooyoung screwing his eyes shut, dropping his head again out of shame. “Doesn’t matter. Can’t have anything I want.” He sniffed, loud and wet, and Seonghwa caught the brief glisten of tears as they fell down between his legs. 

“Ah… I think I might know what you mean.”

“You don’t know even a speck of what you think you know,” Wooyoung ridiculed, though without any actual spirit. “Might as well tell you as you’ll find out someday. Sanie’s my half brother. My dad with his mom. My dad abused him for like seven years. When I finally realized exactly how bad it was I took him… and we just ran away. But even if that fell apart, we’re basically brothers. And that’s how he feels about me. And I’m not going to turn around and become a useless fucking copy of my dad on him. Not when he trusts me.”

“Wooyoung, I’m so sorry. I… you’re right. I didn't know that. I had no idea. And I'm sorry I assumed otherwise. Thank you for telling me.”

Wooyoung sniffed, rubbing at his nose and eyes, not looking at him. His shoulders and body closed up so small, trying to disappear.

“The thing is, you’re right. You probably won’t ever have exactly what you want,” Seonghwa began tentatively. Then, in a lower, gentle tone. “I’m guessing Sanie isn’t the only one you want who is out of reach.”

Seonghwa watched the muscle in Wooyoung’s jaw grow tense, but he didn’t argue. 

“That’s a very painful predicament to be in. One that doesn’t have a happy end in store for you. So with that option closed off, what do you want to do, now? Do you dislike the rest of the pack enough to leave?”

“No!” He nearly shouted, as if it were blasphemy. “No way… That’s not it at all...”   
  
Seonghwa had already known that without asking. He watched Wooyoung with them, laughing, teasing, cuddling and playing with them, even taking care of them and bossing them around. He loved them.

When he didn’t say anything else, Seonghwa changed tactics. “How about we just focus on the most pressing issue. What do you want to do about your ruts? See about a prescription to suppress them? Spend time with someone other than… your first choices? Be given space and left alone?”

“I  _ hate _ being left alone…” the petulant grumble was almost lost beneath the whir of the dryer. 

Wooyoung didn’t say anything for a long time, just giving a wet sniff here and there, gathering himself and his thoughts. “Hongjoong-hyung is never here.” 

“Tell me something I don’t know,” he said tiredly, grateful that the alpha had at least admitted who was next in line for his choice of partners within the pack. And now that he knew that was his choice, he realized it was no wonder Wooyoung had sought companionship outside their pack rather than yearn for their most often absent and unapproachable leader.

“Does he know you feel that attraction to him?”

Seonghwa found himself thinking of the alpha group sex he’d witnessed, but now in a completely different context. He wondered if Wooyoung had known. If it had happened before, and if Wooyoung was always left out. Earlier he had told Seonghwa it must be so nice to be  _ wanted _ ; a damning clue.

“ _ Hell  _ no. I would die before having that awkward-ass conversation with him.”

“I’m sure he would like to be with you, so why not? How would he even know you’re interested? Have you seen the way you act?”

Wooyoung snorted, and Seonghwa was afraid his eyes might just roll right out of his skull. “I’m sure I won’t be up to par with what he’s used to, but he might tolerate it.”

“Yah… where’s the cocky Wooyoung I’m used to? I already miss him.”

“M’not cocky. Just offensively defensive. Comes out in a weird way.”

“I can see that.”    
  
Seonghwa tapped the edge of the washing machine with a fingernail, glancing at Wooyoung, who was twisting a designer ring in circles around his finger.   
  
“Would you be mad if I told Hongjoong to get his ass home?” he asked.

“No. Otherwise I might just jerk my dick right off, throw it in the garbage.”

“Wooyoung!” Seonghwa actually laughed in shock, making Wooyoung crack the thinnest of grins for him. 

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“He’s probably even in rut, too. He just has a strong prescription worked out so he can continue being a reclusive worker robot to the stars, no human impulses required.”

“Yeah, that sounds like something he would do. Come on. I’ll put Changbinnie out of his misery for the night and let him go home early. Let’s just order some takeout. Whatever you want. Isn’t it true alphas get extra hungry during ruts, too?” He wondered as they made their way out into the hall.

“Yeah, I would say so. And I definitely get some weird cravings…”

Before Seonghwa knew it, he’d had an entire civil conversation with the alpha, on top of the little smile from earlier. It was the most they’d ever shared, and he was determined to grow that bond in leaps and bounds from here. 

——————————   
  


Hongjoong did come home early, caving to the guilt-heavy texts about the wild gremlins Hongjoong had left Seonghwa alone with; as well as a tactful follow-up text about how Wooyoung was feeling out of sorts and had admitted to Seonghwa he needed time with him but wasn’t sure how to tell him. 

Following Hongjoong, as if it had held its breath until the head alpha stepped past the threshold, a heavy, wet blizzard suddenly unloaded onto the city and the surrounding neighborhood, theirs included. The blowing snow built up halfway up the front door. Soon they had the fireplace cranked up to the highest setting as they settled in the living room for a movie. Yeosang, Jongho, and Wooyoung were curled up around Sanie, bundled under blankets, while the rest of them took the other nesting chair, turning on a silly holiday movie as they slowly warmed up. 

Halfway through it, Hongjoong slid free and padded around the back of the other chair, squeezing the back of Wooyoung’s neck gently to beckon him. 

Seonghwa watched the two head down the hall, and then relaxed in his Yunho and Mingi sandwich. 

  
  


The movie was about a young toddler lost in Seoul, and how a bumbling new Santa’s first gift-delivering mission is to bring the kid back to its parents. Seonghwa’s attention drifted in and out, honing in only on the scenes of Santa interacting with the little child. Seonghwa’s eyes seemed to grow into pools of stars whenever the baby was on camera. 

“What a soft little pup… I want one.” He sighed

“Christmas is a month away and you already want presents.”

“Yeah, sure. Maybe one Christmas in my next life I’ll have one of my own…” 

“I’ll be your baby, hyung,” Yunho shifted around until he was nearly smothering him. “Wahhh, feed me!”

“ _ Excuse me _ , some of us are trying to enjoy this cinematic holiday feature, if you don’t mind?” Jongho said, his sonorous voice carrying loudly with zero effort. That shut the second chair of people up. 

  
No one had been looking to notice the expression in Yeosang’s eyes as Seonghwa sighed out his wish. The way his attention grew withdrawn, ghostly, but with an edge of determination.    
  
But then again, even if they’d been looking directly at the omega, they may not have been able to guess a thing by the shift of his face. Seonghwa was discovering that every one of them were quite talented at hiding their worries and anxieties, their secrets and truths- and Yeosang was no exception.

But maybe, if he’d just spent more time with him, talked to him, shared his own thoughts as well as learning more of his- maybe Seonghwa could have stopped him from doing something so stupid.


	20. underdose (kinda nsfw)

“Mmmn, where is it?” Seonghwa knelt in front of the vanity in his bedroom, having climbed out of bed in just a long pink sweater and underwear that barely peeked out from beneath the sweater’s hem. He always woke up early. He needed to take his hypneros at six in the morning on the dot or he wouldn’t feel quite right.    
  
Now, as he sorted through the drawer where the capsules were normally kept in sheets of blister packs, he wondered where his last three doses had gone. He had checked every single drawer in the vanity, although there was absolutely no reason for them to be anywhere else but this drawer where they always were. But no matter how many times he opened up drawers and sifted through their contents, the missing doses did not appear.    
  
He sighed. The next doses would arrive on the day of his last pill. They always did. Another reason he made sure to be strict and exact about when he took them, so he wouldn’t run out before the courier showed up with the next month’s doses.    
  
He tapped a finger on his thigh, debating what to do. In the almost two months he had been part of the pack, he had never gone without them. The closest he had gotten was a couple lazy mornings where he’d woken up late and taken the pill a few hours later than normal; even just a couple hours late like that, his thoughts would already be racing in uncomfortable, sickening circles, unable to focus. Could he power through the next couple days like that?   
  
He’d better not, if he could help it.    
  
Moving quietly through the room so as not to wake Mingi, he took his phone to the bathroom and called the 24-hour hotline provided for those like himself, on contract from the Children of the Sun.    
  
But the news was not good.   
  
“Park-ssi, please understand that hypneros is one of the most highly monitored substances in Korea now, prescribed only under strict regulations. If we were to issue you any extra doses it would be grounds to shut the whole organization down. Every single pill must be accounted for, with no overlap on renewal of your prescriptions. That’s why we use our independent couriers to make sure there’s never any delay on the delivery, either. It’s important to us to make sure you are provided your scheduled doses and no more or no less; however, once you sign for them, it is your responsibility to keep track of the prescription.”   
  
“But...what am I supposed to do for the next few days? What’s going to happen?”   
  
There was a long, tense silence he could somehow sense even over the phone line.    
  
“I suggest you look very long and hard for the missing doses, Park-ssi.”   
  
“...Okay.”   
  
“If you require medical attention, we can arrange for you to stay at a partnered detoxification facility until your prescription is up for renewal.”   
  
Seonghwa’s brows wrinkled in confusion at that. “No… I will look for them. And if I can’t find them, I will just wait.”   
  
“Call anytime if you need us, Park-ssi.”   
  
  
It was not a good start to his morning. The phone conversation left him feeling bereft. He found himself crawling back into bed, wanting to be near someone warm and solid. As he scooted right up against Mingi, the half-asleep alpha was only too happy to wrap an arm around him and hug him snug to his body.    
  
\--------------------   
  
He startled awake a couple hours later, his heart racing. He felt like he’d suddenly woken up at the finish line to a marathon; even his brow had a sheen of sweat. He drew off the sheets and knelt in bed trembling and waiting for his body to calm down. It was taking such a long time.    
  
To his relief, Mingi stirred and sat up as well, taking a long full minute of just blinking his eyes as he came back to reality. Seonghwa focused himself by watching him, how cute he was with his sleep-scrunched eyes and wild bird’s nest of hair. Finally the alpha swung his head to look at him.    
  
“What’s wrong?”   
  
Seonghwa shook his head, deciding not to explain his predicament to the alpha, who couldn’t do anything to help. If he had thought there was any way his pills could have been misplaced elsewhere in the house, he would have asked around to his packmates. But there was just no way. They always went directly to his drawer and stayed there. It made no sense that every single dose except the last few were there while three were lost. He had to have messed up. He did have a bad habit of falling right back to sleep after taking one of the pills. It was more than possible that he took one, slept, and took a second one in fear he’d forgotten the first.    
  
When his next dose came he would be more careful. He would number each blister pack with the day of the month. He just had to bear with it for three days.   
  
“Hyung?”   
  
Seonghwa blinked, jerking his attention back to Mingi. “Huh?”   
  
“You just...spaced out. Are you okay?”   
  
Seonghwa smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine, Mingi. Thank you.”   
  
Mingi sighed and plopped his chin on Seonghwa’s shoulder, huffing a sleepy sigh. Then his hands started to wander up Seonghwa’s bare thighs, under the sweater. He closed his eyes and welcomed the distraction of the feeling. He at least had stopped trembling and feeling that fight-and-flight tension thrumming through his body, but he had an unsettling feeling that the fear was lurking in the shadows at the back of his mind, ready to ambush him.    
  
Mingi’s touch was simple. It was familiar. It was welcome. He pulled off his underwear and slingshotted them to the floor in an uncharacteristic display of carelessness for his laundry, then looked up at Mingi expectantly. Mingi got the message.   
  
\--------------------   
  
That ate up a good hour or so of his time. But, no matter how good the time had been spent - he couldn’t help but be painfully, anxiously aware of how many hours were left.   
  
And what was worse, he was doing an absolutely wretched job of keeping his cool. When Mingi finally got up to get about his belated start to the day, Seonghwa flinched and closed his hand around his wrist, afraid for him to leave. Mingi looked down at him and ruffled his hair. “Hyung, you’re acting really weird this morning. What’s wrong? You can tell me.”   
  
Sure, he could tell the alpha that after five hours without his pill he was starting to go unhinged. He could tell him that there was nothing wrong with him, except that without a drug to repress his actual personality, his true pathetic form was emerging.    
  
Instead he forced his fingers to release the alpha, one finger at a time. They felt stiff, like they had locked up in their grip.   
  
“Sorry. You’re just… warm.” It wasn’t a lie.   
  
“Ah. Want me to turn on the heat for you? I would stay but I wanted to write down some lyrics before I forget. Do you want to hang out in the office with me?”   
  
‘ _ The office’ _ being the alpha’s cute name for his old bedroom.   
  
“It’s okay. M-maybe I’ll join you later,” Seonghwa said, pulling the thick comforter up above his shoulders. He licked his lips, his mouth feeling dry. “Can you just grab me a glass of water, first?”   
  
Mingi smiled and patted his head again, looking down at him for a bit longer. “Sure. Be right back.”   
  
\--------------------   
  
Sleep did not come back to him, not even for a second. Instead, the silence of the bedroom pressed in on him heavily. He kept thinking he heard muffled sounds; from the walk-in closet, from right outside the door, from under the bed. And even a few times caught a shift of shadows from the corner of his eyes, only to find nothing there. Before he knew it he was literally twitching from anxiety, only stilling the spasms by holding himself tightly.    
  
He had to get out of here. He needed to find something to do. Something to focus on and think about. Maybe something to eat, first, so he wasn’t running on empty.    
  
He dragged himself out of bed, his mouth cottony once again, like he hadn’t had any water for days. He carried the glass Mingi had brought him to the kitchen and refilled it, drinking it all down. He looked at the food in the fridge. Looking at the food felt like he was looking at a collection of inanimate objects. The colorful, varied foods and drinks might as well have been goods at a craft store. Not items meant for consumption.    
  
He closed the fridge door and took a deep breath.    
  
The first person he sought out was Sanie. The omega was by himself in his bedroom, curled up with one of his shiba inu plush and watching anime on his tv. He perked up when Seonghwa appeared in his doorway. “Hyung! Come here,” he begged, making grabby hands towards him.   
  
Seonghwa grinned toothily, shaking his head in refusal, teasing the baby a little. “No, don’t want to.”   
  
“Come.  _ Here! _ ” San demanded.    
  
“No, don’t wanna.”   
  
The omega’s mouth dropped open, and Seonghwa knew he was seconds away from trying something drastic- perhaps hurling his plush at him or just leaping bodily at him, instead. But he subverted that by asking:   
  
“You told me you want a Christmas tree, right?”   
  
That caught the omega’s attention. His foxy eyes grew wider. “Yes, I want one.”   
  
“You never had one here before, right?”   
  
“Nope.”   
  
“So I guess we have to go shopping to go get one.”   
  
Sanie did leap up at that, scattering plushies off his bed. “Hyung, really?!”   
  
Seonghwa giggled softly at the cute explosive reaction, brows scrunched up in a way that his friends had always told him look more pained than humorous. 

  
“Cute, hyung,” San said, coming close and scenting him with vigorous rubs of his cheek against his jaw and neck. “You don’t ever laugh like that.”  
  
“Oh, come on… I’m sure I do.”  
  
“You don’t. You never laugh with us. You just kinda smile.” The omega insisted as he wound his fingers in between Seonghwa’s fingers and pulled him along. “Come on! Christmas! Christmas!”  
  
At first, as their driver took them towards the nearest department store, Seonghwa was able to tell himself this was a good idea. Sanie chatted happily to him the whole time, which he focused on as much as he could before he realized he was hopelessly lost. He tried to engage the omega anyway, asking him little questions here and there for his own benefit as much as Sanie’s.   
  
But as they parked and Seongha glimpsed the waves of Christmas-frenzied shoppers going in and out of the store, filling the sidewalks, a sudden wave of nausea lurched through him.   
  
He gripped San’s hand for support as the color drained out of his face.   
  
“Hyung, hyung, what’s wrong?” Sanie drew close, nose almost brushing his as watched him in concern.  
  
Seonghwa grit his teeth until they hurt. He was _not, NOT_ going to throw up right now.  
  
San whined and squirmed next to him, pressing against his side. “Hyung, you smell weird. Something’s wrong…” he mumbled in confusion, going so far as to lick the corner of Seonghwa’s mouth anxiously, like a wolf trying to soothe him.  
  
“It’s okay, Sanie…” Seonghwa panted, the nausea finally subsiding. He rubbed the sweat off his forehead with a shaking hand. “I probably just need something to eat, first. You hungry?” He mustered a shaky smile for the omega who only pouted at him, his endearing gaze not blinking or leaving him for a second.   
  
“Don’t look at me that way, baby. I’m okay.” he promised. “Let’s go. There’s a Japanese restaurant right there that looks tasty.”  
  
San, all but clinging to him, grudgingly backed out and let Seonghwa slip out of the car. But afterwards he held Seonghwa’s arm in his like Seonghwa would fall over without the support. Which might have been true.   
  
\--------------------  
  
He managed to eat. Just miso soup and green tea, but he did it. San, ever curious, demanded to know why that’s all he ate, and Seonghwa was able to convince him it was a special diet he was trying and _no,_ Sanie didn’t have to diet, too; Sanie should order whatever he wanted.  
  
Afterwards Seonghwa powered through the shopping trip, doing his best to ignore everything but Sanie, using the omega as his singular focus so that the lights, sounds and blurs of motion around him didn’t send him into a trembling mess of helplessness on the floor.  
  
On the way back San all but sat in his lap. Seonghwa fought hard to get the omega to sit just beside him and use the weird middle seat belt that was always a chore to click home. There was a part of him that was truly touched about the omega’s instinctive concern. He hadn’t counted on that, although he should have. The omega acted so much out of pure instincts that it was no surprise he could sense when someone else’s were going completely haywire.   
  
The half of him that wasn’t touched by the behaviour was annoyed, and he hated himself for that. Sanie didn’t deserve his growing impatience, but merely imagining the poor omega’s reaction to being snapped at was enough to keep him from lashing out.   
  
At home it was better. Quieter. Yunho was doing yoga in the living room, but he turned it off the second they walked in, with the driver kindly carrying the huge Christmas tree box behind them.   
  
“A Christmas tree!”  
  
Apparently Sanie wasn’t the only one excited to decorate properly for once. With the amount of lights and garland and ornaments Seonghwa and Sanie had bought, it should take hours.   
  
_Good,_ Seonghwa thought. _Good._  
  
  
The decorating was the one thing that went better than expected during Seonghwa’s day. It ended up drawing the attention of all his other packmates, and soon they were listening to Christmas music and singing and dancing around the house as they decorated not just the tree but other places around the house, wherever they felt compelled.   
  
Changbin came to cook dinner (Seonghwa had been relieved when he continued to render his services, even after he had broken up he and Wooyoung’s last rendezvous) and to match the mood he made a pot of hot chocolate from scratch for them to sip while they decorated.  
  
To make things better, Seonghwa was able to convince Yunho to work out with him after they were done. His final goal for the night was to exhaust himself so thoroughly he could literally pass out the second he hit the bed. After a workout of both some energetic choreography for cardio and sets on the gym equipment for muscle, Yunho pushed Seonghwa into the bathroom shower and gave him another workout altogether, draining him in more ways than one.  
  
The athletic alpha had to all but carry him up the stairs, and Seonghwa couldn’t be more relieved. He staggered into bed, falling asleep before the buzzing anxiety of the day could even catch up to him.  
  
\--------------------  
  
He woke up hot and bathed with sweat, although he wasn’t sure if it was from missing his hypneros doses or because of the big alpha smothering him and nosing at his neck. He could feel the Mingi’s arousal pressing inside his thigh, big and demanding. His alpha musk was overpowering. It hurt his head, like a searing spike going up through his nose and into his brain. He had _never_ had such a bad headache. On top of that, his heart started racing again. Or maybe had been racing the whole time. He whimpered, pushing at the alpha’s chest.   
  
“Mingi… wait… give me a second…”   
  
The alpha growled plaintively in reply. His lips brushed the scars on Seonghwa’s shoulder where he had bitten him before. For the first time, Seonghwa shuddered at the memory, the echo of that deep, crushing pain as his skin and muscle were cut through coming back in fine detail.   
  
He froze up, trembling and closing his eyes, unable to even speak. Mingi paused and then slowly drew off of him, sitting back on his haunches. Seonghwa slowly opened his eyes to look up at him. The alpha was flushed, pupils blown wide, eyes glassy and lips parted to show the way his tongue slowly ran across his teeth.   
  
“Oh… your rut…” Seonghwa realized, his stomach turning. While Mingi hadn’t been one of the afflicted pack mates during their ‘shark week’, a few weeks had passed since then and his time had come. Seonghwa had known it was coming, as he checked the calendar often. But with his thoughts all over the place it had surprised him in the end.  
  
Guilt crushed him. Normally he would be more than happy to help sate the alpha’s hunger. How could he tell him he couldn’t do it? That he was one wrong movement away from losing it?  
  
“Mingi… I…”  
  
He flinched when Mingi set his hand on his chest. The alpha’s eyebrows drew together, eyes narrowing. Seonghwa was sure Mingi could feel his heart pounding. He wouldn’t be surprised if the alpha could have _heard_ it pounding, at this point.  
  
“You’re scared.”  
  
“Y-yes…”  
  
“Afraid of me?” The alpha looked deeply worried about hearing the answer.  
  
“No, baby… not you…” Seonghwa managed to reach up and stroke Mingi’s cheek.   
  
“I just don’t feel well. I think I’m sick.”  
  
“I can take you to the hospital.”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
Even this small back and forth was making Seonghwa’s head spin. He screwed his eyes shut again. “I just want to rest at home. I’ll be better tomorrow. I promise.”  
  
Mingi heaved a sigh and threw himself down into the bed beside him, gathering him up his arms. “I’ll take care of you.”  
  
Seonghwa wanted to melt back in the alpha’s arms, but he couldn’t quite relax. “No… you need to get yourself taken care of, first. I’m sorry I can’t help.”  
  
Mingi groaned in annoyance. He knew Seonghwa was right. He would just be torturing himself, stuck in bed clinging to the one he so badly wanted to mate with right now.   
  
Seonghwa suddenly remembered that Yeosang was up for yet another of his painful heats, too. And this time Seonghwa couldn’t even do anything to help him. He would be alone, curled up in pain. Seonghwa remembered the omega telling him how it hurt too much to even grab the medicine a few feet away from him. Would he really just lay there, paralyzed by his own pain?  
  
Seonghwa was useless. A couple hot tears rolled down his cheeks and wet the pillow. Mingi kissed the corner of his eye and then left, off to hunt down his prey.   
  
\--------------------  
  
Seonghwa laid still in bed, begging his own mind to let him sleep. But the longer he laid there, the louder the quiet grew around him, until the seclusion was overwhelming.   
  
He forced himself to get up, scooting to the edge of the bed and putting down one foot at a time. His head throbbed with each movement, black eating away at the edges of his vision.   
  
He needed a distraction. Water. Something to eat. If he could just keep his body healthy it would surely help fight back against everything his mind was trying to do to him, right?  
  
On top of that, he could make food for the whole pack. Be useful. Take care of them. And have something to do with his hands and mind both for the next hour or so. He wasn’t the best cook, but the pack had never complained about his attempts so far.  
  
\--------------------  
  
Seonghwa laid out the table with grilled fish, individual bowls of fluffy white rice topped with a fried egg, tofu and seaweed soup, rolled omelettes, and tons of side dishes. He used the pack’s group chat to call everyone to the meal, and was shocked when everyone except Yeosang showed up- even Hongjoong. They all made exclamations of surprise when they took their seats, shocked at the wide array of food. Even feeling miserable as he did, Seonghwa couldn’t help but preen inside at that.  
  
He gave a relieved smile, feeling kind of okay for the first time that day. He sat down as well, but didn’t touch any of the dishes. When Jongho tried to feed him a choice piece of fish, he shook his head. “I ended up eating so much when I was taste-testing everything, I’m not even hungry.”  
  
That was a lie. He hadn’t eaten a thing. Even though that had been his original idea in cooking, he quickly realized his stomach was going to refuse anything beyond small sips of water, so he didn’t even try.   
  
“Are you feeling better, then, hyung?” Mingi suddenly asked.  
  
“Yeah, better. After eating.” He lied again. He had lied more in the past couple days than the entire time he had lived here. It wasn’t that hypneros had stopped him from lying. He could lie all day if he wanted. But it had made him unafraid of the consequences of telling the truth.  
  
“Hyunggie, you’re still sick?” San was looking up at the table towards him with concerned eyes and cutely-pursed lips, food slipping out of his paused chopsticks and falling onto the table. Wooyoung clicked his tongue and cleaned up after him.   
  
Hongjoong’s chopsticks clinked at the edge of his plate as he set them down, looking at Seonghwa. “You’re sick?”  
  
Seonghwa shook his head. “No, just tired from yesterday. Shopping and decorating and… everything.” He caught Yunho’s cheeky smile and blushed, looking aside. “I’m okay.”  
  
Mingi was looking at him too, no doubt suspicious. He could _feel_ his gaze without even looking. Maybe they were all looking at him. He tore at the napkin in his lap. He badly wanted to think of something to say to shift their attention elsewhere, but his mind was a blank panic. Any moment they were going to realize what a mistake they had made. How he had played them. How he was nothing like he seemed. They would throw him out. He would lose everything.  
  
“Who’s down to fuck after this?” Mingi asked the table, instead.   
  
“Jesus, Mingi-”  
  
“Oh my god,”  
  
“We just _did,_ Mingi!”  
  
“I’m down. Then let’s hit the sauna after.”  
  
“I don’t think they’ll let hyung in on his rut like that…”  
  
“I know a place where they let you.”  
  
“Go ahead and try to go. I’ll close your credit card.”   
  
“Dad’s getting mad.”  
  
Seonghwa let the chatter drift around him like a warm ocean wave.   
  
He prayed the courier would come early tomorrow.   
  
\--------------------  
  
The rest of the day stretched on endlessly the same way. He was either overwhelmed from being alone with his own thoughts or overwhelmed by being around the others, struggling as he seesawed between the two and tried to stay in the even middle, meanwhile hiding the depth of his own self-inflicted suffering from the others.   
  
Only Mingi seemed to understand how much he was hiding. But the alpha was going through his own waves of heat and discomfort, trying to stave it off in the way alphas do.   
  
But Mingi must have at least satisfied himself a decent amount; because by the end of the day he still fell into his proper place in bed beside Seonghwa, who reached out and hugged him close.   
  
“Nngh, m’so dizzy,” the alpha groaned.  
  
That was a mood. But Seonghwa was surprised to hear the alpha say so. He stroked his hair back from his face, kissing his lower lip. “Why?”  
  
“Side effect. Suppressants.”  
  
“Suppressants? I thought you weren’t going to do that…” He and Mingi and Hongjoong had even had a discussion about it; it was Mingi’s first major rut since he had come home from the facility. He had been doing so well, they had wanted to see how he would manage going through his full rut with no medicine to help.  
  
“Nnh. Got bored of fucking.”  
  
Seonghwa sighed, nuzzling into his chest. “Idiot.”  
  
They both knew the alpha had just wanted to make himself safe for Seonghwa.   
  
Just two days without a pill and his pack was already having to bend over backwards for him. It was so pathetic. He was never going to lose track of his doses ever again.  
  
\--------------------  
  
This time, when he startled awake in bed, he was alone. It took him far, far too long to remember where he was. How he had gotten here; to even recognize his own room. Heart pounding in his throat, he looked over at his phone. 5:41am.   
  
Where was Mingi? He patted the empty sheets beside him, but they weren’t even warm.   
  
It wasn’t that he was _worried._ The effects of the suppressants had probably just worn off and Mingi had wandered off to see what could be done about it.   
  
But the shadows in Seonghwa’s rooms were looking _very_ menacing in that moment and Seonghwa knew he couldn’t stay there by himself.   
  
He decided to go check on Yeosang since he hadn’t been in the right headspace for it the day before, but was still worried about how the omega was faring.   
  
He quietly let himself into Yeosang’s room, deciding he would leave him alone if he happened to be sleeping peacefully.   
  
Instead, he was bent over the side of his bed, back arched and ass presented prettily for the alpha that was breeding him. Seonghwa could tell Mingi was almost at his limit, he had experienced it enough. The alpha’s low groans left his chest with every thrust, drawing out into a growl as he suddenly shuddered and yanked Yeosang’s hips even more snug to his groin, breath tight as he knotted him. Yeosang groaned and pulled at the sheets, panting, face flushed and expression satisfied and what even looked like a faint smile on his lips.   
  
But then he suddenly noticed Seonghwa, although the alpha with his eyes screwed shut didn’t. Yeosang’s expression smoothed out from satisfied to placid. His gaze was watchful, nothing more. He was calm, waiting on Seonghwa to make the first move.  
  
Seonghwa backed out of the room, barely able to click the door shut before he hugged himself and thumped back against the wall, sliding down to his ass. His mind felt like it was buffering, taking forever to process what he’d just seen and what he had realized looking into the omega’s peacefully empty eyes.  
  
There was only one person he felt could save him. He would tell Hongjoong the real reason he was sick. Even if the alpha could do nothing but stay with him until the courier came with more, that would save his life. He needed the alpha so badly. It was that impulse and that gave him enough energy to stand, heading down the hall to their head alpha’s bedroom.  
  
When he explained things to the alpha, his original story would remain as he had believed it to be- that he had mismanaged the doses himself.   
  
Hongjoong would never find out the missing pills had been taken from him. 


	21. warmth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two lengthy, grown-up chapters in a row means a baby chapter is born next. i can't fight science.

Seonghwa was hunched in Hongjoong’s bed, blankets yanked up in fistfuls to his nose, breathing in the alpha’s scent like a panicked person in a movie would breathe into a brown paper bag. He needed any comfort he could get as he tracked the angry alpha pacing through his bedroom, yelling into his phone, scarier than he’d ever seen him.    
  
“That just doesn’t make any sense. There could be any number of reasons that someone misplaced some of the pills, and you’re telling me they’re just fuck out of luck? You could  _ murder _ someone that way. I have someone here nearly out of their mind after two days, and you’re telling me you’re not going to do a fucking thing about it?”   
  
The little alpha’s nostrils flared and his jaw clenched up as he listened to the response.    
  
“ _ Really? _ You’re seriously telling me that instead of making everyone’s lives easier, mine  _ and _ yours, you’d sooner put someone into a rehab facility than let me pick up just a single fucking pill to get them through the night?”   
  
Seonghwa could hear the terse, affirmative response.    
  
Hongjoong hung up the phone, clenching the device in his fist in such a way that made Seonghwa afraid he was going to hurl it into the wall. But instead he slowly turned to look at him, his eyes full of defeat. Seonghwa could almost  _ feel _ his pain, like a wave rushing towards him. Hongjoong had wanted so badly to help. And the defeat was crushing him.    
  
“I’m sorry, Seonghwa,” he said weakly, approaching the bed one hesitant step at a time, not sure if Seonghwa would welcome him or not.   
  
Without getting too close, the alpha reached over and found the shape of Seonghwa’s foot beneath the blankets, giving a gentle squeeze. “I could get you something else to take. With a similar effect,” he said in a low voice, gazing up at him through his lashes. Seonghwa shuddered, wondering exactly what it was Hongjoong was thinking of supplying him with, and where he planned on getting it; unless he already had it in his possession.   
  
Seonghwa shook his head. He realized tears had been streaming out of his eyes without him even noticing. But now his cheeks were wet from them, starting to feel the burn of the salt. He shook his head. “No, it’s okay. Th-thanks for trying…”   
  
“You said more will be delivered tomorrow?”   
  
“Yes.”   
  
“I’ve got you until then. No work.”   
  
The relief Seonghwa felt was enough to force a hollow laugh from his throat. The tension drained from his frame, leaving him slumped. Hongjoong suddenly caught him, as if he’d been afraid he was just going to just fall over.    
  
“Hang in there. We’ll get through it.”   
  
“Thank you, Hongjoong. I’m really sorry.”   
  
“Hmm? That’s the first time I’ve heard you say sorry and actually mean it,” Hongjoong said, pulling him even closer, wrapping his arms around him tight. Hongjoong had never felt so warm, so alive. Seonghwa’s chest was tight, containing a quickly-kindling feeling that suddenly wanted to burst out. It wasn’t a bad sensation; for a few seconds it forced all the bad things out, leaving no room for them.    
  
“But you don’t have to be sorry. You didn’t mean for this to happen.”   
  
“True…”   
  
Hongjoong rubbed his arms vigorously. “You feel kinda cold. You okay?”   
  
Seonghwa nodded, although his body couldn’t really decide. One minute he’d have chills, and the next break out into a sweat. “I’m okay for now.”   
  
“Wanna try to sleep?”   
  
Seonghwa shook his head, just imagining laying in the dizzying darkness behind his closed eyes, his mind like a mental cyclone bearing down on his last tattered scrap of sanity.    
Even with Hongjoong physically beside him, the alpha couldn’t reach inside his mind to stop it, no matter how much he would want to.   
  
“I just… I can’t. Not right now.”    
  
Since desperately barging into Hongjoong’s room, frightening the alpha out of his sleep, he had wanted nothing more than to calmly, eloquently explain everything (almost everything) that had happened and how it was affecting him and why he was humbly requesting the alpha’s comfort.    
  
But he couldn’t get more than a few words out before they would start to get mixed up in his mind and overwhelm him with confusion, until his tongue literally felt twisted and he could say nothing at all. So he kept his responses frustratingly short and clipped, wishing there was some way he could just look into his alpha’s eyes and make him feel and understand  _ everything _ .   
  
Because somehow he doubted he would want to try and explain things more clearly later. Right now, if he lived through this night, this would be a sore spot in his timeline he would be all too eager to forget.   
  
“This might sound weird…” Hongjoong began, “But do you wanna try something my mom would have us do whenever we were going through a really tough day?”   
  
“Um… what is it?”   
  
Hongjoong smirked, showing a glimpse of his big, pretty teeth. “I feel like if I tell you, you won’t try. You’ll think it’s too dumb.”   
  
“Just let me run and grab it. And promise me you’ll try it, even for like, ten minutes?”   
  
Seonghwa was torn between curiosity and fear; but also didn’t like the idea of Hongjoong leaving.    
  
“How long would it take before you came back?” He asked, voice wavering.   
  
“ _ Oh, _ love, only a minute or two, I promise,” Hongjoong promised, brushing his lips against his brow in a kiss.   
  
Seonghwa blushed, letting him go.   
  
\--------------------   
  
Sitting cross-legged on Hongjoong’s floor with blankets around their shoulders and a space heater humming from the corner, Seonghwa and Hongjoong bent over the early stages of a jigsaw puzzle. The image was of Vincent Van Gogh’s ‘The Starry Night’, and advertised to be the actual exact size of the original masterpiece. Exciting stuff.    
  
Two mugs of chamomile tea steamed uselessly near them, neither of them actually deigning to drink it as they had humorously agreed it smelled like the dust in an abandoned, haunted, flower shop.    
  
Seonghwa was growing tentatively happy, because it was  _ working _ . Doing a puzzle was so innocent, so soothingly mundane; and his mind was happy to leap to the micro-task of seeking out a place for each piece, one after another, looking back and forth between the image on the puzzle box and the scattered pieces in front of them.   
  
He was too absorbed to notice Hongjoong’s side-eyed glances at him, both worried and affectionate; or the way the alpha only started to relax as the beta did, riding the descending waves of his anxiety. The alpha was being extra affectionate, too. He would put his hand on Seonghwa’s almost as if on accident, but then keep it there and stroke the top of his hand or rub his fingers. If he had to get up and stretch from his hunched pose, he would ruffle and stroke Seonghwa’s hair while he stood, coaxing the side of his head to rest against his thigh.    
  
Seonghwa was so grateful for the attention, he could have cried (again). He knew that for the alpha, although he did have his moods where he would get cute and goofy, skinship didn’t always come easy to him. Seonghwa wasn’t sure what he’d done to deserve him.   
  
Even better, the more he calmed, the more sleepy he started to feel, and at some point he woke up curled up on the floor with his alpha beside him, his arm Seonghwa’s pillow.   
  
\--------------------   
  
“Hongjoong-ah?”   
  
“Yeah?”   
  
While they had made it through the night and now the golden late-morning light was shining behind the blinds, they were still curled up on the floor, Seonghwa realizing that his whole body and mind had developed a full-blown aversion to beds for the time being.    
  
“I just realized something awful.”   
  
Hongjoong unwrapped an almond chocolate and popped it in his mouth, unwrapping one for Seonghwa as well. Seonghwa was relieved that when he put the candy in his mouth it actually tasted like food, tasted  _ good;  _ by now his stomach was probably shrivelled up to the point where the single chocolate would make him full.    
  
“What did you realize that’s so awful?” There was a forced lightness in Hongjoong’s voice, but Seonghwa felt the alpha’s fingers suddenly press into his hip as he waited for the reply.    
  
“To get back on schedule… I still have to wait for tomorrow morning before I can take any hypneros.”   
  
The very thought threatened to stir his heart up into a race again, but he grit his teeth and nuzzled into Hongjoong’s warm neck, using his scent to calm down.   
  
“Ah… you’re right,” the alpha murmured as he hugged him, tilting his head aside for him.   
  
They were both quiet a while, thinking thoughts that Seonghwa soon realized were on two different sides of the spectrum.   
  
“How many days do you have to be off it before the withdrawal stops? It’s already gonna be three days, or four? Did you ask?”   
  
“...why would I have asked that?”   
  
“Seonghwa… I don’t know, I was just asking if you knew.” Hongjoong sighed. “I’m sorry, I was just curious.”   
  
Seonghwa’s throat suddenly felt thick with tears. The alpha was disappointed in him. He knew. It was unbearable.   
  
“Hey, hyung, look at me.” Thumb to his chin, Hongjoong tilted his head towards him. “Just take the medicine right away when it comes today. We’ll figure something out for that odd day out. Maybe we can just drink all day until we collapse in a drunken stupor, huh?” He stroked his face. “Please, don’t be sad. I don’t want you to be sad.”   
  
“You called me hyung, again.”   
  
“Does  _ that _ cheer you up?”   
  
“...Yes.”   
  
“What is it? What are you thinking in there?” His thumb smoothed Seonghwa’s brow, one slow stroke at a time.    
  
“You called me your mate one time, too. Do you remember?”   
  
Hongjoong blinked in surprise, his long lashes making the deer-in-headlights description very accurate. “No… sorry…”   
  
Seonghwa smiled. “I’m not mad. It’s almost cuter that you didn’t even know you said it.”   
  
“Well… I can see why past-Hongjoong would have said it. I… do see you as my mate. Hopefully you don’t mind.”   
  
This time when Seonghwa’s heart pounded, it was a pleasant sensation. He shifted closer to Hongjoong, so their lips just barely brushed. “I don’t mind at all. I like it.”    
  
_ I love you. _   
  
In the past months he hadn’t had any loving feeling this hot and strong in his heart as he did right now, leaving those unspoken words hanging in his mind.    
  
He couldn’t quite say them aloud, but there they were, anyway. He wondered if Hongjoong could read the meaning in his eyes as Seonghwa gazed at him, processing the fact that he was lying here in a home most people could only dream about, holding onto an alpha even beyond dreams, with said alpha now leaning in to give him the softest of kisses. He felt a thigh gently press between his own, allowing their bodies to get even closer.    
  
“If I tried to take your mind off things like this, do you think it would help?” Hongjoong whispered, hovering at the edge of another kiss.    
  
Seonghwa, trembling in nervous excitement (had he ever felt this excitable, the other times he’d been with his packmates?), grabbed Hongjoong’s shirt and pulled until the alpha’s full chest pressed against his, sharing his heartbeat.   
  
“I want to try…"   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kids, do not use sex to treat ANY sort of medical distress, physical or mental. It’s a fun, self-indulgent trope for shipping purposes only. thank u. 


	22. yeosang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long. it depressed me incredibly just writing it, slowing everything down. 
> 
> in other words: HEAVY ANGST WARNING !
> 
> ...unless it's just me that finds it sad.

Yeosang had never had a sudden thunderclap of realization that he was asexual. More like a slow, stumbling descent into the resignation over his identity. Now that he was a bit older, he could look back and pick out those obviously telling moments in his life when he should have realized he was different. Instead he had been blissfully naive, patiently optimistic.    
  
At times when he felt lowest, those memories attracted him like sickeningly-bright stars in a constellation for some god or goddess of cringetastic tragedy, and he couldn’t help but stargaze.

There had been the time that cool alpha upperclassman, THREE YEARS an upperclassman (making him hot shit for having gained their attention, obviously) started coming over to his house. The upperclassmen would tell him about all the wild things he had done. He was a vocalist for a rock band that had a strong following in town and the success had opened up some wild doors for him- which he happily leapt through. He seemed to never run out of stories to regale Yeosang with, leaving him stunned and intrigued and in awe. But sometimes they just played PlayStation for hours, or read manhwa and drank bubble tea.   
  
Then the upperclassman starting doing things like pulling Yeosang into his lap, or stretching out on the bed beside him and gently tickling him, high up on his thighs, or even brushing dry kisses to the back of his neck. Yeosang accepted the actions with the same indifference he would have a handshake or a friendly elbow nudging his side- he didn’t dislike the affection but it didn’t release a storm of hot butterflies in his stomach, either- nothing close. He would keep reading his manhwa, murmuring out commentary when needed, while his friend kept himself busy snuggling him and touching him like he was a big teddy bear.

A year later, their friendship had grown more distant, but once in a while they met. One day they were eating lunch on the roof of the school, chatting around mouthfuls of cutlet sandwich. Yeosang picked up the magazine he’d been flipping through holding it up to show a full-page photo of a popular idol of the time who Yeosang had recently gotten interested in.   
  
“Hyung, he’s kinda hot, don’t you think?”   


To his shock, the upperclassman responded with a bitter snarl that made Yeosang physically scuffle back.    
  
“So you  _ do _ have a type you’re interested in, it’s just not the type who are actually here with you, doing everything they can to try and show you they’re interested!”    
  


Cue the surprised pikachu meme. The revelation had caused Yeosang even more confusion. He had thought that the upperclassman had stopped hanging out with him because he was no longer that interested in the kind of company he could provide. The alpha was charismatic and talented and had a whole circle of equally cool friends, with his band still playing the occasional show — Yeosang had assumed they had naturally taken up his time and he was low on the list of priorities.   
  
But… if he hadn’t been so dumb, so ignorant, where could he have been, now? He would be that upperclassman’s most precious person, he would have still been able to see him every day, have his flattering attention on him while he listened to his stories, maybe started sneaking into his shows to see him…

But why was it that when he imagined the handsome upperclassman’s fingers going further than ever before, beneath his clothes and onto parts that no one else had seen since he was old enough to dress himself —- why did it make his skin feel cold to even imagine?

The upperclassman was handsome. He was cool. Yeosang really liked everything about him, and he didn’t know anyone else like him at school. He was sarcastic and witty to the point that he could be intimidating to talk to — without any notice he could deliver a quip that would leave you in the emotional ICU from the burn. But Yeosang was, or had been, on his good side, safe from the dragon’s flame.

So, why wasn’t he going wild for him?

It had to be because he was just inexperienced.

He would be dumb to waste this opportunity just because of that.

  
  


That night, alone at home, he mustered up the courage to text the upperclassman:

**_YS_ ** _ : ‘Hyung, I am really so sorry I never realized how you felt before. It’s my fault for being an idiot. I’m not very good at romance. If you still like me, I would really like to have that sort of relationship with you.” _

**_HYUNG_ ** _ : ‘lol i already have a boyfriend. Just forget what i said earlier. Old issues.’ _

——————————

Maybe he should have seen the signs the following year, when he decided to meet up with a friend he’d met when gaming online. Gaming had turned into texting and sometimes actual phone conversations, and after a few months, they decided to meet up and stay a couple nights together in a hotel in Seoul, near a neighborhood that had recently become something of a gaming nexus because of its famous Internet cafes and gaming shops. 

“I’ll pay for everything. Don’t worry. I make a lot of money,” the friend had assured him.

“Okay, I’ll let you treat me, then.” Yeosang had agreed with a little tease, not believing his luck.

They had fun shopping together, eating at a video-game themed cafe, and checking out a VR center where they both conspired to make the other scream as much as possible while wandering solo through a haunted house. 

And then at the hotel, which had just one bed (Yeosang didn’t care, it was big enough for both of them) his friend had changed into his undershirt and underpants and crawled towards him on hands and knees until he was nearly on top of him. “You looked so hot today, Yeosangie. That shirt looks so good on you. The perfect amount of tight.”

Yeosang remembered a distant part of his brain dully realizing:  _ ‘Ah… I guess the room wasn’t  _ **_that_ ** _ free, after all.” _

He didn’t move much as his friend traced the line of his body, up to his chest. He sat still as his lips pressed against his, weird, mushy, and giving Yeosang flashbacks of watching him trying to eat as many French fries in one go as possible at lunch.

His friend pulled his shirt off and he lifted up his arms for him. He wasn’t exactly scared. He was definitely nervous. But in his head he had decided  _ ‘I’ll just let him do what he wants. It’s the least I could do. I’ll just bear it the best I can. It’ll be okay.’ _

But after a couple minutes his friend’s expression started to grow sour. “Why aren’t you touching me back?”

“I… don’t know. I haven’t really done this.”

“Oh, that’s okay, then. Don’t be shy. Just touch me or kiss me wherever you want. Do what feels natural.”

Yeosang looked up and down his friend’s body. On an objective level he recognized his friend was ‘cute’. He had big eyes and charming teeth that made him think of a bunny, his body slender and tan. 

But none of that made Yeosang want to put his mouth on him, or touch him, or roll around in the sheets with him. 

He somewhat tried, at first, but it was so awkward that he ended up prone on his back with his friend kissing his chest and using his hand to try and get Yeosang’s cock to wake up. But the little guy didn’t budge. He didn’t even try. 

His friend heaved the world’s loudest sigh and eventually stormed off into the bathroom, taking a very, very long shower. 

As they laid unsleeping in the uncomfortable bed, he told Yeosang he had to leave a day early, and was gone by the next morning. He told Yeosang he could stay the extra night since it was already paid for, but Yeosang didn’t stay.

Two nights later, Yeosang was in bed coincidentally watching amateur porn videos of guys making out and fucking in bed, and jerked off to a climax harder than he’d ever had before.

It made no fucking sense.

——————————

The worst memory in the whole constellation was a star that he lived with, still. It was the one that hurt the most, shining with the most regret. Actually, in the scale of importance, you could call this one the sun, and the others were the mere stars.    
  
He would always wonder, if he had been more aware of himself, his identity, and how to handle it in the context of relationships (who was he kidding, even  _ now _ he didn’t know how to handle it), if things would be different for him and Wooyoung. If they could have been happier.

Wooyoung and he had been friends since middle school. They met at an after school program, doing everything from playing sports and instruments to throwing pottery and completing more boring, serious lessons to help prepare them for exams. Yeosang felt drawn to the noisy, attention-seeking boy immediately, the universal rule of opposites dragging them together like magnets. 

Wooyoung was popular, to the point that if Yeosang walked into the large classroom before Wooyoung, everyone would audibly groan that it was only Yeosang and not Wooyoung appearing. 

(He would have taken it personally, but their reactions were honestly understandable.)

  
Then one day they had an art teacher doing a special lesson on drawing, challenging the students to draw an upside down image to show them how looking at something in a new way could actually make them more accurate in their art.   
  
Yeosang finished his quickly, because finishing meant he was allowed to draw whatever he wanted. He started filling up the blank paper with sketches of a cute little blobby character skateboarding, cooking, wearing a flower on his head- and that’s when Jung Wooyoung burst into his personal space to laugh and coo over how cute the character was, demanding Yeosang draw him one on his arm with ballpoint pen.   
  
  


Wooyoung began texting Yeosang almost every day, asking when he was free, when they could hang out. Yeosang at first was hesitant. Although the boy’s energy made the after school activities fun, he wasn’t sure he could handle it during his own private time. Finally, after Wooyoung warned him he was just going to show up at his house (he’d strong armed him out of his address) whether he told him he could come over or not— Yeosang asked his mother if the boy could hang out and she gave her blessing. 

After that they were pretty much inseparable. In a group of their fellow classmates and friends, they only had eyes for each other. Wooyoung was the first person he talked to (or texted) in the morning, and last one at night. They spent countless nights at each others’ homes, they spent weekends eating and shopping and playing together, went on trips, went to concerts, tried to land the same part time jobs after school so they could work together. If one was doing something, there was no question about the other’s presence. Wooyoung was the only one that knew what had gone on with the upperclassman, the experience awkwardly boiled down to a short few sentences:

_ “Hey you know upperclassman xxxxx? He flirted with me for an entire year and I’m such a dumbass I didn’t even notice. And then like a year later I told him that now I was ready to be his boyfriend. But by then he already had a boyfriend, and that’s the day I learned the world doesn’t revolve around me after all, I suppose.”  _   
  
He didn’t know why he told Wooyoung at all. Something about him, just looking at him, made Yeosang want to spill every sordid detail of his life to him, let him see everything, more than anyone else knew.   
  


They were driving back from a weekend road trip when they started talking about a hypothetical checklist they had for their ideal perfect partner. Try as he might, Yeosang couldn’t remember a single item detailed on either of their lists, but what he did know is that the conversation had meant something to Wooyoung; had shifted something in him.

Later, when Yeosang was playing League of Legends, his phone buzzed with a text from Wooyoung.

_ “Hey. I’ve been really thinking a LOT lately, and I think I like you as more than a friend. I wanted to let you know that and I really hope you feel the same.” _

Yeosang thought about it for a long time. What he already had with Wooyoung was perfect. He couldn’t imagine anything better. They even had plans to move out together, plans for their careers aligning, plans for being grumpy old men out on the porch scowling at rowdy children. To him it was as good as a romance, already.

So instead of texting something so fucking simple like  _ “Let’s talk about this more in person. You mean everything to me and I would like to talk about what exactly you are looking for in a romance between us”--  _ or ANY variation of that, literally just anything remotely close to it, he texted:

_ “I had no idea you felt that way! Thanks for letting me know… Right now I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship, though. I’m really sorry! But hey, I looked up those movie times for next Saturday. 7pm work?” _

The words seemed harmless enough on their own, maybe.

But Wooyoung stopped texting him. 

And whenever Yeosang tried to hang out with him, he already had plans. 

The boy who had pestered him every day to hang out with him had turned the tables, and now it was Yeo who begged, but unlike Wooyoung, he lacked the charm to get him to cave in and see him in the end. 

If he saw Wooyoung once every couple months, he was lucky. 

It was the loneliest few years of his entire life. Wooyoung had spoiled him. He had been the beginning and end of his social circle, and Yeosang had been happy with that.    
  
He tried to make other friends, or spend more time with acquaintances he already had. But he always ended up feeling that it was a waste of time, realizing ten minutes into a hang out that all he wanted was Wooyoung.

That’s when he realized that just because he wasn’t interested in sex, it didn’t mean he couldn’t be in love.

And when that love had been returned to him on a silver platter, he had slapped the dish right out of Wooyoung’s hands. 

  
  


After a few attempted dates, he just gave up. He would be alone and that’s fine. 

_ It’s fine. You’re fine. _

He became very good at keeping himself company. He treated himself to chicken and played games all night, watching movies or tv for a break. He tried to make himself take university classes, which didn’t go well. He just didn’t care anymore. But he  _ did _ get a job out of the attempt, when a passing art teacher stopped him in the hall to ask him if he’d be interested in a modelling. Holding a job had been difficult up until then. But sitting or standing around to be admired and replicated in pencil or paint or clay sounding like just his speed. 

He met a few fun people, both students and staff, doing that job, and sometimes would go out and spend time with them. And he admitted he found himself having fun. Maybe it was because of where he met them, but they were full of interesting stories and experiences, and their open minds were full of boundless kindness and creativity.    
  
But even so… it only took an hour or two before he was craving the solitude of home.    
  
Wooyoung had been the only person he felt he could spend every hour of every day with. All other human beings had their time limits.

  
  


Then a younger Kim Hongjoong had joined a figure drawing class at the university. Practice, for sketching out his fashion designs. Yeosang hadn’t realized who he was, then. Yeosang  _ did _ know he was attractive. Gorgeous, even. (He was ace, not blind.)    
  
The alpha was short but it didn’t matter, it didn’t take anything away from him. His sketches had their own eye-catching flair. After sketching Yeosang’s nude figure, he could never resist picking up his colored pencils and laying out the outlines of an outfit on top.

“Hongjoong-ssi, you’re always re-dressing me with your eyes, aren’t you?” Yeosang couldn’t hold back teasing him one day as he wandered around the art room wearing nothing but a silk robe, checking out the students’ art while he took a break from posing. 

  
  


On the last day of the semester, Hongjoong gave him a sleek business card with his name and contact information, and the job title “ _ producer _ .”

“Here. I want you to join my pack. I have to get going but I hope you’ll call me if you want to talk about it more. I’ll give you everything you could ever need. I promise.”

He had winked impishly and left just like that.

Yeosang was stunned. The whole thing was really unbelievable. Crazy. It was  _ so  _ crazy that he wanted to do it. Why not? He had literally nothing to lose.

In fact, Hongjoong’s bold and open-ended promise couldn’t have come at a more perfect time, and Yeosang was prepared to challenge his words more brazenly than the alpha could have possibly imagined.

Because it was at that time that Wooyoung and Sanie were being evicted from their home. Wooyoung was trying his hardest to keep the two of them afloat on one income, but was failing.    
  
By then he and Yeosang were talking more, even hanging out more often, as time had allowed Wooyoung to heal from the rejection and get a bit closer to him again.    
  
So Yeosang knew how hard he struggled every day. How the hardships had changed him. He had given him money more than once, although it had crushed Wooyoung to take.    
  
_ ‘You shouldn’t give me this. I’ve been absolute shit to you. I shouldn’t have shut you out and left you alone all this time, just because you didn’t want to date. I’m the one that owes  _ **_you_ ** _.’ _

Flustered to find out Wooyoung felt such regret, Yeosang had just insisted harder:  _ ‘If you can’t get out of your current mess, you’re never gonna be able to pay me back. So take this and hurry up.’ _

But now… as Google pulled up the results for one “Kim Hongjoong, producer” and Yeosang’s eyes grew wider and wider with every result… He realized he might be able to save all of them at once.

He decided if this young, supposed multi-millionaire producer agreed with his demands, he would join his pack. Otherwise, he would just go along with life as usual, which is probably what he should do anyway - because to just join someone’s pack that he barely knew was absolutely insane and he was insane for even taking the business card from him.    
  
When he told Hongjoong that he didn’t come alone, he came in a three-set, Hongjoong merely said. “Hm. I see.”   
  
Knowing Hongjoong’s manner, Yeosang expected some polite end to the conversation like, “Thanks for considering it, anyway”   
  
But instead, what he said next was: “Tell me about them.”   
  
\--------------------   
  
And now here he was, sitting alone in the bathroom, the lid of the toilet cold on the back of his thighs.    
  
Him being ace had never seemed to bother or frustrate Hongjoong. Hongjoong never tried to seduce him physically or imply that, as a pack member of his now, certain things were expected.    
Even when his heats started in full force and set all the alphas on edge, none of them approached him with that intent.   
  
While a stupid part of his brain at times wished his packmates showed interest, as misplaced as it would have been, overall he was grateful he was allowed to live as a family, as a pack, without having to partake in their more carnal activities. And if that meant their caution sometimes made him feel wholly unwanted, unneeded, that was a small price to pay. Hadn’t he gotten what he’d wanted, in the end? A life with Wooyoung? A home with Wooyoung to grow old in?    
  
What a joke. The people they had been when they envisioned that future were dead.   
  
As far as what Hongjoong had gotten out of bringing them into his pack, he still didn’t know. He suspected the alpha had felt some painful void in his life and had tried to fill it up with a pack- and now probably still had that painful void, with the addition of packmates to take care of, on top of it. But he was keeping that opinion to himself.   
  
Hongjoong literally saved Wooyoung and San. And, that fact aside, the step-brothers really liked the chic alpha, as elusive as he might be. Hongjoong had a pure, trustworthy aura that drew them in. Yeosang found himself drawn to it, too.

Their unbelievable turn of luck slowly became a new, everyday life for them. It helped that Hongjoong had no expectations for the other two, either. He spent time with them when he could, took care of them, made sure they had money and food and clothes and everything they needed, and within months Wooyoung and San accepted him as family, bringing weight to the scribbled signatures they had left on their pack registration forms.   
  
But for Yeosang, he slowly started to realize that even as part of a pack he still felt alone. He would never get back what he had had with Wooyoung. Even though they now lived under the same roof, even though Wooyoung talked with him and joked with him, there was a rift Yeosang didn’t know how to cross, and a body not willing to, anyway.   
  
He wasn’t anything more than the statue he pretended to be for the art students. A decoration.    
  
Looking down at the negative pregnancy test in his hand, he knew that was more true than ever.   
  
\------------------   
  
Seonghwa had changed things. Seonghwa who had been strange at first, always with that slightly-glazed hypneros look in his eyes; but after only a few days, (insane days of blood and tragedy), Seonghwa had come out still kind and patient and overflowing with sympathy. He cared about all of them. And even though Yeosang knew the strange medicine he took gave him an unbelievably thick wall of emotional strength, that couldn’t completely obscure the beta’s personality. Seonghwa could be childish, playful, but also stern and responsible. He was smart and thoughtful. He was talented. And he showed Yeosang affection and attention and it made him remember how good a close, budding friendship could feel.    
  
Yeosang felt like he was in middle school again, emotionally crushing on upperclassmen without realizing he was crushing.   
  
It killed him that he had nothing to offer the beta.    
  
Until the night he wondered if, maybe, he did.   
  
  
  
It was the stupidest risk he had ever taken. Really, truly stupid. He had been out of his mind, then. Drunk on nothing but a bad impulse, a desperate attempt to be relevant.    
  
He wanted to reach into the past and strangle himself.   
  
His stomach roiled and he gripped his own knees, willing the remorse away, for now.    
  
Since the hypneros had left his system, (a very disorienting and unsettling experience), his mind had been gleefully replaying him clip after clip of his mistakes.   
  
A popular feature: his voice telling Mingi  _ “Mingi-ah, I said I just want to try it once. You’re already in rut. It’s perfect. Isn’t that the whole point? Aren’t you supposed to fill me full of pups, or something?” _   
  
And then, a montage of memories of the act itself; too intense to even try and describe in words, except to say that at the time, with his head empty, it had felt so fucking good. With his instincts, his nerve-endings and his heat-wracked body in complete control, he finally understood.    
  
Too bad the memories he was left with made him feel dirty, used; trapped inside his own skin which wouldn’t stop crawling.    
  
And it wasn’t Mingi that had used him.    
  
It was himself.    
  
He thought he’d turn his body into a tool, but he couldn’t even finish the job properly, in the end.   
  
Despite his guilt in the thievery, despite the bad comedown, it was enough to make him wish he had one more little pill. Emptiness had felt so good.   
  
He sighed and bent forward, resting his head in his free hand. The last vestiges of his heat still simmered at the edges of his consciousness, making sure he was physically miserable on top of mentally. He really wanted it all to end.


	23. yeosang pt ii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so the first part of this chapter actually takes place before the last chapter.  
> this is due to me not knowing what im doing  
> thank u

\--------------------  
**A day or so earlier:**   
_Seonghwa_  
\--------------------  
  
  
Seonghwa had a whole lecture prepared for Kang Yeosang. He had started writing it in his head while he was putting together a puzzle on the floor in Kim Hongjoong’s room, and it had easily reached novella length. Since then he had edited the content, reworded, cut, pasted, but ultimately, as he got back on his doses and felt more tranquil, he stripped it down to the main points he needed to drive into the horribly misguided omega’s head and left it at that.   
  
But as a few days went by and he didn't have a great opportunity to talk to the omega alone, the impulse to lecture him just… started to fade. There was no heat left. No resentment, no anger. He certainly did not want to go through the ordeal again, but it already felt like a distant memory.  
  
The omega would have to be informed eventually about the fact that what he had taken could not be so easily recovered, but in the meantime Seonghwa put his new supply in a pretty wooden lock box Hongjoong had given him, which he kept in his bedside table. And -even though it had turned out to not be his own fault- he had still labeled each blister pack with the corresponding day of the month. There wouldn't be another incident like this again. 

On top of that, with the way Yeosang, in his very rare appearances, was slinking around the house avoiding his gaze, Seonghwa knew he was sorry. And more than that, he knew the omega’s character by now. He knew whatever compulsion had led him to take what wasn't his wasn't driven by the need to damage Seonghwa in some way. 

Seonghwa  _ did _ want to know the real reason, felt it was important, but it almost seemed like a better idea to let the omega be comfortable around him again first; see that there wasn't any explosive repercussions or shaming coming his way.   


The one who worried him more was Mingi. Since that night, the alpha had been restless. Sometimes it took forever for him to fall asleep; or sometimes he would pass out but then sit up in bed suddenly at the deepest hours of the night. Seonghwa would open his eyes to see the alpha's eyes glowing with somber half-moons, staring towards the door. 

The line of his body would be tense and his fingers grasping the edge of the sheets, like he was just a heartbeat away from springing out of bed and running off somewhere. 

Finally, instead of just quietly watching Mingi until he made himself lay down again, Seonghwa touched his bare skin and cooed at him. "Talk to me, baby. What's wrong?" 

Mingi blinked and turned to him, lowering himself with a groan. He stretched out half on Seonghwa, bedding down on his chest. For a big, strong, scary alpha, he really didn’t weigh that much. Seonghwa played with his hair.    
  
“Is it Yeosang?”   
  
Mingi whined in confusion, shifting to peer up at him. “How did you know that?”   
  
“I just know things. I’m magic,” Seonghwa assured him, coaxing him to lie back down again.   
  
“So… you know what happened?”   
  
Seonghwa answered carefully. Because while there was a lot he did know, perhaps even more than Mingi, he’d only had a brief glimpse of what had gone on between the two of them.

“I know Yeosang decided to try something he hadn’t before.”  
  
“...Yeah.”  
  
“So, what’s wrong?”  
  
“I feel like I did something wrong… and I think he might hate me, now.”  
  
“Oh, Mingi-ah… do you really think that’s true? Or do you think maybe he just needs time to process? It wasn’t a small matter for him to try that, you know? It could be overwhelming.”  
  
“Nnngh.”  
  
“Valid point.”  
  
“I’m just worried about him. I wanna talk to him.”  
  
The alpha didn’t have to tell Seonghwa that Yeosang was making that difficult to do.   
  
Mingi heaved a sigh, two fingertips playing absently along Seonghwa’s skin.   
  
“I shouldn’t have--”  
  
“Shhhhh.” Seonghwa had been waiting for that. He knew Mingi enough to know the guilt must be lingering there, right below the surface.   
  
“It’s not your fault.”  
  
“But I---”  
  
“It’s not your fault. Please, Mingi. Don’t think that.”  
  
“How do _you_ know?”  
  
Seonghwa sighed. “Magic, remember?”  
  
The alpha huffed and went from cuddling with Seonghwa to pinning him beneath his weight, looking down at him with a grumpy expression.   
  
“You know I’m not a kid, right?”  
  
“Yeah, I know.”  
  
“You always talk to me like I’m a pup.”  
  
“But you’re not a pup.”  
  
“Yah, even now you’re doing it!” The alpha protested.  
  
“Trust me, Mingi. I know full well you’re no pup. You’re so smart. Thoughtful. Strong. But right now I think you feel confused, guilty, helpless. And you’re not the type that wants to be let off, easily.”  
  
Mingi let out a sound that sounded puppy-ish indeed, not that Seonghwa was going to point that out.   
  
“Just give him a little bit more time. Everything will be okay.”  
  
Mingi flopped down, forcing Seonghwa’s breath out with a little ‘ _oof’,_ and smushing some parts that he hadn’t been prepared to be smushed. He wriggled a bit until he could support the alpha more comfortably.   
  
“You’re actually wrong, hyung.”  
  
“Oh, am I?”  
  
“Yeah, as a matter of fact, you are.”  
  
“Where did I go wrong?”  
  
“It’s not just that I feel confused or guilty... “  
  
Seonghwa quirked an eyebrow up, tucking his arm behind his head for a pillow, getting comfy.  
  
“No? What’s wrong, pu-- I mean, _alpha._ ”  
  
Mingi squared up with a deadpan look, lightly punching Seonghwa on the shoulder.   
  
“Fine. Last time I share my feelings with you. G’night.”  
  
Mingi hauled himself away from Seonghwa, somehow taking 75% of the blankets with him.  
  
After a spat of patronizing apologies and then a scuffle in which Mingi demonstrated the unfortunate difference in alpha muscle versus beta muscle and how that meant it only took a single hand to restrain both of Seonghwa’s arms-- Mingi pitied the overpowered beta and came clean.  
  
“I was just going to say… I think I like Yeosang-ah.”  
  
Seonghwa bit his tongue, stopping the wave of dismissive thoughts that clamored at the back of his throat. He would be an asshole to scoff away the alpha’s confession. He was probably an asshole for even _thinking_ that way. It wasn’t like he himself had tons of experience in love and romance. His time here with his pack was really about all he had to show in that department, and he knew it was far from a typical experience.   
  
Instead he said carefully: “What do you mean? Did you not like him, before?”  
  
“You know what I mean,” the alpha chided in a deep growl, punishing Seonghwa with a rough bite to his neck.   
  
“But… you…”  
  
Gods, had Mingi even realized Yeosang was drugged that night? Shit, it was such a mess…  
  
“Can you… tell me more? What made you change your mind?” He asked.  
  
Mingi shook his head. “My mind never changed. I always liked him. But it was hard to get close to him, not knowing what he wants. But now… I decided that I wanna find out what that is. If he’ll let me.”  
  
“Oh, Mingi…” Seonghwa was touched on Yeosang’s behalf, on the whole pack’s behalf: to have such a tender alpha to call family.  
  
“But, hyung… can I tell you something?”  
  
He had stopped gnawing on Seonghwa’s neck and was resting beside him instead, hot breath gusting against his shoulder.  
  
“Of course.”  
  
“I don’t want you to worry, or be afraid. Everything was okay. I would have gotten you if it wasn’t okay.”  
  
“What is it...?”  
  
“Yeosang told me that he was just going to go out and find some outside alpha to be with him, if I didn’t breed him.”  
  
Seonghwa mentally dragged his lecture for Yeosang to the forefront of his mind, inserting a new bulletpoint.  
  
“Mmhmm?”  
  
“When he said that, I _changed_. Not outside, but inside. I _changed_ again.”  
  
“You’re... sure? It wasn’t just your rut?” Seonghwa asked. His mouth was so dry.  
  
Mingi nodded soberly, a wavy lock of rust-colored hair falling over his eye. “He got mad, imagining another alpha having him. But I told him to be quiet, that wouldn’t happen, and I kept Yeosang for ourselves. That’s another reason I want to protect him.”  
  
Seonghwa had no words.  
  
  
  
\--------------------  
**Present time:**   
_Yeosang_  
\--------------------  
  
  
Yeosang didn’t know how long he was in the bathroom, or when and how Mingi got in.   
  
Yeosang was still in the same bent pose, sitting on the closed toilet with his forehead in one hand and the negative pregnancy test held off to the side in his loose fist. His eyes were open, focused towards his knees, but not really _seeing_ anything except the gray flowing river of his thoughts, painfully dull and heavy.  
  
Then fingers slid into his view, curling gently over his knees, fingers flushed at the tips with warmth and life, stark against his dark pants. Mingi was kneeling in front of him, hands resting heavy on Yeosang’s knees like a big dog expecting treats.   
  
“Yeosang-ah… are you okay?” The deep voice had a whine at its edges. Mingi’s normally narrowed eyes were big, round. Yeosang sat up slowly, his aching back protesting. His fingers brushed Mingi’s as he raised his head. He had been avoiding Mingi since that night. Afraid of what he would feel.   
  
But all he felt was sorry.   
  
Mingi put a hand higher on his thigh and leaned in. Now Yeosang sucked in his breath, heart fluttering wildly with panic- but Mingi just butted against his chest, then nuzzled in with his cheek to scent him worriedly. Relaxing, Yeosang rested his free hand on his shoulder, first patting him and then curling his fingers into his shirt, holding him close.   
  
“I’m sorry Mingi. I shouldn’t have forced you to… you know… the other night. I’m… I’m really so sorry...”  
  
Each word felt like it’s own lump caught in his throat. He skin felt hot and cold in alternating shockwaves. His hands started to tremble. The depressed numbness he had been feeling since that night was thawing, sending hot tears sliding down his cheeks and onto the back of Mingi’s sweater.  
  
He fucking _hated_ crying. And this one was going to be bad.  
  
Mingi responded to his soft sounds of distress by trying to pull Yeosang’s other arm around him, too- but when he reached for him he brushed his hand- and the test grasped in his fingers.  
  
“Ah, Mingi, no! You shouldn’t touch it, please!” Yeosang tried to jerk his hand away.   
  
And the big dumb alpha just held onto his forearm with his stupid alpha strength and made him lift his hand so they could both look, both see the markings in the tiny result window on the test.   
  
This was officially the most mortifying moment of his entire life.   
  
The cherry on top: Mingi, after scrunching his eyebrows in confusion at the test result, looking to him with the puppy eyes and asking: “What’s it mean?”  
  
“ _Nothing!_ ” he answered bitterly, finally wrenching his hand away and dropping the piece of plastic in the garbage. “Wash your hands.”  
  
“You sound like Seonghwa-hyung.”  
  
Yeosang flinched at that, hugging his elbows close to himself, becoming small. He had been avoiding their beta this whole time. He was so embarrassed… Not only because Seonghwa had seen them but because of what he’d taken from him; the beta could be disturbingly observant and Yeosang just _knew_ that when Seonghwa had walked in on them and met his eyes, he had deciphered all the steps of Yeosang’s out-of-control night _._ _  
__  
_ Yeosang had kept trying to pep talk himself into giving the beta back the two pills he had left. After the single dose he had taken had worn off, the reality of all his actions falling down on him had left him unwilling to touch the other two, no matter how much he craved their effects.   
  
He needed to apologize. He needed to eat something. Take a shower. Stop just moping around, hating himself. Things really weren’t so bad. He had a good pack. He had a big alpha all but laying in his lap right now, in some sort of mood. Mingi had never been like this with him. He was pretty sure that the alpha didn’t even have his phone number saved since he gotten a new phone a few months ago.  
  
Now he was being almost… clingy.   
  
“Stop thinking so hard…” Mingi huffed. “It’s making you more sad.”   
  
“Aish, I told you to wash your hands. And then get out of the bathroom. This is weird.”  
  
“Only if you come, too.”  
  
“Fine.” 

Yeosang sighed impatiently as Mingi washed his hands, observing him with his arms crossed over his chest. 

“Okay, good. Now go.”   
  
“You said you were coming, too.”   
  
“I want to shower, first.”   
  
“You smell okay, to me…”   
  
“Mingi, I’m  _ sorry. _ ”   
  
“Huh?” Mingi tilted his head, worried at the sharp, twisted sound of the word.    
  
“I’m saying  _ sorry _ . Sorry because, we don’t have some sort of ‘thing’ now, okay? I’m still...the way I am. It was just a one time occurence. I wanted to try. So you can just… leave me alone, now. Go back to leaving me alone.”   
  
Mingi didn’t look as discouraged as Yeosang had hoped.   
  
“I don’t wanna leave you.”   
  
“Mingi, I’m serious, I’m not doing that sort of thing again, okay?”   
  
“I don’t want that.” Mingi countered.    
  
Yeosang’s lips parted, his shoulders and arms going slack in surprise. “I… huh?”   
  
“I just want to get to know you better. I know I’m a monster but do you really think I’m the type that has no interest in others if I can’t fuck them?” Now there was some hurt in Mingi’s guarded voice, too.    
  
Mingi took a couple steps closer until he was standing right in front of him, their toes pointing at each other.    
  
“I won’t touch you at all, if you don’t want. Or if you want me to touch you just a little, I can do that, too. Whatever you want.”   
  
He held out his open palm. Yeosang looked at it, his heart beating in his throat, face flushing again. His eyes were burning with more stupid tears. But this time… there was something else driving them. Relief? Tentatively happy  _ dis _ belief? Something in that realm. He could feel the alpha staring down at him with an unblinking focus.    
  
He should feel nervous, like a rabbit being stared down by a hungry wolf. But instead he felt only trust; trust despite the alpha’s chaotic history, despite the compromising position he had Yeosang in mere nights ago (his own fault), despite not knowing him as well as some of his other packmates. Maybe it was just his deep longing for someone to be close to.    
  
He was about to place his hand in that open palm, but at the last moment pulled his hand away. Mingi frowned and started to rescind the offer. That’s when Yeosang closed the distance between them, stepping right into his arms until his cheek lightly brushed his chest. He could feel  _ and  _ hear the alpha’s heartbeat at the same time. Mingi’s hands landed precariously on his back.   
  
“This is as far as I can go,” he informed him, wrinkles appearing between his brow. He was painfully aware of how much like a sickeningly-sweet kdrama moment this was. He felt like a disembodied third person, watching yet another cringey moment of his life play out. That was what it was like never being comfortable in your own skin: everything you did seemed fake, an act, a joke. You were always watching yourself from the outside, judging caustically. Ruining nice moments with scathing inner dialogue just like this, now.   
  
But Mingi slowly hugged him until he was holding him snug to his chest and for a second he could let himself feel just that. He shyly rubbed his cheek against him, paying back the scenting from earlier, jasmine blooms entwining with Mingi’s wild alpha scent.   
  
“Yeosang-ah?”   
  
“Yeah?”   
  
“Do you want to go on a date with me?”


	24. christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay! was in unusually bad shape most of last week and it threw me off the normal schedule (ד ྊ ד )

Seonghwa had seen white Christmases before, but this one was the most beautiful. Maybe it was the way the snow had started falling overnight, blanketing the trees and lawn around their house with thick sparkling snow so high it could almost reach his knees. And thick snowflakes, like ice feathers, were only continuing to drift down, making the snow deeper. 

  
Maybe it was just the view that made it so lovely: the huge windows like picture frames for the glittering brightness from outside, the smoky pink and butter yellow sky swirled with clouds and drifting curtains of crystalline fog; everything frosted and shining.  
  
Or maybe the real beauty came from inside the house itself. The heat had been cranked up, the fireplace switch turned on. His hands were around a mug of black tea with sugar stirred in, indulging his sweet tooth because it was Christmas morning and why not?  
Their Christmas tree gleamed like a beacon from how many lights they had strung through the boughs. Shelves and walls bristled with pine and twinkling lights. Delicate ornaments hung everywhere that showed a bit of green foliage, even decorating the stems and twigs of the plants in Mingi’s old bedroom. Everything smelled pleasantly like pine trees and cinnamon. It was a picture perfect Christmas home.  
  
Or maybe he appreciated the Christmas beauty because he wasn’t alone.  
  
He wasn’t looking out the windows for long before a sleepy head alpha wandered in and took his mug away from him. Hongsoong set his tea on the coffee table and then tugged Seonghwa down to the couch. All just so he could curl up against him under a blanket, drifting off instantly. It was all too easy for Seonghwa to give in and hug the small-framed alpha in his arms. He fit perfectly. And he was warm. And smelled good. Like home. It didn’t take much for him to fall asleep, too.  
  
He woke up to a scraping sound, and straightened up to peer over the couch. He spied Yunho braving his way out the front door, three times his regular size underneath his winter layers and flapped woolen hat. His nose and cheeks were glowing from the cold as he shoveled the drifts of snow that had started to encroach on the walkway to their home. A smile was on his face, the alpha always going after every household task as if it were a pleasant hobby and he was indulging.  
  
A few minutes later a quick figure darted down the hall, tasseled scarf flying like a flag behind them. Seonghwa watched in amusement as Sanie flung the door open and launched himself at the alpha’s back like one of those flying squirrels, latching on tight. Yunho gave a stumbling step but otherwise stayed up. Seonghwa could hear him laughing, though he had closed the door. He shoveled a few more scoops of snow before shaking Sanie off and handing him the shovel instead, pointing to the white drift. Sanie, always stronger than he looked, easily matched Yunho in dispatching the snow away from the patio and driveway, but Yunho suddenly stopped him. The alpha tugged off his mittens and made Sanie hold out his bare hands so he could pull on the mittens. His hat, too, he took off and tied snug over the omega’s head. Then San continued shovelling and Yunho came inside.  
  
He noticed Seonghwa immediately. “ _Hyung_ . Sorry. I was trying not to wake you.”  
  
Kicking off his boots, he came up behind the couch kissed Seonghwa on the lips, then bent down to give Hongjoong’s forehead a kiss as well, making his face wrinkle up like an offended cat’s. “Merry Christmas.”  
  
“Merry Christmas, Yunho.” Seonghwa smiled, then pinched Hongjoong under the blankets.  
  
The head alpha should just give up trying to get any more sleep, now. Two of their monsters were already awake, and more would join them soon.  
  
“Merry Christmas, Yunho.” Hongjoong yawned.  
  
“I just gotta grab more gloves and then I’ll go help Sanie.”  
  
“Alright, thanks for clearing the snow.”  
  
Seonghwa looked down to see that the head alpha’s eyes had fallen shut again. He traced his sharp, dark brows with his thumb a few times and then said. “Come on, alpha. Let’s shower. I’ll give you a little Christmas present, if you want.”  
  
Hongjoong opened one eye, the corner of his mouth twitching up. “Is it socks?”  
  
“Yeah. Shower socks. Like you always wanted.”

Hongjoong sighed and flung his blanket off, but a cat-like smirk was on his lips and his eyes were watching Seonghwa very hungrily. 

——————————

Showered, flushed knees twinging in protest, Seonghwa knocked on his bedroom door where he had left Mingi and Yeosang earlier. It seemed like every other night Yeosang wound up curled up beside them in the bed, sometimes clinging to Mingi, sometimes stretched out comfortably between them, or sometimes latching onto Seonghwa, drinking in his soothing scent like gulps of fresh water.  
  
“Merry Christmas,” he said, finding the two watching something on Mingi’s iPad, buried in a nest of blankets.

Seonghwa was proud of Mingi. He had been extra careful with the alpha after what he had admitted to him, about how he had had an internal encounter with his other side that (luckily) he had won. He had asked Mingi if that was the only time it had happened since they had gotten him back from the facility, and he had said yes. So at least it wasn’t something the alpha was constantly struggling to fight off. But it worried him that that side of him had suddenly resurfaced. So he kept an eye on the alpha, tried to keep him out of any intense interactions with their other pack Members and not invite any unneeded stress in his life. But the alpha seemed just fine, maybe even better than ever before now that he spent more time with Yeosang.  
  
The fact that the alpha, with his wild side always prowling in the depths of his subconscious, didn’t seem to have any problem whatsoever with the boundaries Yeosang had set was actually beyond impressive for Seonghwa. Or perhaps he had underestimated that aspect of Mingi from the beginning.

And then there was Yeosang. Yeosang seemed completely changed. While he was still on the quiet side, had his moments where he needed time alone and was not in the mood to entertain any wild banter or hijinks from his packmates, he was like a jasmine flower that had finally opened up, with the cool,happy scent to back it up.

Seonghwa still hadn’t confronted him about the medicine he had taken or what he had done. After seeing what had suddenly bloomed between he and Mingi, he was worried about a lecture putting a damper on things. What if it discouraged Yeosang, making him pull away from Mingi? Even though the circumstances that had led to their bond were questionable, he couldn’t bring himself to be the splash of water that put out their flame. 

For now, he still let it be.

“Merry Christmas, hyung. Want to watch with us?” Yeosang asked, white teeth and pointed canine showing. “It’s warm.”

“No thanks, Yeosangie. I’m getting hungry. Gonna see about food.”

“You can bring some food here when you find it, hyung.” Mingi said, barely looking up from the screen.

Seonghwa clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes, but without any heat. He would have made sure all his packmates were fed, even without having to be told. 

——————————

Back in the living room, Seonghwa saw Jongho had joined San and Yunho outside. The driveway had been cleared and on the lawn were starting to grow snowmen- or what looked like two snowmen, and then a snow creature the identity of which was anyone’s guess, growing more mysterious the more handfuls of snow San packed on to its lumpy form.

He watched Jongho approach with some bare, branching twigs and stick one into what could have been a head, only for San to rip them out and throw them aside, exchanging some choice words with the maknae. With an evil gleam in his eye, Jongho shoved another set of twigs into a different section of the snow pile. Sanie came after him brandishing the rejected twigs in both hands. 

Yunho intervened, but worked with Sanie to shove the twigs into Jongho’s snowman on places where those twigs definitely did not belong. 

It was good watching them laugh and have fun. When he saw them happy, he felt like he was doing his job; that purpose that Hongjoong had tried to lay out for him in the very beginning: to help bring them together, to try and fix his mistake of throwing together a pack with few ties to each other and just crossing his fingers that it would work out in the end.

——————————-

Wooyoung was already in the kitchen, apron on and sleeves rolled up, chopping green onion on a wooden cutting board. 

“Oh, what are you making?” Seonghwa wondered, coming up to his elbow.

It still felt a little strange that he could come up to Wooyoung and start a conversation without the fear of the alpha lashing out at him. Even now, sure, Wooyoung did have his moments where he was impatient or irritated with Seonghwa, interpreting suggestions and requests as criticisms and orders, but overall he had toned down.

However, lately, the alpha almost seemed _too_ toned down. Checked out. And Seonghwa had a suspicion.

Wooyoung had overall been quiet the past week. He didn’t smile quite as much, and during moments or conversations where they would all have expected the opinionated alpha to speak up - he seemed distracted and if he _did_ give his opinion it was half-hearted, like he was doing it only because they expected him to.

As if to make up for it, he was cooking a lot more. Almost every day there would be breakfast or lunch already made, set aside in Tupperware or on low heat for his pack mates to come and help themselves whenever they were hungry. 

Seonghwa had even helped him, usually in the early mornings when only he and Wooyoung were around in the kitchen. There was always something to be peeled or sliced or measured or washed. He was happy to help, and even received a ‘thanks’ for it almost every time.

But there was definitely something off in the alpha’s eyes, and since it had started around the time that Mingi and Yeosang suddenly left the house one day to go on a theme park date, there wasn’t much to guess. Seonghwa hadn’t tried to talk to Wooyoung about it, yet. He wanted to give the alpha some time to adjust to and process the new closeness between Yeosang and Mingi. He supposed it was better than if the alpha had gone in the _opposite_ direction, lashing out possessively and picking fights with the other alpha for Yeosang’s time- but the fiery alpha had taken a surprising step backwards instead of forwards. 

He just wished today of all days, the alpha could find some happiness for himself.

  
  


“Chicken and rice porridge,” Wooyoung said, lifting up a spoonful from the big pot and holding it up for Seonghwa to try, hand cupped beneath to catch any droplets. “Try some. It’s good.”

Seonghwa chomped down happily, the savory scent teasing his nose. That made Wooyoung laugh, for some reason. “I like having someone try a big bite for once. Yeosang would have picked out a single grain of rice and then put on a whole production about trying it,” he snickered. “But you always try whatever I put in front of you. What if it’s poison one day?”

“Well.. as long as it tasted good, that would be fine,” Seonghwa reasoned, making the alpha laugh more. 

That was better. Seonghwa was always amused at how hyena-like the alpha’s charming laugh was; how he seemed most like himself when he was either laughing or on the verge of doing so.

“Anyway… it tastes really delicious.”

“Good. This is just breakfast. Or brunch. I’m going to make a real meal, later. Do you want to help grill some meat?”

“Yes. I’ll take care of the dishes here, too. You should eat and relax after fixing this for everyone.”

“Really? Okay… thanks, hyung.”

While Seonghwa started the dishes, Wooyoung inhaled a small bowl of porridge and then went outside with the others, playing around in the snow.

“Seems like everyone’s having a good time…” Hongjoong said, suddenly making an appearance in the kitchen. 

Seonghwa served him a bowl of porridge. “Seems so. And what were you up to? You weren’t working, right? Remember it’s illegal on Christmas.”

Hongjoong shook his head.

“Nah. I just… had to sleep. For a bit longer.”

“How’s it feel having a full five hours of sleep in one day?” Seonghwa teased, although he knew it was an exaggeration. Their alpha had actually been home for almost the whole day yesterday, with production needs on a temporary pause for the holiday. They had Christmas-shopped together, and then spent another hour or so wrapping everything and filling up the space beneath the tree.

Hongjoong had told him the truly touching story of how he had given each of his packmates envelopes with cash for Christmas last year. 

_“But...they already have your cash. They have the credit card.”_

_“It’s not the same. They’re all good boys. Except for food they usually don’t ever spoil themselves. If they want clothes they always text me to ask before buying each thing. I found out Yeosang bought his gaming computer with his own money. I get it, I guess… but still… I wish he had just felt comfortable enough to use what I have. Anyway, this way the cash is theirs for whatever they want.”_

_“Well… that’s… slightly more touching, I guess. But still sad, Kim Hongjoong. You can’t just wave your money at everything to solve it, ya know.”_

_“You’re right,” he sighed, suddenly grabbing for the bag Seonghwa carried. “Let’s return that coat I got you. What did a reversible down Burberry jacket ever really do to truly help someone, anyway?”_

The coat did make it home safely, but Seonghwa held his tongue on lecturing the alpha for the rest of the day. 

  
  


Sudden loud thumping and panting voices and a gust of chilled air announced half their pack coming back in and stripping off their winter clothes, hanging scarves and coats and stowing boots away.

Seonghwa made sure they all got dry and warm as melting snow darkened their hair and sleeves and pant legs, snow having snuck past hems during a sudden intense snowball war that had started with Wooyoung’s appearance.

  
After that he made sure everyone sat down and ate, even bringing a tray with food for the layabouts in his bedroom.  
  


“Okay children, go get cleaned up so you can open presents,” Seonghwa announced once they had finished up, collecting all their bowls to get washed. Wooyoung tried to take some of the dishes from him but he gently pushed him aside. “Go get warm and relax, Wooyoung-ah. I’ll take care of things. You’ll be right back in here cooking up a storm before too long.”

Wooyoung gave him a somewhat surprised look. Maybe he was adjusting to Seonghwa as much as he was still adjusting to him, friendly words and selfless favors between each other still a new thing for them.  
  
Hopefully Wooyoung found it as refreshing of a change as he did.  
  
\--------------------  
  
With everyone cuddled in nesting chairs or the couch or the floor, Hongjoong played Santa and went through the treasure trove of gifts beneath the tree, passing them out one person at a time so everyone had something to open.  
  
Seonghwa collected his gifts but held them on his lap for a while, sipping at the forgotten morning tea he had microwaved back to life. Just watching his packmates unwrapping gifts was interesting, showing their personalities in how they decided to peel back paper from a box. Sanie’s wrapping paper turned to shiny shreds in his lap, Mingi had some sort of super power where he could grab one side of the package and unwrap the whole thing with one yank; Jongho opened the wrapping paper carefully and quickly in a meticulous way, similar to Yeosang and Yunho. Wooyoung was somewhere in the middle of the two different camps, starting out patient and getting impatient by the end. And Hongjoong, like him, let his own personal presents gather at his feet as he monitored everyone else, waiting to hand them a new gift just as they set the current box aside.  
  
Seonghwa met his eyes at one point and winked. He had caught the head alpha grinning mistily at his pack as they admired the presents Seonghwa had helped him pick; later Seonghwa would act smug and rub it in the alpha’s face that cash wasn’t the same as picking out an actual gift- but in reality he was only happy to help, and even happier at the happiness it seemed to give everyone else.  
  
There were some gifts from the pack members to each other that surprised seonghwa, too- like the custom plush Yunho had ordered Yeosang. Yeo held it up with a gasp of delighted shock, showing how his 2D sketch of one of his signature hehetmons had been turned into plush form; like it had been ripped right off the page and stuffed with cotton. Yunho agreed that more or less that’s what had happened- he had sent a photo of a note Yeosang had written him and asked the artist if the sketch on it could be recreated.  
  
Then, as Hongjoong started to get through the presents, he started uncovering little wrinkled lumps of wrapping paper. Refraining from saying anything hurtful, he did his best to peer at the crumpled packaging and see if he could make out a name. Seonghwa smothered an amused laugh at the back of his throat as he glanced at Sanie, watching the pup-like omega nearly rocking back and forth in anticipation as the head alpha figured out how to properly disburse what must be his presents for his pack. There was one for each of them. When the crumpled lumps were unfolded, there was jewelry inside: beaded bracelets of wood and stone and sometimes colored glass. Gold or silver box letters spelled out ‘S-A-N-&-S-H’ (or whatever the packmember’s initials happened to be). At least one charm hung from each like dripping metal. Seonghwa’s had a star and a cat.  
  
Once everyone opened theirs, San pulled up his sleeve to show his own (‘S-A-N-&-S-A-N’) and Jongho made them all hold their wrists together while he finagled a photo out of their matching jewelry set. And, of course, they hugged and cooed over and praised the omega until he buried his face in a couch pillow and let out nonsense high-pitched words, clearly happy with himself but overloaded with approval.  
  
But the gift Seonghwa was must curious to see a reaction for was what he and Hongjoong had arranged for Jongho. He watched the alpha from the corner of his eyes as he untied the ribbon on a nondescript brown box about the size of a manilla envelope. He lifted the lid and looked at what was inside, his lips pursing with just a touch of perplexion.  
  
Seonghwa knew it would take a second. They had essentially given him a box of brochures, with a business card listing out the time and date of his appointment, and the phone number to call and cancel it if he didn’t want to move forward.  
  
Seonghwa had spent a lot of time researching the options there were for alpha-identifying omegas. Unfortunately, it felt like there weren’t nearly enough. He learned that there had yet to be any successful surgeries that would allow omegas to produce a knot, or to impregnate another pack member. Alpha-identifying omegas were making due with toys for the first issue and surrogacy for the other, having their eggs moved to another omega who could carry the pup of his blood so they would not have to experience the extreme body dysmorphia that a pregnancy would cause.  
  
But something they _could_ do was get on a strict hormone regimen that could completely suppress his heats and enhance his alpha traits, with promising results in increasing strength, stamina, stature, and even causing a change in their scent and pheromones to carry more alpha markers. There would be side effects, but the therapist would be with him the entire way, adjusting and even changing the supplements until they had the perfect balance for him. And they both knew their maknae was tough, besides. They envisioned only good things for him.  
  
Hongjoong had jokingly worried about how their maknae already had no trouble with strength and stamina already, and soon would be karate-chopping trees in half out in the yard.  
  
They had interviewed several likely candidates for therapists, after research into their education and history. Finally they obtained a coveted appointment with one of the most recommended sub-gender and hormone therapists in Seoul.  
  
  
Jongho’s face was unreadable as he flipped delicately through the different documents. He had always been the hardest one to read. Seonghwa eventually looked away from the maknae, distracted by WooSan yelling as a brand new lie detector game buzzed currents of electricity through their lying fingers.  
  
So he didn’t notice Jongho move until the maknae was hugging his shoulders from behind, warm and strong. Seonghwa patted his arm. “Just let us know what else we can do, Jjongie, alright?” he murmured, bending his head down to kiss one of the alpha’s fingertips.  
  
Jongho nodded and waded through the present debris to give Hongjoong the same treatment, opening his arms wide so the head alpha could see his fate coming for him. He curled his body away but Jongho merely picked him up bodily like he weighed nothing (maybe he was right about the super strength) and hugged him contentedly, looking like a big teddy bear hugging his human.  
  
This turned into San demanding to be picked up also, and Jongho briefly demonstrating how he could hold their head alpha up in one arm and Sanie in the other. Then Wooyoung asked if his record of push-ups with someone sitting on his back was still twenty-five, and Jongho got down on the floor with San to try it; only for Yunho to get down beside him and invite Yeosang to perch on his back for the challenge, not expecting that it was Mingi who would clamber on top of him, instead.  
  
In other words, a perfect Christmas day.  
  
  
After cleaning up, watching a Christmas movie and playing a couple board games, Wooyoung got up to cook dinner. Seonghwa followed, keeping his promise from earlier to help.  
  
They made army stew and grilled meat on a portable counter grill and laid out enough lettuce and side dishes for wraps that it took up almost the entire huge table. On top of that, Wooyoung had been wanting to try his hand at baking, so he made a batch of chocolate cupcakes that filled the house with such a rich smell of molten chocolate that pack members kept wandering in and staring through the glass oven door like they could will them to bake faster with their mind.  
  
Wooyoung enlisted Sanie to help decorate them when they were finally finished, telling him that someone who could make such nice jewelry could knock out some cupcakes no problem.  
  
Seonghwa tried to keep up with the dishes as much as he could, but could already tell by looking at the table what a chore it would be.  
  
However, once every plate was all but licked clean, Yunho dragged Mingi over by the wrist and together they started clearing, scrubbing, and filling up the dishwasher until all the dishes and counters and even the floors were sparkling clean.  
  
  
During that time, Yeosang took advantage of everyone’s attention being elsewhere to pluck at Seonghwa’s sleeve and pull him into the hall.  
  


“Hyung, I wanted to give you your present off to the side if you don’t mind. It’s just for you to see.”

Yeosang pulled from behind his back a small square gift box with a shiny red bow on top. 

“Oh? What is it? I’m so curious…” Seonghwa wondered, making sure his back was turned to the rest of the pack and no one was being nosy. He lifted the lid and his eyes widened at the two tiny familiar foil packets inside. Hypneros. Two doses. 

He looked at Yeosang, his mind blanking out on what to say. 

“Take the other thing out. The paper.”

Frowning, Seonghwa carefully pulled out a rectangular piece of paper tucked along the insides of the box, unfolding it to reveal a hand-drawn coupon, complete with hehetmon mascot in the corner.

“ _‘Coupon for one free ass-beating’_ … Wow, and I just picked up one of these from the grocery store.”

“Not for _you_ , for me,” Yeosang was quick to correct him. “I… know that you owe me one. I’m really sorry, hyung. I just hope that you’ll believe me, that even though it was a stupid thing to do, I didn’t set out to steal from you. It was an impulse. A really dumb one. That’s the first time I’ve ever stolen and I’ll never do it again. I just wanted to feel useful for once. To be able to do something th—“

Seonghwa closed the box and put his fingers on Yeosang’s mouth, silencing the stream of words that were growing more anxious and urgent as he tried to explain himself. 

“Did you get what you wanted out of it?”

Yeosang swallowed, his lashes fluttering. “I… I tried what I wanted to try.”

“And is it something you plan on wanting to try again?”

Yeosang shook his head.

“But if some ‘impulse’ overtakes you again, are you going to let me know so we can think of some other solutions to help?”

Yeosang nodded. “Yes, hyung.”

“And did you apologize to Mingi and explain what was going on?”

“Yes, hyung.”

“And...how are things between you two? Are you having fun spending time with him? How has he been?”

“Ai—-“ Yeosang caught off his curse word. He was getting more flustered by the questions, fanning himself with the collar of his shirt.

“It’s fine. It’s good. Everything is… surprising. But in a nice way.” He gave a soft sigh. “I’m...happy.”

Seonghwa smiled, squeezing his shoulder. “That’s the important thing, Yeosang-ah. I’m glad you’re happy. And you are useful, on top of that. I need you here. _They_ need you here.”  
  
Yeosang looked like that wasn’t a truth he was quite ready to accept, but he nodded anyway. “Yeah. Thanks, hyung…”  
  
Seonghwa hugged him. “Take care of Mingi. But let me know if he ever seems overwhelmed. Or… is overwhelming _you_ . You can help me protect him when he can’t get a hold on himself. Understand?”  
  
Yeosang nodded. “I think so. But… do you think that something like that could happen, again? He seems so… normal.”  
  
“Until we know what caused it in the first place, we just need to be watchful. An off mood or a strange look in his eye or a weird comment- don’t dismiss anything.”  
  
Yeosang’s eyes were gleaming. He almost looked as if he were standing taller, ready to take on the challenge. “I won’t, hyung. I’ll watch over him.”  
  
“Perfect. I can’t think of anyone better. Now… did I hear that Wooyoung got the shots ready for drunk Monolopy?”

——————————-

  
In reality, drunk Monolopy was a bad idea.  
  
“I think this is the only game in existence that’s somehow worse with alcohol,” Yeosang announced, eyes glazed as he watched Mingi take a turn in which nothing happened except for him handing Hongjoong a couple pieces of paper money. “I think time is going by three times slower.”  
  
“I’m sorry I couldn’t buy you the Boardwalk property I promised you, _damn,_ let it go,” Mingi huffed, pulling Yeosang into his lap and perching his chin on his head.  
  
Thirty minutes into the game and San expressed what they were all feeling by yelling “GOD, I HATE IT!” and flipping the board and all its stupid silver pieces and fake money and houses all over the table and floor.  
  
“I thought our baby was only having apple cider, tonight?” Hongjoong observed, casting a warning look around.  
  
“It was only apple cider. That was the most sober thing anyone has said or done in the past half hour,” Wooyoung noted.  
  
Yunho held up the battered box of a different game altogether. “Twister, anyone?”  
  
  
Everything was going fine.  
  
It was funny how a tiny moment, passing under the notice of most people present, could throw things off.  
  
It was as simple as Yeosang taking his turn. He spun on the pose board. _Right hand yellow._ He crept around the mat that was already getting full of awkwardly-posed packmates yelling at him to hurry. He started to move in, squeezing in beside Wooyoung, when Mingi said: “No. _This_ yellow,” tapping his foot on a yellow circle beside him, instead.  
  
“Oh, of course. _That_ yellow. How could I have missed it.” And he withdrew to make his way to the other side of the mat, squeezing in underneath Mingi’s leg and Hongjoong’s arm to finally place his hand down.  
  
Wooyoung ‘accidentally’ lost his balance by the next person’s turn and excused himself to the kitchen, opening the refrigerator door and just staring in at the contents, doing nothing. Seonghwa noticed it all, feeling that if he concentrated even just a bit harder he could probably hear Wooyoung’s thoughts barking and chasing each other through his head, as if they ran fast enough they could leave the jealousy and irritation behind.  
  
After midnight the tired but (mostly) happy pack began dragging themselves off to bed, whether that meant snoozing out in the living room or in their beds. Seonghwa and Hongjoong made sure everyone was settled. Then Hongjoong grabbed his wrist and squeezed, giving him a look even hungrier than before their shower that morning. “Sleep in my room, tonight?”  
  
Seonghwa matched his look with an arched brow, nodding towards his own bedroom. “Let me grab some clothes and I’ll be right there.”  
  
But he could hear Wooyoung’s raised voice from his bedroom before he even touched the doorknob. He was not at all surprised. He’d been waiting for it.  
  
He didn’t try to be quiet as he opened the cracked door the rest of the way, to see Yeosang sitting up in bed and Mingi standing at his dresser like he’d been interrupted in grabbing pajamas. Wooyoung was standing in the middle of the bedroom. He glanced back at Seonghwa but barely registered him, more interested in finishing the line of thought he’d apparently been trying to drive into Mingi’s head.  
  


“I’m just saying, you’ve been treating him like he’s your _belonging_ or something,” Wooyoung’s hand was on his cocked hip, his entire bodyline radiating tense, irritated energy. “He’s _not_. We’re a pack, aren’t we?”

“Exactly. So why don’t you get it? Just because I’ve been hanging out with him, or even went on a date with him, doesn’t take anything away from _you_. He doesn’t belong to me any more or less than he belongs to you. Because we’re a pack. Like you said. Why don’t you go on a date with him, too? Did you even ask?” Mingi asked, calm, reasonable.

Seonghwa was surprised at the stricken expression that brought to Yeosang’s face, and to the way Wooyoung faltered like he’d just been kicked in the chest. 

“How about neither of you talk about me like I’m your belonging?” Yeosang began, his voice dry and thin, Seonghwa barely catching the words, at first. “How about that?”

“Hey, you know I didn’t mean it like that,” Mingi said, coming close to put his hand on Yeosang’s apologetically. Yeosang pulled his hand away, tucking it beneath his arm.  
  
Wooyoung rolled his eyes at the small exchange and spun around on his heel, yanking his hair back from his forehead. Seonghwa could almost see the seething thoughts bubbling up behind Wooyoung’s teeth, begging to be snapped out.  
  
Instead the alpha let his arms drop back bonelessly to his sides and looked over his shoulder at the other two, his face drawn. “You know what? You’re right. Forget I said anything. Sorry.”  
  
He pushed past Seonghwa, ignoring Yeosang’s weak attempt to call him back.  
  
Seonghwa followed on his heels, trying to call him, to make him stop. Wooyoung ignored him, heading towards his bedroom. Seonghwa’s fingers lightly caught his elbow but he wrenched it away. He would have closed his bedroom door in Seonghwa’s face but Seonghwa shouldered his way in anyway.  
  
“ _Wooyoung. Look at me.”_ _  
_ _  
_ That had the alpha spinning on his heel, revealing his splotchy red face already damp with tears. “ _Why?!_ Why do you want me to look at you! I can’t keep crying to you, everytime. Just _go!_ ”  
  
The alpha’s already high tone was hysterical. Seonghwa grabbed him and Wooyoung just collapsed in his arms, holding on to Seonghwa’s back as he sank to his knees. Seonghwa sank down with him, until they were both kneeling and Seonghwa could steady him. The alpha’s hands were shaking where they gripped through his shirt, sinking in so hard Seonghwa could feel the red half-moons forming in his skin. Wooyoung was groaning like every breath brought him a deep physical pain. His tears were leaving Seonghwa’s chest soaked.  
  
“Breathe. Just breathe…” Seonghwa sighed, patting the alpha’s back. Just like he had before, in the laundry room.  
  
“It _hurts_ ,” Wooyoung sobbed.  
  
“I know, I know…”  
  
“He was _mine_ …” Seonghwa wasn’t sure what that meant, but to Wooyoung it apparently meant everything.  
  
“He’s still yours.”  
  
Wooyoung gave a weak snarl and released the death grip on Seonghwa’s back, only to aim a frustrated punch to Seonghwa’s torso. It didn’t do much more than make him huff out his breath, but he had to get some control over the alpha before he melted down any further.  
  
He grabbed the offending wrist and hoisted Wooyoung’s hand above his head. The alpha could probably easily break his grip, but he didn’t.  
  
“Look at me.”  
  
Wooyoung glanced up, glaring through his tears. Seonghwa knew it wasn’t him that he was really angry at, but the anger there was nothing to dismiss.  
  
Again, just like before when he had comforted him, Wooyoung’s breath was coming out rough, like his lungs were seized up. Seonghwa realized that, even though the alpha could be wild and fiery, how much energy he must spend trying to reign himself back from being even wilder, constantly trying to choke back his real emotions, his real anguish. Until they choked him back.  
  
He leaned in, close enough to smell the bitter salt of his tears.  
  
“Breathe.”  
  
He let his lips brush his, enough to feel his tear-slicked mouth trembling against him. When he turned it into a kiss, Wooyoung closed his eyes, releasing a small moan. Seonghwa let his arm go, and instead of trying anymore violence the alpha hugged the back of his neck instead, parting his mouth for him.  
  
Seonghwa gave the alpha more, kissing him slowly, languidly, trying to keep bringing him down.  
Slowly, making sure to give him room to breathe in between each kiss, the alpha’s breathing smoothed out and stopped sounding like torture.  
  


“I’m sorry.” Seonghwa said.  
  
“You didn’t do anything.”  
  
“But I’m still sorry. I wish you could have everything you want, whatever that is. I wish you could be happy.”  
  
“It’s...it’s not that I’m not _not_ happy…”  
  
“But you’re not not _not_ happy…?” Seonghwa pressed, nuzzling him and tracing the line of his spine, for the first time noticing how _flexible_ he felt beneath his fingers, how his bodyline could contort into surprisingly graceful curves.  
  
“Hyung, stop. Are you trying to make me laugh, or something? Knock it off..” he whimpered. “Just leave me alone.”  
  
“Is that really what you want?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
Seonghwa nosed at him, following the surprisingly delicate scent of milk and honey to his scent gland, giving a gentle bite there.  
  
“I mean, _no_ .”  
  
“Wait for me.”  
  
“Huh??”  
  
Wooyoung gave him a little shove. Seonghwa pinched him in retaliation.  
  
“I said wait for me. Twenty minutes. Thirty.”  
  
“Ugh, that’s a lifetime. What the fuck are you doing anyw-- oh my god. _Who_ are you doing?”  
  
“Head alpha respectfully requests my presence.”  
  
“You HOE. I don’t want sloppy seconds.”  
  
“Really? I thought it could be fun.”  
  
“What the fuck, _how?_ Make Hongjoong wait.”  
  
Seonghwa caught the echo of hurt in the command, of vulnerability and doubt. He knew with those words, with that expression in his eyes, that if he made Wooyoung wait, he would reject him altogether.  
  
Seonghwa had already decided he would have both tonight. What would happen if he flipped the order?  
  
Something deep in his most wolfish primordial brain imagined his head alpha’s reaction to him showing up already used, marked, bred. How angry would he be? Would he use his alpha voice to reprimand him? Would he punish him? How hard would he have to work to lay down his own marks to cover Wooyoung’s, to make sure he was bred even more thoroughly, so by the time Hongjoong was done with him there wasn’t the slightest whiff of Wooyoung left?  
  
He took out his phone, holding it where both he and Wooyoung could see the message he sent off to Hongjoong.  
  
_‘will be a few minutes with wy. wait for me.’_  
  
Then he switched the phone off, looking at Wooyoung.  
  
“Just a few minutes, huh?”  
  
Seonghwa shrugged a shoulder. “You gonna prove me wrong?”  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone's interested, this is a playlist i put together that i listen to when i write this fic. could be considered a loose 'soundtrack' for it, if you will ⛦◜▿◝
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0RpfrkF5sgqKkTx6sIKCWl?si=uzC4J1QITmCbGODu0p3lHw
> 
> or here:
> 
> spotify:playlist:0RpfrkF5sgqKkTx6sIKCWl


	25. woohwa (nsfw pwp)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tfw u went so hard on the smut u need a holy water shower afterwards  
> (* ﾉдﾉ)

“Alright. Get on the bed, Park Seonghwa. Come on.” Wooyoung said as he swayed to his feet, clapping his hands like he was ordering a dog around. His tears were all but dry on his cheeks, his emotions rallying admirably fast.   
  
“Just like that, huh?” Seonghwa teased, but sat on the edge of the bed, only to have Wooyoung move in between his legs and push him onto his back. The alpha’s hands went to Seonghwa’s pants, busily unzipping and unbuttoning, then grabbing by the waistband giving a yank.    
  
“Ah, slow down…”    
  
“No. I get extra horny when I’m sad. Just deal with it.”   
  
_ ‘Just deal with it…?’!  _ Seonghwa couldn’t believe he was putting up with this from the younger alpha.    
  
He definitely heard the popping of threads as Wooyoung ripped his pants the rest of the way off like a magician with a tablecloth. Seonghwa couldn’t help but pull the hem of his sweater down to cover the scant piece of black silk he was wearing for underwear.   
  
Wooyoung’s hand moved up the line of Seonghwa’s shoulder and slid around his throat, holding firm while his other hand rubbed between his legs, ignoring Seonghwa’s attempts to cover what was there. Seonghwa’s cock was already semi-hard, and the way Wooyoung’s fingernails dragged up the curve of the underside through his underwear had his mouth hanging open in pleasure. 

“Honestly, hyung, I’ve been kind of jealous,” Wooyoung muttered, pushing his hair back from his forehead. “Of the other alphas. And Jongho. I always thought, even if I didn’t like you being here, it didn’t change the fact that you’re gorgeous. And there’s something that seems really pure about you too, somehow. I really wanted to ruin that. Even though I knew deep down you weren’t pure at all. You’re not, are you, hyung?” Wooyoung emphasized the question by pushing two fingers into Seonghwa’s mouth, pressing down on his tongue. Saliva welled around them, running down his knuckles like slick.

“I asked you something.”

Goosebumps ran down Seonghwa’s shoulders. Wooyoung’s alpha voice. It was hard to put into words what it sounded like, the flavor it brought to his words. But his inner primordial wolf recognized it, nonetheless. He let out the softest whine around his fingers. He wasn’t going to be able to answer him in words, so he gave a small shake of his head, instead.    
  
_ No, not pure.  _

Which was funny, really. He had gone from never sleeping with anyone to easily throwing off his clothes and doing whatever it was his pack members desired; even inciting sex himself, half the time. Maybe he had wanted to do this sort of thing all along, but his body would only react for someone he felt a bond with. 

“Let go of your sweater.” Wooyoung ordered. The alpha was far too good at shifting his expression. Any trace of good humor was gone from his face, leaving in place a mask of someone who Seonghwa would believe had never laughed a day in their life. Maybe it was his strong brow, or the way his eyes had a pinpoint focus when they were fixed unsmilingly on you. 

Seonghwa uncurled his fingers from the soft blue cotton. Wooyoung shoved the sweater up to his chest. His fingers traced the edge of his underwear up towards his hip, where there was a tiny black ribbon. “I forgot… you like wearing this sort of thing, don’t you?”

Wooyoung withdrew his fingers from Seonghwa’s mouth so he could answer, wiping them carelessly over the silk stretched over his cock, making him flinch. “Th-they were the only clean ones I had.”

“How dirty. I thought you were the neat one, hyung. But you don’t even have clean clothes for yourself.”

“Th-that’s…”

It was true, but only because he had been helping with everyone else’s laundry and left his for last. But everything he was wearing was still clean! He was just running low on choices, was all.    
  
The alpha didn’t seem like he would be interested in his excuses. Seonghwa couldn’t remember the last time, at least while on hypneros, he had felt so mixed up in the head. 

“Forget it. Take them off.”

It didn’t escape Seongha that Wooyoung remained fully dressed, wearing a snug black t shirt beneath a button down flannel, sweatpants cinched snug around his trim waist. 

“Touch yourself. I want you to cum the second my dick touches your hole. Tell me when you’re ready.”

“Wooyoung…”

“ _ Alpha.” _

“Alpha…”

  
Seongha bit back a sigh as he drew the black silk down his hips, lifting his thighs to help get them off. With a soft growl the alpha grabbed them and tore them off impatiently, pushing Seonghwa’s thighs apart so he could see everything.    
  
“Hurry up.”   
  
Forcing himself to meet Wooyoung’s eyes, he stroked himself from base to tip. His hips flexed as he moved them in subtle rocking motions, fucking into his own hand as much as much as he stroked, stirring up all sorts of nerves that had his cock growing thicker and hotter the longer he touched, until it was heavy and the tip started to glisten with precum.    
  
At first it was weird, doing this while holding the alpha’s gaze. But then the contact sort of become a comfort. They were holding each other through their eyes alone. And if the alpha’s dark, blown-out gaze meant anything, he guessed that Wooyoung was enjoying it, too.    
  
Soon Seonghwa couldn’t hold back his strained moans. He was going to cum, felt it building up like a writhing knot of pleasure at the base of his spine. He lost his eye contact with the alpha, arching his head back into the soft bed.    
  
“Now, Wooyoung-ah… Hurry…”   
  
He was so close, his hand trembling as he pumped the base in restrained jerking motions, listening to the rustle of the alpha’s pants as he divested himself of them. He caught a glimpse of his cock, thick with an even thicker ridge curved up the underside, before his view was blocked. Wooyoung’s hands went to his knees, pushing them up and towards his chest even more. Seonghwa quivered as the alpha moved in closer, heard the sound of a lube cap being popped as Wooyoung slicked himself up. Seonghwa dug his toes into the blankets. If the alpha didn’t hurry…    
  
Wooyoung pushed the head of his cock against his hole without warning. The head breached about halfway in when Seonghwa shuddered and spent himself, leaving his stomach and chest gleaming with stripes of cum.    
  
His body quivered with relief, but his inner muscles stayed clenched tight in the afterglow, not wanting to let the alpha in any longer.    
  
Seonghwa wondered if that had been the alpha’s whole plan. To tease him. To hold him in place and drive his cock into him when he was least ready for the intrusion. Seonghwa released a guttural groan. The throbbing stretch felt more like his first time than his actual first time had.    
  
“Ugh, you  _ ass _ ,” he scolded him.    
  
“Just relax, hyung,” Wooyoung smirked. “Breathe. It’ll feel better soon.”   
  
Seonghwa had no choice but to listen to the alpha, biting his lip and breathing hard through his nose as he tried to will his muscles to unwind.    
  
Wooyoung didn’t give a fuck, in the meantime. Didn’t go slow. Didn’t pause and wait for him to adjust. Instead the alpha pounded into him with a rhythmic but hard pace, never slowing or tiring. Seonghwa gripped the underside of his own thighs, leaving a stippling of pink in the soft, milky skin. Slowly the intruding strokes against his insides went from feeling harsh and bruising to hot and smooth, a slick massage for his inner muscles that had him letting out the occasional pleased sigh.   
  
But it was the rough sounds of pure ecstasy in the back of the alpha’s throat that really stirred him. Each low exclamation tingled the hair at the back of his neck and set off twinges at the root of his cock. Then Wooyoung looked at him, running his tongue across his teeth. “Fuck, if you could just feel how tight you are. How good it is…”   
  
Seonghwa shuddered, closing his eyes. His body was jouncing on the bed with every smack of Wooyoung’s hips against his ass. He tried to shift his legs into a more comfortable position but Wooyoung responded by pushing them up further and growling at him. Precum and body-heated lube started sliding from his hole, making him feel filthy.    
  
Finally the alpha shifted his position, climbing onto the bed so he could kneel and pull Seonghwa’s hips into his lap. It forced Seonghwa’s lower back into a strained arch, but when Wooyoung slid into him this time he went even deeper than before, pressing against that sweet spot inside him that always made him want to squeeze his thighs together and squeal like a little anime girl. Not that anyone needed to know that.   
  
“Please, alpha…”    
  
He hadn’t asked for anything up til this point. Surely one simple request wouldn’t bother the alpha.    
  
“Touch me.”   
  
“ _ Nnngh _ , why?” It was hard for Wooyoung to talk. Seonghwa could see a light sweat glistening at his temples, a flush in his pretty skin tone. “You already came.”   
  
“Wooyoung…”   
  
“Does it feel so good you’re gonna cum, again? Tell me.”   
  
“It feels good.”   
  
“What feels good?”   
  
“You. Fucking me. Feels so good,” he huffed, looking up through his eyelashes at the alpha.    
  
“You shouldn’t need me to touch you, then. Just cum.”   
  
“ _ Wooyoung! _ ” he wasn’t proud of the tone of that whimper.    
  
“Come on. M’gonna cum, too. We can do it at the same time. I’ll go a little slower. Concentrate. Clench down on me so you feel every inch. It feels extra good if I go right here again, right?”   
  
The alpha’s thick cock delved deep, pressing hard up against his prostate. He bit his bottom lip, eyebrows drawing together in a distressed scrunch. Because yes, yes it felt extra good. And the brat alpha knew it.    
  
“I love this expression. You look so fucking perverted.” Wooyoung purred, grabbing Seonghwa by the chin. He held him like that as he gave a few last, hard thrusts and jerked inside him, slowly filling his belly with warmth. Seonghwa followed the alpha’s coaching as best as he could, losing himself in the fullness of the feeling until he spent himself a second time.   
  


\--------------------   
  
Wooyoung stood and pulled his pants back up in such a business-like way, Seonghwa almost thought he was going to leave him there without a word. But instead he grabbed some wet tissues and returned to Seonghwa, briskly but almost tenderly wiping him up from chest to thighs. Then he even pulled his underwear back on for him, Seonghwa trying his best to let the alpha man handle his legs how they needed to go and not hinder his aftercare efforts.   
  
Then, after the whole production, the alpha merely fell into bed next to him, sprawled half on his side. “Man. I’m beat.”   
  
He wasn’t quite touching Seonghwa, but he did suddenly look over at him, waiting for his attention.   
  
“Hey, I’m sorry I was mean.”   
  
“Just now, or in general?”   
  
Wooyoung swatted him, but then looked sad. “I was going to say just now. But in general too, I guess.”

“Don’t worry. It suited you.”   
  
Wooyoung gave him a  _ look _ that made him scramble to clarify himself. “Just  _ now _ , I mean.”   
  
“Hmph. It was fun to boss you around. It made me jealous the way everyone just listens to you and does what you say, without question. Even when you had just got here.”   
  
“I see…” Seonghwa said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t come here with a scheme to outshine anyone. I was always just trying to help. Find my place. And it seemed like being decisive about it, or bossy, if you prefer, was faster than merely making suggestions.”   
  
Wooyoung shrugged. “Yeah. I guess things mostly worked out, in the end.”   
  
“Were you really jealous of the other alphas I was with?” He wondered. He wasn’t teasing Wooyoung at all; the question slipped out from pure curiosity.    
  
“Yeah.”   
  
“Hmm. You’re jealous a lot, huh, baby?”   
  
“Yeah.”   
  
“You should just speak up if you feel that way. There’s nothing wrong with saying you need attention… Although, hmm, I guess you  _ do  _ do that a lot, already.”   
  
“Ugh. Shut up. Now that I have you, I’ll just make you give me whatever I want,” the alpha yawned, reaching a tentative arm around Seonghwa’s waist.   
  
_ ‘Now that I have you…’  _ Was this really the alpha he had started with? The alpha who only opened his mouth to remind him how he didn’t belong with them? Who seemed bent on undermining him and had no interest in denying that goal. Who demanded things of him just to be cruel and drive him away.    
  
Seonghwa gave a small, self-satisfied smile with their progress.    
  
“Just ask. I’ll give it to you. Whatever it is.”


	26. caught in a rut (nsfw pwp)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come get your filth, children

Knot you

Notes: graphic descriptions of Hongjoong's tiddies

  
  


Seonghwa waited a few minutes before sliding out of Wooyoung's bed, leaving the sleepy alpha sprawled out and snoring softly. 

He shut the door as quietly as he could and made his way down the hall. He gave Hongjoong's door a knock before letting himself inside. 

"That was a long few minutes."

Hongjoong turned around in his computer chair, pulling his headphones off. The light from his production software threw a neon green glow on his face, lighting up his intense eyes, his soft lips and straight, pretty teeth. 

His legs were crossed, pants tight and showing off the muscled curve of them, his cropped jacket showing off his narrow waist and hips. Seonghwa knew from experience how tight his stomach was, how pleasingly full his chest was to where Seonghwa could practically take each pec in his hand and squeeze--which he definitely had done before, much to the alpha's amusement. 

Even though it hadn't been even ten minutes since he was with Wooyoung, he couldn't help but feel stirred. 

"Sorry it took so long, alpha. Forgive me?" 

Hongjoong stood up, prowling closer. "Maybe. Haven't decided yet."

He reached up and kneaded his fingers into the back of Seonghwa's hair, pulling his face down to his. He leaned their foreheads together and then caught his lips in the most teasing of shallow kisses, leaving Seonghwa following them for more. After playing with him a bit, turning his face so Seonghwa could only kiss the corner of his mouth, his jaw, his temple, Hongjoong finally allowed him to use his mouth for another kiss. He even parted his lips, inviting his tongue inside. 

Seonghwa loved the alpha’s taste. Couldn't get enough. Whether it was pheromones or just their biology mixing together spectacularly well- or maybe this was just the natural attractive power of someone born to be a head alpha. 

Hongjoong's hands went to his hips, caressing the curve of them. 

Then one hand slid down low and squeezed between Seonghwa's cheeks, hard enough that Seonghwa sucked in his breath. The squeeze reminded him how he was still a mess down there, used and filled with another alpha’s cum. It was going to be so easy for the alpha to shove his big cock in, with no need for preparation. 

Hongjoong’s mouth left his tingling lips, drifting down his chin and jaw and neck, sucking on a spot that made Seonghwa moan. 

"Alpha…" 

"Mmn…?"

Hongjoong's hands were sliding up his sweater, lifting it up off his shoulders for Seonghwa to finish tugging off his arms. Seonghwa couldn't move fast enough, and when a sleeve got caught on his elbow he gave an impatient whimper. 

"You're being extra cute tonight," Hongjoong smirked as he all but slung Seonghwa into his computer chair by the waist, patiently helping him strip. 

The sweater cleared Seonghwa's head with a static snap, leaving his dark hair floaty and wild as he looked up at Hongjoong, hands reaching to tug at the alpha’s clothes. "Off?" 

"Seems like a good idea," Hongjoong smirked, then slowly stripped off jacket and shirt, watching Seonghwa the whole time, every sinuous move deliberate until he was naked from the waist up. 

Seonghwa couldn't hold back and reached for his belt, unlatching and tugging it apart. He wanted to choke on the alpha's cock. 

  
Hongjoong was only too happy to oblige. The second Seonghwa had freed him from his underwear, Hongjoong dragged his mouth onto his head and all the way down to the base. Seonghwa choked but didn’t try to pull away, letting the alpha fuck the back of his throat; letting the alpha do whatever he wanted. 

“Oh, fuck…” Hongjoong sighed out the groan, throwing his head back. Seonghwa glimpsed up, thinking his head alpha’s throat was so beautiful, a perfectly pretty throat for such pretty sounds to be coming out of.    
  
The grip of the alpha’s hands holding him where he wanted had Seonghwa throbbing with need. Hongjoong wasn’t letting him out of this. He could barely do more than stroke his tongue along the underside of him, the rest was all dictated by the alpha’s hands and hips and cock as he grew even harder in his mouth, stiffening up and forcing Seonghwa to be more and more careful not to let his teeth press too hard. 

Finally, when Seonghwa’s jaw hurt in a white hot pain beneath each ear, the alpha withdrew. Seonghwa trailed mindlessly after him, licking hungrily at his head, lapping him up. He didn’t know why he was feeling so desperately hungry for him, especially right after having such a satisfying time with Wooyoung. 

“Guess my rut gets to you too, huh?”

Hongjoong purred, cupping Seonghwa’s face and stroking his cheek . Seonghwa looked up at him helplessly through the mess of his dark bangs, his mouth feeling empty. 

_ ‘Oh. His  _ **_rut_ ** _.’ _

In the flurry of the holidays he must have forgotten it was starting. 

He hadn’t noticed much different about the alpha, or anything that was off. But he remembered Hongjoong tended to take a heavy and strict regimen of suppressants. How strange...

“But… you…”

“Yeah,” the alpha said knowingly, pushing his pants and underwear off and stepping out of them, folding them over his arm. 

“I’ve noticed even if my rut doesn’t bother me too badly, it can still have some interesting effects around here. That’s why I told you to be here, tonight. Even though you kept me waiting so long. Get up. Get naked. Get into bed.”

Seonghwa followed his orders, folding his clothes just the same as Hongjoong did and setting them inside. He climbed into bed completely exposed, Hongjoong’s sheets and blankets sliding deliciously against his skin, the bedding night-chilled but soon to be warmed up by their bodies.

“Did you think I was never coming back? Is that why you started working?” Seonghwa asked, glancing towards the alpha’s production space. 

“I knew you were coming back. I just figured you were testing my patience.” Hongjoong reasoned, climbing into bed just as naked as Seonghwa, grabbing the beta’s arms and holding them above his head. It was amazing, the way alpha muscle worked. Even though Hongjoong was so petite-framed and shorter than himself, Seonghwa found that even if he tried with all his strength to break his forearms free of Hongjoong’s grasp, the alpha had only to bear down a little to keep him from budging. Something to do with how muscle fibers formed in alphas he remembered now, a ghostly memory of high school subgender biology.

"You still smell like him, all over." Hongjoong's nose brushed his chest, his lower belly, between his thighs, drinking in excited huffs of scent. "You wanted to make me jealous. You wanted me to know what you were doing, with who. But why, Seonghwa?" 

Seonghwa just stared at him, gazing into his eyes that were starting to kindle with a lambent glow, deep down.

Hongjoong knew why. He didn't need an answer.

"You made a mistake. I don't get jealous."

Seonghwa looked away, only to have Hongjoong grab his jaw and force his attention back on him. 

"But I can still make you feel like my toy, my plaything, if that's what you want."

  
With a moan in the back of his throat, Seonghwa took hold of Hongjoong’s wrist so he could suck his fingers into his mouth, running his tongue through the dip between them. Now that he knew why he was feeling so  _ hungry _ for the alpha he just gave into the urge. He wanted to devour and be devoured by Hongjoong.    
  
Hongjoong didn’t let him worship his fingers for nearly long enough before he leaned in and gave him his mouth, instead, his tongue finding and playing with Seonghwa’s. Seonghwa wound his arms around his neck, hugged him between his legs, anything to get their hot skin against each other as much as possible. Hongjoong’s skin smelled like a delicious meal he wanted to bite into. The second he had the chance he did just that, mouthing at the alpha’s narrow shoulder and drawing out a groan. He could feel the alpha’s full cock prodding against his lower stomach and although Hongjoong was busy kissing him in a most satisfying way, Seonghwa wished he was warming his cock at the same time. He was about to complain about the lack when Hongjoong mouthed a line down his neck and sucked hard right near his scent gland.    
  
“Yes, more…” Seonghwa moaned, grabbing the back of the alpha’s head and throwing his head back for him, giving him more of his neck.

  
Hongjoong gave a deep, dry chuckle against his skin. "You want me to mark you up, baby? Are you one of those sweet old-fashioned boys, want a mating bite to show off?

  
Seonghwa wasn’t sure how to answer the teasing. He wanted to yell  _ ‘yes!’ _ but even in the throes of arousal he could pick up some derision from the alpha. Hongjoong’s mouth left him without giving any hard bites and was replaced by the feeling of his hand moving deliberately down his chest.    
  
“Would rather get you a collar, if that’s what you need,” he tempted him. His hand skimmed upwards on his chest, thumb brushing the marks from Mingi’s bite. “You’ve been marked up enough.”   
  
“Oh, Hongjoong. That doesn’t matter, it doesn’t bother me…”   
  
He really didn’t have time for the sad regret he saw creeping into the alpha’s eyes.    
  
Impatient, he moved out from underneath Hongjoong and clambered backwards into the alpha’s lap as he sat up to catch him. Seonghwa held on to him for balance; first a sharp knee and then a steady forearm, the alpha allowing him to position himself as he wanted.    
  
He paused where he knelt in his lap, his back to Hongjoong’s front, the tip of the alpha’s cock nudged up between his cheeks. Hongjoong grabbed him by the knees and made him spread his thighs even more, until he gasped. His muscles ached in protest, pangs shooting from knee to groin. But, because this was where the alpha wanted him, he drank up the pain.    
  
“Mmmh, please fuck me,” he begged. His hole was practically sucking at the alpha’s cock trying to get it in. He could probably just sit back on him so easily, settle his weight back and take him all the way down to the root. But Seonghwa wanted the alpha to take control.    
  
So when Hongjoong grabbed the back of his neck and forced him off his lap and onto all fours, he only whined in excitement.    
  
But the alpha didn’t touch him again. Not right away. He apparently needed to suffer for a few more minutes. First he made Seonghwa spread his thighs until they were burning again, giving a hard pinch to the soft inner skin of each until his legs were posed to his liking. Then he made him go from his hands to his elbows, keeping his ass perked up nicely. That’s when his belt made an appearance. Hongjoong suddenly had it in hand and deftly used the buckle and a quick knot to lash Seonghwa’s hands together and keep them pulled towards the bed frame where it was cinched.   
  
“This is nice…” Hongjoong said, trailing his fingers down the long slope of Seonghwa’s spine like it was a languid summer day and Seonghwa’s back a cool, indolent river. Seonghwa shivered. He knew better than to try and move his head to look back at the alpha. He’d already been subtly but firmly corrected a couple times.    
  
Hongjoong reached underneath Seonghwa, between his legs, giving a couple long pumps to his painfully stiff cock. “And you’re so hard, still. Our chemistry really must be something.”   
  
“Hongjoong,  _ please _ .”   
  
Seonghwa could hear the leather of his belt creaking as his arms strained.    
  
Hongjoong chuckled. “I just want to enjoy you like this. It’s more than I expected. It’s almost like your own heat, or rut, or something… all cause you’re so into me.”   
  
The head alpha seemed very proud of how smug and aggravating he was being. If Seonghwa’s hands were free he would have marched himself right to the bathroom in protest and had some wildly inappropriate experimentation with the shampoo bottles in the shower.    
  
“You’re about to kill me, aren’t you?” Like Hongjoong could read his thoughts.   
  
Seonghwa could only give a half-whine, half-sob.   
  
Hongjoong slapped the curve of his hip with a sharp crack. The bed dipped as he positioned himself closer, a knee brushing Seonghwa’s calf. Seonghwa trembled when he could feel his body heat warming his backside. Hongjoong’s took hold of his hips and shifted him to where he liked.   
  
Seonghwa sucked in his entire bottom lip when Hongjoong’s cock prodded his entrance. Then the alpha slammed home.    
  
He hoped that any pack members within earshot were asleep. He wouldn’t be quiet. Couldn’t be quiet. The most he could do is twist his head aside and try to muffle his sounds in his own shoulder, but it was a task to even do that.    
  
“Did Wooyoung fuck you this good, baby?” the alpha asked him at some point, hot fingers grazing tenderly down Seonghwa’s ribs.   
  
“N-no…” He was hard pressed to remember  _ anything _ beyond this moment, but he was sure nothing could surpass this. Maybe it was only because of what Wooyoung had already done to him, but his insides felt like a hot mess, sensitive to every slight brush of friction let alone constant pounding strokes of sensation. It wasn’t long before he knew he was going to cum, feeling guilty that he couldn’t last long for the alpha.    
  
But before he had the chance, Hongjoong beat him to it.    
  
The alpha suddenly uttered a rough growl, gripping the inside of Seonghwa’s thighs and yanking him back on him, impaling him as deeply as he could.    
  
The thought of his seed filling him up, mixing with another alpha’s, leaving him so well-used and bred, had Seonghwa leaking onto the sheets. He could understand now the omega cliche of begging to be loaded up with their alpha’s cum, to be pumped full. If they felt anything like this during their heats or when responding to their alpha’s ruts- it was no wonder.    
  
And then he realized the full pressure in his ass was starting to grow. He noticed it at first when he tried to shift some of his weight, looking to ease the ache of his inner muscles being strained to their limit around an intrusion they couldn’t do anything about. But the shifting around didn’t do anything. The heavy feeling continued, growing more noticeable. His hole twinged, making him suddenly very aware of how stretched it was around Hongjoong’s girth. Girth that was not relaxing in the way it should.   
  
“Hongjoong? You… you’re not done?” Seonghwa panted, and this time Hongjoong allowed him to crane his neck to look behind him.    
  
“Not exactly…” Hongjoong had started stroking soothing circles above each cheek and up into Seonghwa’s lower back. He met Seonghwa’s eyes, parted lips letting in steadying breaths, his expression focused.    
  
“You look so pretty. Taking my knot.”   
  
Seonghwa blinked.    
  
Hongjoong’s hands continued massaging him, warm and soothing, helping him process the realization. No wonder Hongjoong felt so, so big, to the point that Seonghwa really did feel impaled on him; trapped by him, like trying to move could be his demise.    
  
But now that he knew, the feeling took on a whole new erotic flavor. He closed his eyes and breathed deep, letting himself just  _ feel _ \- the swelling shape of the bulging knot, the pulse of it, the little jerks as he kept filling him with shots of cum that had no way to slip back out.    
  
But best of all, Hongjoong stroking him and praising him for taking it all.    
  


" You're not my mate for no reason. You can do this," he said. “This is why I wanted you for my rut. Wanted my knot in you. Wanted you to feel how well I could fill your belly up with pups.”   
  
Seongha came with a shaky exhale. He felt like Hongjoong’s hold on him was all that kept him from crumpling into a faint. He shouldn’t have been so charmed by that false promise, that tease of pups; But the fantasy of it alone sent him over the edge.    
  
A bellyful of the  _ idea _ of pups had its own warm satisfaction, one that beamed on inside him even after they were tangled up together in a nest of Hongjoong’s blankets, sleeping soundly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fyi in this universe, especially in the more modern generations, giving an official ceremonial/symbolic mating bite is actually a tradition looked down upon and even contested by some, who protest the idea of doing damage to your own body as a show of ownership. 
> 
> This doesn't stop the idea from being teased or used as a bit of a kink in bed, but a real, true mating bite is bloody and painful, as much a medical procedure as a love act.


	27. discord

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> merry christmas!   
> if youre reading this i love you and think you've done a great job handling everything this year <3 just hang on a little longer

“Seonghwa, I have something for you.” The cheery way Hongjoong made the announcement grabbed Seonghwa’s attention right away, making him turn from his bedroom shelves to give him his attention.    
  
The alpha was looking rather cute in a beret and horn-rimmed glasses, his arms full of two big, flat garment boxes wrapped in twine. He had nudged Seonghwa’s bedroom door open with his foot and now set the boxes gently on the bed.    
  
“Are you doing anything?” He asked, unwinding his scarf from his neck.   
  
“No. Not really.” Although Seonghwa liked to set himself daily tasks for the household, he was almost never busy enough to not be able to drop what he was doing, especially for their head alpha. He had just been tidying up his bedroom, doing his daily dusting with the lint roller to pick up any fine specks that had settled since last night.    
  
He came close as Hongjoong started untying the twine around the first box.    
  
“Go sit there.” The alpha nodded for Seonghwa to sit in front of the vanity mirror. He did so, watching Hongjoong’s reflection pull out a piece of clothing from the box.   
  
He came up behind Seonghwa, reaching around him to hold the shirt against his chest. The material was so soft it almost felt like cool water spilling against his fingers. Half the long-sleeved shirt was striped in a soft blue, and the other was a solid blue-black, making a striking vertical contrast.    
  
“It will look like you’re wearing a choker, because of the chest piece cut out, here.” Hongjoong’s fingertips skimmed over his chest. Then he turned the shirt to show off the back, where extra material hung in strips waiting to be cinched through corset-like fastenings. “This will show off your body line so nicely.”    
  
“Wow, it’s nice, what’s it for?”   
  
Hongjoong narrowed his eyes and his whole posture seemed to sag in disbelief, shirt lowering to the floor.    
  
_ Uh oh. _ _   
_ _   
_ Every once in a while this happened, the dulling hypneros causing Seonghwa to miss some obvious clue. He needed to recover fast. But he looked from the shirt to Hongjoong’s annoyed face and his mind didn’t come up with anything.    
  
“I mean… it’s… it’s lovely but, Christmas is over, right? What’s the occasion?”   
  
“It’s for the  _ show _ in a few months?” Hongjoong retorted, derision dripping off the word ‘show’.   
  
“Oh. Oh my god. Alpha, I didn’t realize, I almost thought you had bought it from a store! That’s how good it looks!” He hated how patronizing the last part sounded, even though it was true. It really was a high-quality shirt.   
  
Hongjoong would have had his arms crossed over his chest if he weren’t holding the precious garment, but his eyes held all the same disappointment, instead.   
  
Seonghwa turned in his seat and pawed at the alpha’s tummy. “I’m sorry… I didn’t remember seeing a design quite like this in your collection, before. Don’t be upset.”   
  
Hongjoong sighed, one eyebrow twitching up dramatically. “Fine. Put it on and I’ll forgive you. The pants are in the other box.”   
  
\-------------   
  
Seonghwa wasn’t sure how a model would move when wearing such an outfit, so he stepped out of the walk-in closet in a more or less regular way, very aware that he’d be under the alpha’s intense scrutiny.    
  
He could tell immediately the alpha was pleased. Hongjoong got up after observing him for a moment to start cinching up the corset hooks in the small of his back.   
  
The material was snug against his throat and of course across his midsection, and only growing tighter. But the material was so soft it wasn’t bothersome. As described, a big section of his chest was exposed, from the built-in choker down to just above his nipples; and he was thankful it didn’t plunge any lower.   
  
He stared at himself in the mirror as Hongjoong tweaked things here and there, thinking of how he promised to take Sanie to the park later and he better not forget or the omega would get pouty or destructive or both.   
  
“You haven’t said anything,” Hongjoong’s voice said, prim and tight. He wasn’t looking at him, instead focused on making sure the overly-long sleeves were hanging right, designed to keep his hands free but hang down low from his wrist.   
  
“It’s amazing that you’re able to make something like this.” Seonghwa said. “I don’t know how it is you can have so many talents and--”   
  
“Are you even looking at yourself?”   
  
“What do you mean? Of course I am.” Seonghwa said. He’d been looking at himself the entire time.   
  
Hongjoong had stopped fussing over him, and now had him pinned in his critical gaze.   
  
Seonghwa was honestly lost. “I... can tell that there’s something you’re wanting from me and I’m disappointing you. Talk to me.”   
  
“It doesn’t make a difference to you if you’re wearing an old tshirt from middle school or  _ this, _ does it?”   
  
The sad thing was, it didn’t. It hadn’t for a while. Hongjoong had mentioned the subject before, and it hadn’t changed since then.    
  
He didn’t really know why that was.    
  
He could look at his pack mates and admire their styles, their outfits, how they combed their hair that day or the lip tint they’d decided to try; and he could tell when something suited them and when something  _ wildly _ suited them, and wasn’t shy in telling them or sometimes even showing them.    
  
When he looked at himself he just saw… himself. He could tell when he was looking  _ unusually  _ terrible, like when he’d been sick, or tired, or hurt. But other than that, he didn’t think he was particularly ugly or particularly pretty. And clothes didn’t change what he saw one way or another. It was just material. He knew it had mattered to him at one point. He still had faint memories of what wearing new clothes had meant, especially when he thought they were flattering on him. He remembered that had been rare, though. He hadn’t often thought that the clothes he was curious in trying suited him. He would always find something he hated in how he looked, some sore point he couldn’t stop staring at. That’s how he’d started to discover he felt way less frustration when wearing more feminine clothes, and had started to experiment with them.    
  
Overall, it just didn’t seem like any great loss that he didn’t care anymore. It was more troublesome than anything.   
  
“I’ve told you that I’m happy to wear whatever you want, Hongjoong.”   
  
“Yeah. Sure. Take it off, now.” The alpha muttered, impatiently pulling the ties loose in the back.   
  
As he undressed, he did his best to try and center himself, try to get himself in Hongjoong’s mindset. Of course it was a disappointment for someone who was so passionate about art and clothing and music to try and share it with someone who didn’t have that passion. He just had to try and explain to him that he was proud of Hongjoong’s hard work and he loved the passion that the alpha had.    
  
Unless the issue was more Hongjoong’s disappointment that he didn’t care for himself, more. Or wear nice things. But he still exercised, ate good food, read a book here and there- it wasn’t like he was letting himself go.   
  
He emerged calmly, holding the shirt out on its silk hanger.   
  
Hongjoong took it without a word, and started boxing it back up.    
  
“Please talk to me.”   
  
“We don’t need to talk.”   
  
“I  _ want _ to.”   
  
“I don’t care what you want, Seonghwa.”    
  
Seonghwa blinked. This wasn’t exactly the worst mood Hongjoong had ever been in. There had been times where he was exhausted and short-tempered and could put on quite a little show, but this was definitely edging into bad territory.    
  
“Then let me just guess, and you grunt if I’m right.” He knew he was testing the alpha’s patience. But he didn’t want to leave things this way.   
  
“Is it disappointment that I’m not as fashion-savvy as you and I didn’t show my appreciation well enough?”   
  
Silence.   
  
“Is it that you don’t like what I wear normally, it’s not attractive enough?”    
  
Hongjoong straightened his shoulders. Seonghwa saw a muscle in his jaw jump. He braced himself.   
  
“That’s not even close to the fucking point. You’re  _ gorgeous  _ Seonghwa. You could wear literally anything and still be gorgeous. The point is that your clothes, what used to make you feel happy and confident to wear, maybe even  _ vain,  _ for fuck’s sake-- that was you expressing yourself, loving yourself, feeling inspiration from color and texture and how they worked together on you- that’s something unique that humans do. We feel inspiration and we create things, even if it’s just an outfit you’re putting together.”   
  
The alpha was getting flustered as he tried to get the lid back on one of the boxes, lecturing him the whole time.   
  
“I think you kill that part of yourself every morning. Your creativity, your joy in things, your ability to feel passionate enough to  _ really _ love something-- you lost it. I’m glad your drug was able to kill off all those demons that were so hard for you to deal with, but I don’t know if it was worth it.”   
  
“That’s… incredibly unkind.”   
  
“Oh? Did I hurt your feelings? Or did you just come to the logical conclusion that if you had feelings, they would be hurt?”   
  
“How do you want this argument to end, Hongjoong? Let’s just jump to what you want from me and I’ll tell you if I can do it or not.”   
  
“Stop taking it.”   
  
“No.”   
  
“Then we’re over.”   
  
“You want me to leave?”   
  
“No. The others still like you. You do serve a purpose here. But I can’t waste my time and emotions on you anymore. And I think what hurts the most is it won’t bother you one fucking bit.”   
  
“That’s not true. I  _ want _ to be close with everyone, including you.”   
  
“Sure. But if that doesn’t work out, you could just move on without another thought. You don’t know what regret is anymore, do you? Probably can’t even feel empathy for us because what we feel is meaningless to you.”   
  
“I think you’re really underestimating me, Hongjoong. Just because I’m not constantly at the whim of my emotions, doesn’t mean I don't have goals. I--”   
  
“I’m not a  _ goal _ , Seonghwa! I’m not a fucking goal, I’m a  _ person!  _ Get out of the way. _ ” _ _   
_ _   
_ The alpha was starting to cry, angrily and silently to himself. He was having trouble getting his words out and Seonghwa could tell he didn’t want him to see the state he was devolving into.   
  
“Hongjoong-”   
  
The alpha was already out the door, slamming it behind him.    
  


\------------------   
  
“Hyung is mad?” Mingi asked. He was stretched out longwise on the couch, a book held above his head. He balanced the open book on his knee when Seonghwa approached, perching on what little edge of the couch Mingi had left near his side.

“Yes.”

“How come?”

Seonghwa wished he knew a good way to summarize everything into a few words, because it was an evolving frustration Hongjoong had that ran deeper than just tonight. 

“It’s… hard to explain. I guess to put it in simple terms, he doesn’t like the effects my medicine has.”

Mingi sat up, hugging his arms around Seonghwa’s waist from behind. He waited a few seconds for Seonghwa to continue the train of thought. He couldn’t make himself say anything else, prompting the alpha to prod. “Like what?”   
  
Seonghwa sighed. “He doesn‘t like that it makes it harder for me to appreciate things.”

“Oh?” Mingi sounded more confused instead of less.

“He had me try on some of the clothes he was working on and I wasn’t able to give him the reaction he was looking for. I didn’t do it on purpose. I would have happily reacted in whatever way would have made him happy, if I knew what that was.”

Mingi gave a snort of a laugh. “Hyung…. you really don’t hear yourself, do you? You’re talking like a sci-fi android, or something.” He paraphrased his words back to him, taking on a flat, robotic tone: “ _ I will happily react in whatever way master desires. Please input instructions.” _

Seonghwa frowned.   
  
“Also… why did he have you try them on? He said they were for the show? Or were they for you?”   
  
Seonghwa distinctly remembered the alpha explaining how the clothes would emphasize his body line, which now that he thought back on it was curious. “I’m... actually not sure.”   
  
“Hyung, that’s kind of an important thing to have figured out before you let Alpha storm out of your room.”   
  
“Yeah. You’re not wrong, Mingi-ah,” he said, playing with the alpha’s fingers where they were latched over his stomach. “Why didn’t he tell me from the beginning he didn’t want me to take it? Or just not choose me at all.”   
  
Mingi nuzzled in and scented him, Seonghwa leaning in to the affectionate gesture. “Maybe he  _ didn’t  _ care at first. But something changed. It’ll be okay. He’ll calm down and you can try again, see if you can come up with something to make it up to him. You’re good at that.”   
  
But they both jumped at the sound of the door in the back of the house slamming. The distant whir of the garage door rolling up followed, letting them know that the alpha had left through the door leading to the garage and was leaving the house, although he had just gotten home not long ago and it was already eleven at night. Yeah, the alpha kept odd hours, but he didn’t typically come home only to leave right away.   
  
This was all Seonghwa’s fault.   
  
He knew he should feel bad about the fight. He should actually feel guilt, should feel a deep, deep hurt at the things Hongjoong had just said. But all that was there were some rough draft ideas of what he could do to patch things up, to get them back on track and keep harmony in the household.   
  
For the first time, it really hit him what a freeing luxury it was to not have to feel a thing, and the unfair advantage it gave him over his pack.   
  
  
  
  



	28. the darkest chapter yet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: it's not long or very detailed, but a couple paragraphs of this chapter depict what some readers may consider dubcon; some readers may not consider it such, due to the context. But read with caution!

Seonghwa had no idea when he would get the chance to talk to Hongjoong again; to start the process of trying to apologize and mend their relationship. But he would never have guessed that chance would wake him up just a couple hours after the alpha had stormed out.   
  
Seonghwa jolted up in bed at the sound of his phone buzzing and blaring music. He had turned the phone volume up full just in case, but had doubted he’d receive any communication. Mingi groaned in irritation beside him, shifting around. Seonghwa squeezed his arm in reassurance and picked up the phone, but took it out into the hall before answering.   
  
“Hongjoong?”   
  
“Seonghwa?” Immediately he could tell the alpha was teary or drunk, or both. He could hear a pumping bass beat muffled in the background.    
  
“Yes?” He clutched the phone closer, as if that would turn down the background noise.    
  
“Oh, good. S’you. I’m… I’m… I’m sorry. So sorry. I didn’t mean anything. Was jus’ disappointed because _ \---  _ shirt --- wanted you _ \--- _ ” The alpha’s voice kept getting muffled, on top of being slurred together earnestly. Seonghwa patiently waited him out, letting him say his disjointed piece. “I  _ knew _ I didn’t even mean it. Thas’ the stupid thing. Even though- even as the words came out, I knew. Like,  _ ‘Hongjoong, what are you even saying?’ You’re a fucking liar!’  _ Ya know? _ ”  _ He trailed off, sniffling.   
  
“I’m sorry, too, Hongjoong. I know it must be hard to…”  _ To what? Talk to him? Share his hobbies with him? Have a close relationship with him? _ But he didn’t get a chance to finish the thought.   
  
“ _ No! _ No, no, no.” A heavy, quivering sigh. “You’re good as you are. Perfect. Even if… even if you can’t…” Another wet sniff and what might have been a sad little hiccup. “D-doesn’t matter. I won’t ask you to do anything ever again. I promise. So please Seonghwa, don’t leave.”   
  
Seonghwa almost let out a breathy laugh. Hypneros aside, he found he could still pity the alpha, and felt sorry that Hongjoong thought he would just up and leave that easily.    
  
“I wasn’t going to leave. You told me I didn’t have to leave.”   
  
There was a silence that almost stretched into awkwardness, until Hongjoong pressed: “So, you’re still home?”   
  
“Yes. I’m not going anywhere.”   
  
“Fuck. Thank fuck.”   
  
Seonghwa smirked into the phone. “You gonna come home, now, alpha? I’ll wait up for you.”   
  
“Yeah. I’m comin’.”   
  
“Get a ride home. We can pick up your car later.”   
  
“Pffft. I know, I know.”   
  
“Alright, I’m just making sure.”   
  
“Seonghwa?”   
  
“Yeah?”   
  
“I think I probably love you, so don’t listen to me.”   
  
Seonghwa paused, a ghost of a smile touching his lips. “Yeah. I know.”    
  
\--------------------   
  
Seonghwa sat at the kitchen island, warming his hands around a mug of steaming coffee. Not sure how long exactly it was going to take Hongjoong to get home, he wanted something to help him stay alert.   
  
He wasn’t sitting there that long when Mingi trudged in, his giant gangly shadow ambling down the hall and making his way up into the chair beside him. 

“Hyung, what’re you doing out here?” The alpha looked like he was about to lapse back into sleep any second, even if it meant toppling face first onto the island.

“Just waiting up for Hongjoong.”

“Ah, he’s coming soon?” Mingi perked up, scratching at his hair. 

“Yeah. Go back to bed, though.”

“S’cold.”

“Turn up the heater, then.”

“No,” the alpha pouted playfully, then made a grabby hand towards the coffeemaker. “Want coffee. Smells good.”

Seonghwa just stared at him a moment before shaking his head and giving a snort of amusement. Hard to believe the alpha that had been so unpredictable and alarming could have such cute moments like this. He sighed as he slid off the bar stool and padded over to grab a mug and pour him some. 

They chatted comfortably for a while after that, Mingi telling him about the mixtape Hongjoong was helping him produce. It was a dream project he had wanted to finish last year, but had been thrown off by everything that had happened to him. Seonghwa enjoyed hearing him explain the lyrics of some of his favorite tracks, and where he’d gotten inspiration for them. He even started to give him a little spoiler by rapping a verse, but the alpha still seemed a bit sleep-muddled and broke off suddenly in the middle, mumbling to himself: “Oh wait, can’t remember what’s after that.”   
  


Seonghwa liked how Mingi didn’t seem embarrassed at those sorts of things though, he just went with the flow of life and laughed it off, flashing his teeth in an infectious grin.

  
  


Finally they heard a car pull up in the driveway, dropping off their precious cargo. Seonghwa went to flip the porch light on and stand lookout in the doorway, hugging himself from the cold, not sure what he should expect as far as the state of the alpha. 

But Hongjoong crunched up the driveway with reasonably steady steps, steam clouding out of his mouth. He noticed Seonghwa and raised a hand sheepishly. Between his slightly rumpled beret and thick scarf wound all the way up to his nose, Seonghwa could hardly make out much more than his eyes.

“Welcome home,” he said as the alpha stepped up to him. 

“You shouldn’t welcome me,” Hongjoong said. “I’m an asshole.”

“Well… I consider you  _ my _ asshole.”

“....are you proud of what you just said?”

Seonghwa shrugged, giving a lopsided smile. “Pretty much.”

Hongjoong sighed, lifting a hand and placing it on Seonghwa’s chest. “I really don’t know where all that came from. I’m so sorry.”

Seonghwa shook his head. The alpha was lying, but he didn’t have to. They both knew  _ exactly _ where those feelings had come from. And they were valid, in their own way. “The important thing is you’re here right now.”

Though steps away from the heat inside their home, and though Seonghwa could see the alpha starting to shiver as much as he already was, Hongjoong didn’t make a move to go inside. 

“I...just… suddenly felt so lonely,” Hongjoong finally admitted. His hand was still on Seonghwa’s chest, plucking at his shirt as he kept talking, not meeting his eyes. “I feel like, as attentive and understanding as you can be, there’s always going to be a part of you that isn’t here with me. An’ I’m jealous. An’ I can’t help but want you  _ all. _ ”    
  
Seonghwa frowned. The alpha was speaking as if he’d come to terms with what he was saying, but he looked like he was one wrong glance away from becoming a blubbery mess; although the remnants of alcohol probably weren’t helping. Seonghwa could smell the stink of alcohol on him, along with unfamiliar and unwelcome ripples of colognes and perfumes and alphas and omegas all mixed. He remembered that miasma of club scents well. Fun, but somewhat gross by the end of the night.

“Anyway I realized that I’m lucky; lucky that I even get  _ this  _ much of Park Seonghwa.” Hongjoong turned the meek plucking of his fingertips into a sudden playful flick against Seonghwa’s chest, eyes crinkling up in a meek smile. 

_ You don’t love the me that I was before. You don’t even know that person.  _ Seonghwa wanted to say, just to try and explain his choices to the alpha, but instead all he said was: “Come on, it’s freezing out here. You’re going to turn into a Hongsicle.”

“Oh no, does that mean you’re going to lick me?”

“Do you really think you have that much luck? If what I’ve seen on tv is right, there’s a doghouse you belong in right now.”

Their banter went on as they went inside. It was thoughtless of Seonghwa to have forgotten about Mingi. And dangerous. 

Hongjoong gave a choked gulp as his body hit the wooden floor, yanked off his feet by the end of his scarf, leaving him groaning in pain in confusion.

Seonghwa took a slow breath, time slowing down. Mingi still had the trailing edge of the scarf wound around his fist. Suddenly he fell to the ground in a crouch, moving in on Hongjoong.

“Mingi, wh—“ Hongjoong tried, breathlessly. Mingi yanked hard at the scarf again, cutting off his words. 

“Mingi… what are you doing? ”It was like the fiery alpha didn’t even hear Seonghwa.

He impatiently pulled at the scarf again, but Seonghwa realized now he was just trying to get it off, trying to get at Hongjoong’s throat, scenting something.

“Baby?” Seonghwa tried to coax the giant alpha.

Again, not even a twitch of reaction. 

Seonghwa met Hongjoong’s eyes and somehow knew they were on the same wavelength, realizing the delicate line they were walking. 

Mingi gave a soft growl, yanking Hongjoong even closer while trying to bury his nose closer against his neck. He was jerking the scarf away with such impatient tugs that every movement left Seonghwa fearful their leader would end up hurt.    
  
Hongjoong withstood it unmoving, jaw squared and eyes directed away, trying not to make any movements that were too contrary to what their wild alpha wanted. 

Finally Mingi flung the scarf away and was free to inhale at Hongjoong’s bare throat to his heart’s content. He did so with much interest.  _ Too _ much interest. That’s when Hongjoong met Seonghwa’s eyes again, and this time Seonghwa felt something ice over in his chest. The sensation only grew colder when a deep, haunting growl started rumbling from the depths of Mingi’s chest. 

“My stupid, horny friends… at the bar… they were biting at me…messing around...” Hongjoong tried to explain in a hushed tone, as if his voice could somehow bypass Mingi and jump into only Seonghwa’s ears. The head alpha actually looked fearful now. 

Seonghwa approached, lowering to his knees so Mingi would have the height advantage. 

“Alpha,’ he purred, putting his hand on Mingi’s thigh, rubbing inward in a soothing motion. The alpha froze in tense warning, his growling going up a notch. Hongjoong whimpered. Seonghwa glanced down and saw the way Mingi’s hand was wrapped around Hongjoong’s thigh in a crushing grip. Why did his hand look so big?    
  
His heart started pounding. This was a fear beyond logic. The primordial animal brain warning him, again. But he couldn’t run. Moving, slowly, carefully, he tried little distractions to get Mingi off their head alpha before he gave in to the enraged wolf inside him. 

“Mingi-ah, just stay calm. You were able to make the wolf back down before. Just do it again.” He soothed him as he slid his cool fingertips down his forearm and to his hand, trying to coax his fingers to let Hongjoong go.    
  
His lips found the underside of Mingi’s jaw and gave him soft, lingering bites, hoping it would appeal to the wolf side of him that would appreciate the deference of the gesture. This close to Mingi, Seonghwa could smell that deep, dark smell that didn’t belong here- loam full of the bones of forgotten creatures, deep in an even more forgotten forest. It clogged the back of his throat.

He heard an uncertain moan in the back of Hongjoong’s throat, but then felt the tendons in Mingi’s wrist relax where he held Hongjoong in a death grip. 

“That’s it, good boy.

The thing that worried him was the way Mingi wouldn’t move away from the crook of Hongjoong’s neck. He was worried about making the alpha snap; worried that if he did it was Hongjoong’s neck he would be snapping on.

“Do you think you’ll ever get your mixtape made if you let the wolf win? It’ll be out of the question.” Seongha sat back on his thighs, asking him that simple question, shifting tactics.

The growl stopped. 

Mingi raised his head, huffing in his direction.    
  
Seonghwa wished he could say it was because Mingi had truly  _ heard _ him, but he wasn’t sure yet. He looked more like a starving wolf scenting something delicious. So much so that Seonghwa felt like he had double vision, seeing at once a ghostly outline of a wolf’s visage twisted into an angry snarl, but at the same time seeing Mingi- but a Mingi that was strange, and looked at him like he didn’t recognize him. Even his body was wrong- his loose sleeping clothes strained around the curves of lanky, powerful muscle and limbs that seemed overly long if you looked at them for too long.    
  
Seonghwa wouldn’t let himself look at Mingi’s hands, again; he didn’t want to see how capable of rending and tearing they had suddenly become. 

He made himself look only into his haunted eyes as he gently pulled at him. If Mingi would just shift away a few inches, get his claws completely out of the other alpha, then he could just have Seonghwa. 

“I’m right here. Why don’t you play with me instead, hmmm?” He managed to get a thigh around one of Mingi’s hips so he was half in his lap, facing him. Then he snuck an arm around Mingi’s far shoulder, holding him even closer. He wanted Mingi to embrace him, to catch that beta scent that everyone seemed to love and think was calming. To let it work on him.

“You don’t wanna do this, baby, do you?” 

As he had done a couple times before, he  _ willed  _ every cell in his body to generate more of his sweet, soothing scent to calm the raging beast, not knowing what else to do. Coincidence or not, Mingi let Hongjoong go and all but fell onto Seonghwa instead, his weight knocking him to his back on the floor. Seonghwa let out a small cough as the air left his lungs. Those too-big hands wrapped around his arms and held them hard against the floor. Then he buried his nose against his neck, obsessively checking him over just the same as he had Hongjoong, poring over the scent language on his neck, where the scent gland was closest. At least this time it wouldn’t be confused, corrupted by other outside scents. 

“That’s right, just relax. It’s just me. I’m yours. It’s just us, here.”

Hongjoong wavered to his feet above them, looking at Seonghwa, stricken. Seonghwa gave a small shake of his head, mouthing the word ‘ _ go _ .’

Hongjoong shook his head in return, even as he stepped back from them. He knew he had to go, and hated it. 

  
‘ _ It’s okay…’  _ Seonghwa sent the thought to Hongjoong with all his strength, but Mingi drew his attention back with a hand around the back of his neck and a knee pushing between his legs. Seonghwa learned then that if someone was strong enough, they could flip you over with just a solid grip on your neck. He would be lying if he said it didn’t hurt. The smack of his knees on the cold wooden floor went all the way up his femurs. He bit back the whimper of pain, in case Hongjoong was still close. 

“Hyung, he’s so strong.” Mingi suddenly spoke up above him, his voice grit tight like he was holding back the weight of a collapsing mountain.    
  
Balancing on a throbbing elbow, Seonghwa tried to look over his shoulder, to see his sweet alpha. “Then don’t try to win against him, Mingi-ah. Just don’t let him go too far. Not again.”   
  
“Hyung?”   
  
“Don’t let him bite. Let him do whatever he wants, but don’t let him bite. You can do it, baby.”   
  
Seognhwa could feel him slipping after that, as plain as he could feel his clothes being torn off; and he didn’t speak with the Mingi he knew for a while.   
  
Even after their brief exchange, there was never a moment when Seonghwa stopped expecting a mouthful of razor-like teeth to sink into his skin and muscle and bone- and when that never happened, he knew he had Mingi’s sheer willpower to thank for protecting him. His wild alpha was so strong that not once, even in light touches, did his mouth touch him.   
  
And maybe that restraint made the wolf even more crazed. The unforgiving cold floor did Seonghwa no favors as he was fucked without prep in every way Mingi’s demon wanted, manhandled into whatever position he wanted him in without warning. It didn’t stop until he was thoroughly defiled inside and out. Every spurt of cum felt purposeful, like he was being punished,  _ marked _ , as if his body was the border of the wolf’s territory he felt he had to furiously repossess.    
  
Seonghwa never tried to get away. He didn’t want to. This had to be contained here, with him. He might be just a beta but he was strong and resilient and although he would let the wolf use him as a focus for his anger, was even self-satisfied to have snatched that focus from Hongjoong, he wouldn’t give the wolf the pleasure of destroying him in the process.    
  
He held his own until exhaustion finally felled the beast, leaving Seonghwa to push his unnatural weight off his body and try to get his bearings. Seonghwa was exhausted, too. He was throbbingly sore from his toes upwards, with his jaw and ass feeling like they may never be the same. He used his crumpled shirt to wipe at his face and body, but couldn’t even feel the friction of the cloth against his skin.

All that mattered was Mingi,  _ their _ Mingi, was sleeping soundly in the blanket he pulled off the couch to tuck around him. And he had been a good boy, and done what Seonghwa asked.

  
  


He wasn’t sure where Hongjoong came from. Wasn’t sure whether he’d seen everything or just now crept out from the safety of his bedroom, but as Seonghwa tried to stand up on his wobbly legs the alpha was suddenly there to help him stand. 

“Shower,” he could barely get the word out. Seonghwa couldn’t take a full breath without pain lancing through his body. He felt himself grow pale. A cracked rib. He remembered that particular pain from an accident during dance club, a lifetime ago. 

Hongjoong had him sit down at the dining table, instead. Seonghwa gripped his side, his breaths having grown even cautiously shorter, as if his body itself was fearful of making that pain spark, again.

“We need to take you to a hospital.”

“They can’t do anything,” Seonghwa shook his head, wheezing. “An’ think of how… it would look…”

“I don’t care.”

“I do. Don’t want to… lose any of you.”

“ _ Seonghwa!”  _ Hongjoong sagged into a kneel in front of him, holding onto Seonghwa’s knees like lifelines. “You make me feel so goddamn helpless!”

“Shhhh…. Don’t wake him. He’s already gonna be upset. Don’t want this… to be the first thing he sees.”

“Just care for yourself, for once.  _ Please!” _

Seonghwa sighed, even though it  _ hurt _ . He cupped Hongjoong’s chin, making him look up. “Don’t you understand, alpha? This is the trade off. This is what you get in exchange for that missing piece of me.” He thumbed away the teardrops clinging to Hongjoong’s flushed cheeks. “No matter the cost, I’ll take care of you. Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you don't feel depressed enough, listen to the song "Broken" by Isak Danielson. The twist? Imagine the lyrics are about Hongjoong instead of Seonghwa. now youre more sad.


	29. aftercare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh really sorry im late on my normal twice-a-week update schedule. Had to go to urgent care new year's eve and then spent the next three days in bed wondering if i was dying and turns out its kinda hard to write in that mindset, who knew. x_x hope everyone else's new year has been good tho! <3   
> lets have a 2021 so good it makes up for all last year's bullshit, yay!

“If Mingi asks questions, if he can’t really remember what happened… Let’s tell him as little as possible,” Seonghwa said. He was finally relaxing in a steaming bath swirled with an epsom salt and lavender mix that Yunho sometimes used for muscle aches. The maximum dose of painkillers was slowly working its way through his system. His head rested back on the lip of the tub, eyes closed. Hongjoong had tucked a towel beneath his neck. His aches were already feeling a world of improvement.  
  
Even behind the velvety darkness of his closed eyes, and even though Hongjoong was saying very little, he could still _feel_ the alpha’s presence in the bathroom with him. He was afraid of where their poor leader’s mind might be wandering, what dark or sad or angry side paths it might be taking as he worked through this.  
  
He had seemed more in shock than anyone, leading Seonghwa to think he must have watched the entire scene play out from a safe distance.   
  
When he reached out from the tub, wanting to take the alpha’s hand, Hongjoong’s fingers were so cold. And trembling. He listened to the sound of water droplets sliding down his forearm and pattering on the tile, not caring as long as he was helping warm his alpha’s hand.   
  
\--------------------  
  
Although a shower had been top priority in Seonghwa’s mind when he had first stumbled away from the living room, that idea had quickly changed. Once Hongjoong had him sitting down and he looked back at the exhausted alpha collapsed under a single blanket, he realized there was some aftercare to be done, first.   
  
“Let’s get him cleaned up, back to bed,” he had told Hongjoong. “Make everything as normal as possible.”  
  
Unfortunately, that job fell solely on Hongjoong’s shoulders, as Seonghwa was using all his energy to remain sitting in his chair, half bent over and taking measured breaths.   
  
He was watching Hongjoong try to stir Mingi enough to get up when cool silk suddenly slid across his bare shoulders, making him flinch and stifle a moan.   
  
“It’s just me.” Yunho’s warm hands steadied his shoulders gently.   
  
“Oh, Yunho…” Seonghwa slowly reached up to grab one of his hands, squeezing and not letting go. “How...how long have you been here?”  
  
“Not long.” He had never heard Yunho’s voice sound so deep and serious. Even without shifting to look at him, he could feel the alpha’s intense focus on what was going on in the living room. His scent washed over him, reassuring, protective, wary. Yunho didn’t know what had happened, and wasn’t leaping to judgements, but Seonghwa would hate to see the treatment an unfriendly wolf would get if they tried to approach him right now.   
  
“It’s okay. Mingi had one of his slips, but everything’s alright. We worked it out.”  
  
“But you’re naked. Hurt.”   
  
“Not badly. Mostly tired,” he reassured.   
  
Yunho bent down and inhaled along the line of Seonghwa’s neck, nose brushing his skin. “You’re a liar, hyung.”  
  
 _So much for downplaying..._   
  
He knew omegas were prone to giving off a sharp, alarming scent when they were hurt; he had hoped as a beta he would have an exception. He’d never really had anyone to tell him one way or another.  
  
“It’ll be okay, Yunho. Can you help Alpha get Mingi to bed, please?”  
  
Yunho stepped in front of him, first. For a giant, puppy-like alpha, he was so gentle as he pulled the robe around him to cover more of his body. The silk didn’t bring much warmth, but made him more comfortable nonetheless.  
  
Seonghwa then watched him pad into the living room and crouch down near Hongjoong. It didn’t seem that the alpha had been successful rousing Mingi, and after a brief conversation Yunho merely scooped up the gangly alpha in his arms and carried him down the hall.  
  
  
Hongjoong came back to him. “Can you even stand?”  
  
Seonghwa nodded, slowly pushing to his feet. Hongjoong kept a steadying hand on his hip and helped him to the bathroom, where he started running Seonghwa a bath, ruling out a shower as too arduous. Yunho stepped in, a plastic basket of cleaning supplies hanging off one arm. “Mingi’s asleep in your bedroom. I’ll do some cleaning, to be safe. I know the five-step process you like, hyung,” he smiled sadly. Then he reached into the cabinet beneath the sink and handed Hongjoong the lavender powder to mix into the bath.   
  
“Alpha, what else can I do to help?” he asked, but Hongjoong only shook his head.   
  
“Thank you, Yunho. Don’t know what we’d do without you.”  
  
Neither Seonghwa or Hongjoong felt the need to caution the alpha to keep this incident lowkey. Yunho commonly shared the same mindset as them, instinctively knowing what would be the best decisions for the pack harmony overall without having to be told, no matter what personal misgivings he might have had.   
  
_He’s really too good for us._ Seonghwa thought to himself with a twitch of a smile, and not for the first time.  
  
And then he was left alone with his quiet and brooding alpha.  
  
\--------------------  
  
“If I just hadn’t stormed off like a fucking idiot,” Hongjoong finally muttered to himself, after Seonghwa was settled as comfortably as he could be in the bathtub. “All of this was my fault.”  
  
Seonghwa waved his fingers. “That hadn’t even entered my mind. This isn’t your fault, Hongjoong. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were unwinding at a club, drinking, and your friends were frisky. Probably trying to cheer you up. It doesn’t mean anything.”  
  
After a long silence, one that almost had Seonghwa prying one of his eyes open: “You shouldn’t trust people so easily, Seonghwa.”  
  
“I don’t trust people easily. I trust _you._ ”  
  
Silence.  
  
“Am I wrong to?”  
  
Silence.   
  
Seonghwa sighed. “This doesn’t change anything.”  
  
“Of _course_ it changes things, Seonghwa.”  
  
“Hmmm, maybe you’re right. We did learn more about his triggers. And we also know now Mingi’s getting stronger. He can resist it, even when it’s at its wildest.”  
  
Seonghwa knew neither point was what Hongjoong had meant by things changing, but the alpha merely shifted the subject.  
  
“I just don’t understand. What _is_ it, Seonghwa? What’s wrong with him? Could you… see anything?”  
  
Seonghwa remembered a monstrous wolf with too-intelligent eyes, like a spectral double exposure over Mingi. But the second he thought of it, the memory slipped away, blurred, leaving him wondering if he hadn’t just imagined it in the first place.   
  
“No… not really. Has he really never seen a therapist or psychologist, someone like that?”  
  
“Once,” Hongjoong sighed. “If he’s not in that mind set, there’s not much for them to see. They just suggested he keep track of what makes him feel bad and try to stay away from it.” Seonghwa could hear him shifting around, stressed. “But it always comes so quickly and without warning.”  
  
“Well, for now just don’t come home with other wolves’ drool all over you.”  
  
The alpha didn’t laugh.   
  
Seonghwa opened his eyes, peeked over at him. The poor alpha looked absolutely gutted; the epitome of the soul having left the body.   
  
Seonghwa frowned. He let go of Hongjoong’s hand and cupped his chin instead, giving a gentle shake and squeeze, calling him back. Hongjoong’s eyes slowly met his.   
  
“It’s going to be okay,” Seonghwa promised. “Get in the bath with me. You need to relax.”  
  
Hongjoong shook his head, dislodging Seonghwa’s hand. “You’re hurt.”  
  
“I just twisted a muscle. Anyone could twist a muscle during rough sex.”  
  
Hongjoong narrowed his eyes at him. “But...you…”  
  
“I twisted a muscle.” And that’s what everyone would be told.   
  
It was the last thing the alpha wanted to hear. He hung his head. Seonghwa wished he could hug him, kiss the salt from his cheeks. This didn’t suit their head alpha. He was cocky and confident and clever and encouraging and sometimes bratty. Utter defeat didn’t suit him.  
  
“If you’re feeling guilty, then make it up to me. This bath is more than big enough for the both of us.”  
  
Hongjoong finally gave in, sighing as he ripped his shirt off with a snap of static. Seonghwa watched him lose piece by piece of his clothing, not folding the clothes up and storing them neatly like he expected him to do, but just leaving them in heaps on the floor.   
  
With some grunting and splashing he sank into the opposite end of the tub and sat down facing him, knees drawn up so he wouldn’t so much as brush Seonghwa with an errant toe.   
  
He wasn’t exactly glaring at Seonghwa, but he was definitely grumpy.   
  
“I’ve never seen someone get in a bath so angrily before.”  
  
“And I’ve never seen someone be so flippant about a serious situation, either.”  
  
“Maybe it’s not as serious as you think it is. We’re all here. We’re all safe. No one’s in danger anymore. Whatever might come or not come in the future doesn’t matter. There’s nothing we can do about it, now.”  
  
“It’s not that simple. I’m the head alpha. I have to make decisions that will at least give our future a better chance of being a good one.”  
  
“Mingi’s not going anywhere. He’s improving.”  
  
The silent treatment again, while the scent of angry alpha clashed with lavender steam.  
  
With the conversation stalling, Seonghwa just studied Hongjoong. The soft bathroom light reflecting off the water cast a dozen stars into the alpha’s piercing eyes. The light also brought out the scars on his chest and shoulder from his own attack. As the heat started to give his skin a rose pink flush, the scars grew starkly pale in contrast. Seonghwa touched his own marks without thinking, mapping the edges, musing on how almost symmetrical their two wounds were- and feeling a jolt thinking how close Hongjoong might have been to having the old scars torn open again.   
  
Mingi’s wolf definitely had a focus. Some purpose. Neither attack had been meant to kill them, although it had been dangerous enough. Seonghwa suspected that the wolf saw himself as the head alpha even over Hongjoong, in charge of disciplining, asserting his dominance, and marking what was his. Or maybe it was a fearful spirit, or just jealous. Panicking more than angry when something was amiss with his packmates.   
  
Too bad Hongjoong didn’t have some sort of wolf alter-ego of his own to sit down and have a long and serious chat with Mingi’s.   
  
“You’re thinking a lot.” Hongjoong said. Despite his resistance, Seonghwa thought he was looking grudgingly more relaxed, giving in to the hot water. His head was leaned back and shoulders not as tense. Even his legs had stretched out more.   
  
“I’m thinking of how we could give Mingi’s other side what it wants so it doesn’t have to come out anymore.”  
  
“Of course you are.”  
  
“Is it that bad of an idea?”  
  
“I’m not going to let it tear our throats out or fuck you to death, no.”  
  
Seonghwa flicked water at him, punishment for his crassness. “You really think that’s the case? That it wants to hurt us?”  
  
Hongjoong sighed and leaned his head back more, closing his eyes. If that was a signal Seonghwa was being dismissed, he ignored it, continuing his thoughts.  
  
“I think it’s just wild. And too strong for its own good. And it’s afraid of losing us. He never bothered Wooyoung, despite times where he must have smelled strongly of Changbin. But Mingi’s friendly with Changbin. He wouldn’t have necessarily seen him as an outsider, or a threat...” he puzzled things out loud to himself. But he stopped there, hitting a dead end. Hongjoong hadn’t responded. At least he was relaxing. Or pretending to.  
  
“Let’s try therapy. Again. Together. The three of us could go at first, and if needed the others could, too.”  
  
A grunt. He would take it as an agreement.  
  
“I mean, there has to be something to all this. He can’t be the only one. The institute that used him… they wouldn’t exist without a background of other cases similar to Mingi’s, would they?”  
  
He knew the institute was a very sore point with Hongjoong; his lawyers even now were doing some preliminary work on a case against them, should the institute give them any further reason to bring charges. Or if Hongjoong decided on a whim one day to finally give them what was coming to them. Seonghwa had always wondered if they hadn’t gotten off too easily.  
  
“Okay, that’s settled then. I’ll let you know what day the appointment is.”  
  
A sigh.   
  
“Hey.” Seonghwa stretched his leg beneath the water, pressing his toes against Hongjoong’s calf. It took awhile for the alpha to lift his head and look at him.   
  
“Please don’t give up. I know it’s hard. It may continue to be hard for a while longer. But don’t give up.” He held out his hand for the alpha. Hongjoong reluctantly reached out for him. But Seonghwa took hold of his forearm instead of his hand, gingerly tugging him towards his side of the tub.   
  
Hongjoong protested, but Seonghwa didn’t let go. “Stop acting like I’m going to break if you touch me. Who do you think I am?”  
  
Eventually he coaxed the alpha to lay back against him and relax, and with the deep water supporting a lot of their weight, it didn’t put too much strain on his rib. He hugged him from behind, nuzzling against his hair. The alpha finally started to melt. Seonghwa gave his neck and shoulder a few soft kisses to comfort him. The alpha sighed, this time sounding a bit closer to pleasure, and held Seonghwa’s arms snug around him.   
  
Overall, maybe more important than anything, Seonghwa couldn’t let their alpha fall apart. There was no point in being a pack if Hongjoong wasn’t their leader. 


	30. fever dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry again for another delay. I literally wrote most of this from a hospital bed (which is probably why it’s extra indulgent and pathetic skhlfjda.) 
> 
> But i'm starting to do better so hopefully that's the last of the delays ;;

Seonghwa had to wait in the bathroom, wrapped in a big fluffy towel, while Hongjoong fetched him fresh clothes from his bedroom. He would later learn that the clothes Mingi had torn off of him were bundled in a garbage bag and thrown away by Yunho, which was probably for the best.   
  
“Yeosang was in there,” he said as he came back in and shut the door.    
  
“With Mingi?”   
  
“Yeah.”   
  
“That’s not a bad thing. What were they doing?”   
  
“Just laying there, talking. Stopped when I came in, of course.”   
  
Seonghwa gave a tired smile. “Isn’t it annoying when the kids don’t wanna share their gossip?”   
  
Hongjoong actually snorted at that. His spirits seemed to be better than they had been. Seonghwa hoped they would stay that way. The alpha kept watching him, though. He could see the questions brewing behind his eyes.

“What is it?” He finally asked while Hongjoong was down on a knee in front of him, helping pull a fresh pair of underwear up his legs so he didn’t have to bend down. 

“Just… are you going to go sleep in there?” Hongjoong wondered, helping him with a soft pair of sleeping pants, next.

“Yeah, why shouldn’t I?”

“...Can’t you even  _ try _ to imagine how I feel?” The alpha muttered, making Seonghwa’s expression soften. He reached down and toyed gently with the edge of the alpha’s ear, letting his thumb graze the hard metal edges of his piercings. “Sorry. I can, actually. I can imagine it. But he’s okay, now. You just saw him yourself. He was fine, right?”

Hongjoong looked at him. He could hear the words ‘ _ He  _ **_isn’t_ ** _ fine’ _ being spoken aloud, although his mouth never moved.

“Come sleep with us, too. Even with four, we can all fit.” Seonghwa said, remembering a recent night when Yunho had wandered in cheerful and drunk and dogpiled on top of the three of them. After initial groans and squirming around and beating Yunho with pillows, it wasn’t all that hard for everyone to get comfortable and make room for the additional giant. 

“Please. You’ll just worry the whole time, if not,” he insisted, seeing the hesitation in the alpha’s face already. “Are you afraid of him, baby?” It wasn’t a taunt or a tease, just a desperate wish that the alpha would share some of the thoughts that he kept shut tight away from him. 

Hongjoong sat next to him with a sigh. Seonghwa cupped his face and Hongjoong leaned into it, petal-soft lips brushing his palm. “I don’t know what to think about anything,” he admitted.

“Then don’t try so hard. Let this precious little brain rest,” Seonghwa smiled, leaning in to press a kiss to his forehead. Hongjoong swatted at him, but the half-hearted swipe just turned to fingers gently pulling Seonghwa’s mouth down to his so he could kiss him long and slow, but so gently. His normal alpha scent had taken on an almost puppyish softness: fretful, vulnerable, seeking comfort. If he wasn’t scared of Mingi, there were plenty of other worries hounding him. Seonghwa could understand.

“Let’s get to bed,” he suggested, murmuring the words against his lips.

  
  


——————————

The hot bath had soothed and loosened his muscles and the painkillers added their own soothing balm of comfort; but Seonghwa still took every step slowly as they made their way to the bedroom. 

Mingi and Yeosang were curled up close in the dark, facing each other on their sides. Yeo had Mingi hugged to his chest, his pale fingers buried in his hair even in sleep. 

Seonghwa turned on the softest lamp the big bedroom had, trying not to wake them with the light. Even so, he noticed the way Mingi’s eyes slitted open immediately. The alpha likely hadn’t been sleeping, at all.

Mingi didn’t move, maybe to keep from disturbing Yeosang, but Seonghwa was aware of his attention like a cold heat against his skin.

Seonghwa started to pull back the covers when Hongjoong held him back. Apparently the head alpha didn’t think Yeosang was enough of a buffer between him and Mingi, so he settled in beside him instead, making it so he would be the only one beside Seonghwa. 

Seonghwa was too tired to argue. 

He couldn’t hold back his grunt when he accidentally put his weight on his rib when settling in. He clasped his hand to his mouth to smother any more sounds as a cold sweat swept down his body. Hongjoong gripped his free hand in sympathy, not knowing what else to do for him as his worried gaze glanced up and down his body, helpless.

“M’okay… just have to get used to it,” he breathed, weakly squeezing Hongjoong’s hand. The alpha just frowned and inched closer, pulling the blanket up over Seonghwa’s shoulder. 

“Tell me if you need anything.”

“I will, alpha. Sleep will be perfect for now.”

The last thing he saw before sleeping was the alpha’s eyes tirelessly watching him, and the last thing he felt was his thumb stroking softly over his knuckles.

——————————

He woke up in what felt like a dark and claustrophobic sauna, moaning in confusion. An icy cold cloth touched his neck, so shocking it almost hurt. Strong arms held him up, careful not to press his rib. Wherever someone’s skin pressed against his brought a searing heat he almost couldn’t breathe around. His head felt full of wet concrete.

“Mingi?”

“We’re getting medicine for you. Don’t move.” 

Seonghwa stared blurrily at his face until his eyes adjusted, slowly picking out his familiar features. There was barely any light yet from the predawn sky outside, and what little there was seemed tinged a sickly green. 

His whole body  _ ached _ with every pulse of his heartbeat. It hurt deep down in his bones, with his rib a red hot epicenter. 

He shivered, causing Mingi to reach around him and pull a blanket across his body. 

“Can you drink something, hyung?”

Mingi stroked his hair away from his face, making him realize how sweat had left it plastered to his cheeks and forehead. He missed the nice, clean bath.

“It’s really hot in here.” 

“I know. That’s why you have to take the medicine. Can you swallow it?”

Seonghwa heard rustling around, soft voices, and realized someone else must have returned, bearing said medicine.

He tried to nod but it hurt his head too much, making it swim. His head went limp against Mingi’s arm as he tried to breathe through the dizzy spell. 

Mingi’s mouth suddenly pressed against his, his tongue pushing a gel capsule towards the back of his mouth before he could even process what was happening. Water came next, in a second messy kiss. And then a big alpha hand covering his mouth and nose and a deep voice commanding, “ _ Swallow it.” _

He did, panting like he’d just swam a marathon afterwards. Mingi produced -or was given- another cold cloth to press to his neck. He could feel the alpha’s heart beating fast and powerful in his chest. 

“What’s going on?” Seonghwa managed. His words almost slurred together. “What time is it?”

“It’s almost night. But you’re here. You’re safe. You just have a fever. You were so hot you woke us up.”

“Oh…’ Seonghwa let his eyes fall shut. His eyelids were so heavy. And the fact that it was night instead of morning left him even more disoriented.

“Try to sleep.”

“Mmm.” He blindly reached for Mingi’s hand, not relaxing until the alpha noticed and enveloped his hand in his. “Not your fault.”

The alpha didn’t answer, and in the sudden onslaught of Seonghwa’s fever dreams he kept repeating the words over and over and no answer came to him then, either. 

He didn’t know how much time passed before they woke him up again, giving him more medicine and trying to get more than a mouthful of water down his throat. It reminded him of being fucked in the mouth by Mingi’s wolf and he whined and tried to push away from them but it felt like he was fighting against a whole ocean of hands and arms, not just the few caring ones of his pack.

Shortly after he registered the deep, growling snap of words that came from alpha and alpha arguing together. He was probably delusional, but he thought he heard a more shrill alpha voice cut in towards the end, before he passed out again. 

——————————

“Just do what I said. I swear if you just do what I say, it’s going to be fine. Go on. Go on. Aish, hyung… you were closer to tearing each other’s throats out than helping. Let me handle it.”

Seonghwa was just glad he wasn’t the one trying to argue with Wooyoung. Instead the bossy alpha was arguing for his benefit. 

“I swear to god they’re seriously infants,” Wooyoung muttered. Seonghwa heard San’s baby-soft tone give a questioning mumble from beside him on the bed. 

“Yes I mean it. I would much sooner trust you than them a lot of the time, Sanie. You didn’t hear me say that, though.”

A soft giggle, and then a delicious cool breeze was fanned into his face. It was soon joined by a cooled cloth dabbing at his face. He caught the scent of mint, even felt it tingling coolly on his skin. His arms received the same soothing treatment, and then his ankles and the soles of his feet. It made him shiver, but at the same time gave him enough energy to slowly open his eyes. 

“You’re awake, hyung?” Wooyoung was sitting on a chair beside the bed, looking at him with an expression at once sympathetic and practical.    
  
“Thirsty?” Sanie chirped from beside him on the bed, much closer than Seonghwa had realized. Sometimes the cute omega could move around quietly as a kitten.

Seonghwa gave a faint nod. 

“Want to sit up?”

Another nod. Thankfully, it no longer made him dizzy to do so.

Wooyoung stood and helped him scoot back. San pushed some pillows behind his back, making sure they were fluffed. Then the omega whined and stretched out, resting his head carefully on Seonghwa’s thigh and peeping up at him in worry. Seonghwa pet him as he rested his eyes again, taking a moment to adjust to sitting.    
  
“Am I getting better?”   
  
“I think so,” Wooyoung answered. “They wouldn’t let us in for a long time. But Sanie wouldn’t leave the front of your door all day. After tripping over him the third time I let myself in. I think Hongjoong and Mingi were in over their heads, and about to rip each others’ off, in the meantime. You’re better off with us, trust me. And I have some chicken ginseng soup cooking for you, already.”   
  
Seonghwa tried to smile, but wasn’t sure anything actually reached his lips. “Thank you, Wooyoung.”   
  
“You’re welcome. You gonna tell me what happened?”   
  
“There must be something bad going around…”   
  
“Ah, like a ghost that throws people down flights of stairs?”

Seonghwa’s brows scrunched together. He didn’t have the energy for this, yet had to ask: “ _ What _ ?”   
  
“That’s what came to  _ my _ mind, at least. All your bruises. Well. Actually it was the  _ second _ thing that came to mind, but I didn’t think you’d be up to kiss and tell.”   
  
“Wooyoung-ah,  _ please… _ ” He frowned in displeasure, wincing.   
  
San must have picked up with the desperation in his voice. The sweet omega rolled up to all fours and took a protective stance over Seonghwa’s legs, sucking his bottom lip in in a pout.    
  
“Wooyoungie, be nice to hyung,” the omega lectured, looking like he could get surly if Wooyoung kept it up.    
  
“I know, I know… I’ll leave him alone…” Wooyoung gave in, poking San’s nose to make it scrunch up. San made himself comfortable on Seonghwa again, somehow knowing how to distribute his weight to not cause him pain.   
  
Seonghwa sighed and leaned back on the pillows, feeling like he could doze off between one second and the next. He heard water dripping as Wooyoung wrung the cold washcloth out and cleansed his skin again, bringing another wave of relief. Sanie held up a painted folding fan and fanned Seongwa off gently that way, his hand tirelessly steady.    
  
They helped him drink water and didn’t make him talk anymore, and little by little, his mind started to clear.    
  
He was awake when Jongho appeared in the doorway, carrying a bulky space heater under one arm and an awkwardly long standing fan under the other. “I found these in storage, finally. Which one you want?”   
  
“Bring them both. Which do you need more hyung?” Wooyoung looked at Seonghwa, a charmingly attentive expression on his face. “Are you too hot or too cold?”   
  
“Hmm… hot.”   
  
Wooyoung snapped at Jongho like he was some serving boy, pointing to the fan. Jongho heaved the fan up like he was going to hurl it at Wooyoung’s head instead, but set it down at the last moment and plugged it in, repositioning it until he saw the breeze stir Seonghwa’s hair.    
  
Wooyoung nuzzled against Seonghwa’s cheek, whether to catch some of the breeze or show affection, Seonghwa wasn’t sure.    
  
“Jjongie, bring hyung some of the soup from the stove, please? You can have some too, afterwards.”   
  
Jongho sighed, putting his hand on his hip and giving Wooyoung a pointed look.    
  
“What? Alphas are supposed to protect and take care of their omegas, right? So come on… Sometimes that means bringing soup.”   
  
“Hyung, what omega are you talking about?” Jongho gave an exasperated laugh. “The only omega here is Sanie!”   
  
“Seonghwa-hyung  _ kinda _ is. And I’m pretty enough to be one. Isn’t that enough reason?”   
  
“ _ Seonghwa-hyung _ is enough reason,” Jongho muttered to himself as he left, making sure Wooyoung could hear him.   
  
  
Seonghwa slept again after downing a cup of soup under Wooyoung’s watchful supervision. With the nourishing warmth in his stomach and San’s slender fingers stroking through his hair, he started drifting off, floating in the omega’s sweet, green scent. He fell asleep in a field of four-leaf clovers.    
  
\--------------------   
  
He may have fallen asleep in a field of green, but when he woke up it smelled more like a hot desert growing cold under a full moon, and like coyote fur and the mellow, sweet water hiding in thick cactuses.   
  
Mingi’s scent, unclouded by anything else.    
  
Seonghwa reached for him without opening his eyes, trying to pull the alpha against him, ignoring his hesitation. He started to catch the trace scents of Yunho and Yeosang too, making him feel comfortable in the wreathed scents of his entire pack. But only Mingi was here now. The alpha finally gave in, lying hesitantly against his less painful side.    
  
“Mingi-ah,” Seonghwa sighed, baring his throat for him. “Mingi-ah, just end it.”   
  
“Huh?”   
  
“Just bite right here.” He reached up, grunting at the stab of pain, but persevered so he could use his finger to show Mingi exactly where he could feel his scent gland lurking in the crook of his neck. “Give me one good, hard bite right here.”   
  
“I think you still have a fever.”   
  
“No, no…” he shook his head. “Just tired.”   
  
Mingi leaned in and buried his face in the crook of his neck. But it was only to give his skin an affectionate lick. “I’ve already hurt you enough. Go back to sleep.”   
  
“ _ You _ have to do it. The wolf’s too big. Reckless...”   
  
“Shit. I don’t know if you need more medicine or have had way too much, hyung. You’re delirious. I don’t want to hurt you. More than  _ anything  _ I don’t want to hurt you. Please.”   
  
It was the last plaintive ‘please’ that silenced him.    
  
But now that Seonghwa had decided on it, had fixed his mind upon it, he could almost  _ feel _ his scent gland throbbing needily in his neck.    
  
He remembered, in elementary school, it used to be called a mating gland. It was a big part in why a wolf could smell so pleasant to other wolves, and most believed the sole reason it functioned was to attract nearby likely mates. In their parents’ generation and earlier, giving a ceremonial mating bite to cut off that unneeded attraction to outsiders was almost always done.    
  
Then society had grown out of that mindset, decided their human sensibilities should be strong enough to ignore a mere smell, and they shouldn’t damage each other's bodies just to satisfy their ancient wolven sides. There were some who still practiced it, both individuals and certain sects in society for one reason or another, but it was less common all the time. The majority of health professionals took a stand against it for the possible side effects. And a criminal who claimed they were powerless in committing their violating crimes due to the smell or pheromones of another were treated as less than an animal in court; given the heaviest sentences.   
  
“Mating” gland was changed to just “scent” gland. No one denied the effect that scents and pheromones played in relationships or courting, even in media it was overly-romanticized; but it stopped being an excuse for rash acts or displaying ownership or any other questionably moral acts.   
  
But not everyone lived with an  _ actual  _ wolf in their midst. And Seonghwa was ready to sink down to its level.   
  
And he knew the gland in his neck wouldn’t stop twinging until Mingi’s teeth were sinking in to crush it.   
  
\--------------------   
  
His mind felt much more clear the next morning, although his body still felt achy and leaden. It took him a while just to lift up an arm. He curled it around Mingi, who was sleeping beside him with a careful distance between their bodies. The warmth of his skin soothed him.    
  
The alpha stirred immediately, exhausted eyes flickering open and fixing on Seonghwa.    
  
“Hyung,” his sleep-thick voice managed. “What do you need? Lemme get it for you.”   
  
“Medicine. And water,” he hummed, stroking the alpha’s bicep.   
  
Mingi slid out of bed with a groan and long stretch, t-shirt riding up and back popping. Seonghwa listened to him stumbling and rustling around and opened his eyes again when he felt the mattress dip beside him.    
  
“Thanks, Mingi-ah.”   
  
“It’s nothing.”   
  
Sitting close, Mingi stared at him as he chased each pill with water.    
  
“You’re giving me those intense puppy eyes of yours, again.”   
  
The alpha looked away. “They’re just my normal eyes…”   
  
“They make it hard to think straight.”   
  
Mingi didn’t say anything, just stared at the bedcover. Seonghwa caught his chin to make him look at him again. “I didn’t say I didn’t like them.”   
  
The alpha frowned and took Seonghwa’s wrist, pushing his hand away.    
  
“Don’t talk to me this way.”   
  
“What do you mean?”   
  
“You shouldn’t talk to me kindly. You shouldn’t talk to me at all.”   
  
Seonghwa sighed. “You don’t make that decision for me, Mingi. I have no problem with you so I’m going to continue doing what I want.”   
  
“Do you just not care if you die?!” The words snapped out with a cold, growling edge, making Seonghwa lean away as the hair on his neck stood up.   
  
“ _ Mingi! _ Calm down.”   
  
With a furious movement the alpha tore the blankets and sheets away from Seonghwa, leaving him in just a pair of boxers.    
  
Even he wasn’t quite prepared for the sight, and bit into his lip to keep from gasping.   
  
There were stark purple-blue handprints around his upper thighs and splotching his lower belly. His injured side was a map of magenta and violet. There was surely more to see elsewhere on his body, but he didn’t necessarily want to.    
  
He met Mingi’s eyes.    
  
“You would never let it kill me,” he protested, speaking slow and calm. “You didn’t even let it bite me.”   
  
The alpha gave an angry laugh. “But you were begging me to bite you last night.”   
  
Seonghwa blinked as the memory swam back to him. The past day (or two? three?) were a haze. But it actually didn’t change how he felt about the matter. The choice was something he had already started to decide even before being sick.    
  
“Yes. I want that. But from  _ you _ , not the wolf.”   
  
He didn’t know what reaction he expected from the alpha, but it wasn’t the way Mingi let out a broken sob and clapped his hand over his eyes, too late to hide the tears that slipped down his cheeks.    
  
“Oh, Mingi, baby, come here...” Numb to any protest in his body, Seoghwa sat up on his knees, pulling Mingi into him. The alpha didn’t resist, letting himself be gathered close, kissed, stroked.   
  
“Shhh, it’s okay. It’s okay. You’re so much stronger than it, Mingi. Don’t give up, now. I will do anything to help you. There’s no pain bad enough to change my mind.”   
  
His reassurances only hurt the alpha more.


	31. drifting

“You want to do what?”

“I want to get a mating bite. From Mingi.”

“You are really losing your mind, now.”

“No. Listen. That’s practically what the wolf tried to do to us already, isn’t it? It’s like it just didn’t finish the job.” Seonghwa nuzzled Hongjoong, breathing deep from where his scent was strongest at his neck. 

It would be a shame to have that part of them destroyed. After doing more research he knew they wouldn’t lose their personal scent altogether. There were other places in their body where it was generated. But it wouldn’t be as strong. And their scent could even change afterwards.

“Do you really think we should be encouraging that? It could be dangerous.”

“I think it will be alright. I don’t plan on frolicking with strange wolves or doing anything that would get him riled up beforehand. If anything it could have the opposite effect.”

Hongjoong heaved a sigh, rubbing at the space between his eyebrows. The way his gaze was cast aside told Seonghwa he was actually thinking about it, mulling the idea over in his head. He knew as desperate as he himself was for ideas, his head alpha was probably even moreso.

It had been more than two weeks since Mingi’s last slip. Since then nothing new had happened.   
  
Life was falling back into a normal rhythm. He didn’t see Wooyoung or Jongho quite as often as classes had started up, again. Hongjoong eventually grew comfortable enough to leave Seonghwa alone and return to his longer work hours. Unfortunately.   
  
Seonghwa couldn’t help but notice that Mingi never went with him, leading him to wonder if the work on the mix tape the rapper was doing had stalled. Mingi wasn’t very talkative, although both Seonghwa and Yeosang tried their best to coax him into conversation whenever they could.

Yeosang had never asked Seonghwa about anything pertaining to that night. Most of his packmates didn’t; but all the same it hung in the air afterwards like a heavy net, tangling around them, pressing down. Whether it was something they could smell, or see (as much as Seonghwa tried to hide it, it was too easy for a bruise to peek out from his clothes, or a stab of pain catch him unawares), or somehow just pick up the disturbance with a sixth sense-- they knew. 

Yeosang was suddenly always home, always nearby Mingi, if not exactly in the same room with him. He explained to Seonghwa he wanted a break from modeling and the unwanted ogling of students who had other things besides art studies on their minds. And he seemingly had no interest in doing anything else in place of modelling, leaving him with more time than usual on his hands. But it was obvious what his motivation was. Yeosang tried not to be intrusive. Being a solitary person himself, he probably didn’t love always dogging Mingi’s steps, anyway, but wherever Mingi was, Yeosang wasn’t far. Seonghwa at first was worried the alpha would get annoyed by the omega’s increased presence and what it implied, but it did not seem to bother him one way or another.

And to Seonghwa, Yeosang was the proof that they didn’t have to fear Mingi. If the alpha could cuddle the hotly shivering, moaning omega in the deepest throes of his heat without laying a finger on him, what should they have to fear?

Jongho in the meantime had gone to his first appointment to learn more about transitioning away from his omega biology. Seonghwa had asked him if he’d wanted company, but the alpha had seemed too uncomfortable to have anyone else there with him, at least this time. However, when he returned home, he seemed more cheerful than Seonghwa had seen him in a long time, giggling with his packmates over nonsense, eyes sparkling like an anime character's. Seonghwa couldn't wait to see him grow even more and more comfortable in his own skin as his transition progressed. While the changes might not ever be night and day, he could tell that even the slightest change would be monumental to their sweet young alpha.  
  


Sanie was his constant little ray of sunshine, always happy to accompany Seonghwa for an errand or for coffee or whatever he was doing, at least until Wooyoung came home and San attached to him like a limpet. Seonghwa even bought the omega a sketchbook and pencil set that had caught his eye at a craft store, and from then on San would sit relatively quietly and draw if they went out to lunch or a cafe, filling the pages with illustrations that Seonghwa was honestly impressed with. San loved when he praised him for each new sketch he came up with, always bending his head towards him expectantly for a pet.   
  
The more Seonghwa got to know the omega, the more he realized how he was more capable at just about everything than one would guess- whether it was helping Wooyoung cook or shadowing one of Yunho’s dance classes and getting the choreography perfect after just a couple tries, or learning useless little things from Seonghwa like how to make a bed without leaving a single wrinkle or fold a shirt into a perfectly crisp square.

Wooyoung on the other hand was his little terror, alternating between making his life hell and bullying him at every turn, only to whip around and smother him with affection. It was different now, though. The bullying took on a whole different flavor when it was coming from a place of love, rather than loathing. 

Yunho was in high demand for his dance workshops, as usual, and had even started working on choreography for a rising Kpop group’s new title track. When he wasn’t at work he was always home, attentive and ready for anything or anyone that might need help. He was always the first to help with a chore, no matter how much everyone else avoided it; Always the last to sleep (besides Hongjoong, of course), as if he couldn’t relax until everyone else was resting safely.  
  
Although he never showed it, Seonghwa could only imagine how stressful it was to be on alert all the time. And aside from sometimes indulging in playing video games sometimes with the younger packmates, Seonghwa wasn’t sure the alpha ever did anything for himself. Which is why Seonghwa kidnapped him and forced him on an overnight road-trip date to the coast. The alpha was _very_ appreciative, to put it politely, and had more than one occasion to relieve any pent up stress while they were together.

  
  


It was that _lack_ of appreciation from another of his alphas that had Seonghwa waiting in Hongjoong’s room, for him to return from work. He had just dozed off to sleep when he heard the door click open. Hongjoong flicked a lamp on, leaving Seonghwa blinking softly as he adjusted to the light.   
  
The alpha looked so handsome in tattered denim and a dark beanie, spiky piercings bristling along his ears and a stud even in his eyebrow and in his lower lip, dark makeup smudged around his eyes.   
  
Hongjoong jumped when he saw Seonghwa, not expecting him.   
  
“Oh! God, you surprised me. You’re still awake?”   
  
“Mmhmm. Even more awake, now that you’re here.”   
  
Hongjoong snorted and let his bag drop with a pronounced thud to the floor, heading over to the bed. “Flirting, huh?”   
  
Seonghwa shrugged one shoulder. “Why not? You look really nice, seems like a waste not to flirt.”   
  
Hongjoong pulled his jacket off and slid onto the bed beside him, fingers grazing up Seonghwa’s torso.   
  
“How are you feeling?”   
  
“I’m completely fine, Hongjoong.”   
  
The alpha gave a skeptical hum, his lush lips pouting.   
  
Seonghwa tugged off his clean white t-shirt and lounged back on a hill of pillows, letting Hongjoong peruse his body for himself.   
  
“Pants, too,” the alpha murmured the order, his pupils wide and dark already.   
  
Seonghwa slowly pushed his pants down his long legs, showing off his smooth thighs, no bruises to be seen.   
  
The alpha trailed his fingers down his body, exploring. But besides that he made no further move, causing Seonghwa to frown. He sat up straight, taking Hongjoong’s chin between his thumb and finger and bringing his lips to his for a kiss.   
  
“What are you thinking about?” He wondered, although he had a guess.   
  
Hongjoong didn’t answer. And didn’t really try to kiss him back.   
  
“How can I make you not think about it?” Seonghwa sighed, pulling Hongjoong’s beanie off and smoothing his lank fringe from his eyes. “How can I convince you I’m okay?”   
  
Looking more skeptical than ever, Hongjoong grabbed a small decorative pillow and swatted Seonghwa’s side with it.   
  
“Owww! What the hell…” Seonghwa curled a protective arm around his side.   
  
_Okay, so maybe the rib was still tender._   
  
“Ugh, fine. But other than that I’m okay.” The lightest of smiles touched his lips. “Yunho and I didn’t have any trouble working around it.”   
  
Hongjoong’s eyebrow twitched up. “Are you trying to make me jealous, now?”   
  
“No,” Seonghwa said. “We both know you’re not the type.”   
  
With his alpha being withdrawn and surly, Seonghwa changed tactics. He pulled Hongjoong off balance so he landed on his back amongst the pillows, making room for Seonghwa to take his place between his legs and work his fly open.   
  
His alpha didn’t protest much after that, although he kept moaning his name out plenty.   
  
That’s how he ended up wound around a much more relaxed alpha, cuddling him and giving lazy kisses to whatever peek of skin he could find- a shoulder, a wrist, his neck and cheek, and of course his soft pouty lips, having fun teasing his piercing with the tip of his tongue.   
  
Warm and cozy with him, he ended up feeling daring enough to bring up some sensitive subjects, including his wish to have Mingi give him a mating bite.   
  
“We shouldn’t just do _nothing_ , Hongjoong,” he protested softly.   
  
“Nnnh.”   
  
“Don’t sleep, now.” Seonghwa complained, shaking his shoulder.   
  
“Isn’t our appointment tomorrow?”   
  
“Wow, you remembered.” Truth be told, Seonghwa had had a second motive for waiting up for Hongjoong. The family therapy appointment he had vowed to make was the next day, and although he had sent the alpha a text with the date and time, he hadn’t heard a single thing about it from him since.   
  
“See? So we’re not doing _nothing_ .” Hongjoong pointed out.   
  
“Would you be mad if he gave me one? A mating bite?”   
  
One of the reasons he hadn’t pressed Mingi about it further since then was genuine concern about how their head alpha might feel about the matter. It’s true he wasn’t possessive or strict with them, but even the most mellow head alpha had to have their limits.   
  
“I just don’t see the point.”   
  
Seonghwa blinked at him. “What do you mean, don’t see the point?”   
  
_Wasn’t the point obvious, after everything they’d seen and been through?_   
  
The alpha sighed and turned in his arms, facing away from him.   
  
Seonghwa matched his sigh and followed him, gathering Hongjoong back against his chest. If the alpha wanted to pout that was fine, but he wasn’t going anywhere.   
  
“What do you want to happen, alpha?” He finally asked after mulling over his words.   
  
“I want us to all be happy and healthy and safe.”   
  
“You don’t think we are?”   
  
His silence was his answer.   
  
“Have you talked to Mingi since?” He already knew the answer, of course. Yeosang had asked Mingi the same thing, and then later let Seonghwa know how depressed the alpha seemed to be left without any sort of guidance, advice, or even some sort of consequence from their head alpha. Anything would be less painful than being ignored.   
  
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to him. Or what he wants to hear.”   
  
“I don’t think there’s a right answer to that, Hongjoong. It depends on what you’re feeling. And what _you_ want.”   
  
Hongjoong turned back around, facing Seonghwa. Seonghwa leaned his forehead against his and slid an arm beneath Hongjoong’s head to cushion him.   
  
“I want to take care of my pack.” Seonghwa felt the alpha’s fingers slide up the small of his back, rubbing circles. “But it’s very hard for me to deal with the fact that one of my pack has hurt - _keeps_ hurting- his own pack. And I think that’s a reasonable concern for me to have. I haven’t talked to him because I haven’t yet decided what I’m prepared to say.”   
  
Seonghwa was taken aback. Because he himself had brushed off the attack, because he had gone out of his way to reassure the alpha that everything was okay, that Mingi was doing better even with this temporary slip, he had practically expected Hongjoong to pardon him. But, now that he thought about it, wasn’t that selfish? After all, it was Hongjoong that Mingi had targeted first, with a shocking and sudden fierceness. If Seonghwa hadn’t been there...   
  
Either way, to find out that Hongjoong was pondering consequences deeper and more painful than Seonghwa had imagined was a sobering reminder that Hongjoong wasn’t just a pushover; he was taking his position as their head alpha seriously, and he was growing close to the end of his rope.   
  
“If that’s what you want to try, so be it.” Hongjoong suddenly said. “But if there’s one more incident, it’s over.”   
  
Seonghwa swallowed. “Fine.” He rolled over, pinning Hongjoong beneath him. His hand slid into the neck of his shirt, fingers smoothing along the faint scars on his chest and shoulder. “But you need one, too, since he’s possessive of you.”   
  
He kissed the spot on the alpha’s neck where the bite would probably go, opening his mouth to suck at his skin, making him moan. “I know you don’t really want to let him go. So help me give him this chance, _please_ ? ”   
  
Of all the things Hongjoong murmured and sighed the rest of the night, he never said ‘no’.   
  
\--------------------   
  
“It’s going to be fine, Mingi. It’s just the boring, talking kind of therapy. Nothing medical about it. No touching, no tests,” as Seonghwa and Hongjoong and Mingi pulled on their coats and winter clothes, anticipating snow showers, he noticed Mingi looking pale and moving slowly. He looked like he might be sick. Or suddenly bolt to freedom.   
  
Seonghwa could only sympathize. He couldn’t imagine what the word ‘ _therapy’_ could mean to Mingi anymore. One of the last treatments touted as a form of “therapy” for him ended up being a heartless organization using him as a guinea pig for their own gain, uncaring of how inhuman their “treatments” were and accomplishing absolutely nothing in the meantime.   
  
“It’s only about 45 minutes. Then we can go to breakfast after.” He opened the front door and held out his hand for him to take. “Come on, puppy.”   
  
Mingi let out an exasperated sound between a sigh and a growl, but plopped his hand into Seonghwa’s anyway. “I don’t like when you do that, hyung. I’m not a puppy.”   
  
“You’re not a puppy, yet you always listen so well when I call you my puppy, don’t you?” Seonghwa pointed out, tickling beneath Mingi’s chin.   
  
Hongjoong rolled his eyes, lip curled. “Ughhh. Let’s go before I throw up, please.”   
  
\--------------------   
  
“I’m going to be honest with you.” The therapist lowered her glasses off her nose and folded her hands together, looking towards the door of her office in a worried way. Whatever she was about to say was obviously against her better judgement, and she was concerned at the idea of someone overhearing.   
  
“I don’t think Mr. Song’s condition is _completely_ unknown.”   
  
Seonghwa’s eyes went wide as he looked askance at Mingi and Hongjoong, seated on the couch beside him.   
  
He had hoped the therapist would give them some general good advice, maybe some coping exercises for Mingi to try when he felt out of control, or some ideas of what he or Hongjoong could do to help him in those moments, or even how to cope with what had _already_ happened- but after giving the therapist a breakdown of the key details of their situation, there had come a recognition that sparked in her eyes.   
  
Seonghwa was literally at the edge of his seat as he listened. But his eagerness soon gave way to a frown.   
  
“Unfortunately, there’s not currently any sort of treatments or structure in place to help with your unique challenges.”   
  
“What do you mean?” Seonghwa asked.   
  
She sighed. “There’s no name for your diagnosis. It’s not even officially recognized in our field, as far as I know.”   
  
Seonghwa _felt_ the tension that went through Hongjoong’s body like a shock of electricity.   
  
“How the hell does that work? _Obviously_ it’s a real condition. You can’t just _disbelieve_ it out of existence.” Hongjoong’s words streamed out in a furious growl, even making the therapist shift a half inch back in her chair, angling her body away from him. Seonghwa would have given him a reassuring squeeze, but Mingi was plopped between them, listening quietly, lips parted and eyes big as he hung on her every word.   
  
“I know you have no reason at this point to trust me, Mr. Kim. And perhaps I shouldn’t have said anything. But as you were telling me your story it reminded me of something I read in a colleague’s paper once. What stood out to me is the way the patient and their close family members insisted that the patient was almost possessed by another entity altogether, with accounts of them seeing, smelling, even hearing strange things from the patient when he went into one of his altered states. But as far as I know, it was just their personal accounts, nothing the therapist themself had witnessed.”   
  
Seongha lowered his head. If someone, god-forbid, had been filming him and Mingi… likely all they would have seen was a fellow pack member suddenly and aggressively using him. It would probably look like a crime and not much more.   
  
And he thought of all Mingi’s time at the facility that had been using him, never getting what they wanted despite all their experiments. They were idiots to not have realized the wolf would never come out for whatever outside pressures they had been putting him through. Those attempts to bait him had nothing to do with the wolf’s actual passions and motives. And if the wolf was smart, he likely would not have come out even if they _had_ discovered Mingi’s triggers, realizing from the situation and the environment around him it was nothing more than a trap.   
  
Short of rigging up their entire house with cameras and being purposely reckless with Mingi, taunting him… what evidence would they ever be able to show?   
  
And would he even _want_ that evidence to fall into someone’s hands, having seen the sort of people out there in the world interested in it?   
  
Seonghwa bit his lip, saying nothing, while the therapist continued to talk.   
  
“Additionally, I’m sorry to say that in the case I read about, the patient was dismissed as having schizophrenia. I believe they ended up living in a mental facility to have constant care.”   
  
Seonghwa and Hongjoong put their hands on either of Mingi’s thighs at the very thought, horrified in unison.   
  
“That is what I meant when I said the condition is not recognized. It’s more that it’s merely grouped into another diagnosis altogether, despite its unique presentation. But I really didn’t mean to bring you any alarm. As I said, we may not even be talking about the same thing, here. You would want to see a psychologist, perhaps even a neurologist for more serious testing and treatment. It’s not good to get ahead of yourselves. Anyway, I know we’ve just started to unpack things here but we’re out of time for today. Mr. Song, why don’t you try keeping a journal on you at all times, and use it to jot down what you do day to day. And of course, to record any unusual emotions that you might feel. Make sure you’re getting outside exercise, eating and sleeping healthily. Not only will you feel better, but it will help us eliminate factors that might be working against you without you realizing.”   
  
\--------------------   
  
The car ride home was depressingly silent. The three of them sat in the back together while a chauffeur drove. Seonghwa held Mingi’s hand.   
  
Finally Mingi asked, “Do I have to go to a psychologist now or something?”   
  
“ _No._ ” Seonghwa’s reply was firm and immediate. Hongjoong was silent.   
  
They weren’t going to subject him to more treatments or experimentation only for professionals to refuse to believe the truth, misdiagnose him, and lock him away. Seonghwa wasn’t prepared to put Mingi through that, and Mingi looked far from prepared, either.   
  
He had already been through so much.   
  
“You told me you didn’t used to struggle with this when you were younger, right, Mingi-ah? When you were a child?”   
  
Mingi shook his head. He looked so glum, Seonghwa wanted nothing more but to gather him in his lap and cuddle him, if there was more room. With his free hand, he reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. “Thanks for coming. It’s going to be okay. I’m sorry we didn’t get any better news. You’re gonna be okay, though.”   
  
If anything Seonghwa felt irritated that their session had almost been destructive, casting a pall over everything with the idea of how alone they were in society, and learning the bleak outcome of a similar case.   
  
“Are you hungry?” He asked, remembering his promise to the alpha that they would feed him well afterwards. But Mingi just shook his head again. Not surprising.   
  
He wished Hongjoong would at least say _something_ . The alpha had been disappointingly silent throughout the therapy session, too, seeming to withdraw the longer they sat there. Seonghwa wasn’t sure what was going through his head. Maybe he sensed early on that they wouldn’t exactly get the help they needed here. Not in this case. Mingi’s situation was just so different, so beyond normal understanding… Even the suggestion of keeping a journal seemed useless, when Mingi’s slips were few and far in between, and his main triggers already known by them.   
  
Seonghwa hoped that what he was going to try next would fix everything.   
  
When the car pulled into the driveway, he squeezed Mingi’s hand. He gave Hongjoong a meaningful glance and then looked at the sullen alpha beside him, waiting for him to meet his eyes. “Mingi-ah, will you come to Alpha’s room with me?”   
  
Mingi blinked, deep wrinkles appearing between his brows. Seonghwa leaned in and kissed them. “You have nothing to worry about. We only want to try and help you.”   
  
Hongjoong gave Mingi’s shoulder a soothing pat, his first act of reassurance the entire day.   
  
“Okay.”   
  
Mingi’s fear suffused the back of the car with a hot, smoky scent, impossible to ignore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> worst therapist ever or does the author not know how therapy works, a mystery for the ages...


	32. bite me (kinda nsfw)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: biting, blood, injury :]

“At least we learned something new,” Seonghwa said when they were settled in Hongjoong’s suite of a bedroom.   
  
Although the bedroom windows were heavily curtained, it couldn’t completely stop the midday sunlight from piercing through, throwing golden bars of light all over the room. Seonghwa couldn’t help but think how good the light looked shining on Mingi’s skin and bringing out the fire in his hair.

  
He sat beside him on the end of Hongjoong’s bed, fixing his hair which had gotten mussed when he pulled off his coat and scarf. “Now we know you’re not alone, Mingi. With what happens to you. I’m sure there’s even  _ more _ like you than she mentioned, that haven’t been documented at all. Maybe we could track down others online, talk to them, or-”   
  
“I don’t want to.”   
  
Seonghwa frowned. “Ok, that’s fine…”   
  


Hongjoong, meanwhile, lounged in the chair at his producing desk. He had it swivelled towards the bed, towards them, his legs crossed and body language overall quite unapproachable. He was sipping some brandy from a decanter he had gotten as a gift from some high-class client. Seonghwa knew he hated the taste. But he was taking determined swallows anyway, managing to keep his expression from twisting up.   
  
Seonghwa wasn’t sure what was going through the head alpha’s head, but his mood was strange and dark.   
  
However, Mingi was his focus, now. He could still sense the alpha fretting and kept catching whiffs of his fear.   
  
“C’mere…” He shifted behind Mingi, determined to help him relax. Mingi stiffened at first, as if he didn’t like Seonghwa moving out of his view. But when he started massaging his back and neck, working through countless tight knots, the alpha started to melt. He even let out a cute groan, leaning more and more into his fingers.  
  
“What do _you_ want to do, Mingi-ah?” Seonghwa asked.   
  
He knew what _he_ wanted to try. Rather, what he would like _Mingi_ to try, but the alpha had been so withdrawn he was afraid of forcing him and just making things worse, if he wasn’t careful.   
  
“I wanna do what you want. Bite you,” the alpha answered glumly.  
  
Seonghwa drew in his breath to argue against the alpha’s obvious attempts to please him- but Hongjoong took up the cause first.   
  
“ _No_.” The head alpha’s glass rang like a chime as he slammed it down on his desk. Seonghwa and Mingi both twitched in surprise, turning their attention on him. Hongjoong was eying them both with smoldering focus. His fingertips played with the rim of his glass, turning it in circles.  
  
“I’ve realized I haven’t really been doing my job, as your alpha. I was all too happy to let others do my job for me, to take care of things here, because it was just one less thing I had to worry about.” He ran his tongue across his teeth. Seonghwa wondered at how the petite alpha could make a bulky computer chair look like a throne, the way he lounged back in it with such power.   
  
“I’ve changed my mind since we talked last night, Seonghwa.”  
  
Seonghwa straightened, his hands taking a more protective hold on Mingi.  
  
“What do you mean, Hongjoong?” His voice was low, trying to keep things calm.  
  
Hongjoong pushed up and approached them with a swagger. Seonghwa felt his hackles rise in confusion, his body tensing, ready to spring between Mingi and Hongjoong while his mind tried to process what was actually happening.  
  
“ _I’m_ the head alpha, here. If there’s any biting to be done, I’ll do it.” He sunk his fingers into the bird’s nest of Mingi’s hair, tugging his head back with restrained gentleness. He leaned in close, gazing into Mingi’s eyes unblinkingly.  
  
“And _you_ \- if your wolf gets angry he can just come out and _fight me_. Because I won’t let him take you without fighting for you.” His lips twitched in a bitter smile “It would be easier if I could just expel you. But the more I tried to imagine it, the more I knew it would be impossible. I think I’m a strong person, but I’m not strong enough for that. You mean too much to me.”   
  
His expression softened and he loosened his grip on Mingi’s hair, stroking through his locks, instead. He looked at the alpha for a long sad moment. Seonghwa could only imagine the different thoughts going through his head, but he guessed guilt was a big part of them.  
  
Then his dark, hot eyes snapped over to Seonghwa. And Seonghwa saw that they weren’t all that dark after all. Whether it was a gleam from the sun through the window, or from someplace deeper, his irises gleamed like a ring of molten light.   
  
“And my silly beta. I won’t let you get hurt because I just sit back and let you take charge, doing whatever you want, recklessly. Not anymore. And while I won’t ask you to change the way you medicate your demons, you are a person under the influence and I’m going to treat you as that. Care for you like that. And while I want you to be empowered to be your own person within the pack, you are going to start remembering who _I_ am.”  
  
With every word Hongjoong’s powerful aura seemed to grow, until it filled the bedroom to the brim. Until it was all Seonghwa could feel. The head alpha’s eyes felt like searchlights; his voice -every syllable dripping with Alpha command- was a booming wave in his ears. Even his scent held him fixed in place like a stern hand. Seonghwa wasn’t sure if he was even breathing anymore.   
  
  
Hongjoong, effortlessly, grabbed Seonghwa and separated him from Mingi, pushing him back onto the bed.   
  
“Who am I?” He growled low in the back of his throat, his body looming over his.   
  
“Alpha.”  
  
“Say _more_ ,” Hongjoong ordered, his thumb pressing into Seonghwa’s bottom lip, about to push inside his mouth.   
  
“ _Head_ alpha. _My_ alpha _,”_ he panted, arching uncontrollably as Hongjoong slid his hand down his body and squeezed his hip bone. Then his fingers roved to the small of his back, holding him up in that tight arch, while his mouth kissed his collarbone where it peeked out from his shirt. Seonghwa just wished his whole shirt was off, so he could feel the alpha’s mouth move down his chest.  
  
His mouth moved upwards, instead, tongue lashing through the hollow of his throat, kissing slowly over the point where his pulse fluttered, then moving to the crook of his neck where he could feel his mating gland aching again, waiting. Hongjoong was moving with pure instinct, lips brushing his skin, searching. Seonghwa suppressed a moan and tilted his head, offering that spot up towards him until he felt his hot breath right over the place that was twinging most.  
  
 _“Watch.”_ Hongjoong suddenly looked aside, catching Mingi in his gaze, the edges of his teeth poised right above Seonghwa’s skin. “ _Both of you_ , watch. He’s _ours_. But I claim him for us.”  
  
Seonghwa shivered in anticipation, each word from the alpha tingling its way down his spine. Hongjoong had never used his Alpha voice so much. Or so beautifully.  
  
 _“If you don’t want this, tell me now.”_ The warning tone changed to a private whisper against Seonghwa’s ear, so low he almost missed it over the roar of his own blood. He didn’t even have to think. He wound his arms around Hongjoong’s shoulders and pulled him in.  
  
Seonghwa had just a moment where he caught an alarming whiff of feral scent before Hongjoong’s teeth snagged his attention away. Hongjoong dug his teeth in deep, clenching. Tears sprang up in Seonghwa’s eyes. It hurt. He whined and dug his fingers into the alpha’s back. His teeth went deeper and deeper and it felt like the plunge wouldn’t end. Finally he felt a small inner _burst_ and the throbbing stopped. He gasped for breath, clinging to Hongjoong weakly. His skin felt hot and sticky beneath Hongjoong’s mouth. Fiery pain swept through his neck and chest and down his arm, all the way to his fingertips, flaring with each pulse.   
  
“Don’t you fucking dare.” Hongjoong’s Alpha voice froze the very air around them. Seonghwa tried to look up. Mingi was breathing fast and heavy, the tendons in his neck standing out, his shirt struggling to stay in one piece as it clung to his broad shoulders. His hooded gaze looked deadened, not his own. _  
_ _  
_Hongjoong helped Seonghwa sit up, his hand clamped tight over the bite. Keeping his eye on Mingi, the alpha yanked up a bunch of his sheets and pressed it to Seonghwa’s wound, guiding Seonghwa’s hand to hold them in place. Seonghwa did so numbly, more concerned for Mingi and Hongjoong than he was himself.  
  
Hongjoong grabbed Mingi by the collar and yanked him close. When Mingi gave no reaction, just tense and trembling, Hongjoong leaned in and nuzzled his cheek. Goosebumps swept down Seonghwa’s arms at the growl that left the depths of Mingi’s chest. But Hongjoong didn’t so much as pause.   
  
“He’s ours now, okay?” Hongjoong murmured. “He’s not going anywhere. Taste.” He pressed his lips into Mingi’s, sharing the flavor of the blood that stained them, tasting of destroyed allure to outsiders and of a claiming that couldn’t be undone.  
  
Then Hongjoong started undoing his own shirt, shedding it off his shoulders.  
  
“You wanna be a big, bad-boy alpha? I’ll let you take it out on me.”  
  
Mingi, or whatever was using Mingi, grabbed Hongjoong by the throat.  
  
All Hongjoong did was reach up, trailing his fingertips delicately over the scars Mingi had already left on his body. As if his hand wasn’t clenched around him.   
  
“This is all yours. But you have to ask me for it, first. Beg your head alpha for what you want. You’re not just _taking_ anymore.” His fingers moved to caress the alpha’s cheek. _“_ But first, _let go of me.”_ His Alpha voice again, clear and suppressing.  
  
Seonghwa saw Mingi’s fingers tighten. He had to do something. He wasn’t going to watch Hongjoong die. But he couldn’t move. He could only watch in tense silence, leaned back against the headboard, still clutching the tangle of damp sheets to his neck.  
  
“You’re not Mingi.” Now Hongjoong’s voice was strained, the pitch altered from the tight hold squeezing his vocal cords. “You’re powerless. A ghost.”  
  
Another growl, but twisted in confusion.  
  
“You have always been weaker than him,” the sentence broke off with a stilted, dry cough. “You’re a scavenger that slinks out only when your prey is vulnerable, right?”  
  
Seonghwa felt like it was his own throat that had been released when those unnaturally strong fingers finally uncurled.  
  
“See? Mingi can toss you aside whenever he wants. You must hate that.”  
  
Mingi’s shoulders drew in as he slumped. It was both a change of his posture and a shrinking of his actual mass, but so subtle it left Seonghwa once against doubting his own eyes.  
  
“Alpha. Please. Wanna mate you.”  
  
Hunched even further to keep his height below Hongjoong’s, Mingi nosed beneath his jaw in a submissive gesture, brushing the tender skin there with gentle lovebites. Hongjoong knelt up taller to make room for the giant, settling his arms around him with a self-satisfied smile.   
  
“Ask again,” he said firmly. He didn’t want it to be easy.  
  
“Please, alpha. Can I? I want you to be ours. Like Seonghwa-hyung. Please let me.”  
  
Seonghwa wasn’t sure if it was wholly Mingi speaking, yet. He looked freshly awoken from a dream that hadn’t quite let go.   
  
Hongjoong was already theirs, of course. Seonghwa had never doubted that from day one of meeting him. But it must have been quite a long time since Mingi had believed that, if he’d ever.  
  
The alpha was caught in a vicious cycle where his insecure wolfen side lashed out, only serving to alienate him with guilt. Stranded at the edge of the pack and waiting to be rejected like he felt he deserved, that primitive side of him needed reassurance more than ever, such as a mark he could make and look at and secure his mates against the attention of others all at once.  
  
“Come on.” Hongjoong hugged Mingi and guided his head down to his neck.  
  
Seonghwa lowered his eyes as Mingi bit deep. He wasn’t afraid. But he couldn’t watch.   
  
Just like his own bite, it seemed to go on for far too long.  
  
“Ahh, it’s done, it’s done… _enough.”_ Hongjoong exhaled shakily. Seonghwa opened his eyes to see Mingi looking at his pale and determined Hongjoong, scarlet blood turning dark on his lips, brows pulled together.  
  
“Hongjoong…?” Mingi’s voice wavered. He pressed his sleeve to the bite on his alpha’s neck, stopping the red petals of blood that bloomed from the marks of his teeth.   
  
Hongjoong was calm, collected. “There. Now I’m yours, with no doubt.”  
  
Seonghwa should have expected what Mingi did next.   
  
The sweet alpha pulled at Hongjoong’s back, drawing him even closer. Then he tilted his head aside, presenting the slope of his smooth neck.   
  
Seonghwa lifted the pressure from his bite, touching it gingerly. It didn’t feel like it was bleeding much anymore.  
  
He crawled up beside Mingi, meeting Hongjoong’s eyes for a fleeting instant before drawing Mingi into a kiss, wrapping an arm around him to steady him. Hongjoong’s fingers brushed his as he held Mingi from the other side, nosing the crook of his neck and brushing it with slow, worshipful kisses at first.   
  
When Hongjoong finally bit in, Seonghwa was there to catch Mingi’s shocked cry against his lips. He held the back of his neck, moving his thumb in soothing strokes. “It’s okay, it’s okay…”  
  
As tough as the wolf side of Mingi might be, _their_ Mingi wasn’t that good with pain.  
  
He could feel Mingi doing absolutely everything to keep from flinching away from the bite. His tense body was trembling.   
  
Finally Hongjoong moved away. Their eyes caught each other again as the head alpha leaned back, wiping a trail of blood from his lower lip. Seonghwa could almost _feel_ his own pupils blow wide, looking at him.   
  
“There now, it’s over.”  
  
Mingi gave a whimpery sniffle. It made Seonghwa’s chest ache. He hugged him even closer, rubbing his back.  
  
“I’m proud of you,” Hongjoong reassured him from the other side as he did what he could to tend to his wound. “You barely let that wolf get more than a couple growls out. Seonghwa’s right. You are a lot stronger.”  
  
Mingi raised his head, startled. It was obvious the head alpha’s casual praise had shifted something inside him. His wide-eyed expression had more hope in it than Seonghwa had seen in a long time, even when in his best mood.  
  
Hongjoong must have seen it too, because his frown had a touch of guilt. As if to make up for it, he leaned in for a slow, kneading kiss. That turned into Mingi letting himself fall back into the bed, pulling Hongjoong down with him. The kisses grew more eager.  
  
Seonghwa smirked at them. He wanted to nag at the mess they were making, the danger of not hurrying to treat their wounds. He itched to do some tidying and sanitizing and bandaging. But he held back.   
  
Besides, the two alphas had other plans for him. Hongjoong grabbed him by the arm and pulled him close. Hongjoong was straddled on Mingi’s chest at that point. Mingi’s fingers worked clumsily to undo the head alpha’s pants. He licked his lips in anticipation.   
  
Seonghwa would have been content watching, but Hongjoong took him by the jaw and pulled his mouth to his, kissing him like he’d been longing to for years. His hand reached down between his legs and squeezed his already half-hard cock. He snickered from the back of his throat, smug and knowing. Seonghwa couldn’t help that their head alpha turned him on. He was especially sexy when he showed off how powerful and capable he was, which he had never done as magnificently as tonight.  
  
“This is your fault,” Seonghwa reminded him.  
  
“I’m honored,” Hongjoong purred, sneaking his hand into his underwear.  
  
  
They climaxed with their tongues in each others’ mouths, then with one mind turned their attention on Mingi, both giving and taking from him until he was spent and they were collapsed together, smelling of blood and sex.  
  
Seonghwa let them enjoy the afterglow for about ten minutes before hauling himself out of bed to go get the first aid kit, moving carefully to listen for the other members. He wasn’t quite ready to explain things to them yet. It hadn’t escaped him that the reactions would be mixed, confused, with perhaps a heaping serving of hurt thrown in until things could be straightened out.  
  
He wasn’t the only one thinking about that, either. As he dabbed stinging peroxide to Mingi’s neck, Mingi mumbled: “Yeosang, too.”  
  
“Hmm?” Hongjoong, already patched up, was stripping the sheets off his bed.  
  
“I want Yeosang to have one too. To be safe,” Mingi admitted, swallowing hard.  
  
Hongjoong sighed, going about his task. “Well… I never thought we’d be the sort of pack to have mating bites. But since that’s how it wound up, it’s only fair everyone has the chance. If they want.”  
  
“Hyungs should do it. I don’t want to.” Mingi pouted.  
  
Seonghwa finished securing his bandage into place and smoothed his hair back from his forehead, giving his brow a kiss.  
  
He almost said, _‘Hyungs will take care of everything, don’t worry’-_ but the memory of Hongjoong’s alpha voice thrilled through him. Hongjoong had commanded him to remember his place. To not always do whatever he wanted.   
  
In that case, he shouldn’t make promises for the head alpha, especially for something like this. He waited for Hongjoong to answer, instead.  
  
“I was the only bite you’re allowed to give, Mingi. No more. It’s not your place.”  
  
“Yes, alpha.” Even with the light chiding, his voice was full of relief.   
  
So now, they were all marked. Mated, as some would say. Hongjoong was stepping up, asserting his authority and making promises to be a more attentive leader to his pack. Seonghwa didn’t know if these changes would guarantee anything. But he felt good about them, and the lightness of the soft smile on Mingi’s lips seemed to say he felt the same. 


	33. spring break pt. I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> agh, missed my new minimum-1-update-a-week schedule by like ten mins. fuk ;-; i sowwy
> 
> it took me a while to even recalibrate and know what to do after the last chapter. we've just come so far, wow. 
> 
> i thought it was time for the boys to have some fluffy (and maybe sexy ?? ) bonding time before shit starts hitting the fan again, so i hope you enjoy the official spring break arc.

Although he and Hongjoong had been the ones to suggest travelling by SUV instead of plane, Seonghwa was grateful the road trip wasn’t going to be any longer than six hours.    
  
After being relieved from driving for Hongjoong to take his turn, he somehow wound up smushed in the corner of the back row. He had hoped to relax and stretch his legs some after spending two straight hours driving, but there was considerably less space here than the front two rows, and he had to tuck his feet beneath the seat in front of him just to keep his legs from completely cramping up.   
  
Still, at least the cushy leather seats were comfortable and heated, and there were plenty of customizable air vents so that everyone could have the air temperature of their choice blowing into their face. He really had no room to complain.   
  
Even when Wooyoung had started using him as his own personal pillow within the first two minutes of joining him and San in the back.    
  
At first he feigned exasperation, wiggling his shoulder to playfully dislodge him. But Wooyoung gave him a stern clap on the chest to be still, mumbling that he only needed a nap for five minutes. The alpha had a bulky camera balanced in his lap, one that looked heavy and expensive and made Seonghwa tense at the thought of a bump in the road sending it to the floorboards. He rested a hand on Wooyoung’s knee, ready to grab the camera if needed- (although Seonghwa could only imagine the alpha probably felt smug, thinking he couldn’t keep his hand off him.)    
  
Wooyoung had chatted the past couple days on how he was going to turn their family spring break trip into an amazing vlog and edit and shoot everything himself and if any of the others had any good footage he might throw it in as well. Everytime Seonghwa walked past him he was watching camera reviews or editing tutorials or photography tips and tricks. It was cute, and he actually looked forward to what the alpha would come up with, although he didn’t have to know that.   
  
“What part of the vlog is this? Do you think people will be that interested in the back of Mingi’s seat?” He teased the sleepy alpha, taking note of which way the camera lens was pointing.   
  
Wooyoung ignored him. Or was sleeping. Or both. Seonghwa sighed, giving in. He shifted the hood of his jacket so it could pillow the alpha’s head a bit more and then let him be. His eyes strayed to the scar on Wooyoung’s neck, where the edges of Hongjoong’s teeth had left behind deep magenta shadows.   
  
He stroked the mark, barely able to feel anything on the smooth skin. He thought it was almost lovely how each of their scars looked a bit different. From Wooyoung’s like sunset shadows falling across his skin in fretted patterns, to Yunho’s which Seonghwa sometimes didn’t even notice until Yunho had cause to blush for any reason, causing a soft pink to suffuse his scars with color.    
  
Strangely, the larger scars Seonghwa had gotten from Mingi’s first slip seemed to suddenly get a burst of healing and were more faded than ever, the texture even smoothing out. He had noticed the same on Hongjoong.   
  
It had been two, no, was it three(?) months since Hongjoong and Mingi and Seonghwa first started the chain of mating bites. It was unsurprising that when the three of them had set the rest down and explained what they had done and why they had done it and invited the others to partake if they chose, there were immediate and eager pledges to join them. They all wanted that sense of belonging to each other, to the point that even when it was escalated to a borderline taboo level there was no hesitation.    
  
Seonghwa, with Hongjoong’s agreement, took charge of making sure precautions were in place, wanting to make it more safe than their somewhat spur of the moment bites in bed.    
  
Although it made the act of biting feel more clinical, less impassioned, it was safer for all of them. Seonghwa even discovered that there was a release form you could fill out and turn in at the pharmacy stating your intention to give or receive a mating bite (despite the opposing opinions of medical professionals) and they would deliver a week’s worth of antibiotics for each pack member undergoing the procedure to make sure no infection set in. Infection was a rare adverse effect, but Seonghwa didn’t want to take any more risks with them, and made sure he and Mingi and Hongjoong received a course as well.    
  
Although both Wooyoung and Yeosang had cheerfully informed him it reminded them of some sort of cult ceremony, Seonghwa looked back at the night everyone got their bites fondly. They did it in Hongjoong’s room, lounging on his bed and in chairs, wherever there was room. Seonghwa turned on soothing piano music and lit a multitude of candles that gave off a rainy, herbal scent. Except for a small table lamp, the candles were all they used for light.    
  
They drank first, passing around a few bottles until they’d had enough to feel warm and relaxed but still think clearly. Seonghwa laid out big towels in the center of the bed to avoid throwing out a second set of heinously expensive sheets in less than a month. And then one by one, Hongjoong helped them get comfortable, made sure they were okay, that they still wanted this, and took care of the bite as mercifully as he could. The only rough moment was with Yeosang, the last one. Everything was going about the same as those before him, but in the middle of Hongjoong sinking his teeth in Yeosang let out a mournful groan and pulled at the back of his hair. “No, not quite…”    
  
Yeosang had felt through the alignment of the alpha’s teeth that it wasn’t going to work. With almost expert efficiency Hongjoong immediately shifted his teeth’s hold and bared down again, getting it right. But Seonghwa had seen how it had shaken the alpha and omega both. They both looked pale afterwards and Hongjoong so earnestly wanted to stay close to him and keep an eye on him that Seonghwa literally had to physically tug him away to give Yeosang space to breathe. Yeosang kept a brave face and wouldn’t accept any of the alpha’s apologies, explaining it was no big deal and there was nothing to apologize for and even if he had known beforehand it would happen like that, he would have still taken his bite.   
  
He was always like that: the only thing that bothered him more deeply than his own personal anxieties and melancholy was the thought that a pack mate could be feeling bad because of him. Seonghwa had never once seen him complain (except jokingly) since that early day in the bathroom, during his heat. And this was no exception.   
  
However, the situation was diffused when Wooyoung intervened, pretending to be some sort of judge or mediator between them. He made Hongjoong promise to hand-deliver chicken to Yeosang’s room every night that week and rewatch all the Iron Movies with him, as well.    
  
Hongjoong was quick to agree, and even though he did so with a little laugh, Seonghwa knew he would follow it to the letter. And he did.   
  
Once everyone had taken the bite and Yeosang was given as much extra tlc as he would tolerate, they drank more and toasted their new bond and Hongjoong told them how proud he was of them and renewed his promise that he was going to be there more for them.    
  
He had already started coming home earlier from work. Even if it was just to hole himself up in his bedroom and continue working remotely, it was enough. There was something simple yet satisfying about being able to just walk down the hall and see him, bring him an iced coffee or tea or a snack, maybe kiss his temple half to tease him and half just because. There was a feeling in the house like everyone was finally where they were supposed to be.   
  
  
After a couple months of adjusting to this new schedule, Seonghwa suspected that Hongjoong was grudgingly learning to enjoy and even prefer it, despite what extra stress from work it might bring; but Seonghwa was caught by complete surprise when the head alpha announced to everyone at dinner that they would go on a family vacation during spring break.   
  
After hearing each of their different input, he came back a day later with a fully booked trip to a mountain town south of Seoul. It wasn’t far from the beach for those who wanted to visit the seaside, although the weather would still be chilly; but in the meantime there were beautiful mountains to hike in a national park, historical sites to visit, and lodging at a rustic hot springs resort that shared their hillside property with a real temple still in use by a small community of monks.   
  
There had been grumbling here and there about how it would be nice to be somewhere tropical for spring break, how there would be no trendy places to shop or nightlife to have fun at; but Hongjoong showed them some photos of the beautiful landscapes and buildings and no more complaints came. That’s when Wooyoung found his sudden inspiration to turn everything into a vlog, eager to capture the aesthetic shown in the photos.   
  
Before Seonghwa knew it, the time had come and they were stuffing every square inch of the trunk with their suitcases and piling into the seats, bickering about who should sit where and who was driving first. They were only halfway down the driveway when San suddenly yelled that he had forgotten the bear plush that Yunho had bought him and he needed it badly. After that small rescue mission, they were off.

\---------------

  
Seonghwa drove first. After clearing the city, the landscape turned to an endless canvas painting of golden brown and grey, dry and stripped still from the winter. He wondered at how in children’s learning books “spring” was always expressed with fresh greenery and new flowers bursting open to a warm sun- yet here they were, on “spring” break, and the air was still quite cold and the sky slate gray with clouds. They were supposed to have a few warmer days where maybe only a light jacket would suffice, but he could already tell the vibrant green hills and fields from Hongjoong’s pictures of their destination would not quite be their experience.   
  
He didn’t mind, though. He was content to be with his pack, no matter where they were.    
  
They pulled over at a big, busy rest stop with a food court for a late breakfast. Seonghwa felt like a teacher taking a class on a field trip, trying to corral everyone and get them fed. On one hand he knew they were full grown adults, yet without fail he had both Mingi and San approaching him within minutes, whining that they had forgotten their credit cards at home and needed help paying.   
  
Hongjoong had rolled his eyes and without having to say a word they split up to get their two pack members paid for, Seonghwa picking up the pace into an awkward running shuffle when Mingi nonchalantly informed him the cashier was currently holding up the line, waiting for his return.   
  
They almost made it through the meal incident free until Mingi made a sweeping gesture to go along with a point he was making and knocked Yeosang’s full milkshake out on the table. Yunho saved about half the milkshake with his quick reflexes, while Jongho, Wooyoung and San channeled their inner bratty brothers to give Mingi a hard time, but Seonghwa’s attention was all on Yeosang’s reaction. He watched the way Yeosang patiently used a napkin to dab some stray milkshake from Mingi’s fingertips; the way he patted his head and explained it’s okay, he just didn’t realize his arms would stretch that far, and told him to carefully run and grab some extra napkins so they could clean up. Once that was done, he encouraged him to finish the last part of his story that he was so excited to share, wanting him to still be heard.    
  
Mingi listened and followed his directions every step of the way. Watching Mingi lean in and nuzzle the mating mark on Yeosang’s neck, (the mark having healed so nicely that one could barely see the bite marks from Hongjoong’s first miscalculation) Seonghwa couldn’t help but think that if  _ he _ were the one talking to Mingi that way, the rapper would growl at him for being treated like a puppy.   
  
But Seonghwa didn’t mind this, either. They were happy. They made each other stronger.   
  
He had the same thought when watching Jongho subtly exchanged flirtations with a cute omega that had sashayed up to him in front of a Panda Express. Even if he had no intentions of turning the flirtations into anything, the fact that a lovely omega had been drawn to him brought a glow to their youngest pack mate, a boost of delighted confidence that Seonghwa could make out even from the other side of the food court. His changes since his secondary gender therapy had been subtle, but absolutely perfect for him. Seonghwa could see him turning into the alpha he was meant to be. Jongho had already been strong and capable, his build comfortingly solid, but something had definitely shifted not just in his scent but in his energy and the way his muscle filled out his body that was pure alpha- and people around him noticed.   
  
“Wow, I wish I knew how to get omegas to throw themselves at my feet like that,” Yunho said, clapping Jongho on the shoulder as they walked to the car.   
  
“Sorry hyung, it’s just something you’re born with.” They grinned at each other and Yunho grunted as San suddenly jumped at his back, demanding to know why Yunho needed omegas at his feet when he could have one on his shoulders instead.   
  
As for Wooyoung, he was so busy filming everyone and everything that his normal scathing comments and chatter were cut in half, which was sometimes a blessing, sometimes a distraction Seonghwa missed as the driving seemed to stretch on endlessly.   
  
After the foodcourt, though, Seonghwa had told Hongjoong he could drive for the entire trip by himself, he didn’t mind. Hongjoong dismissed him with a  _ “no” _ and a  _ “it’s not good to drive that long, haven’t you heard of ‘driving fatigue’?” _   
  
The head alpha had kept to his word about stepping up as their head alpha and giving Seonghwa special consideration due to how he medicated himself. He made sure Seonghwa wasn’t taking on more than his fair share of household tasks. Or bearing circumstances that he shouldn’t have to bear, or taking less-than-respectful treatment from the rest of the pack simply because he didn’t feel hurt or embarrassment or any of the wide variety of negative emotions one could go through day to day. Hongjoong became the voice of the emotions Seonghwa didn’t have. If he should be hurt or offended at something that was said or happened, Hongjoong was affronted on behalf, and took actions to rectify it if needed. Moments that Seonghwa would have just shrugged at and let go Hongjoong didn’t allow to slip past so easily, sternly reminding the pack that they wouldn’t have done or said the same thing to someone  _ not _ on hypneros, and that’s the behavior they should hold themselves to. Seonghwa was a human, too.   
  
Of course, these moments were very few and far between. His pack was overall good-hearted and they seemed to have an affection for him. They might speak or act without thinking here or there, but that’s something that could happen to anyone. Just as he couldn’t feel any offense over the mistakes in the first place, he also couldn’t hold grudges afterwards.   
  
  
Yunho took over the last leg of the driving, and Hongjoong invited Seonghwa to take the passenger seat. As they drove up into gold hills and through forests of bare trees, Yunho reached over and covered his hand with his. Yunho’s hands were always smooth and just warm enough to be pleasant and not uncomfortable. At first he just played with the obsidian ring Seonghwa had decided to wear (eyes still locked on the road, of course), making Seonghwa think that perhaps he was bored; but then he laced those long graceful fingers between his and kept them like that until they pulled into a stone courtyard in front of one of the biggest traditional buildings Seonghwa had ever seen. The closest structure he could relate it to was a large palace from a historical kdrama, including a second building to the side that must be the temple.    
  
Hongjoong chose that moment to announce from the middle row of seats: “Did I mention there’s no TV here?”   
  
Yunho did a fine job navigating the van into a safe parking spot, completely tuning out the shrill yelling and shocked gasps of disbelief and threats to smother the head alpha with Sanie’s plush bear.   
  
Spring break was officially beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sad fact no one asked for: after the bite went awry, yeosang was too shaken to let mingi (or anyone else for that matter) touch/cuddle with him for like a week, but he would jump in front of a train before let hongjoong know dat :(
> 
> btw if u ever have any sort of questions or want to have more information about a certain part or character or something, you can always leave a comment or reach out to me on twitter. My @ is pupteez. I'm on priv so u have to follow. If I don't accept your follow request within 72 hours comment or dm me, please. No minors thxxx :B


	34. spring break pt. II (nsfw)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive nothing to say except since last update i decided that Hongjoong's official theme song for this fic is "Just One Yesterday" by Fall Out Boy & Foxes. thank u

Between the four suites they had booked, they had an entire corner of the huge inn to themselves. There was no assigned occupancy in mind when Seonghwa and Hongjoong had booked everything, so as they checked in and carried or pulled all their luggage inside, the negotiations for who got what began.    
  
All the rooms were airy and light, with smooth wooden floors the color of beach sand and delicate sliding doors that looked like they could be displaced with a solid punch. Each room had a low traditional tea table and tasteful sofa of black carved wood. The beds were in a small side bedroom off the main space, in the form of thick feather pads that could be folded up and put away each morning. 

There were private bathrooms for each room, an inconspicuous space heater, a mini fridge crafted to look like it too was crafted from wood, and a basket of fresh traditional pastries and snacks for them to pick through.

Seonghwa was satisfied as he walked through the rooms, feeling it would be a perfect place for them to spend the next five days.

Two of the rooms had an extra set of sliding doors set in the outside wall. Seonghwa slid the doors open. Beyond them laid a private eden, carved right into the rocky hillside that rose up from the backside of the inn. A waft of pleasant steam bathed his face and crept down his collar. When his vision cleared, he couldn’t help the twinge in his chest at the scene. Mere steps away, across smooth stones wet from condensation, was a rock-cradled hot spring of aquamarine water, enclosed with trees and shrubs and wandering leafy vines. Here for the first time he could see the tinges of green and the new buds of spring showing themselves on nature’s golden winter husks, no doubt nourished by the warmth and water. The hot springs was large enough to fit four or five people without jostling each other; but he wouldn’t be surprised if all eight of them were crammed in there at some point in the coming days. 

The thought made the corner of his mouth twitch. 

A hand touched his shoulder. Hongjoong peeked over him at the hot spring. “Well...that looks amazing. I kinda wanna jump in right  _ now _ .”

“Let’s at least find some towels, first,” Seonghwa reasoned, leaving Hongjoong gaping at the doorway.

“The kids gave up on this room, already,” the head alpha turned and informed him. “I guess they  _ do _ have a modicum of respect for their head alpha, now and then.”    
  
Seonghwa watched as Hongjoong left the doorway and tiptoed across the stones, kneeling to brush his fingertips across the water. “Wow, it feels so nice.”

“You deserve the relaxation,” Seonghwa reminded him, sitting down on the austere lounge. 

Hongjoong came back and closed the doors. His bare feet left steamy prints on the wood floor, vanishing in seconds like ghosts. The head alpha was approaching Seonghwa with a look in his eyes he had come to recognize very well.

“I don’t  _ just _ want to relax,” Hongjoong purred.

“I didn’t say you had to,” Seonghwa said, reaching out to hold the alpha as Hongjoong settled on him, straddling his hips. The pose made his pants stretch sinfully tight over his thick thighs. Seonghwa ran his hands up them, fighting back a visible swallow. 

Hongjoong didn’t bother holding back his own reaction. Just the touch to his thighs had him letting out an indulgent groan. 

“Nngh, god… I think it’s been almost two weeks for me.”

“No wonder you’re like this, then,” Seonghwa chuckled, leaning in to worship his neck with some hungry kisses. The alpha sucked in his breath. 

“You were working so hard for us,” Seonghwa murmured against his skin. “Thank you, alpha.”

Although overall his work schedule really was much improved, the producer and fashion designer had temporarily slipped back into old habits for the past couple weeks, making it so Seonghwa hardly saw him. But it was merely so that he could spend this vacation time with them and not have to drag his work along for the journey.   
  
Lately that work was mostly in producing, working on tracks for several different clients at one time. There had been something of a halt on his fashion line. The alpha had tried to shrug it off as some issue with the materials for some of the garments… but somehow Seonghwa knew that the hangup originated with him. Everything had been on schedule until the night Hongjoong had come, like a shy child in an adult alpha’s body, to proudly show him the work he had made with him in mind. 

Seonghwa still had to figure out how to rectify that. Maybe he could encourage him sometime, somehow, this week.

The head alpha had just coaxed Seonghwa’s head up and was sliding his tongue into his mouth when urgent bare feet slapped down the hall towards them. 

Hongjoong was very cutely catlike as his shoulders tensed up and his head swivelled towards the doors. They swung open harder than was appropriate for such intricate architecture, but before Seonghwa could open his mouth to discipline Wooyoung, the alpha yelled “Mingi growled at me and took the other hot spring room even though I was there first!”

Seonghwa’s eyes widened. “Growled at you…?”

Wooyoung blinked at the concern in his voice, then waved his hand dismissively as he made his way through their room to the back doors. “Oh, no, not like that. He just growled like normal and took the room for he and Yeosang, which isn’t fair. Just thought you should know.”

He stopped with his hand on the back door, looking he and Hongjoong up and down. “By the way,  _ wow _ . Aren’t you even gonna unpack, first?”

Hongjoong’s sigh was so miserably long-suffering that Seonghwa hugged him and muffled the sound with an encouraging kiss, giving his shoulder a pat. They had plenty of time. And now that he knew Hongjoong’s urgency, he would try to attend to his needs sooner rather than later.

“I know we discussed that anyone could freely come in and use the hot springs since they’re only in two rooms, but I didn’t think I’d need to mention you still have to knock,” Seonghwa said, coming to the back door to watch Wooyoung pad out to the pool and step right in, finding some sort of step or shallow ledge he was able to stand on without wetting higher than his knee. 

Obviously the alpha’s original complaint didn’t actually bother him that much. Sometimes Wooyoung just had his sensationalist moments for no other reason than to be sensationalist, a hobby he enjoyed. Now, Wooyoung looked content and happy as he took a deep breath of the soothing steam and enjoyed the heat. 

“Damn. Should have brought my camera.”

“Is it different from the springs attached to the other room?” Seonghwa wondered.

Wooyoung snorted. “Dunno. Mingi thought it was hilarious to play keep away so I couldn’t even peek out the doors. He picked me up and threw me on the couch. I could have hit my head and died.”

“Well, I’m glad the reaper spared you this time around. Your stay isn’t refundable.”

Wooyoung turned and aimed a glare at him. But his lips were tight in a grin he couldn’t restrain.

“Who did you end up with, then?” Seonghwa asked, coming out to join him, rolling his pants up to his knees.

The hot water lapped around his calves, so delicious it made him shiver.

“Jongho.”

“Ah.”

“He’s getting way too big. I have to look up at him all the time.”

“You sure he wasn’t always like that?”

Wooyoung jabbed at him with a too-sharp elbow. “It didn’t used to be  _ this _ bad! But he seems happier. That’s good.”

“I agree. So Sanie and Yunho have the other room, then…”

“Mmhmm.”

“Sanie’s heat is close, isn’t it? I brought his suppressants along.”

“He might not want to take them.”

“Yeah… I thought of that.” Although this was Seonghwa’s first time being around San in his heat when they were outside the safety of their house, he could somehow already imagine how that exchange might go. Out of all their omegas, San was, understandably, the only one that actually kind of indulged in his heats. He seemed to have fun clinging and climbing needily all over everyone (except Yeosang, of course) until they indulged him with what his feverish body demanded.

It didn’t take much imagination to envision the slender omega whining  _ “I don’t want iiit,” _ when he offered the suppressants.

And then Seonghwa protesting that he might bother the other alphas in the inn with his heat pheromones, to which Sanie would probably reply:  _ “But that’s their  _ **_own_ ** _ problem,” _ and it would be a downhill battle from there. 

“It’s okay,” Wooyoung interrupted his daydreaming. “Yunho is the best to take care of him.”

Seonghwa wanted to reply with: ” _ You take care of him so well, too, Wooyoung,” _ but perhaps it would only be a cruel reminder of the limits to which he could take care of him.

“When’s dinner time?” The alpha asked, thankfully.

Seonghwa checked his phone. “A few hours still. It’s at seven every night, delivered to our rooms. It’s a set menu. Eat some snacks, in the meantime.”

“Okay. I’m gonna go get settled. Then I might come back and bother you to take photos of the hot springs, so at least use the bedroom if you guys are gonna do things.”

“Roger that.”

  
  


Seonghwa found Hongjoong hanging their clothes in a black wood armoire in the bedroom

“He’s gone. And I figured out how to lock the doors,” Seonghwa hummed, slowly hugging the alpha from behind.

He had to lean in close to catch Hongjoong’s scent these days, but he didn’t mind at all. He tugged at his shirt so his collar would give him access to the scar of his neck. He kissed it and grazed it lightly with his teeth. Hongjoong almost yanked the coat he was hanging right off its hanger. Seonghwa was learning more and more what sensations the alpha was sensitive to. 

Hongjoong let go of the coat and braced himself against the armoire, arching his hips back against Seonghwa, fluid and purposeful.

“Seonghwa…. fuck me.  _ Please _ .”

“You don’t have to say ‘please’, alpha. I want to do whatever you say.”

That might have been the very habit Hongjoong had been trying to break these past couple months, but in this very moment he could only shudder and grind himself back against Seonghwa more. 

Of all the alphas, Seonghwa had realized from early on Hongjoong was the most fluid when it came to sex. Sometimes he needed to fuck, sometimes he needed to  _ be _ fucked, but at the same time he was attentive to what his partner needed and could fulfill either position as needed. Even so, he tended to be more withdrawn and grumpy when that submissive mood hit, as if the impulse was something of a frustration- but the way he was begging him now was anything but shy. 

Seonghwa undid the alpha’s pants and ripped them down below his ass, which strained at his underwear in the same luscious way his thighs had strained at his pants. He gave one of his cheeks a nice meaty smack that took his breath away. Then he reached beneath him and felt his rigid cock already making a wet spot in the front of his underwear. He squeezed and stroked it through the material, refusing to give the alpha the relief of undressing him all the way. Hongjoong tried to frot against his palm, moaning softly.

“Lube?” Seonghwa asked huskily, reaching up beneath Hongjoong’s shirt just so he could trail his fingernails back down his skin, making him quiver. 

“In...my makeup bag…”

“Stay like this. Don’t move a muscle.”

“ _ Hurry. _ ” The attractive tone of Hongjoong’s growl went straight to Seonghwa’s cock, which was quickly outgrowing his pants.

He rifled through Hongjoong’s belongings, finding  _ multiple  _ small bags that could have matched his description, before finally finding what he was looking for. Hongjoong was a good boy in the meantime, remaining resolutely in the same position. His hands were white from the strain of bearing his own weight against the armoire door. He looked so dirty with his clothes disshelved and pants sagging halfway down his thighs. He shifted his stance, rocking some of his weight on his toes and then back to his heel. It made a tendon stand out in his calf. Seonghwa had never realized how attractive a simple calf muscle could be.

“Pull your underwear down,” he ordered impulsively.

The alpha gave a deep, rolling growl, but to Seonghwa’s amusement he reached back with one hand and did as he’d been asked. Seonghwa took a moment to admire the view. He had seen the alpha naked countless times, but usually not this view. His lovely buttocks, pert and full like ripe fruit, couldn’t be better displayed; and between them, the candy-pink hint of his asshole. It was tiny and pretty, just like him. Seonghwa’s dick was throbbing for it. 

“You look like you’re so tight, baby. Even my beta cock might be too much for you,” He hummed, drizzling cold lube between Hongjoong’s cheeks. He used his thumb to gather the gel and rub firm circles against his hole, over and over til he could feel it almost trying to suck at him. “Mmm… you really are desperate, aren’t you, alpha?”

“Sh-shut it with the talk. Just fuck me if you’re going to.”

“I was trying to be romantic…”

“How so??” Hongjoong demanded.

Seonghwa laughed softly, undoing his pants to pull his length out. He was achingly hard, his flared head flushed a dark cherry color.

He slicked himself up and lined himself up with the alpha’s hole. He pushed until his head popped inside him, the alpha letting out a single grunt in response. He leaned into him, sinking in inch by inch.

“Ah… you feel so good,” Seonghwa forgot he wasn’t supposed to talk. But Hongjoong was just so sweetly tight around him, clenching him from all sides, pulsing and wringing as he adjusted to the intrusion. “And since you’re so impatient, I won’t go slow.”

With his fingers gripping Hongjoong’s hipbones and his thumbs digging into each cheek, he drew his cock out completely and then slammed in even deeper, earning another tight grunt from the alpha. He could  _ feel _ Hongjoong holding his breath, tense in every muscle. “Relax,” he soothed, and then started fucking him with a hard and steady pace that filled the room with the sounds of wet, obscene smacking. The armoire creaked but otherwise remained solid, stoically absorbing their energy. Hongjoong’s breath caught up with him, first in a frantic inhale and then in short static bursts released with every thrust. After a few minutes, Hongjoong’s feet shifted uncomfortably. His hands changed their grip. 

“I didn’t say you could move,” Seonghwa pointed out.

Hongjoong cut off a moan by biting into his lip, but went still. 

Seonghwa edged himself against the alpha’s supple inner muscles, chasing that slick friction until he was panting just as desperately as Hongjoong. Abruptly he pulled out, grabbing the base of his cock in a chokehold and gently giving the back of Hongjoong’s ankles a nudge. The alpha got the idea quickly, shuffling his feet forward until he was closer to standing than being bent over. 

His murmur of doubt was cut off when Seonghwa softly bit his shoulder blade and pushed back up inside him, catching him at an entirely new angle. Hongjoong cried out and pushed himself up on his toes reflexively, trying to adjust again. 

“Oh… ah, hyung… please… that’s too deep,”

Seonghwa’s mouth travelled up his back, licking at his nape and grazing his mating scar. His hands stroked his thighs, from the inner softness to the outer curve, hard with tense muscle. 

“Just bear with it, alpha. Mmmn, you feel even tighter, now.”

Hongjoong’s tearful, overstimulated reply was cut off as outside the bedroom, someone banged on the door. No doubt Wooyoung, angry that he’d been locked out of his next filming site. 

“Oh dear, he’ll probably start yelling until we let him in. He knows what we’re doing. Better not let him hear you be so shameless, alpha.” Seonghwa cautioned, fucking into Hongjoong with long, smooth strokes that kept forcing the alpha to lift up on his toes in order to bear it, his shorter height working against him. 

Seonghwa smoothed his hand down to Hongjoong’s lower belly, beneath his navel. His skin was taut and warm. He almost expected to feel the head of his own cock prodding out there. He didn’t feel that, but a few inches south and he found the curve of the alpha’s heavy cock, smearing precum on his palm. 

Predictably, he heard Wooyoung’s muffled voice complaining from the hall. 

“We’d better hurry, alpha,” Seonghwa groaned, sliding almost all the way out before pushing in again. He started doing that for every stroke. It felt so good, the clench getting tighter and tighter the further he pulled out, as if the alpha’s body wanted to refuse him leaving. It must have felt good to the alpha too, for although he was being resolutely quiet, his cock filled out even further and throbbed in warning. 

The sensation pushed Seonghwa over the edge with a long, deep groan, sweat sheening on his temples. Legs shaky and vision blurred from pleasure, he milked himself until he had nothing more to give the alpha’s ass. Then he fell to his knees. He pulled Hongjoong around and managed to suck half the alpha’s cock inside his mouth before he blew, sending thick, hot jizz down the back of his throat in continuous waves. He nearly gagged, but Hongjoong’s strangely cool fingertips stroking his hair back and his gentle voice praising him kept him grounded until the alpha’s softened cock slid from his tingling jaws. 

Hongjoong met his eyes. His cheeks were mottled with a deep red blush. It made him look innocent, and young. “You suck,” he said.

“I do,” Seonghwa agreed, then gave the alpha’s cock a round of suckling kisses and long licks, finding it too bad that he didn’t get to play with it long. The bridge of his nose ended up pressed against his pubic bone. He inhaled deep, taking in the alpha’s scent and the musk of sex. He could easily go again like this, was their child not lurking outside waiting to cause a scene. 

Hongjoong might have let him, too. He caught the alpha looking down at him with glazed bewilderment as his cock started to stir under Seonghwa’s tongue. But finally Seonghwa swallowed and sat back on his haunches. 

“More of that to come. I mean, we should spend  _ some _ time with the rest of the family on this family vacation.”

“Oh yeah,” Hongjoong snorted. “ _Them.”_   
  
Hongjoong gathered himself, and after using a washcloth to mop up in the bathroom (Seonghwa watched him do so, very interested in the sight of his own seed trailing down the inside of the alpha’s thigh), unlocked the door for Wooyoung.

“The least you could have done is left the door open!”

“Why don’t you have any clothes on??”

Seonghwa heard the two bickering as he cleaned himself up as well. 

“Swim trunks  _ are  _ clothes. What else am I supposed to wear in a hot spring? Actually do I even have to wear these? Don’t people just go naked in springs?”

Hongjoong answered in a low voice that Seonghwa couldn’t catch. 

“ _ YOU _ two are the ones who should shower, before you contaminate this entire place!”

All in all, it was a good start to their stay.


	35. 'steam' aka spring break pt. III (nsfw)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is technically late! Hopefully it being a bit longer chapter makes up for it <3 
> 
> also i thought i could multitask and write while watching America's Worst Cooks but turns out all I was good at was watching America's Worst Cooks. my life's story
> 
> ALSO also, I have a few lovely comments I need to reply to still and I promise I will do that tomorrow! Your words mean so much to me, I never want you to think I've forgotten u<3

The only thing Seonghwa didn’t like much about their accommodations was how the dinner was served. The only dinner option the inn gave was a set meal delivered promptly to each diner at 7:00pm, directly to their room. Attendants would carry in heavy trays of multiple dishes and set them on the low coffee table that doubled as a dinner table in the evenings. There were soft cushions to sit on and the seasonal food itself was some of the best and most fresh he had ever eaten, but he hadn’t really thought about the way it would keep them confined to their separate rooms in pairs.

Hongjoong likely didn’t mind. He loved his pack, but Seongha knew he loved his solitary, calm moments too. So he didn’t bother to mention the concern as they settled themselves down at the table and started uncovering the dishes. There were crunchy pickled vegetables and light but savory soups and grilled fish and meat, everything varied but perfectly proportioned so they wouldn’t be miserably full before bedtime.

However, they were only a few bites in to their first dinner when their suite door inched apart, creaked in protest, then scudded open a few inches more. Seonghwa leapt to his feet and parted the doors the rest of the way, letting in Yunho and Sanie whose arms were straining under the weight of their serving trays, overloaded with their untouched dinner.

“Can we eat in here?” Yunho asked. “Sanie missed you guys.”

“Hey, you said you missed them, too!” San argued.

“Oh, I don’t remember saying anything like that,” Yunho teased, making the omega swat at him.

Hongjoong rolled his eyes but worked together with Seonghwa to try and make room at the coffee table for them. Each movement of hand or elbow or chopstick threatened to upend this dish or that onto laps or floor, but they made it work. Even Sanie didn’t spill a drop, although he scared them at first by suddenly dumping his rice on top of Yunho’s, creating a heaping double-scoop of fluffy white grains. But then he stacked that dish onto his empty one, freeing up a whole corner of the table and looking smug in doing so.    
  
They ate in peace for about five minutes, and then the omega started getting visibly restless. Sanie was creeping closer to his impending heat with every hour, and for the rest of the dinner spent just as much time draped against Yunho or Hongjoong and running his fingers against their clothes as he spent eating, forcing Seonghwa to transform into a nagging mom.

“Sanie, eat your grilled beef. You like it.”

San hummed and plucked up the meat, threw the entire piece into the back of his mouth and swallowed.

Hongjoong dropped a chopstick, his eyes leveled on the omega.

Seonghwa sighed. “You really need to chew it first, Sanie…”

The omega pouted and chewed the next strip of beef with over-exaggerated chomps, eventually just falling over onto the hard floor in defeat, whether from his heat or boredom or tiredness from the apparently Herculean effort of chewing, it was anyone’s guess. It made Yunho giggle and even Hongjoong snort with amusement. Seonghwa gave his own long-suffering smile, meeting Yunho’s gaze with a surge of sympathy; he could only imagine how they had been wiling away their time before coming to visit.

About then their door slid open again, Seonghwa able to tell from the more powerful yet careless way it opened that it would be Wooyoung.

“Ohh? What’s this pack meeting we’re not invited to?” He questioned as he stepped inside, wearing still-damp swim trunks and sandals and a leather jacket over his bare chest.

Jongho followed him, dressed more modestly but carrying two towels.

“I guess we weren’t invited to the cool kids’ table,” he joked. 

“Seonghwa-hyung and Hongjoong-hyung are here- it’s  _ not _ the cool kids’ table,” Wooyoung joked, narrowly avoiding a kick from Hongjoong. The head alpha eyed him up and down, narrowing his eyes when he spied a drip of hot springs water fall from Wooyoung’s trunks onto the floor.

“I think we should limit our hot springs usage to once a day, don’t you think, Seonghwa?” Hongjoong asked him.

It was true Wooyoung had been taking some photos and video clips outside not that long ago, only to scramble back to his room when he heard it was dinnertime.

“Yah, I consider that work,” the feisty alpha rounded on them. “Don’t you care I’m taking it all upon myself to put together a happy family video of our vacation? A professional photographer would charge you an ass-load for something like that.”

“Do people hire photographers for their family trips? Is that a thing?” Hongjoong retorted.

Seonghwa caught the half-second frown of disappointment on Wooyoung’s face before he moved on. 

“Whatever. This time I’m here to actually relax.”

“You should let me get some shots of you as well, Wooyoung,” Seonghwa said.

The alpha paused. “Hmm?”

“I mean, if it’s a family video, you can’t be missing from the entire thing, can you?”

“Oh yeah, you’re right! Valid point. We can do it tomorrow.” And with that he slipped outside, back into the tranquil springs.

Seonghwa didn’t have to turn to Hongjoong to feel his warm honey gaze on him, that hooded look that said  _ ‘what would I do without you?, _ ’ but with an unnecessarily, worshipful heat to it.

He took a demure sip of his hot green tea, watching Yunho feed Sanie more of his food. The omega had further deteriorated into a boneless blob against Yunho’s side, making himself giggle as he refused to even close his mouth so the alpha had to shut it for him and manually make his jaw mimic chewing.

“You are so weird,” Yunho sighed. “Don’t you want to get in the hot springs, too? You can’t if you don’t finish everything.”

That finally lit a fire under the babyish omega’s ass, leaving Hongjoong and Seonghwa and Yunho to talk about how Yunho’s work was going, and the great reception he was getting on the choreo for the kpop group he was working with. 

Jongho padded over too and made himself comfy on the couch, having checked out the hot springs enough for the moment. Seonghwa hoped the alpha would let himself enjoy the experience. He knew Jongho didn’t always like getting undressed in this sort of situation. He didn’t know if it was due to his feelings on his own identity or if it was merely a personal preference and he didn’t enjoy being in water that much; But Seonghwa felt the alpha deserved relaxation as much as any of them and hoped he found it, one way or another.

“They’re so cute,” Yunho replied when San asked to know more about the kpop group, taking out his phone so he could look at his hyung’s prodigies on youtube. “I love seeing the little tweaks and changes they make to the moves, making it their own. But I always get awkward when I talk with Choi In because he’s older than me but calls me sunbae. I never know what to do,” he laughed behind his hand in embarrassment just imagining it. 

“Aren’t you twice his size, too?” Jongho asked, having seen the boys once when at Yunho’s studio.

“It must be like talking with Hongjoong,” Seonghwa said mischievously, refusing to make eye contact with their head alpha. Hongjoong leaned in with a play-growl and bit his mating mark. Seonghwa ignored the way the contact to his mark made him shiver deep down.

San suddenly blasted a video of Yunho’s group full volume from his phone, which Seonghwa allowed only because he and Hongjoong wanted to see and hear them, as well.   
  
All in all, it was a fun evening. While Seonghwa felt he had come so far with his pack, it was nights like these he realized there was so much more he had to learn about each of them, and it was a task he actually looked forward to. There was a feeling of peaceful contentment that came with that. He covertly looked at each of them, one by one, and realized he couldn’t imagine getting weary of learning about any one of them, or spending time with them. He could only hope they felt the same, because if for whatever reason Hongjoong ever found a cause to send him back to the Children of the Sun, he felt the odds would be against him to find another pack as agreeable as this one.

That warm feeling of fulfillment in his chest only grew stronger when Mingi and Yeosang made an appearance, perhaps sensing their pack was gathered somewhere without them.

Mingi had some beat-up boxes under his arm, which he revealed to be an ancient copy of Battleship and an equally dilapidated copy of Pictionary. “Check out what  _ I _ scored from the lobby,” he bragged. “Had to fight off a geezer and two aunties for these sweet babies.”

“He’s kidding. The geezer took him out with his walker and these were the only sad games that were left.” Yeosang corrected him.

Mingi only laughed with his full chest at the teasing insult, plopping down beside Yunho without any more preamble.

When the Pictionary box held only a few blank sheets of paper and the eraser end of a broken pencil, and the Battleship box had none of the red pieces for marking when ships were hit, not really surprising anyone, Mingi, Yeosang, Yunho, and San gathered towels and joined Wooyoung outside. 

As Seonghwa tried to gather their dishes and tidy as best as he could, leaving everything out in the hall for the inn attendants to pick up, he let the noisy chatter from outside envelope him: from Wooyoung’s yell that Yeosang and Mingi weren’t allowed to come in as they had their own entire hot spring and this was ridiculous, to Sanie making Mingi and Yunho perform the choreography from his current favorite pop song, making him laugh in that clear high-pitched way he had because of how funny the dance looked half submerged in water.

Jongho joined Seonghwa and helped him clean, seeming to anticipate everything Seonghwa wanted to tidy and get it done before he could even start. 

That was until Sanie appeared with a rattle of the back door and a billow of steam. His wet feet made flopping noises on the floor and Seonghwa was about to reprimand him, but paused. The omega was flushed and had a resolute look on his face as he approached Jongho, taking his hand in his and bringing it to his mouth to kiss, an affectionate habit he had. Then he pushed himself against Jongho’s side, seemingly not aware of how wet he was. 

“Alpha, can you come in, too? Want to be by you…” The omega crooned, resting his chin on Jongho’s shoulder and crinkling his nose as he took a good sniff of him, indulging in his scent like someone would indulge in a chocolate truffle.

Seonghwa politely ignored Jongho’s instant blush, sitting down and sipping the rest of his tea. From his peripherals he even sensed Hongjoong, who had been busy on his phone, pause. 

Jongho recovered with a soft laugh, patting the omega’s back. “Okay, okay. I’ll do it for you, hyung. Let me just go get changed.”   
  
Once Jongho had gone and come back in swimwear and was being pulled by Sanie through the doors out towards the springs, Hongjoong spoke.    
  
“Might as well have just booked one room.”   
  
Seonghwa chuckled. “I was thinking the same thing. Anyway... you’re not  _ working _ are you?” He couldn’t keep the hint of judgement from his voice, raising an eyebrow as he poured himself more tea from the heavy cast iron kettle that the attentive staff had brought.   
  
Hongjoong gave a lopsided smirk and turned his phone, showing Seonghwa the unboxing video he was watching. The view showed hands undoing the packaging of some sort of fancy microphone, he was guessing the type Hongjoong would use for recording.   
  
“Kim Hongjoong, I think you might be a nerd.”   
  
“A nerd? Oh no… Can you grab my wallet? I have some extra fifties I can use to dry my tears.”   
  
“Well, as long as you’re humble.”   
  
“And if that doesn’t work, maybe my pretty beta will think of some way to make me feel better.” He lowered his phone and shifted close to Seonghwa, his smirk turning wolfish.    
  
“What has Changbin been feeding you lately, honestly?” Seonghwa asked, putting his hand on the alpha’s shoulder. “You should slow down. I was actually thinking you should go out and soak, as well. To help with, ah, soreness…”   
  
Not that the alpha had complained after Seonghwa had railed him in the bedroom, but it was hard for him to imagine the alpha wasn’t feeling it afterwards - and he wasn’t just trying to flatter himself.   
  
Hongjoong rolled his eyes. His fingers slid over Seonghwa’s wrist and held it. “Mmkay. But let’s both go.”   
  
“We’re going to be packed in there like boiling anchovies.”   
  
“Isn’t that what family vacations are about?”   
  
Seonghwa didn’t know how to answer that.   
  
\--------------------   
  
The hot springs  _ was _ crowded, but not as badly as Seonghwa had worried. The natural black rock at the edge of the pool created plenty of places to sit and lounge, at different depths. While there wasn’t room for horse play or swimming around with all of them out there, they could still comfortably move and stretch out.    
  
Night had fully fallen, and Seonghwa could see pinprick stars glittering through the net of bare tree branches above them. The spring air was just cold enough to add to the steam billowing off their skin and out of their mouths when they talked and breathed. All around the pool, lights glowed in a muted golden hue from within small stone lanterns, adding to the illusion that they were caught in some timeless place detached from modern times.    
  
The water was deliciously hot, prickling along Seonghwa’s skin and then slowly penetrating deeper until he felt like he was glowing with heat inside. He found a spot where he could sit comfortably with his head back against the rock - and was spoiled when Yunho came over and coaxed his head up to put a small, rolled up towel beneath his neck, explaining there was a whole basket of the cloths off to the side of the pool.   
  
Seonghwa could have fallen asleep then and there. To his surprise, his packmates seemed content to let him. Or perhaps they were all just busy in their own worlds. Snippets of their conversation drifted in and out of his ears, muffled by drifting curtains of steam.    
  
He wasn’t sure how long he’d been soaking when his closed eyes drifted open. He looked to the side, almost laughing aloud to see that their head alpha was truly, fully asleep, mouth parted in a light snore that Seonghwa could just barely hear. Their alpha always did have the envious talent of falling asleep within seconds, when he allowed himself to.   
  
He looked around the rest of the pool, at his packmates’ faces lit by the soft golden light.    
  
And that’s how he caught the exact moment when San, resting back against Jongho’s shoulder, reached behind him for the alpha and pulled his head down close, parting his lips for a kiss. Seonghwa saw, could almost  _ feel _ , that tremor of hesitation in Jongho, before the alpha’s brows drew down in determination and he let himself kiss the omega hungrily, lifting a dripping hand out of the water to grip the side of San’s face. Attached to San’s other side, Yunho blinked and looked away, polite and unobtrusive- until San found the tall alpha’s hand beneath the water and pulled it up to his chest, apparently needing the touch of both of them at once.    
  
Where was a megaphone and red lifeguard shorts when Seonghwa needed them?    
  
Instead he just used his fingers to flick a stream of water towards Yunho, doing it a couple times until the alpha noticed him. Seonghwa met his eyes and cocked his head back towards the inn.   
  
_ Not here. _ _   
_ _   
_ It’s not that they were a pack that couldn’t ‘show their love’ for each other while others were around, but Seonghwa wasn’t about to soak in that love, or let any of the others do so, either.    
  
Plus, they always tried to be careful around Yeosang. There had been times when the omega didn’t mind what went on around him, times when he would abruptly get up and leave the room at the slightest public display of affection, and on the other hand, one strange time when Wooyoung had somehow seduced him into pleasuring himself while he and Mingi fooled around in front of him.    
  
When Seonghwa went to bed that night, it was only too easy to pick up the scent of the “fun” his packmates had had there earlier. But when he made the mistake of mentioning it offhand to Yeosang, the poor omega had turned molten red and stuttered over a reply until Seonghwa just told him not to worry and changed the subject. (Wooyoung had gleefully filled him in on the details, later, while Seonghwa shoved the bedsheets into the laundry machine. At midnight.)

  
Anyway, overall his pack was respectful of each other, but every once in a while they needed a nudge in the right direction.    
  
Yunho reached around Sanie to tap Jongho’s shoulder. The alphas exchanged a look and a few murmured words and then coaxed Sanie across the pool to the doors, replying to the omega’s confused whines with deep alpha rumbles of reassurance. Seonghwa reached out and brushed Yunho’s ankle as they passed by. The alpha crouched down by him, dribbling water from his trunks.    
  
“The suppressants are in the blue bag in our bathroom. Take some, just in case.”   
  
When San got deep into his heat, even the most energetic and horny alpha would eventually tire before he did. There were times when there was no choice but to use other methods to calm the omega down.    
  
While his three packmates dried themselves vigorously before heading inside, Seonghwa brushed his wet fingers against his slumbering head alpha’s neck to make sure he was still with them. Then he turned to see something that made his heart sink.    
  
Wooyoung was resting by himself in a little alcove at the furthest edge of the pool. One arm was stretched out on the rock to make a place for him to rest his chin. But his uncharacteristically defenseless gaze was focused on the three getting ready to go in. Seonghwa had never seen the alpha’s eyebrows curved into such a forlorn expression before.    
  
To make it worse, Mingi and Yeosang were lost in their own world, playing some sort of game where Mingi was trying to use his long toes to grab Yeosang’s foot and force him to lift it out of the water. There was a lot of giggling and Mingi trying to cheat by tickling the omega’s ribs, resulting in distracting splashes and breathless complaints that had no actual heat behind them- far from it.    
  
Seonghwa felt helpless to do anything. Mingi and Yeosang weren’t doing anything wrong. Neither were the other three that finally slid the doors open and disappeared inside. But he definitely noticed Wooyoung’s expression, (what he could see of it above his forearm), grow more brooding.   
  
Seonghwa expected that the alpha would lose his patience and get out of the springs any moment, but to his surprise it was Yeosang and Mingi that got tired and overheated first and finally hefted themselves out to return to their room, bidding Seonghwa, Hongjoong, and Wooyoung goodnight. Their voices finally stirred Hongjoong enough that he blinked awake, his hand giving a startled splash in the water.    
  
“Hmm? How long was I sleeping?”   
  
“Three days,” Seonghwa said with a straight face.    
  
Hongjoong snorted and splashed him. But Seonghwa just had eyes for one alpha at the moment.   
  
It occurred to him that when Wooyoung left, he would be returning to a room that was silent and empty.   
  
Just like anyone, there were probably times when that would have been a blessing to the alpha: an entire empty space just for him to enjoy, quiet and free. But, on their first night of their fun family vacation, he guessed Wooyoung had imagined it playing out a bit differently.    
  
“Wooyoung?” Seonghwa asked. No answer. “ _ Wooyoung _ ?”    
  
This time Wooyoung straightened up, shrugging himself out of a daze. He drifted across the pool closer to Seonghwa, stopping towards the middle. “What?”   
  
“We should get out. It’s not good to soak for too long in this heat.”   
  
“Yeah, okay.”   
  
The alpha headed towards the edge of the pool. Seonghwa gently caught his arm. “Just stay with us. The mattresses are pretty big.”   
  
“ _ Why _ ?”    
  
“Why not? Go get changed into your pajamas and come back.”   
  
The piercing way that Wooyoung looked at him told him the alpha knew what he was trying to do for him, and why he was trying to do it. So it was just a matter of if the alpha wanted to acknowledge he needed the comfort of their company or not.   
  
Finally he gave a tight shrug and climbed out. “Fine. I’ll be back.”   
  
Alone with Hongjoong, he held out his hand for the head alpha, helping haul him out.    
  
“Did you have a good nap, alpha?”   
  
Hongjoong yawned and nodded, a dreamy, catty smile on his lips. He was cutely flushed from the heat, his bangs mussed into a choppy wet fringe and the longer hair in the back clinging to his neck like dark seaweed tendrils; like a little mermaid prince.    
  
Seonghwa patted his head. “You should brush your teeth and go lay down.”   
  
“It’s okay. I’ll wait for Wooyoung. Maybe we can have some drinks and watch something on the Ipad, or something.”   
  
It was a bit of an unusual thing for the alpha to offer, mostly because he looked like he was about to fall asleep on his feet, drained from the hot soak. But apparently he’d been paying closer attention to his exchange with Wooyoung than he’d realized, and perhaps come to the same conclusions.   
  
The last thing they wanted for this trip was for any of their pack mates to feel alone.   
  
\-------------------   
  
Hongjoong did end up falling asleep again, anyway. But at least it was on the couch on one side of Wooyoung. Seonghwa sandwiched him from the other side, eating honey butter chips out of a bag Wooyoung had brought with him.    
  
Wooyoung elbowed the dozing head alpha for the umpteenth time. “Hyung you’re seriously determined to miss every single most iconic moment in this show, aren’t you?”   
  
“Mmm...yeah, sorry.” The alpha squinted at the ipad they had set up on the coffee table. Seonghwa appreciated how the alpha was trying. He ran his fingers through his hair and leaned forward, focusing on the dilemma of the people on the screen who were trapped in their apartment complex while apocalyptic monsters raged outside.    
  
The table was crowded with empty bottles and snack wrappers. Seonghwa had been good and not snacked and only sipped lightly at the peach soju from the mini fridge, until Wooyoung reached over and popped a honey butter chip into his mouth before he could stop him. The salty-sweet potato taste melted on his tongue and before he knew it he was reaching for more, licking the taste from his fingertips.    
  
He was actually finding the show quite interesting, and didn’t even notice as he ate one chip after another. In what felt like two minutes, the whole bag was empty. Which would have remained Seonghwa’s own personal problem except that Wooyoung reached across his lap and shoved his hand deep in the bag, rummaging around.    
  
The accusatory look he gave him was like Seonghwa had stolen a precious family heirloom.    
  
“Hyung,” Wooyoung said in a low voice.    
  
Seonghwa blinked, knowing he had nothing he could say in his defense. He was wholly guilty.    
  
“Hyung, do you remember when I asked you if you wanted a chip?”   
  
“Yeah,” Seonghwa nodded, swallowing the last remnants guiltily.    
  
“And what did you say?”   
  
“I said no, I was full.”   
  
“Right. You were full.”   
  
The alpha was in top form- he had the act of patronizing down to a fine art. Somehow Seonghwa preferred it over him being glum. He supposed he was glad to give the alpha something to focus his energy on.   
  
“Mmhmm. I was full. Then you made me eat one. And it was good.”   
  
“Of course it’s good. That’s why I brought it. For me to snack on. Do you think I can snack on them, now?”   
  
“I don’t know. Did you give it a sincere try?”   
  
Hongjoong snickered unhelpfully from the side.    
  
“Aish,  _ hyung!  _ Maybe I should just eat  _ you, _ instead! _ ”  _ Wooyoung whined and drove his shoulder into Seonghwa’s chest. When the alpha got like this he seemed to forget how sturdy and heavy he was, clambering onto Seonghwa without a thought about how it might make breathing difficult.   
  
The empty bag fell to the floor with a crinkle as Seonghwa tried to stop Wooyoung from doing too much damage to his person, always surprised at how quick the alpha could move.    
  
Hongjoong made irritated, impatient noises beside them, shrinking back to avoid the tussle. Panting, Wooyoung finally gave up on whatever he was trying to do and leaned in instead. His skin felt hot through his clothes and Seonghwa could feel his heartbeat thumping strong in his chest. Seonghwa had already slid his hands halfway down Wooyoung’s body before he realized he was feeling him up, at all.   
  
“We should go to bed,” he murmured, breathing hard.    
  
Wooyoung backed off, standing up and smoothing his overgrown hair. “Mmmhmm, yeah. That sounds like a good plan. Gonna brush my teeth real fast.”   
  
“I think that’s a good idea,” Seonghwa said, giving a promising smile.    
  
Hongjoong sighed and closed the ipad up in its case, picking up some of the empty containers from the table.    
  
“I’m guessing I won’t be sleeping for a little while, will I?”   
  
“Why would you want to?” Seonghwa wanted to get the alpha motivated, so he pried the empty containers from his hands and tossed them aside. As much as that pained him to do, it was worth it to pull Hongjoong’s arms around him and feel him hold him snug. He leaned down to nuzzle against him, just barely brushing his lips over his.   
  
This close, he could catch the alpha’s scent and he wanted to drown in it. Soon Wooyoung would be coming back, and there would be  _ two _ alphas, with their dizzying fragrance and their thick cocks and surprising strength- and he would be able to touch them both. He reached down into Hongjoong’s sweatpants and stroked him, his own hips subconsciously leaning closer.    
  
“Oh, fuck,” Hongjoong breathed the words out in a husky sigh, his fingers twisting in the back of Seonghwa’s clothes. “You smell amazing. Let’s go.”   
  
\--------------------   
  
They couldn’t shove the two mattresses together fast enough before Hongjoong practically dragged him down into the feather softness, pulling Seonghwa’s shirt off so he could touch him.    
  
Footsteps from outside announced Wooyoung’s return. A nightlight in the shape of a small paper lantern was all the light they had to go on in the bedroom, but it was enough. Wooyoung laid down on Seonghwa’s other side and curled an arm around him, using his free hand to drag his silk pajamas off his hips.    
  
Seonghwa moaned. Hongjoong’s mouth latched onto his mating bite while Wooyoung worked his underwear off and smoothed his fingers inside his thighs. Hongjoong helped Wooyoung divest Seonghwa of his underwear and toss them aside, but then Hongjoong eyed Wooyoung and murmured: “You have way too many clothes on, too.” To Wooyoung’s surprise, Hongjoong drew him close and started kissing him like he’d been doing it his entire mature life, his fingers pulling off the younger alpha’s clothes as he did so.    
  
Then it was Seonghwa’s turn to help with the undressing, but he got distracted when they freed Wooyoung’s cock and it sprang up healthily towards his belly, full and flushed. Seonghwa’s mouth watered and he couldn’t stop himself from leaning in and running his tongue up the thick length, drooling more than he should be.    
  
Someone grabbed his hair, urging him and his tongue to keep going. Wooyoung cursed. Hongjoong’s clothes rustled as he lost them, too. His soft flannel pajama top fell over Seonghwa’s head but was quickly whisked away, not that it had distracted him from his task. He found a perfect angle that let Wooyoung fuck deep into his throat, holding his nape for leverage. His alpha smell was even stronger now, and so good that it made Seonghwa grind uselessly against the sheets, seeking relief for his leaking cock.    
  
Hongjoong moved behind him and forced him to arch up onto his knees. He let the head alpha do what he wanted, stealing glances up at Wooyoung as he sucked him off. Wooyoung’s face was so attractive. He had a habit of not showing expressions that would be too vulnerable, but Seonghwa could glimpse that restraint breaking as his tongue curled around him and his cheeks hollowed.   
  
He had wanted a chance to do more, to kiss Wooyoung all over and let him know how loved and wanted he was and have him begging for more before he’d even so much as  _ looked _ at his cock; but their desperate bodies compelled them into other plans.    
  
Hongjoong spread his cheeks apart and spat and slid the head of his cock back and forth through the saliva, deciding for the both of them that that was enough foreplay. Seonghwa grunted as he pushed in, his jaw trembling as he struggled not to let his teeth dig into Wooyoung, but at the same time bearing the burning pain of Hongjoong stretching him open more and more, one shallow stroke at a time.    
  
Wooyoung reached down and squeezed Seonghwa’s jaw in a hard grip. “Don’t you dare.”   
  
Seonghwa glared up at him. As if he could be so careless, no matter what was happening. He gave a deliberate swallow around the cock in his mouth, making the alpha swear again.    
  
Wooyoung withdrew enough that just his head bumped against Seonghwa’s lips. Seonghwa licked and sucked at the flared tip, teasing the slit. Hongjoong dug the heels of his palms into the small of his back and started fucking him in a brisk, smacking rhythm that made his skin sting and his chest expel small breaths with every stroke. It was harder to keep Wooyoung in his mouth, then, especially when Hongjoong would suddenly bury himself  _ deep _ deep and make Seonghwa gasp and grip the sheets.   
  
He grabbed the base of Woo’s cock and started jerking him in rhythm to their fucking, instead. Wooyoung hummed his approval and ruffled Seonghwa’s hair, then leaned over him in hopes of tempting the other alpha into another kiss.    
  
Seonghwa was reaching his limit. With a hot alpha cock throbbing in his hand, Hongjoong tirelessly rearranging his insides, and the sound of the two moaning and counting each other’s teeth with their tongues above him, Seonghwa shuddered and spent himself onto the bed, helpless to stop the mess. Hongjoong dug his nails into him and bucked deep a few last times, before spilling a hot mess of his own. Wooyoung kissed the head alpha through the afterglow, swallowing his panting moans.    
  
Seonghwa pulled Wooyoung’s cock back deep inside his mouth, but only so he could glaze it with his own saliva. He licked to break the strings of spit that stretched from mouth to cock, then pushed himself up with a groan. His knees were numb, with his thighs on their way, prickling coldly. Something hot and wet slid down his thighs. He ignored it in order to crawl onto Wooyoung’s lap and sit down on his cock in a long, smooth slide. Hongjoong moved in behind him, sliding his hand up his spine and pressing his lips to a shoulder blade. The simple, soft touch felt so good. Seonghwa arched for it.   
  
Seonghwa had expected the alpha to fall right to sleep, but here he was, kissing his skin and holding his hip in one hand and his cock in the other, stirring him up again. It was nice to feel him there as he rode Wooyoung to the edge. He was dripping sweat as he rolled his hips, each movement a long stroke inside him that sent pleasure flaring through his nerves. Wooyoung, who had been letting Seonghwa do all the work while he watched, mesmerized, grabbed Seonghwa by the thighs and made the last few thrusts on his own, filling the room with obscene, squelching thumps. Seonghwa bit his tongue and flung his head back against Hongjoong’s shoulder, cumming into his coaxing hand.   
  
In the end, none of them had the strength to even stand up, let alone clean up. Unbearably sticky yet aching and satisfied, Seonghwa flopped on his side and hugged Wooyoung from behind, with Hongjoong’s arm around his waist.    
  
As he drifted to sleep, his last clear thought was the hope that the rest of their pack were sleeping just as soundly, warm in each others’ arms.  _   
_ __   



	36. SIDESTORY: sanie's hot spring heat (nsfw)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> due to a few different people asking for this... i offer you an extra side-scene of smuttery between sanie and jongho and yunho from the last chapter. hope u like <3

Jongho could tell things were going downhill fast for their omega as they walked down the hall to his room. They were wearing nothing but soft white robes over the shorts they had soaked in, and the omega kept whining and reaching behind himself to yank helplessly at where the robe brushed against his backside. On impulse, Jongho grabbed his arm and gently tried to guide it back to his side, murmuring reassurances. San just jerked his arm brattily out of his grip, making his robe slide halfway off his shoulders, giving Jongho a tantalizing view of his beauty spots and freckles and mating scar, making it hard to think. 

Even though their scents were less strong now, it somehow didn’t seem to make a difference when it came to the scent of Sanie’s heat, which deepened every second. With every breath Jongho could smell the feverish burn of his skin. And he could smell the slick beginning, which was probably what was making the omega squirm and pull at his clothes uncomfortably.

Another alpha approached from down the hall as Yunho fished out the key that would allow them to slide their door open. Jongho moved San close behind him, nearly growling at the unfamiliar alpha. He had never growled at another person in his adult life. But he looked at the alpha and didn’t like him. Didn’t like the way his nostrils flared and the way he gave a swallow like he’d just thought of something delicious. Didn’t like the way his small grey eyes fixed on San for a fraction of a second before looking resolutely ahead. Even that fraction of a second was too long. Jongho pushed San even further behind him, a growl boiling up in the back of his throat and a twitch in his upper lip, like he was ready to show his teeth. He had never felt this way. It was exhilarating. He felt powerful. He felt  _ savage. _

He tracked the alpha until he disappeared around a corner.

He gave a heavy swallow, just as the alpha had. With his instincts cooling, he realized he couldn’t blame the alpha’s interested reaction. Sanie’s scent could fill up your mouth and make you swallow in longing, whether you wanted to or not.

Yunho let them in. Jongho guided the omega inside with a hand at the small of his back. The second they crossed the threshold, San twirled and pressed his mouth to Jongho’s, winding his arms around him and  _ melting _ into his hold.

“Alpha, please… make it go away,” He whimpered the words out in between kisses. Jongho felt all the blood in his body boil and churn through his system at the plea. He was trying to formulate where to go from here when the omega looked around, eyes almost tearful, panicked. “Where’s Yunho??” He panted.

“I’m right here,” Yunho poked his head out of the bedroom and then beckoned them. “Come on.”

Jongho easily lifted San up in his arms, the omega clinging and nuzzling his cheek and neck. He was burning up through his clothes. 

Yunho had grabbed a couple extra blankets and towels and laid them out on the mattresses he pushed together. Jongho laid San down on them, but had to tickle him when he wouldn’t let go of his shoulders. The omega squealed in response, latching on to the closest pillow and curling around it like a little shrimp. Jongho smiled and started to undress, while Yunho got behind San and wrapped an arm around him, prying him off the pillow. The omega turned and all but placed himself in Yunho’s big hands, body arching for him. Yunho pushed his robe off his shoulders slowly, kissing each inch of skin he revealed.

Jongho pulled the omega’s shorts off his legs, squeezing when he got to his ankles just so he could feel how slender and delicate they were. San moaned, although it could have been from Yunho’s mouth finding and licking the taut bud of his nipple. While mapping out his chest with kisses, the taller alpha slid his arm beneath San’s knees and hefted his legs up. 

Jongho moved in. He squeezed the underside of San’s thighs as he swiped his tongue through slick, feeling his hole contact beneath his tongue. San gave a cry so wild that Yunho immediately shushed him. After that the omega’s cries were muffled, no doubt by Yunho’s hand as San couldn’t control himself. Every lick Jongho gave between his cheeks had him mewling for more. Thin fingers caught at Jongho’s hair, tugging cutely. Jongho snickered and started delving more with his tongue, rewarded with a shudder and another gush of slick. 

“You came already Sanie?” Yunho chuckled, grabbing a towel to wipe the omega’s belly down. Jongho sat up, licking at the corner of his mouth and pushing his bangs back, chin gleaming with omega slick.

“Still burns…” San pouted, blinking up at Yunho who leaned in, kissing him on the forehead. 

“I know. But Jongho is going to make you feel better. Why don’t you get yourself comfortable?”

San’s feverish eyes glittered as he touched his fingertips to his bottom lip, thinking. 

“I want it like this.” He pushed up onto his hands and knees, looking behind himself at Jongho, pupils blown. “Like a dog...”    
  
What a coincidence, seeing as the instincts San was riling up in him were  _ very _ animal-like.    
  


San whimpered when Jongho put his hand on his back. He knew the omega wanted him to hurry but he couldn’t help but take his time in touching him first, massaging his way down his back to his narrow hips. The omega trembled and pushed backwards, trying to get more.

Then a husky whisper from Yunho suddenly caught his attention. “Uhf...fuck…”    
  
Sanie had grabbed the base of Yunho’s thick cock and started sucking and drooling at the head like a starving pup. Jongho almost gave the omega a slap on the ass for being so impatient; but at the same time, he could remember what particularly strong heats could feel like, how desperate and senseless they could make you. It wasn’t right for him to keep delaying what San needed.   
  


He sank inside him with almost no resistance. San was so tight and slippery around him. Jongho had had sex with the omega a couple times before, but not since he’d started his treatments. These days his dick had filled out even more, the base especially getting thicker, although he would still not be able to pop a proper knot. But he was more than pleased with the results, and amazed at how much tighter the omega’s body hugged him, how much better he felt the friction dragging along his length with every thrust.

The omega seemed to like it, too, moaning around Yunho’s cock with every thrust and grinding his hips back against Jongho to take him even deeper.

Jongho just wished he had San in his arms. He wanted to kiss the omega and see his pretty, foxy face and maybe tell him, just once, how much he cared about him. But the thought of the bigger, more capable alpha in the room made him too self-conscious.

Sanie and Yeosang both… he had tried from the very beginning to push down the allure he had for them, not seeing his infatuation going anywhere helpful. But he couldn’t stop wanting to protect them and hold them and have them call him alpha, whether it was in bed or calling out lazily from the couch, asking him to bring them a blanket- he wanted to take care of them. 

Yeosang he had failed miserably with- and wanted to do better. It wasn’t just that the omega identified as ace and was particular about being held and shown attention; More than that, Jongho’s timidity and self-consciousness had kept him from growing closer and more emotionally intimate with him, from learning the things that he felt he had to hide, and finding out how he could maybe help. 

It was something he wanted to fix, and maybe Mingi, with his new closeness with the omega, could help him start to understand.

“Alpha, you’re thinking  _ sooo _ much…”

San slid away from him, clenching hard on his dick until the very last moment when it popped free with a gasp and a dribble of slick. Then San flopped down on his shoulder blades and pulled Jongho down with him. He wound his flexible legs around his waist, his feverish heat branding his sides. San hugged him in his arms too, peering up into his eyes in concern. 

“Don’t worry so much, Jjongie,” he worried, kissing him. “Just take care of me? Ah-!” Jongho was already pushing into him, craving the omega’s heat. San’s nails and heels dug into him the deeper he went.

He found his rhythm and then leaned in close, touching his lips to the omega’s ear lobe. “Alpha will always take care of you.”

San opened his eyes and smiled at that, lifting his head to nuzzle him vigorously. “I know, I know...”

Jongho’s cheeks burned a little, knowing the other alpha was watching them, listening; but Yunho didn’t say anything at all, lounging off to the side and watching in a purely daydreamy type of way- and when they happened to glance at each other the alpha gave Jongho such a happy smile full of affection and mutual adoration for the omega that Jongho felt that last knot of self-consciousness fall apart.

It made it easier to hand San over as he collapsed breathlessly back onto the mattress, listening to grunts and giggles and then borderline pornographic moans that went straight to his spent dick, already tempting it for another go. He would be able to several more times, of course. His stamina had been growing with everything else, and it would be a while before he needed to sleep for the night.

For now he recovered on his side, holding his head in hand as he watched Yunho fondle the omega in his lap. The older alpha was gently touching all along the length of San’s body, spending extra time teasing his nipples with his thumbs until they started to get flushed. It didn’t take long for San to start noisily demanding more. His movements strong and smooth, Yunho pushed him forward onto his knees and thrust his cock inside him, all the way down to the hilt. Jongho couldn’t help but stare, wondering where in his slender body Sanie was able to make room for such a large thing.

Jongho had mixed feelings when Yunho knotted the omega. There was some envy, some pointless regret, but one look at the relief it brought Sanie’s feverish face and he could only give a gentle smile, realizing that this was the most important thing. No matter how much Sanie seemed to enjoy some aspects of his heat, in the end it was a consuming and exhausting condition-  _ not _ a contrivance to make him into a tempting sex toy for alphas. 

Knotting allowed Sanie to doze for a few minutes while waiting for the bulge to slowly recede, finally cool and comfortable enough to do so.

Jongho moved close so he could stroke Sanie’s hair. The omega murmured sweetly and rested his head on his thigh.

Once Yunho’s knot receded, the older toweled himself and San off and left to grab them water. 

San whined, no longer comfortably full, and reached up for Jongho. Jongho helped him sit up on his haunches. He stroked the sharp line of the omega’s jaw, traced his lips. San’s eyes slid closed and his mouth parted. His lips reminded Jongho so much of petals that he brought his mouth to his just so he could crush them. The omega keened in the back of his throat. Jongho just kissed him harder, pushing his tongue down with his own, dominating him. 

A faint quivering began through San’s limbs, the heat of his fever rising to the surface again. 

Jongho was already hard. “You smell so delicious, hyung,” he said, taking a deep inhale of the omega’s skin. “How do you feel?”

“Hot,” San muttered, sounding so tearful it sent a pang through Jongho’s heart. “Alpha, help me again?”

“I can, but… should I get Yunho-hyung? Do you need his knot?”

San buried his face in the crook of Jongho’s neck, shaking his head. Jongho wrapped his arms around him. He felt like he was holding an ember pulled straight from the fire.

“You’re an alpha, too. You make me feel good…” Jongho took a few seconds to process the words; partially from how muffled they were against his skin, but mostly to let them settle into his head, his heart; having a brief scuffle with his self-doubt until finally accepting the omega’s sweet words.

Pride made him feel even stronger as he helped San into his lap. Without him having to say anything, the omega lined himself up with his thick cock and sat down slowly. His eyes rolled back in his head as the last inch lodged snugly inside him. Jongho stroked his spine and sucked more bruising kisses into his chest and shoulders, encouraged by his frantic little sounds of pleasure. His hips started grinding up and down on him, urged on by his kisses.    
  
But Jongho dragged some pillows behind himself and settled back, wanting to watch the omega ride him. His hands held and caressed his hips, squeezing and lightly tickling in encouragement. The omega seemed to like it when he barely grazed him with the edges of his nails, tracing swirls down from hips to thighs. San was lost in a whole other world. His sweat-dark hair fell into his closed eyes, his lips were parted, showing just the slightest sharp edge of his teeth. His skin gleamed over lean muscle, from the tendons in his throat down to his curling toes. He was so wild and pretty and hungry, and Jongho was the alpha he had wanted.

Yunho didn’t come back until a couple minutes after they had both spent themselves again, bringing with him blessedly cold water to cool them down.    
  
They went in a blissful but grueling cycle for a few hours, pleasing the omega both separately and together, dozing off here and there, but stirring within minutes as the omega’s heat kindled back to life again.   
  
Towards the end, when San was growing so exhausted that his feverish whines were starting to change from pleasure to distress, Yunho broke two of his suppressants in half and coaxed him to take them, all while holding him limply in his arms and gently pouring a mouthful of water into his waiting mouth to help the pills go down.   
  
They could barely stagger into the shower for a two minute rinse and bundle the most ruined of their bedding into the corner before passing out. Although San took an extra minute to fetch their discarded clothes and build them up into a suggestion of a nest around himself. One of Jongho’s last views was San pulling Yunho’s arm around him while nuzzling against the robe Jongho had been wearing, smiling softly to himself before relaxing into sleep. Jongho gently squeezed the hand San had snuck into his, not wanting to wake him.    
  
With some of their bedding lost, the night air through the thin walls was cold; but with Jongho’s head resting on Yunho’s forearm and Sanie’s fingers and toes brushing his, he felt nothing but warmth. 


	37. my hand is on the stick shift, and your hand is on my hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "a chapter is never late, y/n buggins, nor is she early. she arrives precisely when she means to!" - grandilf the wizard

After things had happened so fast and furious between Seonghwa, Wooyoung and Hongjoong the night before, Seonghwa used the early morning to take his time. At first he gigged at how sleepy alpha Wooyoung wrinkled up his face as he brushed it with soft kisses. But the alpha soon caught his scent or recognized his touch, enough so that he sighed and hugged him close. Seonghwa stayed in his grasp just long enough for him to drift off and lose the strength in his hold. Then Seonghwa slid down his body and used his mouth to say good morning to the lower half of him, as well.    
  
Wooyoung’s moans, which the brat barely even tried to stifle, stirred Hongjoong.   
  
And before Seonghwa knew it he was servicing two needy alphas, happy to let a growl or a firm hand direct him to what he should do next, and to who. Luckily his two alphas were so enamored with each other, (and with Seonghwa, he supposed,) that even watching the other alpha receive pleasure was its own stirring delight.    
  
\--------------------------------------------   
  
After they showered, leaving Wooyoung stubbornly sleeping, Hongjoong took his hand and led him through the long peaceful halls of the inn and out to the cloudy grey day outside. Seonghwa thought he would let go of his hand once they were outside, as there were other guests and staff coming and going in the cobbled parking circle out front. But he didn’t.   
  
Hongjoong led him away from the inn and towards the temple. They were too late to participate in any of the predawn rituals they had read about, even too late for the traditional breakfast offered by the monks, but they were in time for a tea ceremony. With the cool air chilling Seonghwa’s face, the thought of being able to grasp a hot clay cup sounded like a very nice thing to do.    
  
Seonghwa hadn’t been to a historical site like this since he was a kid in middle school. He got distracted looking at the architecture, the pagoda-like roofs and all the details in the calligraphy and sculptures and carvings decorating the outside of the great hall. He thought he even caught the thrum of a drum reverberating from inside.    
  
Hongjoong’s hand squeezed his.   
  
“I’m surprised this sort of thing appeals to you, Hongjoong-ssi.”   
  
“Am I back to Hongjoong-ssi, once again? Even after what we just did? Did you even brush your teeth?”   
  
Seonghwa jostled him with his shoulder, growling behind tight lips as a monk nodded at them and slid open the door invitingly.    
  
Inside it was surprisingly crowded, yet somehow airy and peaceful. Quiet. Long low tables filled the hall, where both monks and guests sipped at cups of tea contemplatively.    
  
Hongjoong pulled him to an open table corner and they sat down.    
  
Seonghwa wasn’t sure if they were allowed to talk. No one else seemed to be talking. And Hongjoong didn’t say anything either. So he followed the example, just smiling pleasantly and looking around until an attendant brought over a tea set to prepare their tea. From carefully measuring out leaves, filling the kettle with steaming water from a  _ bigger  _ kettle without spilling a drop, and finally pouring the fresh, fragrant tea into their cups, Seonghwa felt mesmerized by each simple yet practiced step. He couldn’t help but imagine preparing tea like this for his pack back home.   
  
He cupped his hands around his cup as the attendant left, leaning over to take in the toasted green scent.    
  
“It’s not that I’m into this sort of thing in particular…” Hongjoong finally murmured, side-eying Seonghwa. Then his gaze flickered downwards, towards his tea. “It’s just that I want to experience lots of interesting things with you.”   
  
After a long silence Seonghwa replied under his breath, “Ah, is that so?”, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.    
  
“Just drink your tea, Seonghwa-ssi.”   
  
And he did, if only to get the nearby monk to stop peering at them disapprovingly.   
  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------    
  
There was a dining area off the inn’s lobby, and by the time the tea ceremony was over Hongjoong and Seonghwa’s hollow stomachs led them there.    
  
“Ah, there’s some of the kids…”   
  
Seonghwa glanced over to see Wooyoung pick up a green leafy vegetable with his chopsticks and force it into Sanie’s mouth, despite the omega’s desperate attempts to squirm away from him. Leaving San hunched over and likely struggling against the intense impulse to spit out his food, Wooyoung turned to Yeosang beside him and did the same thing, with only slightly less struggle.    
  
“Thanks for making sure everyone’s getting their vegetables,” Seonghwa beamed, sliding into a chair opposite them.   
  
“It’s like I’m running a daycare, here,” Wooyoung scoffed, finally taking time to feed himself.    
  
Seonghwa smiled. He would never stop being amused by the way Wooyoung complained and acted so affronted, yet was the same person who had been taking care of Sanie attentively since they were young; and took care of his other packmates just as well.   
  
“You can tell how much you love people by the way you take care of them.”   
  
Wooyoung gave him a startled look, flushing. “Aish, why say something weird like that… I just want my pack mates to be in good health, what’s wrong with that?”   
  
“I have a conspiracy theory that he just wants to get rid of the side dishes he doesn’t want to eat,” Yeosang offered, happily feeding himself some braised chicken. “You just have to hope you don’t get caught in his crosshairs.”   
  
Wooyoung huffed, going quiet and just picking at the dishes in front of him.   
  
Seonghwa and Hongjoong got their food shortly, which the younger packmates immediately got interested in despite just stuffing themselves. Seonghwa tolerated them stealing pieces of meat from his kimchi stew and more than half of his fish cakes, just happy that they were enjoying themselves- especially because their head alpha was more stingy, knocking their seeking chopsticks away with his own.    
  
While scientifically debateable, it was generally known that alphas tended to need more meat to stay healthy, which caused them to crave it more strongly than betas or omegas. When Hongjoong wouldn’t share, Seonghwa gently reminded the three of that, only realizing his mistake too late when Wooyoung protested: “Oh, and what am I, some sort of counterfeit alpha??”   
  
And that’s how Seonghwa ended up ducking his head apologetically and scooting his stew in front of Wooyoung, encouraging him to eat any of the beef that was left.   
  
But unfortunately, he wasn’t done annoying Wooyoung for the day.   
  
As they were finishing up, Seonghwa finalized the reservation he had just made on his phone and looked across the table at the three 99’ liners.    
  
“Sanie, you can come hang out with me and Hongjoong-hyung. Wooyoung and Yeosang… I found something fun for you to do, and you’re in luck, there were only two spots left.”   
  
The difference in expressions was almost comical. Yeosang looked like a white rabbit realizing he had stepped into a trap; Wooyoung looked like a thug in an anime right before they turn towards the main character and threaten: “ _ What did you just say to me?” _ _   
_ _   
_ Seonghwa held up his hands helplessly, weaving in a little white lie. “I was trying to get  _ all  _ of us registered. It’s a nature hike starting soon, in the lobby. Since there were only two spots left I just impulsively put your names. Come on, it’ll be fun! I don’t want you hiding in your rooms and playing video games this whole time, anyway.”   
  
“But I  _ wasn’t _ !” Wooyoung protested.   
  
“ _ I _ was,” Yeosang nodded sagely, accepting his fate with more grace.    
  
“I wish I could go with you. Maybe tomorrow. Now, did you two pack enough warm clothes or do we need to find you some?”   
  
\--------------------   
  
“Vacation is supposed to be fun and now I’m just sweeping…”   
  
Seonghwa nearly laughed at the sudden self-narration that came from their pouting omega.    
  
San was using a twig broom to brush forlornly at a corner of the temple porch, stirring dust and old yellow leaves. His spirit was obviously not in the task. The poor thing probably didn’t feel 100% anyway. He must have been coaxed into taking a heavy dose of suppressants sometime before he and Wooyoung and Yeosang went to eat lunch, but they could leave an omega feeling sluggish and gloomy.   
  
Seonghwa and Hongjoong’s were to blame. When neither of them had anything in particular they wanted to do, they wandered back to the beautiful temple to see what sort of other activities were on offer. When they were told that there’s a multitude of daily tasks around the temple that they could help with, Seonghwa couldn’t remember what sort of idealistic fantasies his mind had conjured- but it hadn’t been sweeping.   
  
“I’m sorry, Sanie. But the monks will be really happy at how much you helped them. And look, we don’t have much left!”   
  
The red-painted porch already looked three shades brighter now that they had swept most of it, and the corner was all that was left.   
  
“After this, we can do whatever it is you want in the whole world. Deal?”   
  
Sanie perked up at that, nodding and increasing the speed of his broom. Seonghwa discreetly followed his path, catching any dust or debris he missed in his frenzy.   
  
Shortly after, Hongjoong came around the corner. Dirt was smudged on his jaw and packed under his fingernails. His shoes were likely ruined. “I didn’t even know you could do gardening when it was this cold!” he said in exasperation. Seonghwa impulsively hugged him and patted his head. “You did well.” The alpha first stiffened up like a touchy cat, mumbling that he would get Seonghwa’s clothes dirty, yet Seonghwa thought he could feel him smiling against his chest.   
  
“Can we walk to the pond, now? That’s what I decided I wanna do.” San asked.   
  
“Once Hongjoong-hyung gets washed up, we can. Right, alpha? I promised Sanie that since we dragged him along to do something so boring, we could do whatever he wanted afterwards.”   
  
The way Hongjoong smirked at him and said “ _ You’re _ the boss,” gave Seonghwa a little jolt.    
  
With the alpha resolved to be a more decisive and firm leader, Seonghwa was trying in every way to step back and give him the space to do so, but it was difficult. He had no desire to be their leader, and literally  _ couldn’t _ ever be their alpha, but his main impulse was to take care of everyone the second they needed him. But he needed to learn to be patient and trust that Hongjoong would take care of his pack just fine if Seonghwa would only give him the chance.    
  
Once Sanie was walking ahead of them towards the inn, Seonghwa leaned in and nuzzled against Hongjoong, doubtlessly releasing a little swirl of submissive pheromones near the alpha’s face. “Sorry, alpha.”   
  
If Hongjoong knew what he was apologizing for, he didn’t acknowledge it, not verbally. He merely nuzzled back, and Seonghwa breathed in the warm, welcoming alpha scent that meant everything was going to be okay.   
  
\--------------------   
  
The pond in question looked like a huge silver mirror the size of a soccer field, hiding in the hills behind the inn. The path up to it was actually gentle and well paved, and didn’t take as long as they thought to reach the destination.    
  
Here and there around the edge of the koi pond were fir trees, lending a deep blue-green color to the scenery. And in the dark pond was wafting moss, but most important was the hundreds of darting flames of gold and red and orange and even white and silver, a whole teeming school of koi that swept towards Sanie when the omega approached the edge and crouched down, looking at them.   
  
Other guests milled around, bundled up and walking hand in hand or as families. That’s when Seonghwa noticed Jongho sitting on one of the many stone benches along the walkway and went over to him. The maknae had his head back and eyes closed, Airpods nestled into his ears. Seonghwa sat down beside him without disturbing his peace. Eventually the maknae cracked an eye open and jumped to see Seonghwa there.   
  
“Hyung, you- how long have you been sitting here?” Jongho asked, eyes wide.    
  
“Just a minute, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to scare you. I just wanted to see what you were up to.”   
  
Jongho took his Airpods out. “I was just listening to some of my favorite music. I realized it matches this place really well. But then my eyes got heavy, and....yeah.” He trailed off in a short giggle.   
  
“Ahh, do you feel like you’re in a music video? I can imagine you being the handsome star in something like that.”   
  
Jongho blushed. “I wouldn’t go that far…”   
  
“Jjong-ah!! This fish looks just like you!! Come here! Ahhh- cuuute~”    
  
Jongho gave Seongha a long-suffering look. One moment he’d had his older hyung calling him a handsome star, and the next moment Sanie informing him he looks like a fish. It was a see-saw of emotions.    
  
Seonghwa smiled, his attention still on Jongho. “How did last night go?”   
  
Jongho flushed again, even darker. “Sanie seemed happy…”   
  
“ _ You _ seem happy, too,” Seongha observed.   
  
“...Yeah.”   
  
Jongho was saved from the rest of the conversation by Sanie himself trotting up and pulling on Jongho’s hand. “Hey, you didn’t come. Don’t ignore me.”   
  
“Guess I gotta go, hyung” Jongho said.   
  
“Looks like it.”   
  
Seonghwa stretched and relaxed back on the bench, watching San clinging to Jongho and trying to pick out which fish it was that looked like him, now that it had rejoined the rest of its school.    
  
Hongjoong walked slowly around the farther edge of the pond until he was approaching Seonghwa from the other direction, stopping to sit down beside him.    
  
Seonghwa couldn’t remember the last time he got to spend so much time with the head alpha. This close, this comfortable. With nothing distracting them or weighing on their minds.    
  
“Did you see any fish that look like me?” Seonghwa asked.   
  
“No. Your fins are much more impressive than theirs.”   
  
Seonghwa’s response died on his lips when Hongjoong suddenly stood up, looking worried.    
  
Seongwa stood and turned as well, seeing Jongho holding a limp-looking San against him, stroking his hair back. They both started hurrying towards them.    
  
“He almost fell in the pond, all of a sudden,” Hongjoong told Seonghwa as they jogged over.    
  
Seonghwa was grateful to see San lift his head and stand up straight on his own feet as they approached.   
  
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Hongjoong asked, putting his hand on San’s back.    
  
San nodded. “Yeah. Sorry. Just dizzy, suddenly.”   
  
Seonghwa noticed the flush on his cheeks. Jongho guided San’s arm around his shoulders. “It’s your heat coming back. Come on, I’ll take you back to your room.”    
  
Seonghwa and Hongjoong glanced at each other in agreement, then followed their packmates back to the inn.   
  
\---------------------------------------------   
  


They helped Sanie and Jongho get settled in the omega’s room. Seonghwa made sure they had plenty of fresh water to drink and fresh bedding and towels, impressed to find everything had already been replaced and cleaned in the short time they were gone. He kissed San on the forehead and told him to behave, then after a moment’s hesitation, kissed Jongho’s forehead, too. Just because.   
  
  
Wondering where Yunho and Mingi was, Seonghwa checked the other rooms. He knew that the pair had heard about a sauna on the property and had gone to find it that morning, but he hadn’t heard from them since. Finally they found them in Mingi and Yeosang’s room, sprawled out on the floor in nothing but shorts, their skin still flushed pink as if they had only just returned from the steam room. Despite laying akimbo on the cold, hard floor, they both seemed to be sleeping soundly. Seonghwa shared a soft snicker with Hongjoong and they left the two alone.   
  
There were only two kids left to check up on. Seonghwa video-called Wooyoung, wrapping his arm around Hongjoong’s shoulders so he’d have to be in frame, as well.    
  
“Heyyy, how’s the hike going?” he asked when Wooyoung finally picked up, the camera spinning around a bleak landscape and transmitting the crunching of boots on rocks and old leaves.   
  
“It’s so super great,” Wooyoung said, a little out of breath. “Earlier I saw this wild twig. And there’s another group of twigs coming up that look promising.”   
  
“Is that Seonghwa-hyung? Let me show him the twig I found, it’s gonna blow his mind,” he heard Yeosang’s voice off camera, and suddenly a very plain grey twig was thrust into view. Then the camera moved up to Yeosang’s sardonic smirk. “Pretty unbelievable, isn’t it? To think I was gonna waste my time playing video games…”   
  
Wooyoung’s high-pitched giggle cut through the call and then they actually had the audacity to hang up, which Seonghwa only forgave because he wasn’t sure he wanted to be bullied by the two brats any longer than necessary.   
  
“Did you get everything you wanted from that?” Hongjoong laughed with a little too much enjoyment afterwards, pulling Seonghwa down to the couch.    
  
Seonghwa pretended to pout and shoved the head alpha away, but he kept clinging, nuzzling his neck and hugging his arm, generally being a nuisance. Finally Hongjoong reached over to the coffee table and flipped up the Ipad.   
  
“Come on, show me some of your favorite cute baby videos.”

  
Seonghwa sighed. The alpha really knew the right things to say.    
  
\---------------------------------------------   
  
That night everyone dined in whatever rooms they had wound up in. Seonghwa and Hongjoong ate in pleasant silence, listening to an interesting murder mystery podcast.    
  
But less than an hour after dinner was served, the rest of their packmates started wandering in and making their way into the hot springs.    
  
Jongho and Sanie even appeared, looking freshly showered. The flush was gone from San’s face for now, and he looked more refreshed than he had all day.    
  
Also having lost their flush was Yunho and Mingi, who let themselves in with noisy hellos and towels wrapped around their necks.    
  
“Haven’t you had enough steam for today?” Seonghwa asked in amusement.   
  
“If we don’t use the hot springs every night we’ll be losing money!” Mingi reasoned, never minding that he wasn’t losing any money one way or another.   
  
Hongjoong joined the rest outside while Seonghwa cleaned up and set the dishes out in the hall. The only pack members who hadn’t shown up were Wooyoung and Yeosang.    
  
Seonghwa texted first Wooyoung, then Yeosang- but there was no answer from either. He put on some slippers and padded down the hall to Wooyoung and Jongho’s room. They weren’t there. Then he checked Mingi and Yeosang’s room. There was no answer here, either. This time he tested the door, and when it wasn’t latched he peeked inside.    
  
They weren’t in the sitting area, but he heard the splash of water and looked through the room towards the doors out to their hot springs area- and saw them. They were sitting close, bodies angled towards each other, knees almost touching. Yeosang was saying something, avoiding Wooyoung’s gaze. Wooyoung’s head was lowered, too, perhaps looking down at Yeosang’s hand which he was rubbing between his fingers. He was giving small nods to Yeosang’s words, looking more contrite than Seonghwa would have believed possible. Their expressions showed the private pain that they shared, but the fact that they were talking to each other through it gave Seonghwa hope. He carefully, quietly retreated, leaving them be.    
  
\--------------------------------   
  
Seonghwa joined the other five out in the springs. He was just in time to see Sanie trying to do his impression of the koi fish he saw earlier, only for Jongho to grab him by the shorts to keep him from swimming right into an underwater ledge and bleeding out into the water. His shorts instead slid half off his ass which caused him to shriek and thrash harder, leaving Seonghwa to wonder if he was yelping in distress or laughing.   
  
Mingi moved in as backup, wrestling him back into his shorts and grabbing both arms so that all he could splash around with were his kicking feet. That was where Yunho came in, and ironically between the three alphas they did look like they were holding a prized fish they had just managed to haul out of the sea, too heavy for a single one of them to hold up.   
  
Seonghwa grabbed a towel near the side of the springs and dabbed Hongjoong’s face. The alpha been watching the display in defeat as Sanie sent splash after splash of water at him. Seonghwa was surprised the alpha hadn’t let out so much as a growl.   
  
Then he remembered what Hongjoong had said earlier; how he had wanted to create interesting memories with him. Maybe this was going to be part of his collection of interesting memories with his pack, so he didn’t mind if he was collaterally dampened in the process. Either way, Seonghwa gave him a gentle kiss on the corner of his mouth once he had dried his face off. Just because.   
  
At some point Yunho climbed out of the hot springs and came back with a few water bottles he handed around.    
  
“It’s soju!” He announced happily. “Since the sign says no glass in the springs, I put it in these.”   
  
Seonghwa, who had been about to thank him, shook his head with a sigh.    
  
But he gave in and had a couple small swallows before handing the bottle to Hongjoong, firmly reminding everyone that alcohol mixed with the high temperature of the water wasn’t to be taken lightly, and he would be irritated if a hospital visit interrupted their perfectly nice family vacation.   
  
But everyone was fine and didn’t overdo it  _ too _ much, instead becoming more chatty and sharing the adventures they’d had that day, and their plans for the next few days.   
  
From there the conversation turned to what plans everyone had for the coming year, whether it was something personal, or career-oriented, or something else altogether.   
  
He learned Sanie wanted to draw a comic book about a character he made up. Yunho wanted to learn how to use a complicated software that was hot in his field right now, allowing him to create animations of choreography so he could actually see a loose version of it before committing to practice.    
  
Mingi surprised him. He did mention finishing up his mixtape, but with an aside that it should be done in the next month or so at this rate. But more importantly he said he wanted to take a train trip to a famous poet’s childhood home that had been turned into a museum, because he wanted to  _ ‘see exactly what sort of place the author’s words had come from.’ _   
  
The impassioned look in Mingi’s soju-hazy eyes made Seonghwa want to grab his phone and book him a train ticket right this second, but he pushed the feeling down. 

He didn’t know what to expect when it was Hongjoong’s turn. He looked towards him, his large eyes alert and refusing to blink, as if that would help him hear the head alpha’s words even better. Would he give some jokingly sarcastic answer? Or would it be some milestone in his music career? Maybe focusing again on his fashion?   
  
Instead, after nibbling the rim of the water-turned-soju bottle trying to think, Hongjoong looked up. It was almost a shy, sheepish look. Seonghwa could tell he was drunk, although his gaze was still so clear he thought he could make out the night stars reflected in them. “I want us to have a bonding ceremony.”   
  
Of all the things Seonghwa had imagined Hongjoong would aspire to, it would never have been that.   
  
His packmates silently echoed his surprise.    
  
Bonding ceremonies were a huge, daunting affair. Like a wedding, times five. Housing, feeding, and entertaining the families and friends of every single pack member. Public pledges of love and loyalty between packmates. Paperwork, making everything binding and official as they became an officially registered pack. Decorations. Dancing. New clothes. Drama with relatives. Nerves. Unanticipated disasters that even the best bonding planner couldn’t account for.    
  
But also: love, trust, fun, and a honeymoon and a whole life afterwards.    
  
“It’s impossible, we can’t have one.”   
  
Everyone looked at Sanie when his voice cut through Hongjoong’s thought dismissively. Whether he was nervous at their sudden intense attention, or sad at what he had said, it wasn’t clear. But he drew up his legs and hugged them.    
  
“What are you talking about, Sanie?” Seonghwa coaxed.   
  
Sanie glanced at him guiltily, then looked away. “We can’t because you can’t. If you take that medicine… you can’t be in a ceremony. It said so on the internet…” Then he clammed up, resting his chin on his knees and pouting, brows drawn together fretfully.   
  
Seonghwa could feel the weight of their stares. No one really knew what to say. It was obvious no one questioned the logic in that. I mean, how easy would it be to strong arm someone who had no emotions into an official bonding, only to regret it wholeheartedly when they could finally  _ feel _ their heart again.   
  
Seonghwa didn’t want to look at Hongjoong. His eyes felt cold and heavy as he forced them to look, anyway. The head alpha had his hand against his mouth in a pensive, tense pose. He looked delicate, like if Seonghwa touched him he would pop like a bubble. His unfocused eyes were growing red at the edges. “Ah, is that so?” Even worse than his expression was his voice. The words came out forced and thick from the back of his throat. “Guess I’ll have to think of something else.”   
  
\--------------------------------   
  
Seonghwa didn’t feel right after that. He almost felt like he was sick. Infected with something. But it wasn’t physical, not exactly; although at times he did feel like the whole atmosphere had changed around him, like the air didn’t press quite the same way against his skin anymore.    
  
Something was changed in Hongjoong, too, although he started to improve after a couple days; there was a haunted look he would get in his eyes, a faint twitch in the corner of his mouth like he was always itching to say something but was refusing to let it out.    
  
Seonghwa pitied him. And he wished he would not let the sour moment affect his mood for the rest of the trip. He wanted the alpha to relax and have fun.    
  
But at night Seonghwa would put his head down on the pillow, and without permission his brain would just replay the before and after of Hongjoong sharing his wish and then learning why it couldn’t be, over and over. The hope and then the emptiness.   
  
It was just a symbol, anyway. Hongjoong didn’t seem like the type to need that. They were already a pack, they didn’t need to prove anything to the public. Hongjoong hadn’t  _ lost  _ anything by not being able to hold a ceremony.   
  
There were so many ways Seonghwa tried to reason out the situation to himself. To convince himself that it would be okay. That Hongjoong would get over it. That as time went on he’d realize they didn’t need something like that, anyway. Or that they could have their own more private ceremony if he insisted, just a little less official.    
  
His brain had started to get tired of the constant back and forth with itself by the time their last afternoon came and he was folding Hongjoong’s clothes into his suitcase for him, sitting in the glow of golden light through the open hot springs door. The head alpha had run to buy some last-minute souvenirs from the lobby and make sure everyone else was getting packed.    
  
He came back in a good mood, dangling a tiny black dragon keychain he had bought for Seonghwa: not a majestic dragon, but cutely chubby with its stubby tongue flickering out.   
  
When Seonghwa showed little response, Hongjoong sat back on the couch, watching him with his head tilted. So wolf-like.    
  
“Wait… where’s  _ your _ suitcase?” The alpha wondered.   
  
“It’s in the closet, still.”   
  
“ _ Why _ ?” Seonghwa wondered if Hongjoong truly knew how easily he let his alpha voice flavor his words when his emotions ran high.   
  
“Because I’m staying here."

  
“But… we  _ have _ to get back. Tonight. They’re not gonna send your medicine here. It wouldn’t even come in time.”   
  
“I know.” Seonghwa folded the alpha’s last garment and latched his suitcase shut, smoothing a hand across the surface.

  
“Seonghwa...? You… you’re  _ crying. _ ”   
  


Was he? How strange. He wasn’t supposed to be able to do that. He hadn’t even missed a dose yet and his body was already betraying him.  
  
“I’m staying here,” he repeated, firm as a beta could make himself. He tucked his hands between his knees so he wouldn’t have to think about how they were already trembling and growing clammy. His body really _knew._   
  
“But I’ll come home as someone you can bond with.”


End file.
